I'm responding to another Essence Magazine article

Ladies, were you taking notes?

What happens after the 10th date? Is it love? Lifetime’s Love By The 10th Date explored the dating myth that by the time you have the 10th date with the same person you should be in a space to take your relationship to the exclusive commitment phase.  This sassy, fun romantic comedy produced by star Meagan Good, followed the evolution of Gabby, played by Good, as she built her personal confidence and faith in opening herself up to finding love again.  Her co-workers decided that she should try her luck by going on 10 dates with one guy and write about her experience for the digital magazine she worked for, and many love lessons followed.

Here are some of the best takeaways from the movie:

Have a Friend Tribe for Support
Have a group of people who keep you accountable and encouraged while entering the dating world.  Dating does not come easy for many of us and can be discouraging sometimes after you go on several dates with several Mr. Wrongs. There’s no better support than your squad.Gabby had a strong tribe of co-workers who were not only entertained by her dating mishaps but cheered her from the sidelines as she maneuvered the dating field. Her tribe which consisted of her colleagues Nell (Kellee Stewart), Billie (Keri Hilson) and Margot (Kelly Rowland) kept her honest and accountable as she embarked on her quest to go on 10 dates with one man.

Sometimes When You Feel at Your Worst Be Open to the Men Who See Your Gems
Gabby was having a hard time finding love and feeling confident in herself.  She was so wrapped up in what was going wrong that she did not open herself up to possibly pursuing one of her friends as a love interest. Despite some of Gabby’s flaws and awkward moments throughout the movie, her colleague and creative director, Dante, seemed to love everything about her. However, she did not notice that he was feeling her. She missed all his subtle compliments and offers to drive her to and from work each day. Don’t let a bad day or a bad mood shut you off from receiving positive attention from men who see your true gems.
 

Be Your Own Experiment When it Comes to Love
Bet on yourself when it comes to love. Sometimes you have to step out of your comfort zone and open yourself up to new experiences when it comes love. Gabby went on a date with a preacher who likes to minister in the strip club, a chef dressed in superhero garb, and a man interested in discussing his nude flicks during dinner.  They were all dates that went horribly wrong, but the fact that she tried was a big step towards boosting her confidence and setting herself up for the right guy.

My BAD two cents: dating should be the process of elimination. after a few dates one should know what you want or don't want. Being realistic about relationships is key to progressing to the next step.

You should understand that marriage isn't all good or bad. It's mostly complicated. Similarly, whether or not you'll be happier in your next relationship (if you wish to get married) is also complicated. Some experts contend that about 67 to 80 percent of second marriages end in divorce, probably because divorce becomes a more feasible option once you've been through it once. But a study by the Marriage Foundation says couples in second marriages are less likely to get divorced, because they benefited from the first. Whatever you believe, or not at least you know what you don't want in a partner now. Well I know what I don't want.... having had more than my share of what I thought I wanted.  

We notice more than you think!

Just as women notice pretty much everything there is to notice about a guy on their first date, men do also! We may NEVER bring such things up in conversation (‘because who wants to risk a first date!), but deep down, we’ve already secretly checked you out a few times. Yes, we know, dating can be quite nerve-wracking! So, if you’re wondering what you need to have on-point to nail that first date, I list out 8 things that we know men notice when they first meet a girl!

Men are attracted to women who know how to carry themselves with elan. A confident posture is interpreted as “sexy” by most men! So ladies, the next time to bump into a cute guy, make sure that you’ve got your posture right and your sexy on!

Her smile. One of the few things a guy instantly notices about a girl is her smile. A genuine smile indicates happiness, optimism and friendliness, making him only more comfortable around you!

Whoever said, eyes are the window to one’s soul, was not bluffing. Your eyes CAN communicate more than words. The way someone looks at you can tell you their intentions instantly. If he’s staring right into your eyes, know that he’s just trying to know more about you.

Believe it or not, men adore women with healthy hair. Hair do add dollops to your personality, and a man obviously notices that about you when he first meets you! If he’s been shifting his attention from your eyes to your hair, he’s probably mesmerized by it!

A girl who is able to hold a conversation is already attractive in a guy’s mind. The way she talks, the tone she uses to put her point across and her ability to keep the conversation flowing are a few things guys find very attractive!

A classy dresser has already bagged brownie points from his end. The way she dresses gives him a certain impression about the woman’s personality and preferences. Her ability to give an outfit personality AND be comfortable in it is what amazes him!

