Here are a few Things a Woman Should NEVER Get Confused about.

Alicia Keys sang, “A real man knows a real woman when he sees her.” But what she did not know is that a real man was going to go and write a book and tell these young girls to think like a man, causing them to get totally confused and make twerking videos on Youtube.

As Santa says: Ho,Ho, Ho (three times) he does not mean act like a "Ho." Basically,you have it all mixed up. We can’t continue going on rants about how lost our young ladies are without taking the time to show them the way. So I took it upon myself to compile a small list of the preponderance (you like that word, huh?) that has our young ladies baffled. No, I’m not excusing men, but Rome wasn’t built-in a day, so work with me ...... here. For young girls who don’t know and for grown women who want to help out those following in their footsteps, these are the things you should NEVER get confused about.

1. Stop confusing Sex  for Love: If  He drinks a Red Bull, stretches, and even keeps his Timberlands on; then acts like everything but a gentleman in the bedroom until  your toes catch a cramp.  But thinks of you as a "Ho" make no mistake, his heart is in his chest, not his underwear. 

2. Stop confusing Attention for Loyalty: “But he’s coming home to me every night” Equals  the cry of a woman who forgot her worth a long time ago. A man will have sex with your sister, drive home with the gas money you gave him, and say “Baby I had a long day, I just wanna cuddle” when you try to give him goodnight sex. You think that attention he’s giving you means you’re not sharing him with someone else? Yeah. .OK, think again.

3.Stop confusing a Real Gangster for a Real Man: Some girls want a guy to “put them in their place” like a parent does a child. A real man wants a woman who knows her place is by his side. REAL difference!

4. Stop confusing Good looks for Beauty: You may go through life gracing every mirror you walk past, but if you treat everyone like they’re beneath you, you will be wondering in a few months ..... "Why did 't the mirror tell me, my looks  was going to change like this" and you are alone.

5. Stop confusing Compliments for Respect: He went and ‘liked’ all your bathroom sink mirror pics and recited a couple Drake lines so you think it’s real huh? The more you blush, the more he’s going to tutor his homeboys on how to get you to have sex after he tells you he’s “just not ready for a relationship”.

6. stop confusing Nice personality for Good character: He can make you laugh. Check ~. He’s smooth with words. Check ~. He’s witty and can hold an intelligent conversation? Check~. But on that weekend you’re on your period, will he turn down those thirsty chicks he used to have sex with that never learned to let go? They are one text away and may even bring a girl friend for s threesome. ~check ~ 

7. Stop confusing Lust for Chemistry: You know that tingly feeling you get when you first see him. Everything just seems right about his smile, his walk, and the way he looks at you? It’s called hormones, not love at first sight.

8. Stop confusing Cockiness for High Self Esteem: A BAD b!tch has nothing on a woman who knows she’s a queen. Period.

Well here comes that hug your Dad would give you after he gave you an a$$ whooping and told you you’d thank him for it later. 

Ladies, stop getting things mixed up. No, it’s not your fault you have to decode anything, but it’s better to know now than to be left feeling lonely years later running into the arms of some man who just is not for you. Knowing the game keeps you from having to play it, and if you don’t play it, you’ll never lose.

The Most Overlooked Threats to a Marriage these days! Term Limits.....

I feel BAD for marital "communication," because it gets blamed for everything, when it is not working. For generations, in survey after survey, couples have rated marital communication as the number one problem in marriage. It's not!

Marital communication is getting a BAD rap. It's like the kid who fights back on the playground (I can relate because this was my youngest son's biggest problem in school for years). The playground supervisors hear a commotion and turn their heads just in time to see his retaliation. He didn't create the problem; he was just reacting to the problem. But he's the one who gets caught, so he's sent off to the principal's office.

Or, in the case of marital communication, the therapist's office.

I feel bad for marital communication, because everyone gangs up on him, when the truth is, on the playground of marriage, he's just reacting to one of the other troublemakers who started the fight:

Term limit 1. Some Marry a person because they like who they are. People change. you can  Plan on it. Don't marry someone because of who they are when you marry them , or who you want them to become after you marry.Marry them because of who they are determined to become. And then spend a lifetime joining them in their becoming, as they join you in yours.

