Many would rather text than talk

Scientists Explain A Few Ways Technology Can Hurt Your Relationship

If you want to see me, I'll send you picture

“We are allowing technology to kill our relationships because we tend to give our phone more attention than we do our partner.” – Unknown

The above quote pretty much sums up this post in a nutshell – technology has taken over our lives, and not in a good way. Sure, technology has its benefits, giving rise to advancements in medicine and machinery, but it doesn’t do much good for humanity when it comes to smartphones. We have become utterly addicted to our mobile devices, and you don’t need any studies to prove this statement. Just look around you – you’ll likely see most people glued to their phone no matter where you go.

When it comes to relationships, this addiction has disastrous consequences. In the U.S., the average smartphone user spends 2 hours and 37 minutes on his phone per day, according to research from Statista. In Brazil, the average is nearly 5 hours! What does this mean?Basically, our phones have become a permanent extension of our hands, and we don’t pay much attention to the actual world around us. We have substituted virtual reality for reality, and it turns out that switching back and forth between the two worlds doesn’t come so easily.

Many people report that their relationships have suffered due to overuse of technology, and this doesn’t really come as a surprise when people seem to spend every second of free time on their phones.

Finally a response!

IT TAKES YOU AWAY FROM THE PRESENT MOMENT

How many times have you been engaged in a conversation with your partner, only to see them pull out their smartphone in the middle of it? They probably don’t do this on purpose, but it can make you think that your conversation isn’t as important as whatever they’re looking at on their phone. The more this happens, the less satisfied you’re likely to be in your relationship, because your partner’s attention is divided between you and their phone. In fact, in a study published in the journal Psychology of Popular Media Culture, researchers found that 70 percent of women said that smartphones interfered with their relationship.

Eye contact and active listening are very important components of communication, both of which are compromised when smartphones come into the picture. Intimate relationships require trust and communication, and you can’t build on these when you or your partner decides to scroll through Facebook while having a conversation. It’s downright rude to stare at your phone while your partner is talking to you, because this tells them that what they have to say doesn’t matter.


TECHNOLOGY RUINS QUALITY TIME TOGETHER

Most people today don’t have a lot of free time already, but when we spend an average of 2 hours and 37 minutes on our smartphones per day, that leaves practically nothing left for real relaxation. Not to mention, the same study that found 70% of women had “technoference” in their relationships also discovered that 62% of women said technology interfered with leisure time with their partner.

The more we let technology interrupt our lives, the more our relationships will suffer. For example, when couples go out on dates now, they seem to spend more time checking their phones than talking with their partner. This creates dissatisfaction and loneliness in a relationship, and isn’t the whole point of a relationship to have someone to talk to and bond with?!

IT CREATES RESENTMENT

As I’ve already said, being on your smartphone while spending time with your partner essentially checks you out of the real world. Your attention goes to the myriad of apps and notifications on your phone, creating a distraction from your real life. It might feel nice to escape the real world for a little while, but we have taken it overboard as a society.

Final thoughts:
Think about how it feel to get a hug, and kiss on the cheek, forehead or even on the lips. Just consider doing this in person   "Before I let you go" can I get a kiss.... bye bye?

ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS!

I've compiled a few quotes I thought might make,  to the point, good sense.


“Married couples who  love each other tell each other a thousand things without talking.” ~ Chinese proverbs

A few Rules Every Marriage Should Follow:



There are plenty of theories on what creates happy relationships, and how to have a happier marriage. You don’t have to look far to find a plethora of quotes by scientists, authors and many others who have advised us on how to create our very own happily ever after.

I have gathered some of the best bits of advice around to help you live your happiest life together…


FIND THE GOOD

“A happy marriage doesn’t mean you have a perfect spouse or a perfect marriage. It simply means you’ve chosen to look beyond the imperfections in both.” ~ Fawn Weaver

It is easy to overlook the little annoyances of our partner when we’re focused on the good qualities that attracted us in the first place. Stay focused on the good.


FIND YOUR HAPPY!

“Marriage doesn’t make you happy–you make your marriage happy.” ~ Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott

Do something daily that makes you happy and your relationships will benefit. You can’t be happy in a relationship, if you aren’t happy with yourself.


FORGIVE THE IMPERFECTIONS

“A successful marriage isn’t the union of two perfect people. It’s that of two imperfect people who have learned the value of forgiveness and grace.” ~ Darlene Schacht

Forgiving is such an important ingredient in relationships. Holding on to things that make you angry keeps you in a negative space and prevent you from being your best self.


