So who will step forward and be better men in this New Year!

Men it is time to start being better men in 2015 and beynd and stop with all the negativity some contribute to dating and relationships. I understand that some of you may not fully understand the damage you do to women, and to the overall state of relationships, but that’s why I am doing my part to make sure you are now informed on the reality of these issues. Be brave and drop the pride, steps to becoming the best man you can be.

Let’s begin with these 3 things many we men  need to start doing moving forward:

1. Stop Playing Games: Be Honest About Your Intentions

"That was great, just like the first time,
lets  hookup again when I'm in town in a  few months."

If you’re simply looking for some booty, then please stop allowing her to believe that you may want more than that. It’s not cool, and it is simply causing more damage and more dysfunction in the crazy world of relationships. I mean don’t get me wrong, I know when a woman says, “If a guy just wants sex, then just say it” is not a suggestion that will typically help you reach your goal. It was a great line some woman came up with to help weed out the guys who are just after sex.
example: She is as fine as well shelved bottle of fine wine (figure 8). the expiration date is blank. Treat her like she does not need an  expiration date. She does not need to  to be validated or exploited, for your pleasure and be disposed of. Don't treat  her like you don't want someone to treat your sister, Mother or even you. Do the right thing.
However, it would still be best to take an honest approach. You can still find women who are on the same page as you, and you don’t have to lie or “play boyfriend” to get what you want. I’m in no way saying that sex should be your focus, because it shouldn't but I understand that this is what a lot of men desire while dating. Just take a better approach so that you can avoid creating more issues.
A quick side note: these days women can be just as much players as men can, they will jump your bone and them head off into the sunset, like the lone-cougar. some even come back from time to time to get serviced. knocking at your door at 2am, or  flying in from somewhere else to have some fun. and telling you stories that she was hanging with some friends and their conversation got very sexual and she thought that since you both  had gotten together not too long ago that you would not mind doing her again. 

2. Stop Being So Dependent: Learn How to Be a Man of independence
The behavior of being dependent on a woman to take care of you, and not knowing how to stand on your own two feet is unacceptable. What the hell do  you mean you can't  cook a meal or wash your own clothes. It needs to stop immediately. You will never be able to properly take care of a woman in a way that she needs or desires if you have yet to learn how to take care of yourself. Some of us men  may know how to stand on our own, but we may be what some consider a “momma’s boy”.
example: these days women have the better jobs, but you need to step up an define your niche in life.. If you can't find a well paying J-O-B. then  work on become an entrepreneur, or an independent labor( skill) worker. take some classes on how to do things that can make you marketable. Lear how to create Apps for the smart devices for example. Just do something that is forward moving.
It’s great that you love your mother, but if you don’t learn how to cut that umbilical cord now, you will have major issues when you get married and you keep putting your mother over your wife (which in my opinion is not a good move at all). It is time to stand on your own merits and start being the best man you can be. Your future girlfriend/wife is not going to be happy with some guy who can’t take initiative to do anything for himself.

"Mom, what's for dinner, I'm starving!"

She is not going to be happy carrying an extra burden in the relationship because she does not have a man she can count on. Yes, I know some of you are being taken care of by your woman, so you may figure “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it”. Well guess what, it is broken, you just don’t see the cracks and dysfunction clearly. Trust me, if you keep it up , it will become painfully clear how broken it really was the entire time.

I haven't got a clue what are you so upset about!

3. Stop Being Clueless: Try to Understand Women


I always say, “You don’t have to understand all women, just focus on making a genuine effort to understand your woman”.
Which is true, however, gaining some general understanding of women is a great place to start and it will help you move forward. You may think you know plenty, but many times you may not have a clue. That reality will eventually slap you in the face once you’re in a serious relationship or marriage. So here is the deal, you can either wait till that time comes and try to learn on the fly or you can get started now and be ready for when that day comes.
Example: It's New years day. and you are thinking Rose Bowl Football game, she is think something exciting (NOT football) . Find a way to compromise so that she does not feel left out. while you are sitting on the sofa watching the  game with a beer in your hand eating chips and salsa. heads up  that's  just your thing that does not include her, unless she is into college football like you are.I’m not talking about tips and tricks to maneuvering through a woman’s mind and heart. I’m talking about a genuine attempt to understand women and the ways that many of them operate. You would not wait until the championship game before you raise your level of play, you would practice well in advance so that you have a shot to win that championship. Well, it is the same thing here and if you’re smart, you won’t waste another day waiting to prepare yourself. 
another quick side note: Women are very complex, so understand you have to listen very carefully, to tone, attitudes, happy  moments, and sad moments. If you master reading the signs you might just be able to deal with her better. Example do not  suggest a walk in the park when she has leg and feet pain from walking in high heels the whole week. Offer to rub her feet and remove rough spots on the sole of her feet  and Massage her calves instead, it might even lead to something else. she might reward you for being so attentive.  