Term limit 2. Marriage doesn't take away our loneliness. To be alive is to be lonely. It's the human condition. Marriage doesn't change the human condition. It can't make us completely un-lonely. And when it doesn't, we blame our partner for doing something wrong, or we go searching for companionship elsewhere. Marriage is intended to be a place where two humans share the experience of loneliness and, in the sharing, create moments in which the loneliness dissipates. For a little while.

term limit 3. Shame baggage. Yes, we all carry it around We spend most of our adolescence and early adulthood trying to pretend our shame doesn't exist so, when the person we love triggers it in us, we blame them for creating it. And then we demand they fix it. But the truth is, they didn't create it and they can't fix it. Sometimes the best marital therapy is individual therapy, in which we work to heal our own shame. So we can stop transferring it to the ones we love.

Term limit 4. Ego wins almost every time. We've all got one. We came by it honestly. Probably sometime around the fourth grade when kids started to be jerks to us. Maybe earlier if our family members were jerks first. The ego was a good thing. It kept us safe from the emotional slings and arrows. But now that we're grown and married, the ego is a wall that separates us from each other. It's time for it to come down. By practicing openness instead of defensiveness, forgiveness instead of vengeance, apology instead of blame,vulnerability instead of   strength, and grace instead of power.

term limit 5. Life is messy and marriage is life. So marriage is messy, too. But when things stop working perfectly, we start blaming our partner for the snags. We add unnecessary mess to the already inescapable mess of life and love. We must stop pointing fingers and start intertwining them. And then we can we walk into, and  through, the mess of life together. Blameless and shameless.

Term limit 6. Empathy is hard. By its very nature, empathy cannot happen simultaneously between two people. One partner must always go first, and there's no guarantee of reciprocation. It takes risk. It's a sacrifice. So most of us wait for our partner to go first.A lifelong empathy standoff. And when one partner actually does take the empathy plunge, it's almost always a belly flop. The truth is, the people we love are fallible human beings and they will never be the perfect mirror we desire. Can we love them anyway, by taking the empathy plunge ourselves?

Term limit 7. We care more about our children than about the one who helped us make them. Our kids should never be more important than our marriage, and they should never be less important. If they're more important, the little rascals will sense it and use it and drive wedges. If they're less important, they'll act out until they are given priority. Family is about the constant, on-going work of finding the balance.

Term limit 8. The hidden power struggle. Most conflict in marriage is at least in part a negotiation around the level of inter-connectivity  between lovers. Men usually want and need  less. Women usually want  and often demand  more. Sometimes, those roles are reversed. Regardless, when you read between the lines of most fights, this is the question you find: Who gets to decide how much distance we keep between us? If we don't ask that question explicitly, we'll fight about it implicitly. Forever.
I will quote Chris Rock: " Folks argue to create distance and irritation"

term limit 9. We don't know how to maintain interest in one thing or one person anymore. We live in a world pulling our attention in a million different directions. The practice of meditation--attending to one thing and then returning our attention to it when we become distracted, over and over and over again--is an essential art. When we are constantly encouraged to attend to the shiny surface of things and to move on when we get a little bored, making our life a meditation upon the person we love is a revolutionary act. And it is absolutely essential if any marriage is to survive and thrive.

I'm not a therapist, I can't teach a couple how to communicate in an hour. It's not complicated but resistance makes it damn near impossible. By identifying and  dealing with the troublemakers who started the fight we ac overcome some of the biggest problems in marriages. Well, that takes a lifetime for most. 

It's a lifetime that forms us into people who are becoming ever more loving versions of ourselves, who can bear the weight of loneliness, who have released the weight of shame, who have traded in walls for bridges, who have embraced the mess of being alive, who risk empathy and forgive disappointments, who love everyone with equal fervor, who give and take and compromise, and who have dedicated themselves to a lifetime of presence and awareness and attentiveness.

And that's a lifetime worth fighting for.

So here a 3 things you can do to give him the green light:

Are you having a problem getting a man you want to ask you out? Well, I have some tips to solve your issue. Many times I get asked by women how to make themselves more approachable. Some men may think that a woman should already know how to do that. Believe it or not, many still struggle with it. They tend to overlook the simple things that can give a man a hint, or the confidence to ask her out. That man can be just as nervous, as or more nervous than you are.

