This no longer feels “right,” he just keeps walking away from me!
Women often try to turn their lives around after they have felt they were betrayed or rejected (a breakup has a lasting effect on women.) She may have had a relationship that painted “the perfect picture…” a romance that had her thinking she had found a “perfect match!” But then it took a devasting turn, she will have to find major strength to recover, from a new chain of events. A woman must fight to escape a new dangerous web of secrets (her secrets, his secrets) to start fresh again. Can she keep her dark moments in her past hidden while opening up her heart again? Find a new conbustible blend of romance, intrigue, and suspense that will “boggle her mind right up until the bombshell climax errupts of new love is expressed to her’
It may be her second or third chance at love but she needs to deceipher if it’s a tale of luste --- full illicit temptations, just a crush or real true love….she needs to know before she’s willing give a new love possibility, a shot. She can’t just throw caution to the wind and jump into a realtionship, and have new regrets all over again.
Men on the other hand have rubber band instincts even though we may have felt rejection or even betrayed in a previous relationship(s) we don’t need the reassurance of the words like
”Trust Me, I’m different” coming from a new love interest. We men will through caution to the wind in hope that this time itwill workout.
Both men and women Doubt their partner’s love sometimes
Without an full understanding of the many cycles in relationships it is easy to see how men and women begin to doubt their partners love for them. Without seeing how a woman can inadvertently prevent men from finding their passion in life,(by asking/telling the man to behave the way she expect him to,or the man commanding the woman to be who he wants her to be) they often simply assume that their man/woman will be the same all the time as when he was “chasing her.” SMDH the chase is a challenge, but establishing a new relationship brings on an all together new set of challenges. Feeling a continuous strong need for her presence, can and will overwhelm a man at times. She wants him to have eyes for her only. But when he needs to pull back she misinterprets his behavior as he is now interested in someone else not just something else that may have nothing to do with her or another woman. Something else could be many different things, a job situation going well or not going well, a desire to have a new set of challenges, a need for a few new set of buddies to hangout with. Ladies it’s not always about “sex” and chasing a new female. This is how women misinterpret men’s behaviors. To a certain extent a man loses himself through connecting with his partner.
What does that mean?
Men may just need “some space” or “need to be alone, to collect their thoughts and understand their true feelings for a period of time” regardless of how it is described, when a man retreats, he is fullfilling a valid need to take care of himself for a while. Just like we don not decide to be hungry, a man does not decide to retreat. It is an instinctual urge. Men can only get so close, and then he begins to lose himself. At that point he begins to feel his need for autonomy and begins his retreat for better positioning.
OK, so why do men pull away when women want to get close?
For many women, a man tends to pull away precisely at the time when she wants to talk and be intimate. This occurs for two reasons:
A woman will unconsciously sense when a man is pulling away and precisely at those times she will attempt to establish their intimate connections and say the Magic words “Let’s talk”. Hmmm! he hears this and he continues to pull away, she mistakenly concludes that he doesn’t want her, that he does not care for her, “woman!”, he just does not want to talk.”
When women open up and share deeper and more intimate feelings it may actually trigger a man’s need to retreat, and distance himself from her. A man can only handle so much intimacy before his alarm bell goes off, saying to himself it is time to find balance by retreating for better positioning. At the most intimate moment a man may suddently automatically switch to his reverse gear to feeling his need for autonomy.
If one person is hurt, they may not realize that they are still being cared about from a distance!
Have I confused you, yet?
It is baffling to a woman when a man pulls away because something she says or does things that often triggers his sudden need for departure (She feels instant rejection) Generally when a woman starts to talk about things with feelings her man starts to feel this urge to pull back. This is because feelings draw men closer and create intimacy, and when a man gets too close he hits the reverse gear. It’s not that he does not want to hear about her feelings. At another time in his intimacy cycle, when he is needing to get close to her, the same feelings that could have triggered his departure will draw him closer. It is not what she says that triggers his departure but when she says it.
Yeah men are all BAD, for not even understanding these cycles themselves, so how could women understand them!
I got it now, he first needed “some space” to get his needs to be closer activated!
When he starts Feeling the need to be closer to her, it will come when he has stretched his distance to the limit, which may result in him not being able to think about nothing and nobody else. Go figure! A man needs to build up his desire for her, to want to be with her by first creating a stretched to the limits distance from her, whereas a woman often resists the urge to run into his arms in the beginning just long enough to feel like “his chase is real” and just not what he does to every women he meets. She wants to be that “special lady” not just another “lady” that he will be a notch as a conquest on his belt.
Men and women generally are unaware that we typicall have different emotional needs. As a result we do not instictively know how to support each other, Men typically give women in a relationship, what men want for themselves, and women give what women want for themselves. Each sex mistakenly assumes that the other has the same needs and desires. As a result we both end up dissatified and even resentful.
So how do we fix it?
Lets Start by understanding that the primary Love needs of Women and Men are different
Women need to receive: 1 Caring
Men need to receive: 01Trust
Women need to receive: 2 Understanding
Men need to receive: 2 Acceptance
Women need to receive: 3 Respect
Men need to receive: 3 Appreciation
Women need to receive: 4 Devotion
Men need to receive: 4 Admiration
Women need to receive: 5 Validation
Men need to receive: 5 Approval
Women need to receive: 6 Reassurance
Men need to receive: 6 Encouragement
Once both sexes understand that each have 6 needs. What is needed from each other, do not overlap, we need to compromise so that we can move forward with less misunderstandings.
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