The Brutally honest truth ....part Two.

You mesh well together
when you are in love!

The Brutally Honest Difference Between Loving Someone And Being In Love.

Loving Is a Rush (it's conditional),Being In Love Has Many Emotions: There are many highs and lows with being in love. The problem is they do not balance each other in a way that makes you feel good all the time. The love can last for a while, but the second there is a problem, it could all go away. It’s like a rollercoaster ( that strange feeling in the pit of your stomach) but the problem is that the ride eventually ends. But if you are in love with someone, no matter what happens in the relationship, you never feel like things are crashing and burning. The reason is you know that you and your partner will find a way to figure things out because you both are in love with each...... you for me, and me for you!

Loving Means How The Person Makes You Feel ( conditional), Being In Love Means How You Make Them Feel (unconditional). This is one common mistake people often make when it comes to love. When someone is asked, “Why do you love this person?” They often respond with “I like how they make me feel.” That answer is fine, but it doesn’t mean you are in love with the person, it just means you love them, as long as the conditions continue to make you feel the way you want them to feel. If you are more concerned about how you make your partner feel, then it is true love, you are willing to change the conditions to make them feel the way you want then to feel. You could say that true love means being unselfish and putting your partner before yourself.



Loving Often Means Ownership, Being In Love Is A Partnership: When you love someone, you want the whole world to know that they are yours, so you label them and make them your property (my lover, my wife, my boo) You constantly need them to tell you that they are your girlfriend/boyfriend, and you also need them to constantly tell you that they are yours. When you are in love, labels such as boyfriend and girlfriend do not matter. Both of you do acknowledge that you are an item, but you both do agree that you are your own person.


Loving Is An Uphill Battle, Being In Love Is Simply Effortless: Often, you will hear someone complain about their relationship. They will say things like “it shouldn’t be this hard,” and there is some truth to that. Naturally, if you really are in love with someone, things shouldn’t be difficult. You shouldn’t have to work overtime to get the spark back or try to stop fighting, these things should never be a problem. I’m not saying that being in love with someone will all be roses and rainbows in the sky, but I am saying that the love aspect should never take work. Also, after a rocky month or two, you will still be in love with the person if it is real. Your feelings will have changed, but for the better, because you will feel even closer to your partner.

My son once told me: "I can't picture myself with someone else...."
Today he is happier with someone else...
I would   say... I knew he  temporarily loved, her and others. However that period of his life is behind him... and  his current lady... is who he sees a future with.

The Brutally honest truth ....part One.

There is a REAL difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. Let's not be fooled there is a difference.

Love is a beautiful and wonderful feeling.  It can be the most indescribable and deep emotion that anyone can feel. Despite everyone being able to feel this emotion, there are many that cannot tell the difference between ‘loving someone’ and ‘being in love with someone.’

It’s very common to believe that they are both the same, the passion may feel the same, but what is different is the intentions. So if you are searching for that warm, bubbly feeling, you need to recognize the difference between the two.

With that said, below are some examples that illustrate the difference between loving someone and being in love with them.

You ChOOSE to Love Someone, Being In Love Isn’t A Choice: You have all the power when it comes to loving someone. You make a decision based on their personality and you choose to trust their abilities and morals. If things do not work out, then you also have the power to stop loving them and release them from your life. The same cannot be said if you fall in love with someone. It can happen at any time, there will be no warning, and it’s something you cannot walk away from. Even if you manage to walk away, that feeling will stick with you forever, that is how you know that you’re in love with the person.


Love Means Wanting the Best relationship, being In Love means putting them First: When you love someone, you will always want the best for them. But does this mean that you are willing to make sacrifices to help them reach their goals? If you are in love with someone, that question doesn’t even cross your mind because you would never have any doubts about it. You would put the person first and do everything in your power to make sure they succeed. But it can also relate to making the person’s life easier. You will do things that would take some stress off the person, like taking more shifts walking the dog (5 miles) or cooking dinner more often.i.e. men in love cook for you. But a man who just love you expect you to cook for 99% of the time.


Love Can End (it often does), Being In Love Cannot because it is unconditional : plain old everyday Love  ( is conditional) does not last forever and can end at any moment. According to statistics, almost 50 percent of married couples in the United States end up divorcing each other at some point. That just proves my point that love on its own can end. Once the honeymoon phase in a relationship is over, that is when things get tough.i.e the conditions start changing  Arguments ensue, differences begin to rise, but if the couple is in love with each other, they will get past these differences. The reason is that you cannot picture a life without each other.