1. Smile

This has got to be the simplest thing a woman can do, yet so many neglect this effective tool. I am not saying walk around everywhere with a big old grin on your face. What I am saying is that when you see a guy you like, then it’s time to break out that winning smile. That will instantly give him notice that you may have some interest. It will also create a more pleasant environment for him to feel comfortable enough to approach.

Looking at him like he stole something will do nothing to increase your chances of exchanging numbers. Side Note: some of you may go with the “sexy” look instead, but the risk is some men can’t tell the difference between the “sexy” look and the “what in the hell are you looking at” look.

2. Give him a Compliment

Ladies, you are not the only ones that like to receive a compliment. We men enjoy it as well, especially when it comes from a woman we may be interested in. The other reason why a compliment can really help in showing interest is the fact that a lot of women do not do it. So when it does happen, it immediately catches the man’s attention (most men).

Some women have become immune to compliments due to the frequency in which some of you receive it. Though I would argue that even those women still want compliments from the man they love from time to time. Men though, we aren’t used to it and it is a great way to say, “I am interested, don’t be a jerk and ask me out already”.

3. Engage in conversation

I remember once approaching a woman and trying to make conversation. She didn’t seem very much into it, so I assumed she was not interested and went about my business. Later when I spoke to a female friend, she told me the woman actually was interested, but is just like that. Well, how in the hell do you expect me or any man to know you have interest if you are not making an effort to carry on the conversation.

I understand that some men will overlook this and still try to get your number. For the guy that you actually like, you are making it harder for him to realize you want him to ask you out if you are not saying much. Not to mention that you may simply lose his interest because you are coming off as maybe boring and not having much personality. If you don’t want a man to proceed, then continue with the vibe of just waiting for him to shut up and walk away. Just know how to not let that happen when it is a guy you actually want to have future conversations with.

For some of you ladies, this list may be common knowledge and what you already practice in your daily life. For others, this may simply serve as a refresher for information you are already aware of. Then there are some who just flat out overlook how these simple acts can do wonders in increasing your chances of having the guy you want approach you and ask you out. Men already have all the pressure of having to typically initiate things and attempt to read a woman to see if he should proceed or not. The least you could do is make that process easier for him which is a benefit to the both of you at the end of the day.

Want to learn how to turn him on? here are my Top 12!

 Yeah I know, just get naked....and let's do the horizontal Mambo, but not this time.  I will let you know in advance  that I intentionally left off things like appearance because most of you already understand that men are very visual. I wanted to point out the qualities of more substance that may come as a surprise to some women. Make sure you read it all, and truly process what’s being said. I  asked around, and did a quick survey on asking my player friends. So sit back and learn some of the qualities that can turn a man on.

1. Transparency

When a woman can be honest, clear, and consistent, that can be very sexy, to an intelligent man . When a man feels he has to constantly play the guessing game with a woman, that isn’t very appealing, it’s just confusing and frustrating. This doesn’t mean a woman has to tell all her business to a man she barely knows. It just means that you don’t play games, you say what you mean, and you mean what you say.

2. Confidence

A confident woman knows who she is and embraces her self-worth. It is refreshing to see and it definitely draws the attention of most (if not all) men. It can easily raise a man’s desire for that woman, and only enhances her beauty. Confidence is sexy point blank period, but like it was mentioned on the men’s list, don’t confuse it with arrogance and being stank! Yeah I said stank, and that will only get you so far.

3. Sense of Humor

A woman does not have to have jokes ready to toss out every time she talks to a man. But the ability to smile, laugh when something is funny, and just lighten up can go a long way. Some women are just too serious, and don’t really know how to have a good time. When a woman can learn to let go, throw some humor in from time to time, and enjoy life, that makes her even more  appealing. If she can make him laugh too, big bonus, but just being able to laugh with him will have a positive impact.

4. Poise

A woman that knows how to carry herself is a huge turn on for a lot of men. She knows how to be a lady in the streets, and we’ll leave the freak part alone for today. Being very secure with herself and knowing how to be classy when needed is very much respected. When a woman seems to be all over the place, or emotionally unstable, that will make most men eliminate that women from any potential of a serious relationship and will flat out turn a lot of men off.

