Learn to recognize the traits that could make you vulnerable!
The proverbial "Opposites attract" is a myth!
Yes, it is an outrage, but there is no reason to doubt yourself or your judgment.
Narcissists tend to be sexy because they spend so much time on their public image. They know how to dress, walk, and talk in ways to literally charm the pants off others. Following is a three-part explanation of why the honest person may be especially vulnerable to the charms of a narcissist:
Narcissists often seem very open and forthcoming, even disclosing very bad past acts. Such disclosures might even include having cheated with their ex-spouse’s best friend, or leaving the scene of a car accident because they did not want to get caught while drunk driving. The honest person hears these disclosures and thinks, “Wow, I am getting to know a really honest person who is willing to admit to such things!” The reality is that because narcissists lack empathy, they simply do not realize that their disclosures reveal such deviance and negative character traits. They may instead see their disclosures as showing how desirable, adventurous, and clever they are.
There is recent evidence that honest people tend to see others, particularly close others, as more honest than they actually are. No Prison warden is a nice person, they are flat out horrible human beings, they have to be, how else will be able to handle all the tricks and evil things that harden criminals bring to prison. In contrast a good person have trouble seeing the evil in a Narcissistic individual because they would not see all the bad in another person. You have to have some experience in order to recognize the Narcissistic tendencies in other folks. By that time is too late to un-ring that bell. that keeps chiming in your head over and over.
(2). By the same token, narcissists tend to see others as more dishonest than they are, and thus see even honest partners as deserving to be exploited. Because of this imagined similarity, honest people may give narcissists the benefit of the doubt when exploitation begins.
The final part of the answer comes from the commitment that honest people feel to their relationships, including with a narcissistic lover. After a glorious, passionate beginning to the relationship, the honest person discovers at some point that the narcissist is a liar and cheater who exploits them by making excessive demands for time and money. When the honest person responds by indicating a desire to end the relationship, the narcissist may attempt to induce guilt to maintain it, saying for instance, “You were just using me for sex!” Ironically, there is some truth to this claim—it has now dawned on the honest person how shallow their lover is and that the relationship was possibly founded on sex. To avoid hurting the narcissistic partner, the honest person—who is sincere and fair-minded and loathes exploiting others—might give the relationship more time to work. In doing so, the honest person is likely to become more racked with guilt because it has now become obvious to both parties that the sexual relationship is hollow. A personal experience "I once knew a woman, who was married multiple times, she was so good at deception that I completely miss-read her.. she had good things about her that I saw, she was vulnerable like a little girl at times. but this a switch that she could switch on and off. We were fine until, we had an incident where she accused me of being in another relationship with another woman who had been her rival for many years. she hated that this person I were friends. She could not trust me, because her history of being not trustworthy. Which was a well know flaw, that I was warned about, when we met. An old friend told me : " Boy, this woman is dangerous." I ignore him because he was a Narcissist also. So if a Narcissists issues a warning pay attention because they know what they are talking about.
(3) If you are an honest person with a narcissistic partner, I hope you can forgive yourself for tolerating the lying, cheating, and exploitation. It is because of your wonderful qualities of sincerity, fairness, and modesty that such a haughty, dishonest person could wiggle into your life. Please don’t think of yourself as a "target" or “sucker.” Next time, you will be more sensitive to signs of callousness and exploitation, and no doubt think twice before letting a narcissist into your life.
It is never too late to learn from BAD experience, because all memorable experience are lesson learned from, I repeat, really BAD experiences.
Narcissists tend to be sexy because they spend so much time on their public image. They know how to dress, walk, and talk in ways to literally charm the pants off others. Following is a three-part explanation of why the honest person may be especially vulnerable to the charms of a narcissist:Narcissists often seem very open and forthcoming, even disclosing very bad past acts. Such disclosures might even include having cheated with their ex-spouse’s best friend, or leaving the scene of a car accident because they did not want to get caught while drunk driving. The honest person hears these disclosures and thinks, “Wow, I am getting to know a really honest person who is willing to admit to such things!” The reality is that because narcissists lack empathy, they simply do not realize that their disclosures reveal such deviance and negative character traits. They may instead see their disclosures as showing how desirable, adventurous, and clever they are.
There is recent evidence that honest people tend to see others, particularly close others, as more honest than they actually are. No Prison warden is a nice person, they are flat out horrible human beings, they have to be, how else will be able to handle all the tricks and evil things that harden criminals bring to prison. In contrast a good person have trouble seeing the evil in a Narcissistic individual because they would not see all the bad in another person. You have to have some experience in order to recognize the Narcissistic tendencies in other folks. By that time is too late to un-ring that bell. that keeps chiming in your head over and over.
(2). By the same token, narcissists tend to see others as more dishonest than they are, and thus see even honest partners as deserving to be exploited. Because of this imagined similarity, honest people may give narcissists the benefit of the doubt when exploitation begins.
The final part of the answer comes from the commitment that honest people feel to their relationships, including with a narcissistic lover. After a glorious, passionate beginning to the relationship, the honest person discovers at some point that the narcissist is a liar and cheater who exploits them by making excessive demands for time and money. When the honest person responds by indicating a desire to end the relationship, the narcissist may attempt to induce guilt to maintain it, saying for instance, “You were just using me for sex!” Ironically, there is some truth to this claim—it has now dawned on the honest person how shallow their lover is and that the relationship was possibly founded on sex. To avoid hurting the narcissistic partner, the honest person—who is sincere and fair-minded and loathes exploiting others—might give the relationship more time to work. In doing so, the honest person is likely to become more racked with guilt because it has now become obvious to both parties that the sexual relationship is hollow. A personal experience "I once knew a woman, who was married multiple times, she was so good at deception that I completely miss-read her.. she had good things about her that I saw, she was vulnerable like a little girl at times. but this a switch that she could switch on and off. We were fine until, we had an incident where she accused me of being in another relationship with another woman who had been her rival for many years. she hated that this person I were friends. She could not trust me, because her history of being not trustworthy. Which was a well know flaw, that I was warned about, when we met. An old friend told me : " Boy, this woman is dangerous." I ignore him because he was a Narcissist also. So if a Narcissists issues a warning pay attention because they know what they are talking about. (3) If you are an honest person with a narcissistic partner, I hope you can forgive yourself for tolerating the lying, cheating, and exploitation. It is because of your wonderful qualities of sincerity, fairness, and modesty that such a haughty, dishonest person could wiggle into your life. Please don’t think of yourself as a "target" or “sucker.” Next time, you will be more sensitive to signs of callousness and exploitation, and no doubt think twice before letting a narcissist into your life.
It is never too late to learn from BAD experience, because all memorable experience are lesson learned from, I repeat, really BAD experiences.
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