Loving A Person Means almost Always Needing Them, Being In Love Means Having A Balance: Always wanting someone around isn’t a B.A.D. thing, it just means you love them and enjoy their company. But when you are in love with someone, you would like to have them around as much as possible, but you do realize that there needs to be a happy balance between you and their personal time. You want them to be happy, so you understand that the balance is necessary. Whether it is giving them time to enjoy their hobbies, or even go out with friends (and not feel insecure about them being away from you), you know at the end of the day they are coming home to you, and that translates to being in love. No matter the language!

This is the season to be jolly and frisky!

I'm going to get ripped, and lucky.

Sex Is Different When You're Drunk Or High, for men and women.


You've probably experienced it at least once in your life, one glass too many and you are ready to get your freak on.


Sex can be very different when you're drunk or high. You probably know this already, which is why you must have leaned on liquid courage or a substance of your choosing to calm your nerves at a party. According to studies, people tend to feel sexier when they're drunk or high and end up taking this sexy version of themselves to bed as well.

Studies conducted by New York University and Johns Hopkins University delved deep into how sex is affected when one has copious amounts of alcohol or weed in their system and the results are stunning: Those who smoke weed tend to have longer and more sex while those on alcohol are adventurous in bed. The studies also noted that sex is impacted by substances and in several different ways. Here's how:

1. Alcohol makes you more agressive in bed


A participant said that men tend to be more domineering than they usually are after a few drinks. However, this behaviour changes if they've smoked weed. Women found this to be the main difference in their male partners. The participant said, "When there's drinking involved, guys seem to get more belligerent and crazy, and get this weird aggressive energy."

2. Women feel adventurous while men feel bold on alcohol

This is the main difference between men and women with alcohol in their system. Both sexes are usually down for anything but women feel adventuruous to try anything while men said that they felt confident in bed. One male participant said, "It feels like you get a lot more primal on alcohol." He also added that he feels confident enough to get whatever he sets his eyes on.

3. People are hornier on alcohol

This isn't always the case with weed. Whenever alcohol gets in the mix, its safe to assume that some sexy time is in the offing. That's because sex overtakes every other urge when one has had s few drinks. In contrast, people are up for a whole range of activities if they've smoked a joint.

4. People find others more attractive when they're high

Sounds bizarre, I know. However, those who smoked weed tended to acquire "weed goggles" and sleep with partners they usually wouldn't. According to participants, their vision is fuzzier when they're on weed and actually tend to believe that their partner is attractive, a trait they wouldn't attach to the person when they're sober.

5. You end up having more sex when you're high

If you're drunk and have a sexual episode, chances are that you may not want to do it again. However, this urge changes if there's weed involved. Male and female participants said they felt the need to have more than one sexual episode after a few joints.

6. Men regret the women they pursued while drunk

Men differ from women on this point. They wake the next morning with feelings of regret about the women they bedded. One 20-year-old male participant said, "Oh, so much regret for alcohol. Sometimes I hook up with girls I wouldn't normally have while sober."

7. Women on the other hand experience shame

We don't know what causes this but women have a deep sense of shame about having a random hookup. Some of them feel shameful about sleeping with a man they wouldn't if they were sober.

Hey never keep a horny woman waiting,
meet me at my place pronto!

While all the above studies give us excuses for our regretable, and sometimes pleasurable moments. The facts are what they are. Humans have urges that we need to satisfy, we can use getting high as an excuse to satisfy our needs or wonder how many wonderful moments we could have had, in the back seat of the car in the parking garage, followed by multiple sessions between the sheets, in the shower, on the rug infront of the fire place..
let's just refer to it as Bundle sex.

He might be totally attentive if he is feeling you.

 Signs that prove the man really Loves You

He is beyond happy when he sees you.

No matter if he had a bad day at work or he had fight with a family member. He always smiles when he sees you and feels very happy in your presence. You light up his world and you should appreciate this.

He listens to you.

Women are considered to be very boring with their girlish problems and meaningless conversations. Even so, he will always listen to your complaints and imaginary problems. He listens to what you have to say and wants to know every tiny detail that is important to you. ( grimacing)

He respects you to the max

He respects the words that come out of your mouth. No matter if it’s very important or totally meaningless, he will appreciate your thoughts. Most of the time.

He doesn’t mind when you take up much space in bed

Even though you are so much smaller than him, you can take the biggest part of the bed. However, he will peacefully watch you sleep without saying a word. Well this is just logical he can't fall a sleep.

He is helpful

He is the one that will always be willing to help you no matter what you are doing.

Dates matter to him too

You are not the only one in the relationship who knows all the important, big dates for you two. He recalls them  often and feels happy every time you two talk about them.

He finds ways to surprises you

He learnt of the little things that make you happy, and gladly uses them to surprise you. It doesn’t have to be an expensive jewelry. This man knows how to surprise you because he is all into you.