Women are not the only ones who give attention to detail. Yes, men notice tiny things like your nails, especially when you’re meeting them for the first time! The way you’ve shaped and colored your nails speaks volumes about your personality.

How you maintain your feet is a thing a LOT of men notice, and care about. If a woman can look after her feet, she is someone who pays attention to detail and is meticulous about her hygiene – and that (believe it or not) is a quality men dig! Time to book that pedicure appointment, ladies!

We react to the "tone" of your voice, more than the names you call us!

You are a "Liar", and you are a "bitch", you "bastard" you "selfish manipulator" .... Need I use any other examples?
When a woman calls a man , who didn't lie  to her, a "liar" ...... it has zero effect on him, however if he did lie to her at some point in time, then that episode flashes back into his mind.. causing him to over react, therefore forcing him to  try and justify and defend his actions . We seldom over react when called names that that do not apply. I remember when a female, who was living with me and her two daughters, called me a "selfish bastard" during an argument. I didn't react because in my mind she was not talking to me. My parents were married for almost 20 years before my mom gave birth to me. So I never thought of myself as a "bastard". So I <smirked> and she lost it. She didn't get a rise out of me which was what she wanted. I could have called her a "bitch" for the way she was acting at that moment, but I didn't . You see I had no need to counter punch because her best punch did not land. Fight Over!
She wanted me to marry her and adopt her youngest daughter and give her two daughters the same kind of life, my sons had... back in the USA. I have not interest in returning to the USA to raise a family. I started thinking why I didn't consider marriage in her case???

how long has it been since we got married?
I don't remember!

Well even the best of marriages can become a miserable substituent for the ultimate reality of living. The divorce rates testify that spouses who were once enthralled with each other ---- gripped by an infatuation so intense they could scarcely stand to be apart , eventually get bored with each other and now can't  bear to live in the same house. Such shifts testify to the reality that non of us are so enthralling that we can keep someone enchanted for 5 or 6 decades. No One! Now 5 or 6 dates? No Problem! 5 or 6 years. That's a challenge! But 5 or 6 decades? Good luck with that ! So it would seem natural to get bored with the same marital relationship. What we need in our relationships is a " magnificent obsession" n overriding purpose that can tie our days, weeks, months, years, decades together .... giving comfort during suffering, highlights our joy in the spring, and even seasons our ecstasies. It might seem impractical, but it can do more  than merely  hold marriages together; it catapults them to new levels of fulfillment. In the end, Selfishness is a boring life.

A quick confession: I was married for almost 25 years. Our first 4 years were dedicated to each other and our main dream was to built our own home.. so we accomplished that together in the 4 years . Then the dream was starting a family so after the 4 years we had our first son. Then  years later we had our second son, so no more children were planned to we stopped at 2. Then our new goal was to move to an upscale gated community and have a two story house. then the plan became traveling as a family to far away places. We did all the above, then boredom and selfishness took over, end of Marriage, end of story.

Just for the record:

My brain has no heart.

My heart has no brain.

That's why when I speak my mind

I seem heartless and

when I do what's in my heart

I seem thoughtless

Many woman these days have become disillusioned with the men of today!

The song by Tina Turner "We don't need another hero!"  came to mind as I started writing this blog post. Although "heroes"don't have to be perfect..., but some women still believe in "Knights with shinny armors...."coming to rescue them. Guys who can fix things must be resilient enough to survive tragedy and adversity, all of us,  women included, have experienced the pain s of adversity in our warfare......whether  it is physical, emotional, economical, spiritual or sexual regardless of where the attack falls, they are very personal in nature. "Real Heroes"  which some call "Real Men" are everyday men who have not only survived the incidents, but ( most importantly) have overcome the lingering effects that often come from it. If you don't survive, you can't save anyone else, No young, middle-age or older man...... in today's struggles can carry you ladies, wounded from the battle fields of past experiences if he himself has not survived what he has been through.. He must have survived long enough to be able to invest his wealth of his experiences in the relieving process of some other incapacitated person. 

Disillusioned women are looking for quick fixes, the man they are  seeking needs to have his act totally together. He needs to be tall, handsome, with a great number of zeroes behind the first 3 numbers in his bank account. ( Hmmm)  Maybe a few women have been that lucky  to grab the attention of a well paid athlete or a a performer.. in the entertainment industry. but there are very few who will be that lucky.... because those kind of guys are very few and most are already taken... or they are players to the max. And you don't want to be played anymore!

