Hmmm! Men Are Afraid Of Independent Women?

Why?  Independent Women are just women ..... Right?

Men are afraid of independent women because of societal norms that have been propagated throughout history. Men have been the heads of households in the world for most of recorded history, and societies have been established to benefit men. Women who are strong and independent do not need a man to run their lives or manage the household. Women’s standards have increased so much over the past few decades that men have been completely stricken by the strong women they meet.

My BAD perspective is: The words "strong women" are taken out of context... Women throughout the ages have been strong for over a century....... just that today's independent women have to be stronger because they don't have a fall back. Having to deal with all of life's stresses... is challenging enough, which make these women less willing to put up with the male fragile  ego of  having to worry that he has to compete with her success, to impress her!  

#1:  Independent Women Are More Than Looks

Many men become instantly afraid of women they meet who are massively intelligent or successful. A beautiful woman is just a beautiful woman until a man talk to her, and men are intimidated by a woman who can take care of herself. The male archetype of breadwinner and protector is not always accurate, and a woman who has a good life without a man seems impossible to please. Men often give up until they find a woman who is needy.

My BAD perspective is: Most men see "independent women" as movie star types, where Rihanna and Beyonce are at the top of the charts... women in the corporate world have similar public admiration. any man who walk into a gala on her arm is a back drop  filler. instead of the guy and his date. Men with  pride  don't want  play second violin. men never want  to be the shadow.

#2: Women Are Interdependent

Women have support systems that involve many other women and sensitive men. There are men searching for women today who do not understand the social structures women have. A woman has friends to talk to about her relationships, and a woman does not necessarily need to have a romantic relationship to be deeply intimate with someone. Women get emotional intimacy from their friends, and men are often unable to provide that level of intimacy.
My BAD perspective is: Heads up... women can go to their Male hair dresser (sensitive men) and talk about their encounters with men. Women can have "let's all exhale" sessions with their BFF(s). Intimacy has become the requirement.. and  many men see intimacy without sex as a waste of time.


#3:  Independent Women Have Male Friends And Standards

Women who are strong and independent have male friends who have raised the bar for any man she might date. A woman does not need a man who cannot treat her at least as well as her male friends or her brothers. Women whose best friends are men often compare their relationships to their friendships, and anyone who is not a true gentlemen is not worth the time a woman must put into the relationship.

My BAD perspective is: Every totally independent woman has girlfriends who are married to  that guy who fits that not so stereo typical "perfect man"  need I say more. these guy spoil it for Joe Average. 


#4:  Independent Women Are Not Babysitters

Women have been expected to babysit their boyfriends and husbands throughout the centuries, but the modern woman will not babysit a man she dates. Men must be able to manage their own lives without help from their girlfriends, and a woman who must manage your life will drop you in a heartbeat. You must get yourself out of a misogynistic mindset before you approach a strong and independent woman.

My BAD perspective is: Seldom do men kick-start their adult lives by being home owners.... having your own place, is put on the list for when a man has found  the "one"  she will choose the home he will invest in, she will pick the furniture, she will decorate the dwelling in her "feng shui" style. Most men unless we are subscriber to Architectural digest  don't know what we want.. we are waiting to be shown what we like ... so being shown has a few problems it's an ego deflating scenario.   

Her bracelet tells all there is to know about her!

 'She is not A GOLD DIGGER''

Things Guys Tell Their Friends About You:

Guys talk. For some it may not be a lot, but we do. Here are seven things he’s telling his friends about you:

1. He exposes the intensity to your beauty treatment.

Sure, it may sound like the stereotypical “You wouldn’t believe how long it takes my girlfriend to get ready” type of banter, but what is actually happening here is that your man is bragging about how thoroughly you work to ensure you look good for him, indicates this is an endearing quality he sees in you. When women take the time to read self help books.. They know what will impress a man enough to talk about then to their buddies.