IT BEGINS WITH YOU

“Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate.” ~ Barnett R. Brickner

Trying to change your partner will only backfire so focus on your contribution. Tackle only what you can control.


MAKE YOUR MARRIAGE A PRIORITY

“Marriage is not a noun; it’s a verb. It isn’t something you get. It’s something you do. Its the way you love your partner every day.” ~ Barbara De Angelis

Stop looking at marriage as a thing and start thinking of it as part of you. Take care of it, nurture it and let it grow.


EXPRESS YOUR LOVE DAILY

“The greatest weakness of most humans is their hesitancy to tell others how much they love them while they’re still alive.” ~ Orlando Battista

Be open with your expressions of love.


SAVOR THE GOOD

“Marriage is like a fine wine, if tended properly, it just gets better with age.” ~ Unknown

Appreciating and enjoying the good in your relationship attracts more good and your relationship becomes stronger and better.


MAKE SELF-CARE A PRIORITY

“One of the greatest gifts you can give your husband is your own wholeness.” ~ Stormie Omartian

You can’t take care of your relationships if you aren’t taking care of yourself. Make it a priority.


LEARN FROM THE PAST AND DREAM OF THE FUTURE

“Marriage. It’s like a cultural hand-rail. It links folks to the past and guides them to the future.” ~ Diane Frolov

Find the lessons from the past and use them to help you shape your future.


LEARN SOMETHING NEW EVERY DAY

“A good marriage is one which allows for change and growth in the individuals and in the way they express their love.” ~ Pearl Buck

Learn to love learning. Learning is the key to growth and evolution. And growth is the key to strong relationships.


LIVE IN THE NOW

“Love like there’s no tomorrow, and if tomorrow comes, love again.” ~ Max Lucado

Stay focused on what really matters and don’t let life’s distractions keep you from living in the moment.


CELEBRATE THE BEST OF EACH OTHER

“In marriage, when we honor and celebrate each other, we’re freed up to be the best people we can be.” ~ Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott

Make every day a celebration of the good in your relationship and in each other.


BE KIND AND GENEROUS

“A good marriage is a contest of generosity.” ~ Diane Sawyer



Do something special every day. A little note, a surprise cup of coffee or simple phone call just to say hi, will go a long way to showing your partner how much you value them.


Final Note: I don't want to be free, there is no way I'm living without you!

Never under estimate what it takes to get to a man's heart!

Sometimes it's the simple things that grabs a man's attention.

Who knew that just chilling and being myself would get me noticed!

Genuine and true love is so rare that when you encounter it in any form, it’s a wonderful thing, to be utterly cherished in whatever form it takes.”
 – Gwendoline Christie

We all talk about love, (those wo have experiencedit at some point) and how we felt it at those points in time in our lives, but how exactly is love defined?

Love is about an expansion of the self whereby another person’s interests, values, social network, and finances become part of your life just as you share your resources with them. Love does not mean that you give up everything for another person. Rather, you possess sufficient trust to give them the keys to things that you can access, and grant that person equal access.

Ladies-----if you think it's special for you  to know a few things that men want a woman to do, to keep his interest ....Getting that special someone’s attention can be difficult in some cases. You want to show him that you’re everything he’s ever wanted and needed, but how? Actresses from romantic comedies have been doing it for ages, but translating that into the real world isn’t quite the same. There are some important things to remember when you’re looking to get a guy to fall in love with you. If you follow the right steps, you might   succeed. By doing the following:

BE YOURSELF.... NOT FAKE.

Clinical psychologist Merry Lin writes in her book ‘The Fully Lived Life’,Faking your way through life is believing that if you let people know the real you, they won’t like you. The tapes that play in your head (on replay) says that if people really knew what was going on inside you, they would lose respect for, and interest in you. While you play those roles, juggling those masks you have to wear and hiding your pain … the pressure increases to keep pretending you have it all together.

Therefore, none of this  connecting with someone will work if you’re pretending to be someone you’re not! You want the guy to fall in love with the real you, not someone you’re pretending to be. So, ditch your who/what ever character from the end of your favorite movie  persona and just be who you are.... it will yield you better results.

2. LOOK YOUR BEST, AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE

OK ,you might not have to go on a diet and change your hair to look your best. All you have to do is maximize your best features and make sure that you look as good as possible. Your beauty is unique, and may not need any major changes.

3. LISTEN AND TALK LESS

Having good communication skills is about more than being able to communicate effectively. It’s also about being able to actively listen.

No matter how bad things are, give a guy a chance to speak. We all tend to jump in with an opinion before we’ve heard each other out. Don’t scream, keep your cool: it makes a big difference, your tone makes a big difference. So often, things can be resolved/discussed by learning to listen.

