I'll admit I'm confuse as to Why people rush into marriage these days!
I thought I knew the answer years ago.... Now I'm not so sure anymore. If you looked at the Kim Kardashian and Chris Humphrey's marriage which was over lightning-quick then you might look at these Wrong and Right reasons below and realize that you should take your time before jumping the broom. I've considered, Unfortunately, getting married a few times after my first marriage ended.... simply because I like being in a long-term relationship, however the real test for me is if we can make it as an exclusive couple for 2 years or more.... this simply hasn't happened so far.... and that's the truth. So whether you're talking about your first marriage or a second or a third ...... these (5) Wrong and (5) Right reasons may help you get a realistic picture as to why a strong percentage of all marriages fall apart.
Wrong Reason #1: Sexual attraction
Too many people confuse sexual attraction with love and that can lead to a short-lived marriage (maybe a couple of years if you are lucky.) The novelty of being with someone will turn anyone on in the beginning. But when the sexual attraction wanes, if there's no mutual trust and a joint view of the future, the marriage fades as well. Sexual attraction between two people is a good thing and energizes the marriage, but if the foundation isn't based on strong communication and shared values, the chances of a long-lasting marriage based solely on animal attraction aren't going to last.
Right Reason #1: You are good at working out your differences.
Research (not mine, because here is where I've come up short) indicates that one common theme among long-lasting marriages involves an ability to work out conflict. All relationships have conflicts. The couples that can talk out their differences, surmount the conflict, and agree on a compromise will outlast the couple that can't. The partners that trigger anger and resentment in one another or are unable to talk about their differences often can't sustain marriage, or even a conversation. So work on resolving issues.
If married couples share common interests, it cause engender closeness and mutual experiences. Experts say that couples don't have to share all common interests, but having enough of them encourages spending time together, a key ingredient to a successful marriage. Those commonalities can be as varied as spending time with their children, loving travel, following sports as long as they both appreciate something together. OK we guys have mixed feelings on sports, because we may have to explain the plays and can't enjoy the game without you interrupting. But if you can just sit and cheer when we cheer then we are happy to have you watch the game with us.
Research (not mine, because here is where I've come up short) indicates that one common theme among long-lasting marriages involves an ability to work out conflict. All relationships have conflicts. The couples that can talk out their differences, surmount the conflict, and agree on a compromise will outlast the couple that can't. The partners that trigger anger and resentment in one another or are unable to talk about their differences often can't sustain marriage, or even a conversation. So work on resolving issues.
Wrong Reason #2: Escaping the family
Many single young women feel stuck living at home. When a potential mate appears, they often leap at the opportunity to extricate themselves from their parents' home and get engaged and run to the alter. Often it doesn't matter to them if their potential mate is a good match because of their need to separate from their parents. There are many ways to escape a family, start by working on getting your own apartment and living alone for awhile, be independent it helps you establish your life's goals. Making a lifelong commitment with someone who isn't a worthy partner isn't the best choice, so take your time.
Right Reason #2: Sharing common interests
Wrong Reason #3: The infatuation syndrome
Too many people confuse infatuation with love, you need to Overcome the Myths that Hinder a Happy Marriage. Infatuation is for kids not Adults. Infatuation is defined as a fleeting feeling for someone, whereas love is long lasting and is based on trust and commitment. Infatuation is instantaneous and some experts suggest can be hormonal. Love has patience whereas infatuation has a sense of urgency and often that urgency fades. When marriages are based on infatuation, the zing is gone in less than no time, and you start assuming you married the wrong person and start looking for a new relationship..... again.
Right Reason #3: Your partner fills your needs, not your wants
Way Too many people get married for what they want instead of what they need! For example, many expert suggest making a list and discussing your fictional wants with your husband, except this genre doesn't interest him on less he is willing to contribute, so now you know what should be scratched of the list. If you are realistic about your needs he might listen. To have a solid marriage your needs should be shared needs therefore shared with someone who is reliable, trustworthy, and willing to work hard towards common goals. Marrying someone who meets your needs will enabled the marriage to last.
Wrong Reason #4: You think getting married will solve your problems
If your mate easily gets angry with you and frequently loses control, it can be a telltale sign that problems in the relationship are right around the corner. But many people ignore the signs. They see signs of troubled behavior but think it will get better when they get married. Often if this irascible or abusive behavior occurs in the engagement period, it will only get worse after marriage, even if the person is in counseling or therapy, delay marriage until you see that things are getting better. Some people think they will fix it after they get married..... NOT going to happen.
Anything that is mildly annoying will become extremely annoying after you say "I do."
Anything that is mildly annoying will become extremely annoying after you say "I do."
Right Reason #4: Your plans for the future line up
Talking about a couple's expectations of the future is one of the surest ways of making sure you're both on the same page and share common values that can sustain a marriage. Many couples don't talk about whether they want to have kids, (surprises in this area is not a good thing) where they're going to live, whether they'll be a one or two career household. Some people think things will work out magically when they get married, but that won't happen. The more you discuss your common visions for the future, the greater the chances the marriage will last.
Wrong Reason #5: You're head-over-heels in love
Falling in love, too many people get blinded and don't really get to know their mate. What really keeps people together is their friendship, intimacy and supporting each other. If you ask yourself, "If I lost my job or had a medical scare, whom would I go to for comfort and support?" that answer might reveal the real love of your life, if its not your mate..... then the answer is clear.
Right Reason #5: You make each other feel special
One factor in successful marriages is making your partner feel special and worthy, particularly for men. Because the friendships men establish often don't have the depth of women's relationships, men depend more on their spouse to feel special. When women say, "I love you, you make my life exciting," or make their mate their favorite dessert, it goes a long way to affirming their mate and contributing to a happy marriage. We men know that we do things in the beginning like bringing flowers and make plans for vacations and romantic dinners as part of the romantic stage. So we need to be encouraged to keep doing it continuously after a few years, that take effort and willingness.
Honeymoon or Vacation for Two, anyone ?