There it is right there and I’m sure many women would agree with this list. The man that takes heed to these 3 tips  will be a few steps ahead of the other guys that are too prideful to take some good advice. If you’re a woman reading this, pass it along. The more men we can get to start doing better, the more we can create a positive environment that benefits both men and women. It’s  a New Year, and it is time for  new approaches.

Habits of a Happy relationship!

Lets start by first defining what we all want. Unless you are narcissistic!.

Stand at the waters edge and K.I.S.S

#1 Settle disputes peacefully
When you feel anger, avoid saying or yelling words you can't take back, instead have a planned agreement that you each will back away. I believe the K.I.S.S principle works well here.

#2 Spend quality time Together
Make time for each other. With busy schedules we often forget to relax and enjoy others. Two people can be right next to each other, yet miles apart. Ignoring someone, often hurts more than angry words! Carve out special time for just the two of you once a week.

#3 Appreciate and Help each other Grow
Having an open appreciation for your significant other leads to a productive, fulfilling and peaceful union. Cheer for their victories. Celebrate their accomplishments, and encourage their goals and ambitions! Challenge them to be the best they can be.

#4 Live with Integrity
Trust in each other and know you haven’t been used or taken advantage of, it creates inner peace and security. Lies fester, but the truth heals or prevents trouble. Live daily with fairness, integrity and reliability.

#5 Be Loyal and Devoted
True love and real friendship are not about being inseparable. Love is about two people being true to each other even when they are separated. When it comes to relationships, remaining faithful is never an option, but a priority. Loyalty is everything

#6 Love and Respect each Other as Individuals

Say things like:" I respect your opinion even when I disagree with it"

Our first and last love is self-love. Don’t rely on your significant other, or anyone else, for your happiness and self worth. Only you can be responsible for that. If you can’t love and respect yourself, no one else will be able to either.


#7 Lend Support during the Good Times and BAD
Be there through the good, bad, happy, and sad times too. Trust that you can count on each other, and be available not only when it’s convenient, but when it's needed most.

#8 Understand: Every Relationship is Different
Don’t compare your relationship to anyone else’s, especially that random couple whose relationship seems perfect. Every couple makes their own love rules, love agreements, and love habits. Just focus on you two, and make your relationship the best it can be!

#9 An Emphasis on Communication and Listening

When one of you is angry. be the one to soothe the savage beast

No one is a mind-reader so your partner won't be able to figure out how you’re feeling. Be specific and clear with yourself on what you want and make an effort to discover what your partner’s needs are.

#10 Turn Negatives into Positives
Problems in a relationship can be broken down into numbers. If you're both honest with each other and within yourselves, logically look at the negatives and calmly list them. Work together as a team to tackle each negative, one by one.  find ways to soothe savage beast!


#11 Work on Thoughtfulness Every Day
People who are in successful relationships nourish their partnerships regularly. They don’t set their life on cruise control. Ask yourself, “What can I do today to make my partner’s life better?” Little bits of effort every day will accumulate over time and make a big difference.

#12 Have Realistic Expectations
Real relationships are not what you see in the movies. They happen because each person values the other and are willing to make an investment of time into the partnership.
They understand, not all days are passionate and romantic.. rough spots will require good communication.

Say words like: " Let me listen your heart beat"   this can go a long way

You've got a good woman, try not to blow it?

Good women aren't nearly as hard to find as good men. But even though they're approached often, when they're happy with what they have at home, they don't entertain outside offers.
Secure Women look at  being  approached as a form of flattery that They can do without!

So you think I'm hot... thanks but no thanks

Unlike some women who only want a made man, good women have the ability to invest themselves into your dream as they build their own. So as long as you already have a plan and the drive to achieve it.

It's easy to go out and find women that will stroke your ego even to a fault, but a woman who loves you so much she'll tell you what don't want to hear, but need to, is much better.

So we are done?  