So she is on her cycle what is the best way to deal ??

As man we have various thoughts when our woman is on her cycle...
We either:
- stay away and act like she has a contagious disease.

- act like a freak and still want to hit it during her cycle
Women shouldn't assume their partner will be grossed out by their period. In fact, it's often the person who's menstruating who puts a stop to sex, not her other half. Every couple is different, and some people will be more open to it than others. If you're curious what your partner might think, however, don't spring it on him or her in the heat of the moment—bring it up before things get hot and heavy. Good communication can lead to great sex at any time during the month.

- or pamper her with some TLC.
As an old school dude I have been through all of the above scenes..
the one that worked best for me was this last one. Pampering your woman with TLC.... yes it takes planning and proper execution. Here are a few pointers. always offer to cook her meals especially when she is in pain , make a list of her favorites... and then fix them one after the other so that she know you are putting in work... Offer to rub her feet and don't have sex on your mind when you are doing it. And most important  keep a heating pad handy. stock up, just in case, on Midol.
5  good tips  designed to help you interact more intimately and lovingly with your partner.

4. No joking while she’s experiencing discomfort: It’s OK to make her laugh, laughter is good medicine
5. Know her cycle: Ask her about the timing of her cycle, (though not when she is actually menstruating). If you can get a general idea of when she is ovulating or bleeding, you can more skillfully interact with her. By knowing her cycle, you can be more aware and sensitive to her changing moods and physical discomfort. This develops a deeper trust as your woman knows you are really present with what she is experiencing. Put it in your calendar so you have a heads up.

3. Her changing libido: When premenstrual, her hormone level shifts. This hormonal flip can mean “she isn’t horny for you!” Interestingly, having an orgasm can relieve menstrual cramps, though your attitude during the whole cycle will determine whether or not she’s willing to explore this. Again , this is probably best to bring up when she isn’t in the middle of it.
6.  BUT do not joke about it being “that time of the month again”. Rather than understanding her, you are actually shaming and judging her. She may close down to you, creating a disconnect in your relationship. No rude comments about what’s in the trash bin, about her being moody… no jokes, no nothing.
7. Don’t run away from her emotions; Many women like more space with menstruating but its best to take cues from her. Don’t just run off to the bar with the guys believing that’s best. If she wants you to leave, she will most likely ask for space. She may act like she doesn’t want you there, but remember she may actually desire some TLC. Your full presence is the best medicine. She will love you for this!

5. Don’t try to fix her; The first thing I do is get my woman a hot water bottle. She LOVES this. other great ideas include; complimenting her, being kind, helping out with chores (this should always be the case, but usually isn’t). Help create a cozy environment for her, and cook her comfort food. Hugs are also great. Its always amazing what a lavender lotion foot rub can do. The main thing is to not be an ass. (closing down and or not wanting to deal is being an ass) I know from experience that this doesn’t earn many points. Chocolate helps to stimulate serotonin, that can be a good move.

I just love it when magazines like Essence put out a list of things men need to have correct before women get serious about us.

the essence article titled "18 Things You Must Know About Him Before You Give Him Your Heart!"

 Some point made in the article are as follows: ( I only read the first 8 and put my BAD version on each one.) 
I have to just state these are good things but they are only good if the woman is bringing equal standings to the  table. 

1 His Credit Score

If buying a home, a car and a building a family together are your ultimate goal, you’re going to want to know what financial obstacles you’ll face together.
We all know that being  responsible while single is a sign of "a man" with good character.. but it's equally important that women have the same sense of being responsible.  Credit scores are an equal opportunity  for  both people..... you will sink or swim  with a combined score! So you both need to have your act together! 

2 How Hard Will He Hustle?

When he needs to make it work, can he? What was the last financial problem he solved? Did he come through? Ask about obstacles he's faced in the past and how he overcame them.
Women.... if they could they would tell every man they meet , who wants to date them, "Your SHIT needs to be 'Epic'"..... To be Epic, all you need to do is Epic stuff! Right? Just like Mike and Nike "Just do It. " Claim it. Stop waiting for permission to be "Epic!" ... Most women  think that they need to be really talented to to be Amazing or Awesome!'"  so they give themselves a pass...but they also believe that men need to be "Supermen!"  they don't get a pass, if they come up short.

3 How He Treats His Mom, Sisters and Female Friends

A man’s first introduction on how to treat a woman most often begins with his relationship with his mother and sisters. Find out how he treats them in order to understand how he will treat you.

