Monogamy may be rougher on women than it is on men. According to conventional wisdom, women are more likely to want a monogamous relationship because they’re more interested than men in establishing an emotional connection.
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Everything you think you know about sex is a lie! Or many things, anyway. Here are five facts you’ve probably had backwards about getting it on, all according to a new book written by a pair of doctors, Don’t Put That in There! And 69 Other Sex Myths Debunked.
Research has shown that women’s libidos tend to nose-dive when they’re in a long-term relationship, but the same isn’t true for men. However, we might have been misinterpreting the meaning of this finding, suggest the authors, While some would say that this means the women have an easier time being monogamous because their sex drive has gone down, sex experts would say that this is not the healthy state for these women. “The women are losing their desire to initiate sex or to have sex with their partners, which does not reflect sexual health.
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Men don’t hit their “sexual peak” early and women don’t hit theirs late. We repeat it so much we take its accuracy for granted: Guys reach their sexual peak during their late teens or early 20s, but women don’t reach theirs until later in life, when they’re in their 30s or 40s. To investigate the truthiness of this, looked into studies reporting the frequency of sexual activity among men and women at various ages. Research has uncovered huge disparities depending on the type of sex act, whether the individual was single or in a relationship, or even based on the way the question was asked. It’s not so easy to identify a clear “peak” for either men or women.
Sexual desire constantly fluctuates, and is related to many, many more factors than age, an authors writes. “It’s likely that over the course of a lifetime, you will see your sexual desire and activity go up and down many, many times.”
Women have wet dreams, too. This is another one of those things about sex that we think applies exclusively to guys, but it’s simply not true. Although studies do suggest that more than 80 percent of men have a dream resulting in orgasm in their lives, the trouble is that most of the studies on this subject have only looked at men.
Similarly, 37 percent of the 245 women surveyed for a study in the 1980s reported having a wet dream at some point in their lives, with 30 percent having had one in the last year. And these numbers may exaggerate the gender differences – it could be that women are too embarrassed to own up to having wet dreams since it’s culturally seen as something that only happens to men. But one thing is clear: This is not a dudes-only phenomenon.
It’s totally cool to leave your socks on during sex. Okay, nothing sounds less sexy than that. They cite a study by Dutch scientists that found both men and women were more likely to have orgasms … when they were given socks. Eighty percent of the participants with socks on were able to have orgasms, but for the unfortunate sockless participants their ability to come was reduced to a coin-flip.
In this particular study, the researchers did brain scans on men and women while their partners attempted to get them to orgasm by stimulating their genitals. So, yes, okay, I am talking about a laboratory setting, not an actual bedroom. But the real point here is that comfort and relaxation is key, and that may be especially true for women. “While genital stimulation was most important for men, women essentially needed their conscious brains to be able to shut off to have a real orgasm,” an authors writes, arguing that it’s hard to relax if your feet are cold. So knock your socks off, or don’t! What’s important is that you’re comfortable.
Aphrodisiacs work, but not for the reason you think. People get a little wink-wink when referring to foods like oysters and chocolate and their supposed power to increase sexual desire, and most of us probably assume that there’s at least a little truth behind the idea of aphrodisiacs. Surely there must be some compound in the chocolate, some mysterious sexual stuff of the sea in the oysters? The amorous mythology surrounding these foods goes back thousands of years, but, scientifically speaking, no studies have ever found a specific link between oysters or chocolate and increased sexual desire.
But you know what they say is the biggest, most powerful sexual organ? Don’t be gross – it’s your brain. The mind is the most important part of the sexual experience, which may explain why the idea of aphrodisiacs has stuck around. “If you believe that a food will put you or your partner in the mood, then you will be in the mood,” they write. “It works because you believe it will.” If the placebo effect can work for pain relief and depression, why not sexy-times.
Conclusion:
Every culture has unwritten beliefs about sex. In some cultures in the past, women were seen as always desiring sex while the men were the sexual gatekeepers. In our society the reverse is often the case. In some cultures sex is frowned upon while in others it is idolized.
We are no different than any other age in that we have created many incorrect myths regarding sex.
Here are 8 common sexual myths:
1. Men can’t control their sexual desire (and shouldn’t be expected to). Men regularly get a pass when it comes to failing to control their sexual activity. People ignore inappropriate comments even when they demean women. They turn the other eye when men destroy families because of sexual indiscretion. Men get such a pass that in many instances men can create sexual harm, but women get blamed for it. The fact is that men are fully responsible for their sexual choices and they do have the power to restrain sexual appetite.
2. Sex in marriage is boring and predictable. It can be if a couple allows it to become that way, but it doesn’t have to be the case. Actually sex within a long-term committed relationship has a greater potential for variety and meaning because as trust grows, each individual can become more open about their desires and communication. Many individuals who have a multitude of partners do not have variety in experience. They are experiencing the same sex (first-time sex) over and over again. True variety happens as a committed couple continues to explore one another.
3. Sex is simply a physical act and doesn’t have meaning beyond one experience. Sex is far more than a physical act. While some try to justify their sexual acts by claiming it’s just physical, it doesn’t take much for a person to realize that’s not true. Sex has an emotional and spiritual meaning which extends far beyond the physical experience. This is one reason (and it’s only the first of many) that sex should be saved for marriage. If it were just a physical act, an individual could have sex whenever and with whomever they desire. Because it’s more than a physical act, sex should be saved for the most special of relationships.
4. Sexual compatibility should be tested before marriage. While sex should be discussed before marriage, it’s a myth to think such compatibility must be tested before a commitment is made. Sex before marriage doesn’t test the compatibility, but it weakens the commitment and clouds judgment. I regularly speak with people who have sexual problems within a marriage, but I’m yet to meet a couple where it’s a compatibility problem.
5. Sex is for men. In many cases, a man has a higher sex drive than a woman, but not in all cases. Yet, no matter who has the highest drive, sex is always for the couple. While an individual session might focus on one spouse, if a couple’s sex life is solely about one person, something is wrong. Women can enjoy sex just as much as men.
6. Younger people are better at sex. In the right setting, whenever I speak to college students I begin my speech by saying, “Why are your parents better at sex than you?” The question always gets laughs, because no one in the audience thinks its true, but it is. The answer is because of practice. Society likes to equate good sex with youthfulness. While there are advantages to youth, there are many more to age, wisdom, and practice. What an older man lacks in vigor, he makes up for in knowledge. What an older woman lacks in flexibility, she makes up for in confidence. For many couples, their most fulfilling sexual experiences are later in life, not earlier.
7. A couple can solve their own sexual problems. Nearly every couple at some point in the marriage will need to seek outside assistance for a sexual issue. Whether it be a man being willing to talk to his doctor about performance or a woman speaking with her physician about desire, there is no shame in getting help. Young couples can be aided by speaking with a counselor about common frustrations. While sex should remain private, a couple must have the courage to seek help when needed. It’s wrong to assume a couple can figure out every problem on their own.
8. Sex is antithetical to holiness. Many within religious circles believe sex is dirty. While they rightly shake their head at the sexual excess of our society, they wrongly conclude that all sex is dirty. Some even believe that abstaining from sex within marriage makes them closer to God. It doesn’t. Sex is part of God’s creation. It was created for a specific purpose. To abstain from sex within marriage is to deprive oneself and one’s spouse from experiencing God-designed pleasure.
So what should be a 9th lie which many will believe regarding sex?
I'm willing to listen to anything that makes sense.