2. He talks about your most frequent sexual exploits.

While this definitely depends on the guy, many men engage in this conversation not as a way to embarrass you but, instead, as a primal need to show other males their pack-leader characteristic. Notifying “the guys” of last night’s  romp is your man’s way of reminding everyone that he is still on top of his primal game. He has a conversation on your skills ....she plays the piano and know how to make an evening very romantic. the tune she played lead to an amazing after events.  .

3. He talks about your raise, promotion, salary.

While you may be mystified that he never wants to discuss last night’s dinner or you saving $40 on last week’s grocery bill, he does want to disclose your salary. The reality is that his pride is two-fold. He is excited to share your accomplishments, sure…but men also value power (and benefits of power) even indirectly associated to them. Sharing these status symbols is his way of proving your awesomeness to his buddies in a way they value. She is not about my money she works hard for own money.

4. He talks about your latest fight.

He could just be blowing off steam, but chances are when he discloses major details about your fight he is looking for support from his friends or, at the least, to see whether or not this is a common fight his buddies are experiencing, as well.

5. He talks about your family.

If your dad is standoffish or your mother is vocal about hating that beard he is growing, he’s probably discussing it with his friends. Men often use their friends as a gauge for how they should handle a situation. Additionally, he may feel the need to let off some steam about those close to you instead of telling you for fear of hurting your feelings or, worse yet, fear that you will try to patch things over with your parents by relaying his disclosure. They may not appreciate it creating unnecessary rifts between everyone concerned. No guy want to that, if he know his woman is all about family. So friends become a sounding board.  

6. He talks about your future.

This is simple…whether you’ve began discussing expanding your family, buying a house, or moving, your man is discussing what all of this means to him, to his friends. things like,She turned my place into a feng shui house  the first time she spend a day over. she is so very organized. News flash men really admire women who can organize  their lives with out fussing at him. Like like Nike she just does it. No man sees that as a  "Not Good thing."  

7. He tells them you’re the one!

What a bummer, you won’t actually be there to hear it…but if you are new to a relationship, chances are his friends will be the ones to hear firsthand as he begins to recognize that you are "the one" he needs his grandmother’s ring for. It may be stated outright or in subtle ways, but it’s there.

Your Partner Suddenly Starts to Disengage. Why?

Many couple start out like rabbits they can't keep their hands or lips off of each other. this might continue for a while, even years,  Then suddenly something changes. and a disconnect start to take place. You and your partner are no longer happy together and you find that one of you even started disengaging completely. Not even partially but a total disconnect. What happen here? Who (outside source) is causing this to happen?  

Why Your Partner Suddenly Starts to Disengage?
Is your partner giving you the cold shoulder? Have they stopped returning your calls and texts and ignore you for no apparent reason? Have they refused, despite your obvious problems, to discuss the problem  with you, leaving you desperately seeking relationship advice wherever you turn? Are you wondering what you have done to deserve this unfair treatment and what you can do to make it stop? If all this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. The pattern of behavior displayed by your soon-to-be-ex is called relationship disengagement, and it hurts worse than cheating ever could.

WHAT IS IT..... that is causing it? 
Relationship disengagement is exactly what it sounds like: your partner literally stops engaging in your relationship. They stop acknowledging your importance in their lives and let you know, in a very passive-aggressive manner, that you are no longer important in theirs. Relationship disengagement occurs on cognitive, behavioral and emotional levels. As the couple gets further into the process of disengagement, it gets harder and harder to recapture what the relationship was like before, until it ultimately becomes impossible, and you have no choice but to move on.

WHY IT HURTS so very much? 
It’s incredibly painful when someone we feel we have a connection with has no problem letting that connection go without our consent or even our knowledge, leaving us to grapple with the emotional aftermath. From a psychological standpoint, being on the receiving end of relationship disengagement is very demoralizing. Since we have no concrete event to point to and say “This is why we broke up,” we are left thinking there must be something wrong with us.
When your partner suddenly disassociates from the life you have created together, you are sent into a tailspin. Not only have they betrayed your trust, but they have torn apart the world you knew. Though kind words from others are encouraging, no amount of relationship advice can help you adjust to your new normal without your partner.