Men can have a lot to say (surprise) and when you show that you can listen, men will be more inclined to say the things that matter.

4. LAUGHT- DO NOT GIGGLE

It’s proven that laughter is contagious. So, when you’re laughing, you’re setting off chemicals in a guy’s brain that feel good. It can be totally addictive. If you’re trying to attract a guy, laughter is the best way to draw him in and keep him wanting more.

5. HAVE A GOOD ATTITUDE

People with poor attitudes are often extremely negative and not fun to be around. Having a good attitude about things, especially when things might not be going right for you, is extremely attractive and charming. A guy is going to be drawn to your ability to stay positive, inspite of what you are going through.

Plus, by taking care of what you need to in your own life, you bring out a more positive attitude back into the relationship. The other person will start to treat you differently—without you having done anything major other than shifting to a positive energy in your own life.

6. BE SWEET NOT SOUR
Everyone has the ability to be a little mean –these days- but there’s no reason to be.... if you are attracted to someone! Turn off the part of your brain that wants to be catty and try being kind and sweet instead. Any guy will find that attractive. After all, you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.... can result in: "I'm so into you, let the feelings flow!"

Are You Dealing With A Sincere Man?

I lift you up, so that you can look me in the eye
 when I answer your questions!

“Honesty is the best policy.” – Benjamin Franklin

Ladies, do you want to know whether your Significant Other is sincere? Is that significant YES? No problem! I have some signs for you today to show that your man is a fountain of truth. I know you are champing at the bit to find out, so let me take a look and see what they are.

HE EMPOWERS YOU.

He sings your praises, both in your presence and your absence. He knows you like the back of his hand and what you are capable of, and will stop at nothing to make sure you meet your goals, whatever they may be. When a real man give a compliment, you know deep down that what he says is for real. There is no ulterior motive for what he says.

On the other hand, a man who gives you a backhanded big-up does so in order to change and/or condition you in some form or other. Examples of which could be:

– “You’re pretty for a *insert descriptive word here* girl.”

– “You’re a good driver for a woman.”

– “You finally look as good as you did when we first met!”

HE FIGHTS FAIRLY.

Too many people have to resort to name-calling and the dreaded blame game, which can put the “mental” in “detrimental” in terms of any relationship, let alone a supposedly loving one.  Here are some examples from Hey Sigmund‘s Karen Young that sincere people do to fight fairly:

– “Don’t fear conflict.”

Conflict is normal and healthy and is an opportunity for growth. Fearing it will just make you avoid it, thus issues will fester and become worse.

– “Attack the issue, not each other.”

You are both on the same side, so tackle what is wrong with the situation, not your partner. If you go after your partner, resentment can creep in and withdrawal can occur.

– “Stay with the issue at hand.”

No veering off on a tangent or winning the argument with the oft-used “I’m right, you’re wrong!” spiel. Look to conflict resolution, not cheap points scoring.

– “Be open about what you need.”

After all, there is nobody on this planet that can read your mind. Bottling things up is hazardous and can lead to imploding with some ugly consequences.

– “Stay away from “always” and “never” in fights.”

These two evil twins are more dangerous than Ronnie and Reggie Kray in their heyday. All these words do is add fuel to the fire. They are off limits in all circumstances.


HE WANTS THE SAME THINGS AS YOU.

Imagine this scenario: You have been dating him for a while now and are dying for him to get down on bended knee and pop the question. At a dinner at your married friend’s house, he declares the question you want so badly is out of the question for him. How do you feel? How does your friend and her husband feel for you?

A sincere man with good intentions tells you exactly what he wants out of the relationship with no stone unturned. Do you both want to marry? Do you both want kids? What are your professional aspirations for each other? Do you agree on living arrangements? If you do not know this by now, ask him and see how he reacts.

HE PRIORITISES THE RELATIONSHIP OVER OTHER THINGS.

He makes sure that things do not interfere with the integrity of the relationship with you. He lets you know of his plans to go out with the boys to let off some steam if you both have already had date night(s) earlier in the week. He will steer clear of temptation with other women, because he is mature and would never risk what he has at home. Of course, he would also let you let your hair down with the girls so YOU can let off steam.


On the other side of the coin, if everything else is higher than you on his priorities list, then you need to watch closely at what he does and how he acts and decide whether if this is justified or not. If not, you need to know if this will change in the near future or if you are flogging a dead horse.

HE IS A GOOD COMMUNICATOR.