5. Knowing How To Cook

“The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach”. I don’t completely agree with this quote, but I do know that when a man finds a woman who can cook, a lot of us  get very excited. Literally we will report back to our friends, “man this girl is fine, has a good job, super cool, AND SHE CAN COOK, and she looks sexy while doing it!”. They may break out in celebration right there, because she obviously is now a keeper. Or course this isn’t a turn on for all men, but it surely has never been a turn off. Cooking skills are almost always a plus++.

6. Loyal

A lot of men don’t trust women. They may have been burned in the past or seen a lot of betrayal in other situations. So when that man comes across a woman that he views as loyal, it can have a very strong impact on him. Loyalty is an attribute men place a lot of value in. It doesn’t matter if it’s family, friends, or sports, they want it and are drawn to it. This is one attribute that it will take longer to assess, but once it’s acknowledged, it can speak volumes.

7. Passion/Desire

If a woman comes off as boring and lacking any passion in her life, that can actually make her less attractive in the eyes of some men. Yet when a woman is comfortable and confident enough to show desire and passion, that can be a huge turn on. This doesn’t mean a woman should throw herself at a man (that’s where poise comes in). It just means having that energy that can be very contagious and contribute to sparks flying.

8. Intelligence

Contrary to what some women may believe, a lot of men love smart women. They don’t like the women who thinks that her high level of intelligence gives her a right to be condescending, rude, or disrespectful. Yet plenty of men appreciate and are intrigued by a sharp woman who can also have a good conversation on a variety of topics, even if is during a chat session. A smart woman adds value to the relationship, and a lot of men are very turned on by that.

9. Unselfish

Selfish is never sexy. A woman having a me, me , me attitude can quickly push a man away and cause him to lose his desire for her. When a woman has a caring, giving, and nurturing spirit, that is exactly what most men are very happy to see in that woman. Men crave that, and are just drawn to that type of energy. It’s a very good look on a woman, and a man is likely to take notice of it.

10. Genuine

Just be yourself. It’s that plain and simple. People are drawn to those that are genuine, and men are no different. A woman who keeps it real, and embraces who she is, is very sexy. It will exude that confidence I spoke about earlier in this article. Some women go out of their way to try to be and look like someone they’re not. You might pull off sexy for a day, but being genuine can make you sexy for life.

11. Independent

Yes, a lot of men( yours truly is surely one of them) are turned on by an independent woman. The fact that she can be self sufficient, and does not need a man to survive definitely works in her favor. This woman adds value to a man’s life, as long as she does not devalue the need to embrace the love he wants to give her. It is not her ability to be independent that most men dislike, it is the unwillingness to bring down walls and understand that interdependence is needed and desired for a very happy and fulfilling relationship.

12. Embraces Respect

First that means having self respect. A woman with standards and demands respect, not in a overly aggressive or abrasive way, but does so while still embracing her feminine energy is greatly admired. When she also knows how to treat others in a respectful and positive manner this just makes her that much more beautiful. She is not a pushover by any means, because that is not a turn on at all. She just knows she deserves to be treated with respect, and she knows how to speak to a man in a way that makes him want her, not hate her.

I know some women will read this and say they have seen plenty of women get men despite lacking many of these qualities. The choices that some men make don’t tell the whole story, and it does not change the fact that a lot of men do genuinely desire these qualities when we  are entertaining the possibility of more than just a sexual relationship. If you’re still saying that men overlook good women all the time, . Either way, these qualities should be embraced and can bring very positive results.

I'm sure you have heard suggestions; Why Men Need To Initiate things, here are few More

Just to start things off let me make something very clear. If a person is not prepared to embrace the needs and genuine desires of their partner, then they shouldn't get into a relationship. People have to understand and be willing to provide what their partner needs more of in their relationship. So with that said,it’s time to talk about what most men could initiate more of, and that is non-sexual intimacy. This may be the first time you have heard the term used, but trust it is a principle that most (if not all) women embrace. It involves any kind of intimacy that isn't centered around sex. It can include making time to talk, cuddling, engaging in fun activities together, and so on. Non-sexual intimacy is essential in a relationship, and here are some reasons why men need to make it happen more often.

OK fellahs... You are on the spot now if you Lady reads this she will be expecting  all 3 of the following.