The question: is it  just good for the goose and not also for the Gander ?... How does she treat her
Father, her brothers and her male friends. Should also come int o question .. with all being equal and so on.  

4 Is He Okay With You Making More Money?

Thirty-eight percent of women earn more money than their spouses, and the number is steadily growing. You need to know now whether or not he can and will be okay with his girlfriend or wife being the breadwinner.
We all need heroes these days. Women  need someone who has accomplished somethings to give them the courage to believe in the invisible and feel the intangible. Women, claim  they do not need male Role models and men whose shadows they may stand in, a man who provides a cool refreshing place for safety is "a nice to have".  So if she makes her own way she is contributing to the greater cause.  Men have to deal with an oppressive society.. which mean even " Supermen"  seem to have be somehow been zapped by " Kyptonite"  which translates into a BAD reputation or they have wilted into the Abyss of human failure!

5 His Savings Account Balance

Is he living a check-to-check lifestyle or has he learned how to put away a little money for a rainy day? The amount in the account isn’t nearly as important as whether or not he’s actually regularly putting money aside.
If a single man has a 401K  or an IRA or any other type of account to take care of himself in his old age then he is doing the smart things, and is being responsible. His savings account balance , prior to a woman stepping into his life, does not produce much in terms of interest these days .. neither from a bank or his future partner. After you two get together then you should plan to save together contributing what you both can!

6 What Is He Afraid Of?

Fears are real and we all have them. What are his? Failure? Love? Commitment? Fatherhood? Death? The key to understanding what makes a man tick is understanding what he fears (and values) most.
It is imperative that our vision be both progressive and regressive. In the forefront of our minds must always be a plan that promises bright hopes for the future. So you have to be a hero to even expose yourself to critics  and the possibility of being rejected  because of what another man has done to her mind, her expectations will reflect it. These heroes often receive blows from Satan and stabs from so-called friends, who all will tell her things about the man weaknesses. This can cause anyone to be a bit secretive about things they might not want to share with a partner from the very beginning. 

7 Are Your Spiritual Beliefs Aligned?

Two people don't have to share a religion to be a perfect match, but they do need to share a spiritual core.
No argument from me on this one. 

Alpha women aren’t like most other women.

If you’ve ever come across one, chances are good that you immediately recognized that she is different. These are the women who most people perceive as intimidating, even though they can’t really say why at first. Then, they find out that it’s because they have ambition, drive, confidence, and aren’t afraid to tell people the way it is.

Dating an alpha woman can be difficult, but it’s not impossible. In fact, alpha women make for some of the best partners. But, you have to make sure you’re doing your part, otherwise they’ll likely kick you to the curb. 

My male perspective: I'm a man who prefers a challenge so Alpha  women go ahead step to the head of the line... and I will recognize you instantly. 

Here are five things every alpha woman needs in a relationship:

She needs to be able to be independent 
You probably saw this one coming, but it’s very important. Alpha women place a high value on their independence. She’s spent a great deal of her life being determined and motivated to chase after what she wants out of life, so you shouldn’t try to stop her. Of course, she loves being in a relationship, but she also needs someone who will let her make decisions for herself and who can respect the boundaries she establishes.  
My male perspective: When a weak man steps to an Alpha woman he will not be able to deal with just how secure she is..... and how independent her life is.. her togetherness might just run him over. However if a man knows he has solid footing.. he can see her for who she really is and will appreciate those great qualities that she posses. 

She needs respect 

Alpha women understand that in order to get respect you have to give it first. She thinks very highly of herself as a result of developing a high self-worth over the years, so if you fail to give her the respect that she knows she deserves, she’s not going to keep you around. Alpha women need partners who respect them, and trust in their decision-making.

My male perspective: This is a "No-brainer" R-E-S-P-E-C-T should be given even if she is not an Alpha female. We men sometimes wants 

what we can't handle..... we may say she is  my kind of woman and secretly be thinking " Damn I need to change her so I can have a tame.... agree with me all the time female."

She likes being challenged 
If you can’t compete with the alpha woman on some level, whether it be in the bedroom or some other aspect of life, she will likely get bored with you. Alpha women crave excitement in their relationships. Not only do they want a partner who can keep up with them, they want one who will test their limits every now and then.