This one has been left until last....because we know ..this guy is in the minority . we men are almost never good communicators... however we can be if we are passionate about a subject... and you are the subject then we can articulate at  great length

THERE ARE WAYS TO ATTRACT THE PERSON YOU WANT

Wow, where have you been
all my life? 

On some level, we all desire to be seen, to be noticed, and to be understood. There are different levels to this desire, where at times we want fleeting connections with friends and acquaintances. Other times, we want to be noticed by the person we feel a strong attraction to, even a romantic connection with.

When we want someone, we tend to try to get their attention in a variety of ways. Psychologists have figured out ways for people to get noticed and grab the attention that they desire. Here are the top three ways that psychologists have said will help you get noticed by the person you want.



“If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s not being noticed.” – Steve Sabol

Attracting someone to you can be as easy as 1,2 and 3.

1. SHOW POSITIVE EMOTIONS

Positivity is something that goes a long way. There’s so much power in positivity. Psychologists have shown that even just thinking positive thoughts can improve someone’s mood. Positivity is also incredibly potent when it comes to making other people like you. Psychologists all agree that if you want to get noticed by someone that you want, then you’ll need to start showing positive emotions. Smile more often and laugh.

Smiling and laughter is known to be contagious. When you’re hanging around someone that you want to notice you, smiling and laughing will be sure to get them looking your way. Not only that, but the smiling and laughter will be a way to ensure that the person you want will associate you with positive emotions. When someone associates you with positive emotions, they may  want to hang out with you more often.


The take-home message is that positive emotions are worth cultivating, not just as end states in themselves but also as a means to achieving psychological growth and improved well-being over time.

2. TALK ABOUT SHARED VALUES

People want to spend time with other people who share their values. Someone who believes in being a good person and telling the truth will want to share their time with people who also believe in being a good person and telling the truth. Someone who has those values wouldn’t want to spend time with people who lie a lot or are rude to others. Likewise, someone who likes to gossip wouldn’t want to spend time with someone who has a moral issue with gossiping.

Ask yourself, what values do you have, and what values do you share with the person that you want to notice you? Be honest with your values, and don’t try to pretend you’re something you’re not. Talk about the values that you share with the person that you want to notice you. Emphasizing your shared values will get someone to be more open to noticing you.

3. USE THEIR NAME OFTEN

 Using people’s names is one of the quickest ways to get someone to notice you. Not only that, but it’s the quickest way to get people to keep on noticing you. When someone hears their own name, it helps validate their own reality, and makes them feel more endeared towards the person that is speaking.

So, if you’re looking to get someone to notice you, make sure you use their name. Not only will they notice you, but they’ll also associate you with positive emotions. Being associated with positivity will draw the person you want to you, again and again. Don’t be afraid to use their name, or their title if it’s applicable.  If you want to get a person to notice you, then it’s important to let them know you see and you  acknowledge  them.

We finally connected
"SOUL-TIE"

Final thoughts

If you want to get someone to notice you, then you have to know the way the human brain works. It may be tempting to use some gimmicks like dressing up, flirting, or making yourself seem more noticeable. This might work in the short term, but part of getting the person you want to notice you is keeping them coming back for more of what makes them feel good about associating with you. Here is the catch:

Ladies don't be a woman who needs a man, but instead be the woman a man needs.

Gents don't be a man who needs a woman, instead be the man a woman needs.

This way there will be no codependency!

Are you an "in the meantime chick?"

I 'm only interested in LTR.

Nobody is perfect, even though I'm sure there are some people out there that think they are. Building a loving relationship that is predicated on a mutual feeling of intimacy and appreciation is one of the cornerstones of life. Everyone — even the most perfect individuals — has flaws that can impede our path to a perfect relationship. Self knowledge is one way we can determine our strengths and weaknesses to build a more rounded life for ourselves, and connect with a new person entering into our life.

It's important to look at compatibility  to really understand ourself on a new level, as we are getting into a new relationship. IM NOT an  expert in how the signs help shape us as individuals and in relationships, it's really about authenticity. "We can't rely on just our gut feeling to give us excuses. I think that if we're cultivating our selves it's important to be aware of our patterns. It's important to have a balance of recognizing our own patterns and our personal role we play to facilitate growth, which allows us to be open to new relationships.

While so much data, on someone,plays an important role in making decisions, especially romantic ones, it shouldn't be the final decision in a relationship. You don't truly know someone based on their data, but you have an idea about what makes them tick and what makes them feel comfortable. Even though the mistakes that a person is more likely to make based off of their history are important to acknowledge,  that real understanding of the innet person is impact on a relationship requires in-depth analysis. When you do a relationship reading,have a drink date  it's an intense process. It's a fraction of someone's identity, that we are seeing. While looking at some signs is helpful, it's not going to give you a whole picture. Only years of being together can give you a better picture. the way you are  looking at the person now requires time to further understand layers of that person this requirers a careful reading.