1. It makes her feel more valued.

If a man views his woman as just some glorified assistant, or sex toy…”he has just  messed up”. If he creates an atmosphere that makes her feel like the only time he wants to touch her is when he wants sex…”he has just  messed up”. The things I mentioned will make a woman feel less valued in a man’s life. That is why non-sexual intimacy is so important. It shows her that you enjoy her presence. It makes her feel like you hold her in higher regard. She will feel more secure, and it will pour the type of love and emotional fulfillment that she needs. When a woman starts to feel like she is just some interchangeable piece in her man’s life, that can kick open the door to plenty of issues. Make her feel valued, and give her the time and attention that truly speaks to her heart.

2. It can be great foreplay.

In the award-winning book How To Get A Woman To Have Sex With You…If You’re Her Husband, it emphasizes how foreplay isn't just something you do right before having sex. It is something a man should put into practice way in advance to assist in the sexual build-up within his partner. Non-sexual intimacy plays right into that approach. When a man shows his woman that he desires her outside the bedroom, it can cause her to have a greater desire for him in the bedroom (or anywhere else they don’t mind getting down). In many cases it can really turn a woman on, and it can help eliminate any possible resentment that comes from feeling like her man just views her as a piece of meat to poke. It will also allow her to feel more comfortable and open with her partner sexually, which is a huge key to creating great sex for both parties in a relationship.

3. It can help you grow closer together.

When people mainly focus on sex, it can hinder their ability to nurture a greater foundation in their relationship; the ability to enjoy each other’s presence, and be friends as well as lovers. Non-sexual intimacy will do plenty in helping a couple bond and grow closer together. It will allow for more time to be put into getting in tune with each other. Connecting on a deeper level, and growing closer together in that marriage. Because it helps in the areas of emotional and sexual fulfillment, it will allow both parties to get what they need, and therefore create a much happier marriage. Neglecting non-sexual intimacy can drive a huge wedge between husband and wife, and that will only lead to negativity taking over that marriage. The significance of bonding continuously in marriage is huge, and certainly not something any husband should overlook.

Non-sexual intimacy may seem foreign to some, and there may be men that don’t think it’s that important. I’m here to tell you that holding on to that perspective will likely lead you into an unhappy and unfulfilling relationship. A man should be mindful of what his partner needs, and understand that what specifically speaks to her heart can vary from woman to women. So talk to her, as well as experiment with some things. See what works for her, and then keep it going. Providing a woman with non-sexual intimacy will put a smile on her face, and in turn it will make it even easier for her to make her man smile as well.

a Boyfriend Doesn’t Have to Pay Bills Like a Husband

A female  friend, who lives with her boyfriend, had car problems. Via mass email, she asked all her friends for money to help with the expensive repair. I said to her privately, that maybe  her boyfriend should be handling that, not her friends. She called me  unrealistic! —Anonymous

My thoughts:
There are two separate issues here. One is her response to a friend who was asking for help; the other is whether her boyfriend is responsible for covering her repairs.

First her  response to a friend in need wasn't wrong, but it also wasn't right. Your girl is in need, and what you were supposed to do as a friend was let her know whether or not you could help, period. Telling her that her man is responsible for her finances wasn't really her place. It sounds as if she  didn't want to cough up any money—and it’s her right to say no—but instead of just being honest about that, she tried to pass the buck to her friend’s man. That was overstepping the boundaries of their friendship.

Her friend may have asked her man for money and he didn't have it or didn't have enough to cover everything. Or maybe he said no to her request, too. After all, as a boyfriend, he isn't obliged to cover her car repairs—just as her fiends aren't. The only person financially responsible for the car is the owner not her best friend. ,

But back to her boyfriend. I find many people these days have husband or wife expectations of their boyfriend or girlfriend. Covering or contributing to a major bill is a spouse duty, not a boyfriend's obligation. It’s nice when a boyfriend wants to pitch in to help, even though that can come with its own headaches, but he certainly shouldn't be your primary option for bailing you out of a financial mess. Your man isn't your personal ATM or a financial planner.