My male perspective: <smirking>Just ask her to go skydiving with you on your first date. Hang gliding might even be better... If she thinks you are going to be able to do the things... you are changeling her to do then your macho image, with a hand written sign on the front and back of your T-shirt stating "I'm your hero just call me when you need me... "This might Let her know that as a man you are down for all that she is down for. Well maybe with a few exceptions. 

She needs someone who can make her laugh 
Alpha women tend to be diligent, hard workers, but as you know, all work and no play makes Jill a dull girl. She needs a partner who can lighten the mood and make her laugh; someone who brings a bit of balance to her busy lifestyle. If you can make her laugh and smile and forget about the stresses of life for a while, she will definitely want to keep you around.

My male perspective:  Having a good sense of humor , this makes you an interesting conversationalist... But don't try to tell Eddie Murphy jokes if you are not able to remember the punch lines, Or worse yet No Chris Rock jokes  if yo are going to forget the middle part. Tell funny things about yourself and your experiences  where  this might be more or less than very impressive to others. but it might make \her chuckle 

She needs a person to call her out when she falls out of line 
Being independent, opinionated and strong-willed is great, but it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re always right. Alpha women need partners who are confident enough in their own being to be willing to call them out when they fall out of line or starts acting poorly; a partner who can bring her back to reality when she gets sidetracked by something else.

My male perspective:  OK. step lightly in this area. It may seem like a good idea to call her out. but do it with tact..... never ever in public and never ever in front of her subordinate..... There is a place and time for everything ... take your  time and wait  for the right moment to show that she is not on point!

Those moment when you know she is going to go through it with you!

It's great having someone who has your back no matter what. And it's even better if that someone is your prime-time person. Having a wife/husband who supports your career — bumps and all — is a bonus for your professional as well as personal life. Here are some signs to show that you have a supportive partner. 

When your woman is capable of taking care of her own business and career decisions for the most part, she is someone you can rely on. You can count on her for advice, motivation and reinforcement. Best of all, she doesn't come to you for every little hiccup, which means you're not busy constantly trying to fix her problems and can focus on your own. Co-dependency in doses is fine, but a woman with independence is a keeper. 

Big picture 

You may not currently be doing well and still have a long way to go in establishing yourself, but when your spouse can see the long-term plan, it's a blessing. When you feel supported, you are automatically driven to push harder. This, in turn, makes your dreams all the more attainable. She believes in your goals and wants to help you get there. Success is her goal as much as it is yours. 

On your special business Date nights 

Whether it's a work party, an award ceremony or company retreat, if she needs to be there for you, she makes the time and effort. Not only is she present, she talks to your colleagues, reads up about your work so that she can engage with your boss and is overall, a delight to be around (a big achievement when it comes to office parties). She wants to make a good impression on the people you work with because it is important to you and your career. 

Sacrifices 

If you're trying to climb the corporate ladder or starting your own business, you know you need to make some sacrifices along the way. Long meetings, constant overseas travel, and being on call — if she tolerates it without complaining (well, little complaining), she's got your back. She's sacrificing time with you now because she knows how important your career is to you. However, that doesn't mean that you should take your woman for granted simply because she is understanding. You need  to actually be present in the time that you do spend together. 

She calls you out 

You know she's got your back when she's not a yes woman. She gives you honest and brutal advice. She cares enough for you to give you the tough love when you need it. You may not appreciate it at first, but in the long run you know she has a point by keeping it real. 

So you are getting bored with your current relationship!

FIX it!

It doesn't matter if you've been with your partner long-term or short-term, there's always room for improvement. A new year especially is the perfect time for change and growth regardless of whether you two are already solid. By being more mindful about what your relationship needs more of or less of and being proactive about these things can make a huge difference. See how you can make 2017 your best year yet together.

GET OUT OF THE HOUSE MORE

It's easy to get comfortable with your partner and opt for nights in, but that's how things can get predictable and boring. Just because you've been together for a while now doesn't mean dates are no longer relevant. Make an effort to make more plans together off the couch so that you have something to look forward to.

KISS MORE

Remember when you both first met and you couldn't keep your hands off each other? Remind one another of that level of attraction and kiss like you're dating again. Don't let kissing become less and less important over the years.

TALK MORE

We don't mean just about your days. There's always something about your SO that you can learn more about. Ask each other thought-provoking questions to get a sense of each other on an even deeper level. There's bound to be something to discover.

HAVE MORE SEX.

Sex may sizzle down over time but it's important to maintain intimacy. It keeps you together emotionally and physically. Try new things to keep the bedroom game exciting, and make sex just as much of a priority as other aspects of your relationship.