WHAT YOU CAN DO to fix it
Most couples who come in present some type of relationship disengagement. The fact that the couple is attending relationship therapy together means there is still a chance for them to revitalize their relationship.
Unfortunately, if you are interested in preserving the relationship and your partner isn’t, relationship counseling is not likely to help. If you have experienced relationship disengagement, going to relationship therapy on your own can help you to work out your own issues so you can move on healthfully and hopefully not find yourself in the same position again.


To best deal with what is happening to you and your relationship  you have to confront the truths
the following are a few truths to think about:
 .
1- I am who I am, and that is all that I am. 

This is NOT really true your behavior is more than what you are and  you are not always  yourself in moments of crisis. YOU contain powerful, dynamic, and complex parts. Your personality has different parts, some of which are painful and destructive at times, like anger and resentment; others are good and generous like gratitude, compassion, and love. Sometimes your body reacts with anger, sometimes with love. When you are unaware of these elements of your personality they can control you. When you are self-aware you can choose not to be the victim of emotions that are destructive and painful, instead you can choose emotions that are healthy and constructive. When you are angry, choose to deal with the situation with patience. This is hard to do but how easy it is to live in isolation, as you partner disengages  caused by destructive anger? 

2- I have no time to work on our problems

This is a REALLY  poor excuse, a  lie you tell yourself to get rid of your responsibilities. You always have time for your health and wellness as you should have time for partner and your relationship needs to be maintained. You should  have time to get your body in shape and eat healthy. You have to want it enough to make yourself a priority and you have to make your partner a priority too. Six months from now you will be much better, or sad you did not start when you should have. Make it your goal and hit the gym, work out at home, or bicycle with your partner  when you both want to get in some exercise in the evening . You have time, so make time for quality time together!

3- It’s not my fault, I’m a victim
You are not a victim of his disengagement no more than your partner is a victim of the neglect. No one but you is responsible for how you feel and react to things. You are responsible for the your own actions. It’s easy to blame others for your feelings and overlook your responsibilities in relationships.  Learn to accept your faults, it will enhance your credibility and help build stronger relationships. It’s up to you whether you want to be the victim of circumstances or the master of them. laying back and letting things fall apart will never get it done!

4- stop lying to yourself. 

 Many very well educated career women keep Telling themselves:

- I am who I am. and what I am is enough to satisfy any good man. 

- I have no time to do the things my mother did..... guess what you mother made your father happy with the little things she did...not the big salary she brought home.

- It’s not my fault, I’m a victim ( I never should have trusted him) So you assume that you have no blame in the  choices you made. 

so your  partner suddenly Starts to Disengage! I wonders Why? the answers are not simple ones but they are not that complicated either. You just have to use the KISS  principle....  Keep It Simply Sexy!

BTW this is what's causing the greatest Disengagement.

EVT.. don't talk about things you can't deliver on! .

Expectancy violations theory or EVT, is a theory of communication that analyzes how individuals respond to unanticipated violations of social norms and expectations. The theory was later changed to its current name when other researchers began to focus on violations of social behavior expectations beyond nonverbal communication
This theory sees communication as an exchange of behaviors, where one individual's behavior can be used to violate the expectations of another. Participants in communication will perceive the exchange either positively or negatively, depending upon the level of liking between the two people.
This theory sees communication as an exchange of behaviors, where one individual's behavior can be used to violate the expectations of another. Participants in communication will perceive the exchange either positively or negatively, depending upon the level of liking between the two people. Expectancies are primarily based upon social norms and specific characteristics and idiosyncrasies of the communicators. Here is what happens when you tell a female you will take her on a vacation... her mind goes to that picture she saw in the travel magazine....make sure you are clear in your mind what you are setting yourself up for.

I hope he likes what's under this towel 

So what  happens when you are about to spend your first time in bed with her... things that we men may also be having thoughts about...... but slightly different way than her 20 Things she Thinks About Before  Sleeping With a New man,.and while wrinkling the sheets!
That first time in a new person’s bed is always filled with a mixture of excitement and intimidation. It doesn’t take relationship therapy to figure out what’s going through a woman’s head. Below, find twenty thoughts a woman has before sleeping with someone new for the first time.