At the first sign of trouble, some women will leave you out dry. They want nothing else to do with you. But good women are able to speak life into the vision you once had and help you keep it alive

With a good woman, their eyes are on your heart, not your wallet, and not your status. Her affection comes from a place of long term commitment, not flimsy admiration that could be gone tomorrow. That's something you can trust in.

You are the one for me, baby!

It may seem cool to your friends that you were desirable by many women, but we all know that sex with feelings involved trumps all. When a woman knows your body, everything that you like AND reserves her body for you and only you, nothing can compare.

Non-sexual intimacy, is a good thing!

I can still feel his arms around!

 This may be the first time you have heard the term used, but trust me  it is a principle that most (if not all) women embrace. It involves any kind of intimacy that isn’t centered around sex. It can include making time to talk, cuddling, engaging in fun activities together, and so on. Non-sexual intimacy is essential in a relationship, and here are some reasons why we men need to make it happen more often.  Let me  start things off by making something very clear. If a person is not prepared to embrace the needs and genuine desires of their partner, then they should not get into a sexual relationship. People have to understand and be willing to provide what their partner needs more of in their relationship. So with that said, it’s time to talk about what most men could initiate more often, and that is non-sexual intimacy. Why you ask? The following are a few good reasons:

1. It makes her feel more valued.

He is actually listening to what I have to say!

If a man views a woman as just some glorified assistant, or sex toy…”he  just messed up”. If he creates an atmosphere that makes her feel like the only time he wants to touch her is when he wants sex…”he just messed up”. The things I mentioned will make a woman feel less valued in a man’s life. That is why non-sexual intimacy is so important. It shows her that you enjoy her presence. It makes her feel like you hold her in higher regard. She will feel more secure, and it will pour the type of love and emotional fulfillment that she needs. When a woman starts to feel like she is just some interchangeable piece in her man’s life, that can kick open the door to plenty of issues. Make her feel valued, and give her the time and attention that truly speaks to her heart.

2. It can be great foreplay.

In the award-winning book How To Get A Woman To Have Sex With You…If You’re Her Husband, it emphasizes how foreplay is not just something you do right before having sex. It is something a man should put into practice way in advance to assist in the sexual build-up within his partner. Non-sexual intimacy plays right into that approach. When a man shows his woman that he desires her outside the bedroom, it can cause her to have a greater desire for him in the bedroom (or anywhere else they don’t mind getting down and freaky). In many cases it can really turn a woman on, and it can help eliminate any possible resentment that comes from feeling like her man just views her as a piece of meat to poke. It will also allow her to feel more comfortable and open with her partner sexually, which is a huge key to creating above average sex for both parties in a relationship.

I can't stop thinking about him. But let's keep it a secret!

3. It can help you grow closer together.

When people mainly focus on sex, it can hinder their ability to nurture a greater foundation in their relationship; the ability to enjoy each other’s presence, and be friends as well as lovers. Non-sexual intimacy will do plenty in helping a couple bond and grow closer together. It will allow for more time to be put into getting in tune with each other. Connecting on a deeper level, and growing closer together in that marriage. Because it helps in the areas of emotional and sexual fulfillment, it will allow both parties to get what they need, and therefore create a much happier marriage. Neglecting non-sexual intimacy can drive a huge wedge between husband and wife, and that will only lead to negativity taking over that marriage. The significance of bonding continuously in marriage is huge, and certainly not something any husband should overlook.

I can't stop thinking about our last exchange of thoughts!

Non-sexual intimacy may seem foreign to some, and there may be men that don’t think it’s that important, at all. I’m here to tell you that holding on to that perspective will likely lead you into an unhappy and un-fulfilling relationships. A man should be mindful of what his partner needs, and understand that what specifically speaks to her heart can vary from one woman to other women. So talk to her, as well as experiment with some ideas, which will put a smile on her face, and in turn it will make it even easier for her to make her man smile as well.

Words from an experienced Brotha : "Sometimes women just want to be held, shown attention and listened to attentively." Sometimes a soft peck on the lips or the forehead ( this my signature move)  as you pull her closer and squeeze tighter makes her feel like there’s no better place to be (safe). Sometimes randomly bringing home her favorite candy bar, chocolate, ice cream or pack of gum creates a smile you could not have imagined. Having her preferred wine, juice or drink of choice in the fridge shows you care about her and it’s not about you! Take the time to really get to know her, her likes and dislikes so she feels special and understands how much she means to you! Women: You should pay attention and cater to your man as well! Non-sexual intimacy can be just what your relationship needs.

Signs He's is Only Interested in Sex!