If you're trying to get an understanding of potential mistakes you or your new partner might make in a relationship, here are some flaws, that can be a determining factor, to be aware of as you go into the world of love.


FORGIVENESS IS KEY
Two people entering into a LTR relationship are bound to offend each other and even hurt one another at times, no matter how positive they try to be. When this happens, it’s important to always communicate with your significant other about how you feel and what you would like to change in the future. Once things are discussed, it is important to exercise forgiveness and move past any hurt feelings.

 YOUR SEX DRIVE WILL CHANGE DURING YOUR ROMANTIC LIFE
Dry spells in one’s sex life can happen to anyone. Be sure to be open with your partner about your sexual desires, as well as anything that may have recently changed for you. The secret to sexual desire in a romance is that it must be worked at on a regular bases.

Ladies..... you might want to  understand what the true meaning is of being an "In the meantime chick!" If you want to be in an LTR (Long Term relationship)
these day many dynamics come into play as we are trying to be very  careful with our feelings.  If you are upfront about not being an "In the Meantime chick" then maybe... maybe you can avoid the situation where you will become the one that you don't want to become. which is the space filler woman in his life while he is still searching for the one he want to be in an LTR with!

What's love got to do with it?

Love is a mysterious phenomenon and has been heavily studied in scientific and psychological circles. The reasons people fall in love are as unique as the person making the statement.   The scientific reasons however, fall into three broad categories.     The biological component of the emotional response. The effects of your upbringing on your choice of long term partner and the context you find yourself in where your two personalities mesh together. The more compatible your personalities and the more inline your beliefs and values the more likely your emotions will stimulate a biological response that reinforces the budding feelings you already have.

HERE ARE PSYCHOLOGICAL REASONS PEOPLE FALL IN LOVE.

THE RELEASE OF DOPAMINE

The release of dopamine during the early stages of a relationship can cause feelings of happiness or excitement. Dopamine makes us feel good by stimulating certain parts of the brain. It also causes changes in other organs to include sweating and heightened senses. Things seem more colorful and vibrant or perhaps you sweat more during encounters with the object of your affection.



RELEASE OF TESTOSTERONE

Testosterone is also released when love is new causing an increase in aggressive behavior and may push a person into pursuing the person they have feelings for. Testosterone also increases sexual desire and encourages men to take risks like approaching that very attractive woman across the room.

PHEROMONES

These are chemicals that we emit, along with most other mammals and some insects, that can effect the behavior or feelings of other people near us. Our pheromones act outside our body and can change or elicit behavior from someone in close physical proximity to us or who is wearing our clothing. There is a reason women like wearing their partner’s shirt, the pheromones lodged in the shirt makes them feel something special, a closeness of some kind.

REWARD SYSTEM

Your brain is equipped with a reward system that affects the rest of the body and the body’s stimulation can lead to feelings of satisfaction and happiness within the brain. The brain uses chemicals to reward the stimulation of the body which in turn sends back its own messages to fuel a positive feedback loop. But it isn’t just the presence of actual stimulation that can fuel the feedback loop but also anticipation of stimulation can cause the brain’s reward system to kick in. I.e. you may wind up in an infinite loop... unless interrupted it can be forever.

UPBRINGING

The early part of your life teaches you about relationships in general. What to expect from them. How to maintain them. It also teaches you your role in the relationship. These early relationships and how they evolve can effect who you fall in love with and why. If you had domineering parents it might lead you to fall for someone who is like that because that is what you know and have known since childhood.

PARENT’S AGE AT BIRTH

We respond better to people who are in a similar age range to our parents when we were born. So if we are born to older parents we will respond better to the facial cues in faces older faces. Men respond better to female faces that are in the same age range as their mother when they were born.

“THE THREE TIERS”

People connect along three tiers; The Parent, the Child and the Adult. The Parent is what you have been taught and centers around your beliefs and values. The Child is what you have felt and centers around how much you enjoy playing, having fun and enjoying each other’s company. The Adult is what you have learned and centers around how intelligent or capable you thing your partner is. People who connect along each tier are more likely to have long and fulfilling relationships.

HOW ATTENTIVE WE ARE

Everyone elicits small bids for their partner’s attention throughout the day. How we respond to that bid for attention either by turning toward our partner or away from them can be an indicator of how long you will be in that ... infinite loop which can branch off into another direction.