1. What if he doesn’t like the way I look?
Guess what he is thinking at this point... DO NOT think about how she  will look in the morning. 
2. Did I pick the right underwear? Does it make me look too easy? Why isn’t there relationship advice about how to pick underwear for the first time together?
Guess what he is thinking at this point.... I need you to be naked right now! Nix the strip tease!
3. I hope he’s not too small. Or too big.
Guess what he is thinking at this point.... I hope size does not matter to her.
4.Wow, that’s not what I was expecting.
Guess what he is thinking at this point....that look of surprise on her face right now can be a good thing!
5. Did I remember to shave? Does he like his women shaved? How much should I have shaved?

Where are you hiding that phone?

Guess what he is thinking at this point....wow this is a nice surprise! I could not have requested and be granted  exactly what I wanted, there is a God, that grants wishes. bingo!
6. I need relationship therapy. I’m too easy. Or not easy enough. I didn’t wait long enough. I waited too long.
Guess what he is thinking at this point.... Damn we are finally here. where my "perfect man on the spot pill". 
7. Was that my phone? Should I answer it? Why am I even thinking about my phone right now?
Guess what he is thinking at this point....what TF was that......a ring tone? 
8. Please don’t let me take too long to come. Please, please don’t let me take too long to come.
Guess what he is thinking at this point.... Ooh she is thinking please don't come too soon dude!
9. Would you just hurry up already? I’ve given up on the orgasm. I just want to be done so we can move on.
Guess what he is thinking at this point.... got make her to remember our first time together with positive memories!
10. Nope, that’s not the spot. Not that one, either. Try again–oh, yeah, right there!!!!
Guess what he is thinking at this point.... got you right where I want you.. you didn't expect that ...did you? Just call me Mandingo!
11. I wonder if he’ll like the same stuff my last boyfriend did.
Guess what he is thinking at this point....she has done this oral before.... I wonder with with who and who else??? 
12. Wow, where did he learn that move?
Guess what he is thinking at this point.... playbook page number 50. titled "You got to  Rock her world!"
13. What am I supposed to do with his balls, again? How much pressure will he like? I don’t want to hurt him, but he’s acting like he wants more…
Guess what he is thinking at this point.... hmm! she is comfortable handling the jewels..with ease! She is a keeper!

Curves and flat a stomach, heaven!

14. Do I look like the other women he’s been with? Do I look right?
Guess what he is thinking at this point.... she is nothing like the Gold digging B!tch  I was with last!
15. Does he think I’m fat? I bet I’m bigger than his other girlfriends. What if he thinks I’m fat?
Guess what he is thinking at this point.... I love her curves, just right. Pillow comfort.....
16. Is he coming already? It’s not fair that guys can come so much easier.
Guess what he is thinking at this point....oooh Damn missed timed her. I was sure she was ready to pop!
17. He just asked me if I came. What am I supposed to say to that? Is he going to be offended if I say no? I can’t say no. Yes. Yes, I came.
Guess what he is thinking at this point....OK she faked it, SORRY no round two when you fake it. Let's just go to sleep!
18. How am I supposed to get off of this bed without dripping everywhere? There’s got to be a better way to do this.

We will remember this vacation!

Guess what he is thinking at this point....I should be a gentleman.....go get her a wet wash rag and towel!
19. I wish I had done my favorite move. He probably would have liked my favorite move.
Guess what he is thinking at this point....So why didn't  I insist she get on top? If I was not hitting her spot, maybe she could have guided Johnny just  right with her being on top. 
20. Where are we going from here? Is he going to forget all about me, now? Should I go?
Guess what he is thinking at this point....thank goodness we are on vacation we can get it right in the next few days. 
That first time in a new person’s bed is enough to make anyone feel as though they need relationship counseling. Thankfully, relationship counseling isn’t necessary, when you are way from home together. It gets easier the more often you have sex with a new person–and that means that you can relax and enjoy it more each time.

Giving Him Something He Can Feel~ En Vogue~

What I would not do to make this Love affair go smooth.