As the holidays are just around the corner, we should all  recognize the signs as you are last of on someones  list here are a few things that might make you think: "huummm"

1.He only texts you after 11 p.m. and  hints that it's booty call time It's a scientific fact that all booty calls happen after 11 p.m. All those cars you see driving around after 10:59 pm ? People out on the streets past 11? They're most of them it not all  on their way to a booty call.

2. He gets frustrated when you invite him over to watch a movie and actually just want to watch a movie. Most guys would be like, "Alright, cool. If I can't have sex, I guess actually getting to watch  " The Hunger Games" in the entirety: Catching Fire is a pretty good consolation prize." But when you swat away his thigh-climbing hand he's suddenly tired and has to leave, maybe  to the other chicks house. Players always have a backup waiting  on the other side of town.

3. You never meet his or her  friends. The less information you have about him, the easier it is for him to ghost you. If you don't know who he hangs out with, or where he lives, or what his last name is, he can disappear like a phantom into the night. A phantom who banged you a bunch of times and then stopped answering your texts msgs., which would make for a  Broadway play than the kind of phantom that hangs out at the  operas. But a phantom nonetheless.

4.They makes it really hard for you to sleep over. He never straight-up says you have to leave (That wouldn't get .him a next hookup!) but he always has a "thing" really early the next morning. A "thing with friends" or "a work thing" or "some family thing." You know families don't have picnics at 5 a.m. RIGHT?

5. They always hands you everything before you leave. Did you forget your bra? Some lipstick? Your purse? A single bobby pin? If you never forget anything there, you can never have an excuse to show up when he doesn't want you to. If you tried to show up unsolicited anyway, you'd probably find the place abandoned and boarded up, and some neighbor would tell you, "Why, that place has been abandoned for years!" like some episode of "Are You Afraid of the Dark."

6. You've never go on a real date. Dates are for men who consider themselves boyfriends, not men who consider themselves booty call buddies or fiends with major benefits.

7. He always insists on splitting the cost of the pizza you ordered. If one of you doesn't pay for the pizza, it can't be considered a date. He will follow #6 if it kills him.

8. He's "busy" whenever you text him about something personal or emotional. Who has time to pause his game of Madden to talk to you about things like how you feel? If your text about your grandma passing away isn't attached to a sexy picture, he won't even bother opening it. Guys who just want you for sex aren't going to spend time playing the boyfriend.


9. He always tries to initiate sex when you hang out. An easy way to tell the difference between guys who like having sex with you a lot and guys who only like having sex with you is this: Think back to a time when the two of you were together but weren't having sex for more than an hour. If you can't do that, he only wants you for sex.

10. The only thing he's ever bought you that could be considered romantic is a vibrator/massage device. He was like, "Hey, I have a surprise for you," and you could hear a faint vibration, honestly expected you to be pumped about it. winks and says: "So  that you can get ready before I get here!"

11. Every conversation turns flirty/sexual. Every time you talk or text, it immediately turns into a conversation about having sex. He's stopped even trying to be witty about it. "Oh, you're at the grocery store right now, or are you visiting your mom again? I sure would like to have sex with you … at the grocery store, but not at your parents house! <smirking>

12. He texts you to meet up with a group, but wants to go back to your place or his place as soon as you get there. You might think you're about to meet all of his friends at some bar, but when you get there, he's already waiting outside with his coat and some condoms.





13. He only compliments your looks. He loves your BUTT but not your sense of humor. You always look "hot" but never "gorgeous." If his compliments are superficial at best and gross at worst, he's Just Not That Into YOU.

14. When he comes over, he heads straight for the bedroom. There's no loitering in the kitchen or hanging out in the living room with this guy. He has streamlined the process of sex-having by eliminating or minimizing the chitchat or talk about your day. He's like the Philip Glass of booty calls (that was a joke about the minimalist art movement that someone's dad will probably find funny).

Giving their past history, you’re right to be worried! Since they believe monogamy is unnatural!

If Being Married Is So Great, Why Do So Many Married People Cheat? 

I think people will have better marriages when they start understanding that the work has to be done before the ceremony. Exchanging vows and placing a ring on your partner's finger does not magically transform them into compatible life partners. What Do You Think? ~  Michael Baisden a quote

Some people believe monogamy is unnatural, especially for men and women who want non stop attention. My response to that is, it’s not about monogamy; it’s about honesty. If you know you want to have sex with multiple partners then communicate that to your significant other and give them a choice to be involved or not. It’s not that simple! But at least it will not come as a big surprise to them when cheating occurs. 