BE MORE SPONTANEOUS.

Don't allow yourselves to get stuck in a routine. Even if you're happy with your daily groove of things, a little spontaneity never hurt anyone. Go on a weekend trip or make a last-minute dinner reservation at a place you've both been eyeing. Adding some excitement can bring you two closer.

SPEND MORE TIME APART.

It's important to spend quality time as a couple, but it's also important to maintain your separate lives. Encourage each other to go out alone with friends or to spend the day catching up on things you each want to do. It'll give you an opportunity to miss each other and value the time you do spend together.

Maybe just maybe.... I will keep this list on my refrigerator so that I read the points whenever I think about just snacking and kicking back in front of the TV.  

"It's A Shame You're Still Single!" think about it!

"It's A Shame You're Still Single!"

There is nothing wrong with being single. Case closed. 
It's more of a shame that you are listening to others who think they know what is right for you... they may not even have a clue as to what you are dealing with ... but they assume you should not be "single" 

"Have You Tried Online Dating?"

Some have luck with online dating. Others, not so much. Don't pressure your friend to look in the land of swipe left or right for someone who might or might not be the man of her dreams. Who said there was anything wrong with an old fashioned meeting anyway?
The Idea that what worked for someone else could work for you is B.S.  you were "born an original "... So why would copy another copy  who copied someone else and follow their advise?

"I Can't Wait Until We Can Double-Date!"

Ahh yes, that's the best reason to find a significant other--to go on a double date! You shouldn't encourage your friend to find someone just so that you can expand your couple friend circle. That's just selfish.

When did anyone ever look to have your company to help you without thinking that your company could enhance their World. Only a fool  would ask you to double date with them  if they thought you would attract the best of best for yourself and they will be left with "also-ran...... " 

"It'll Happen Soon!"

Thanks but no thanks to this empty encouragement! Telling someone that something will happen soon is not a good idea. Your single friends know you mean well but unless you have a crystal ball telling you the when, where, who and how "the one" will appear in her life, don't assume happily ever after is right around the corner for her. Instead. just say "I look forward to when your time comes too."

My experience has been that you first have to "FIX" what is dispelling good folks from being  attracted  to you.. before you can receive them, you have to welcoming them based on your Aura!

"I Know The Perfect Guy To Introduce You To!"

Unless your friend asks for an introduction there's no need to put your matchmaking skills to the test! What if they don't hit it off? What if things become so awkward it ruins friendships on both ends? Call yourself Switzerland and remain neutral.

So he is the perfect guy for who... most likely he was not the prefect guy for her or one of her other friends. Well New flash there are no perfect guys for you out there. There are just "imperfect guys" willing to meet you halfway and bring the best that they can offer to combine with your best that you can offer. Two imperfect people can workout way better. 

"A Makeover Might Help Attract The Right Guy!"

Never, ever, ever tell your friend that the reason she's without a man is because she has to dress or look like someone other than herself. You might as well just slap her in the face!
What a Damn shame that an "original" would become a copy to attract, the so called , Mr. Right!  Originals are copied everyday but a copy can never become an Original. there are many copies walking around out there... Why in heavens name would you want to become another "Copy?" 

"Well, Are You Trying Hard Enough?"

Yes. She's trying hard not to kill you for asking her if she's devoting enough time to finding a man. Steer clear of uttering these words -- forever.
Tying to do what others think you should be doing has never had great results! When you are trying hard to find someone you are walking around with a sign on your forehead that reads " desperate!"

"Why Aren't You Dating Anyone Right Now?!"

What if your friend loves being single. What if they aren't looking for anything serious, just a good time? Have you ever asked what they want instead of just why they're not looking for it?

"Right now" is a moment in time....  if you were dating some one at that very moment in time  you would not be talking to her about her perceive thought of why you are not doing what she thinks you should be doing.... If her Moment in time" was occupied with total happiness she would not have time ti be questioning "why you aren't dating Anyone Right now!"

"Maybe If You Hadn't Wasted Your Time With X..."

Everyone has an ex that should never have happened. Bringing up past mistakes isn't helping her stay positive for the future. She might still be healing or have completely moved on but don't pour salt on an old wound because you want her to find love faster.

"X" marked the spot ....."Y" questions why"X" is still referred to as My "X"  and that person has to deal with the fact that they will become  "Y" following "X" and may even become "Z" .