It’s heavy on my mind

The love we made

See I being struggling with this a long time, day after day

The fact that I love you but sometimes I just want to be through with you

Chorus I

Baby you the sun that, chases all the rain away

And, baby you’re the gray cloud that, darken a perfect day

Chorus II

What I wouldn’t do to make this thing go smooth (repeat)

Baby, baby when I look in your eyes, I see

That you are afraid, to give your heart, completely

I know that you love me but sometimes I just can’t get through, to you

You say I’m the one who put the smile on your face

But know, I can be the one, that take it all away

Chorus II

What I wouldn’t do to make this thing go smooth (repeat)

Could it be we miss the love songs the radio don’t play

That makes us give up so easy, and throw it all away

Nobody talks about love anymore

Everybody to busy getting paid

Oh, Oh, Oh

Chorus I

Baby you the sun that chases all the rain away

And baby you’re the gray cloud that darken a perfect day

Chorus II

What I wouldn’t do to make this thing go smooth (repeat)

Oh, I think we miss the love songs the radio don’t play

And trying to give up to easy and throw it all away

Nobody talks about love but everybody getting paid

What I wouldn’t do

This song made me  think about so many things that made me wonder if  Men like me will remain single until we get old..  
Why? Well we have the following issues we have to deal with....I call them my  top 7 situations.

1.  We keep meeting women who put us  in the wrong category by writing us off too quickly as not being "their type".
2.  We keep meeting women with unrealistic expectations for what they want in a man.
3.  We're not wanted because we're not needed. Too many women have told men  that they don't "need" a man.-We  keep failing women's Girlfriend Approval Test. If the woman's friends don't like us, then that woman won't give us a chance either.
4. We nobody until somebody else loves us. Not enough women see us as a prize unless they see a lot of other women chasing after us first.
5. We're the right man at the wrong time/ wrong place/ wrong age.
6. We meet too many women who don't recognize a good man when they see one.
7. We don't promote all the great things about ourselves boldly or consistently enough to enough women.

You can't just fake it until you make it!

cloudiness and fogginess lingering for months maybe even years

You may have moved past your issues on the surface, but if they're not truly resolved, then they'll continue to have a negative impact on your life!
Many folks have been through some stuff that leave  lingering scars.... not yet healed... 

I figure environment is probably part of the cause of the lingering cloudiness and fogginess. You may need a change of scenery Try experiencing that  feeling of looking at Love that ended..... from a distance, instead of  experiencing the loss over and over in the same surroundings  this is  doing more harm than you think. 
Here is something I read sometime ago.
Now she's  come to look at love in a new way, now that she  knows she's not standing in it's light anymore. She  want to ask her  no-longer husband why didn't he  love her enough to stay committed to her. But he naturally does not want to talk about it, he wants a stillness at the end of it, and sometimes she  feels as if, it was never real, he never loved her. She's  not here-to stand in his year in plain sight, and not in-love's sight, she  feels an invisibility like a neutron in a cloud chamber buried in a mile-long accelerator, where what cannot be seen is inferred by what the visible does. After the alarm goes off, she  stroked his ego, she feels  like a backup singer who sangs along side  him, as if it is his flesh that's singing, in its full range, tenor of the higher vertebrae,baritone, bass, contra-bass. She want to say to him, now, What was it like, to love me-when you looked at me,what did you see? 

Hmmm! that was a bit deep, I guess.... 

she has grown used to a man hold her up and balancing her,
when he no longer does she falls into a  funk!

I decided to put together a  list of five of the most common insecurities found in women after a failed relationship. What is fascinating is that each of the most common insecurities deals mostly with appearance or implications of appearance on current and future relationships.

• Sexual Desirability – Women want to be sexually attractive and are so driven by this need they find themselves constantly measuring their own desirability against that of other  they view as competition.

• Weight – this is a huge issue for women. They want to be skinnier no matter how beautiful they are and are constantly seeking out the latest dieting or exercise techniques to stay on top of their game, or regain their game.

• Career – Insecurities within the workplace are common as women strive to climb the corporate ladder, competing with their male and female co-workers, they have slightly different view of their female bosses those are just bitches they hate..