How could you sleep with that B!tch, she is so.... slutty.

However, there’s a reason why people lie about their affairs and it’s not just greed, insecurity, or even immaturity. The root of infidelity is the avoidance of accountability. Stay with me because this is about to get deep.

Accountability in an open relationship is not easy because once it’s revealed that there are more players in the game the stakes may be raised, such as a demand for equal time, equal money being spent, and most importantly, the option to see other people. I mean, what’s good for the goose is good for the gander, right? And we know men don’t like to share, even though they’re cheating. Ain’t that a trip?

OK same time next month?

I advise women who are faced with infidelity not to focus on who or how many women their man is having sex with but instead challenge him on the basis of his resources and consistency. Men get away with cheating because women allow them to slack off on their financial responsibilities, i.e. proper dating and not helping out with financial emergencies, and most importantly, slacking off sexually.

The reality is most men can’t handle one woman let alone two or three but cheating is easy when women allow themselves to be cheap dates and men can be duds in the bedroom without repercussions. Yes, cheating is wrong, but if you’re man is going to play insist that he play like a pro and that’s starts with honesty, accountability, and consistency. having said all that.... woman however can handle multiple men. a whole lot easier. She can setup sex only dates with another cheater, and play  innocent at home and their spouse will never be the wiser. do women do that.....? In today's world hell, Yeah! Women are great multi- taskers. When a woman  wants non-stop attention, and she  doesn't get it in one relationship she starts thinking that guy at work might be the  right guy to cheat with, because he will be discrete as  he also has a lot to loose if we get caught.... .  something to think about if she is hanging with friends on Friday's for happy hour not all the time but specific weekends every month,,,, Huh? Just made you think didn't I.     

Are you a Ride or Die Chick!

A woman, I know, explains to me how she is having issues with her boyfriend and they constantly get into arguments and negative behavior. They have been together for some years now and have had good and bad times (for the record almost every relationship has “good times” so let’s stop using that as the basis for holding on). She then says how she has stuck by him through it all; financial issues, verbal abuse, and all the other women because she is a ride or die chick.

Ok, let’s stop right there. Do you see what this woman did? She basically used the glorified label of a ride or die chick to validate and defend her staying in an unhealthy relationship. Let me make this clear, it is in my opinion that you don’t get a badge of honor for sticking through bullsh!t. You are not exhibiting strength by holding on to a man who treats you like crap and/or disrespects you consistently by having other women. You don’t earn points for this at all, just a lot of pain, frustration, emotional damage, and more time that you are not getting what you truly deserve. Don’t get me wrong, I do think there are some things that I feel deserves a lot of admiration when a woman works through it all, and hangs in there.

A ride or die chick to me doesn't drop her man because his money isn't right. She understands that we all go through rough times and what that man needs right now is your love and support. At the same time she doesn't hold on to some man who wants to sit his ass on the couch and make no effort to provide for the couple. He should have a desire to make something of his life and if not then you should not be expected to sit there and be his mother.

A ride or die chick to me won’t allow others to destroy her relationship. She will stick by her man and the relationship will stand or fall based on his actions not the words and actions of others. On the flip side she won’t just make herself oblivious to his disrespectful behavior and view others calling it out as them just “hating”. She won’t sit there and act like it’s all good when in reality it is destroying her on the inside and causing so much damage.


A ride or die chick will defend her man against other people trying to tear him down and attack him. She won’t stand for you disrespecting her man and she will have no problem checking you on the matter. Yet she doesn't sit there and let this man think his bulls**t behavior is really ok. She will have no problem addressing the issue and expecting better from her man. She will be that chick you need but she will not continue to accept him being less of a man than she needs.

 Maybe I have it wrong and a ride or die chick is truly supposed to embrace all the crap that man wants to throw at her. If this is truly your definition, then so be it, just don’t use that label like it’s a good thing when it really is not.Too many women think they are doing something special or commendable by holding on to situations that are not best for them. Sometimes it’s not even a man who does all this wrong, just a man who the woman deep inside feels is not for them regardless of how “good” a guy he might be. Ladies do not use the label of ride or die chick to hide the fact that your motivation to hold on to that relationship and that man is not really about how loyal you are. Most of you are scared and acknowledging that may help you see what you might need to do next. Many of you need to ride your behinds out of that relationship, or you will die being a chick that does not get the love and relationship that you truly deserve. This all is  just my BAD opinion.