Girlfriend’s situation is a little tricky in that she and her partner may live together, sort of like husband and wife, but without the primary benefits of that commitment. Their situation is a gray area, one in which couples get to pick and choose which traits of a spouse they will take on. This is one of the complications of living as husband and wife without actually being such. It seems that the boyfriend here has chosen not to cover the cost of the car repair as a husband typically would. And that’s fine, since he is, in fact, not a husband.

Chris Rock - Differences Between Men And Women!

Husband Duties To Avoid With Girlfriends

1. It’s fine to court or pursue your lady of interest by taking her out to eat, movies, dates, buying a birthday gift, etc as you are getting to know her. Just don’t spend or give excessive amounts of money when asked because if you are you are being foolish, simply whipped or being used by a gold digger. Don’t confuse the getting to know process with providing as you would do for a wife. You should not be paying for bills, cars, rent and/or shopping sprees while dating.Note: A true lover is a giver. He also knows how to receive. He explores your body. He seeks to understand what your body craves. He cares about your pleasure. Reciprocity is the key of being an artful lover. It’s a dance—an exchange of energy that is most balanced in reciprocity.

2. A woman is a Queen but she is not YOUR QUEEN until you two are married so you shouldn't like your are husband and wife while dating. Never get ahead of yourself losing perspective because there is no rush so be patient. Don’t give her every waking moment you or she has free for that matter. Keep your freedom to do things with your buddies your kids and/or friends and she should have her space as well to hang out with her girls, go shopping, etc. She deserves QUALITY TIME but NOT ALL YOUR TIME while dating. My personal note:  Breathe. Don’t be in a hurry. Use your deep  breathing to cleanse your thoughts. Be intentional and connect on a much deeper level. A lot of people don’t have the patience to get beyond the physical.

3. We all know the Bible says we are not suppose to have sex until married but the reality is 99% of the time we do so I will keep it real and not act like I’m righteous for folks. A woman you are dating is not your property so you can’t demand sex whenever you want it. Be patient and when both of you are ready and decide to have sex then and only then should it occur. ALWAYS USE PROTECTION WITH ANYONE YOU ARE DATING NO MATTER WHAT SHE SAYS ABOUT BEING ON BIRTH CONTROL, TUBES ARE TIED, HAD A SHOT, ETC,! Too many diseases out here and too many children being brought into this world into single family homes so PUT ON A CONDOM if you are engaging in intercourse while dating after all it takes only 10 seconds! Intimacy:
Quickies are fair game… SOME of the time. There’s always a time and a place. But Consciously Awake sex takes time. It takes practice and conditioning. You have to make time. This is sex. And whatever your excuses are for not having it need to disappear if you want to get beyond the mundane.
 remember prevention is 10 times better than regret. the word entrapment is not just in law enforcement. doing what you will regret later, if things don't work out, can be devastating for  all evolved. Abortions and children born due to regrettable actions is never a good thing!  

4. While you are getting to know your lady of interest, you should not take on the father role to her kids. We will never agree on the correct time to even introduce kids to a new man because every situation varies thus can be different, so I won’t even go there. Just know for the well being and health of a kid he/she should not have multiple men coming in and out of their lives. For all of you thinking what if the kid doesn't like him, I ask you who is dating the man you or the kid(s)? Kids should never dictate WHO YOU DATE. YOU ARE THE ADULT. Kid(s) eventually leave the nest or home and then create their own family. A husband is still there when they are gone to live the rest of your life with. Never get too involved in a kid(s) life or get too attached while dating if you don’t have plans to permanently stay which would ultimately mean marrying his/her Mother!My personal experience note: Kids get attached to you if your treat them right. they want a father figure in their lives, especially if their biological dad is not in the picture. Do not make these kid loose hope that they will have a Dad to introduce to their teacher and friends on father's day. remember their feeling count in the overall happiness of everyone concerned.   


Some of you are thinking you should be giving your all to whoever you are dating and that is all well and good but I ask you to think about how many boyfriends/girlfriends you have had in life. Truth is many people come and many people go in a lifetime so that is the main reason you should wait until the holy sacrament of marriage to be 100% vested emotionally, physically and spiritually in love with each other with no conditions. my final not: Then listen up!
If you want to be the kind of lover that makes your woman never forget you, it’s time to seriously educate yourself on the Art of Lovemaking. This means knowing how to give a woman mind-blowing orgasms—it's all about being the proper  Prince Charming.