He is a Support source

He supports  the things you want to do, most things you enjoy doing and he tries to be in your companion. Even if something looks silly to him, he will support you.

He is romantic

And by romantic, I don’t mean only making love. He wants to take you out for a lovely dinner or buy you beautiful flowers.

He is proud to have you

Even when you achieve something very small he feels so proud of you. He always tells other for the achievements of his girlfriend.

He is nothing less, but your Man

Knowledge is power!

You both have each other and that what it matters. Nothing and no one will ever offend you in his presence. He will always be your biggest defender.

The simple formula for a successful union!

Respect and compromise are two sides of the same coin. And honor is the edge side.

Its About committed relationships, understandings. A few years ago I started writing down my thoughts... and I published most of them in  blog post... people in SXM stared referring to me as "the love Doctor"
I'm not sure if I deserve that honorable title, but I'll take it.
When I read things from time to time I  share them, combining them with my B.A D version.
A young couple, who are good friends with my sons are getting married next weekend..this got me thinking as I was invited to the wedding but can't get back in time to attend their special day. Here are  a  few quotes that made me write this one, while thinking about them.

- "A willingness to share power and to respect the other person's view is a prerequisite of compromising."

- "emotionally intelligent husbands have figured out the one big thing: how to convey honor and respect!"

Has there ever been a time in your life where you didn't want to understand someone else's point of view because you were so convinced that you were right, and that your perspective was the only one that mattered? You may have been aware that you were thinking this way, or you may have been thinking this way unintentionally. Either way, this type of thinking and attitude has no place in a happy and successful marriage. Here is why: "If your ears are closed to your spouse's needs, opinions, and values, compromise just doesn't have a chance.

Isn't that what marriage should be about? Compromising? Maybe that's not all that marriage is about, but compromise is a huge part of a marital relationship. When you get married, there isn’t just you to think about anymore! You have someone who you love, and who loves you, to think about and to care about. I know that personally, I have a hard time compromising on things that I really want, or things that I think are more important than what my now ex wanted This way of thinking can be detrimental to a marriage, or any relationship really. But, I know that as you work on being more compassionate, understanding, and selfless, compromise becomes easier and your relationship becomes stronger. You start to understand the other person better, and understanding them better leads to even more compassion, understanding, and selflessness. It's a happy circle!  "We can see our spouses with compassion rather than with irritation." This won't come right away; it will take time, sometimes way longer than necessary, but it is possible.

In John Gottman's book titled The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work, he shares a story about a man who was planning on buying a car. The seller is telling him all these great things about the car, and is appalled when he learns that the man wants to consult his wife. He says, "You let your wife tell you what to do about cars?" The man ends up consulting his wife, who wants him to take the car to a mechanic to get it looked at before they purchase it. There was something wrong with the car, and because he consulted and listened to his wife, they avoided extra repair costs.  H. W. Goddard said, “We must set aside our provincial view of the world (and of our spouses), and be open to our partner’s perspective.” The husband in the story above really wanted the car, but instead of purchasing it and thinking of only himself, he listened to his wife’s influence and took her perspective into consideration, and saved them both extra time and money. Not all situations will be like this one in marriage, but many situations will require compromise, thought, and consideration of your spouse.

So, how does one prepare to compromise? “A willingness to share power and to respect the other person’s view is a prerequisite of compromising.” (Gottman, 1999) I won’t specify gender, but many times, one spouse believes that if they have rule over their household, they ultimately have rule over their spouse as well. While this may work for some couples, it often doesn’t.

John Gottman said, “Some men claim that religious conviction requires them to be in control of their marriages and, by extension, their wives. But there’s no religion I know of that says a man should be a bully.” I would like you to think of this quote as gender neutral. No one in a marriage should ever be a bully. “a marriage can’t work unless both partners honor & respect each other, and their offspring.

You look like both your mom and I.

Their issues are hard to deal with.

LOW self-esteem people are bad at communicating

Stop talking, let's just KISS

People with low self-esteem tend to be terrible communicators. They won’t come out and say what they want to say. You will have a very hard time getting constructive comments, from them..
Very often it becomes a up hill battle  to get to that happy place in a relationship if the other person has issues, they have not resolved... but they expect you to just understand..., without an explanation, that their long time issues were caused by many factors. Mom did not make them feel special, daddy was never present. Old boyfriends were not kind or caring. Ex husband was a drug dealer...And the list goes on.
How do you deal with it without having the proper training? Simple answer: You don't try to fix what you can not.... because you can make matters worse for the person who sees themselves as a victim in ever scenario.