• Intellectual Life – Women tend to be very concerned about their perceived understanding of intellects such as social philosophy, math, science, or physics. This can lead to being even more isolation... a woman who believes she is getting a late start  feels that everyone will always be ahead of her.  

• Friends – Women can sometimes be insecure when it comes to their friends. Often they judge themselves based on the income level or appearance of those they are closest to, some of these friends are married)... OK they just envy these friends. In new relationships, sometimes women can be insecure of what their new partner might think about their friends or whether they will be attracted to them. 

One day, after you heal,  this song will sound good to you again as you will feel it in your core.

John Legend - You & I Nobody In The World) 

Things Confident Women Do Differently

We Men who put women on our shoulders......  know that elevating her.... lifts her in the areas that matter most ( mentally). For all the Never(s) in her  life, she now feel like someone "got her" and prevents her from failing!

When empowering questions become second nature, you have no choice but to find confidence-inducing answers.
We all know these women — the ones who stride with an air of grace into a room. They’re not always the thinnest, prettiest, or even book  smartest. They’re not arrogant. They’re the ones who make you want to be around them.
a female friend of mind told me: "Growing up, all I seemed to do was make people run the other direction. My fears, neuroses, and quirks kept me hating myself. They also threw me into bouts of depression, eating disorders, and codependency."
"Why can’t I be thinner? Prettier? Smarter? I continually asked. Then I changed the questions: What creates this aura, this vibe of confidence? What do these women do that I don’t?'



After looking over her questions carefully  and having some  discussions,  I realized these five things are what confident women do differently than women who lack confidence.
These should  become your  must-do’s for confidence Ladies:
Confident women..
1. They live their purpose.
Your purpose is to be authentically you. No more, no less. When you applaud your fears, neuroses, and quirks, suddenly these qualities become your assets.

Insecure about your body? So are millions of other women — embrace your goods and teach others to embrace theirs! Shameful of your intelligence? Forget the degrees and do what makes you feel like a genius! When you’re living your truth, you’re unstoppable.

2. They practice their unique ___ (Fill in: calming, uplifting, etc.) ritual.

Some of the greatest thinkers, artists, speakers, lawyers, and performers of our time have a pre-performance ritual that gets them revved up for show time. While a unique ritual is about doing, it's also about feeling. A ritual creates the feeling you desire before you actually get to the doing.

For example, if you want to have rocking confidence before a date, You should  strut around you home in high heels. If you want to feel calm, you should focus on  exhale breathing, We all have rituals that calm our nerves, that gets us in the game, or prepare our mindset for focused action. Know yourself and what you need to get  you in the zone.

3. Spend (and love) time alone.

A drop in confidence can come when plans aren’t made or fall through and you’re left with time alone. How empowering is it when this time comes as a gift?

There's nothing that revives your confidence more than time alone. Wait, let me clarify: time alone that you occupy with self-love. If you spend  alone time wallowing in misery, You perpetuate your insecurities. When You shower yourself with love, in the form of a bubble bath, rest, or yoga, I realign with my core values.


Know what you need to make this precious time with yourself the best time. There is nothing sexier than a woman who ADORES her own company.

4. Take nothing (or very little) personally.

Do you know any confident woman who takes everything personally? Those with true confidence know that any perceived ego blow is more a reflection of the speaker than of them.

When you’re able to hear criticism and not take it personally, your reactions change. You’re able to feel compassion and love for all, regardless of how they treated you. Life isn’t as much of a drama. Confidence emerges naturally with life-love.

5. Ask empowering questions.

Women are constantly making evaluations for what things mean and what they should do. Such neural associations are initiated by questions. Simply, the more empowering questions you ask yourselves, the more confident you will become.

If you ask dis-empowering questions like, “Why does this always happen to me?” your mind will come up with an answer. In contrast, ask, “What am I happy about now? What could I be happy about if I wanted to?” Or if there is a problem, ask, “What is great about this problem? What can I feel grateful for?” Then you can shift into the confidence required to solve it.