Every door, to a person's persona  has a unique key. You can't  unlock their issues if you don't have the right key.... You may think you can pick the lock but. ... you may find out that what's behind the lack of self-confidence is not something you are ready/capible of handling.
The many issues are more that you can relate to.
If you are determined to try... then good luck! You are going to need more than luck.


Here is Why Some Can’t Have Love With Low Self-Esteem

Maybe you are trying too hard
To show me you love me!

You can’t even recognize real love

You don’t even really appreciate a great partner because you’re so unhappy on the inside. You may not even praise or thank your partner very often, because you can’t even feel their love.
You are not fully aware of what's happing, but if your partner has a sixth sense they might get you to talk, every now and then, about what's troubling you.
It not easy.....but if your partner likes a challenge this one is definitely a"Whopper"

Now I don't want to make it sound like I would run from these types of females .... Actually my experiences of trying to help has not always helped .... actually in some cases may have made things worse for them after the breakup!

Being a member of the Holiday lonely club..... can be unsettling , for some members.

By closing my eyes I will not
 see that I'm alone!

These are the times when games are played by those who seem to, think, they have the advantages of being in multiple relationships. But they are messing with  peoples lives.The msg is always crystal clear to the others who are #2 or higher on the bench.waiting their turn. You may not even be on the priority chart( actually lowest in interest chart). Please note that #1 has the upper hand  unless she messup (in his mind) and start challenging the status quo, and wanting to be the only one ( she might get dropped in the pririoty order) these folks  will not have most of the benefits ( alloted time) during the Holidays.. #2 and higher priority numbers can look forward to time after New year day, but will have to sacrifice all the Christmas holidays from thanksgiving through New years eve
So how does it feel, knowing that the cheers are never toasted

That special
Moment!

Cheers to your happiness
In the New Year.

by you or to you during those moments next to the Christmas  tree...the fireworks show ,at the stroke of midnight kissing under the moesletoe. all this will be enjoyed by others... mainly couples in exclusive relationships. But all is not lost you might get a text notice on "January one"... when a quick FB text or mini voice msg  flows through. ... the sound of your booh's voice brings that instant exciting feeling right back  again
... hmmm...... until the next major holiday rolls around like Valentine's day and Easter. Some of you ladies might start singing the old song " you are going to make me Love somebody else if you don't stop treating me the way you do!"

If this sound synical or worst to you then please don't feel as if I judging others because I'm not. I actually I went through some very similar situations during a phase in my earlier life... my smooth "I will make it up to you" after the fact comments always seem to work... and I was able to keep the relationships going for a little... but I hurt someone I did care about deeply. So I was not always very happy with my selfish behavior... of stringing young vulnerable women along just to feed my over inflated ego.   I'm not writing this about my B.A.D. behaviors... this is about the 1 guy in multiple relationships with a few ladies. Many women are being short changed of their happiness. If the shortage of good men is causing you to settle for being #2 or worse yet #3 or higher then you have some soul search to do in the New Year.
Best of  luck to you!
I HOPE the following  lyrics are not your experience.

Even sending him a pic of this outfit didn't work
Seriously? 

TAMAR BRAXTON

If I Don't Have You Lyrics



Sitting in the dark
Off in my room
Thinking of you
I'm at the brink of me breaking' down
Cause all these thoughts of me and you apart
Won't leave my head right now
Baby, baby call me crazy
Cause I know without I won't be no good
When the latch on my heart comes unhooked

You should know
If I don't have you
Rocks me to the core
I can't love no more
If I don't have you
Know I'm done for sure
Nobody worth fighting for
I'm tear done these walls
That's on my life
I lost my mind if I don't have you

Looking at my phone
but you aint even call
I put it in the draw
Cause I wanna be right next to you
If you wanna talk
Baby come on through
Before it's all done
Tell me I'm your only one

Baby, baby call me crazy
Cause I know without I won't be no good

When the latch on my heart comes unhooked

You should know
If I don't have you
Rocks me to the core
I can't love no more
If I don't have you
Know I'm done for sure
Nobody worth fighting for
I'm tear down these walls

That's on my life

I'll lost my mind if I don't have you
If I don't have you

So wait till it starts things over
Can't seem to get it together
We're trying, we try
But we won't look wrong
Dead end, their eyes
try to make it right
Cause I don't wanna fight
Cant see myself without in my mind

Please don't say you're done with me
Cause you're my baby
Baby
You should know
If I don't have you
Rocks me to the core
I can't love no more
If I don't have you baby
Know I'm done for sure
Nobody work fighting for

I'm tears down these walls
That's on my life
I'll lost my mind if I dont
If I don't have you
Rocks me to the core
I can't love no more
If I don't have you baby
Know I'm done for sure
Nobody worth fighting for
I'm tear down these walls
That's on my life
I'll lose my mind if I don't have you