We need to talk

I have some things on my mind we need to discuss

‘Oh oh, guys,’ Men need  to be able to identify the difference between

“very important” talks and “ Urgent” talks.

A woman’s mind is very complicated to say  the least. The “Urgent!” flashing lights above her head could change in an instant to “very important”

and back agaiThe channels of images  that flows into her mind are like being connected to

the internet and cable TV at the same time. The switches in her head allows

her to browse  the icons and click on the one from the latest news on the Internet or last episode of her favorite

topic “reality show”  on Cable TV.   A Picture In  Picture (PIP) which also allows her to view the two subjects and episode at the same time. The volumes are  not always muted, so the sound can even  make her even more talkative. So we  guys need to be able to read the signals ahead of time, be prepared for what is coming  at us at the same time in the two PIP windows (her labels of  very important or Urgent  can change on a dime.) 

We men often know when we have made mistakes. If a man made a mistake and feels embarrassed, sorry or even ashamed, then he needs his woman’s love even more.. The bigger the mistake, the more points  he gives her,  if she forgives him, quickly. However some men can become defensive, and deflective. Which is his way of trying to prevent  his woman  feeling resentful towards  him.

 

What makes men defensive, and deflective?  

A man may become very angry at his woman when he has made the mistake and the woman is upset. Him being upset is proportional to the size of his mistakes. A little mistake makes him less defensive, while a big mistake makes him much more defensive. Sometimes women wonder why a man doesn’t say he is sorry for a big mistake. The answer is he is afraid of not being forgiven. It is too painful to acknowledge that he has failed her in some way, instead of saying he is sorry he may become angry with her for being upset and give her penalty points. 

It might help us greatly when women understand that men score points differently. Men giving penalty points is very confusing to women and doesn’t make it safe for women to share their feelings. Certainly, it would be wonderful if all men could see how unfair penalty points are and it changes overnight--- change can take time, but it can change in a second. What can be reassuring for a woman however, is to know that just as a man quickly gives out the penalty points he also takes them back. A man giving penalty points is similar to a woman feeling resentful when she gives more than he does. She subtracts his score from hers and gives him a ZERO. At such times a man can just be understanding that she is sick with resentment and give her some extra love. Similarly, when a man is giving penalty points, a woman can realize that he has his own version of resentment. He needs some extra love so he can feel better. As a result, he immediately gives her bonus points to even the score again. Through learning how to score big with a man, a woman has a new edge for supporting her man when he seems distant  and hurt.

   

So what makes men defensive? When a man is in a negative state of mind,

a woman needs to treat him like a passing tornado and his anger lowers

after the tornado has passed he will give her an abundance of bonus points

for not making him the one who is permanently wrong, never forgiving him

for his wrongs or for not trying to change him. If she tries to Stop the

tornado it will create havoc, and he will blame her for interfering.

This is  new insight for many women because in their minds when someone

is upset the Venetians never even ignore her or even consider lying low during

the tornadoes.  In her mind Tornadoes do not exist. 

When other women are upset everyone (women) gets involved with one

another and tries to understand what is  bothering her by asking a lot of

questions, trying to understand what is bothering her. Where as a man waits

for the tornado to pass everyone finds a ditch and lies low, until the stormy

sky clears up.   

 

“Will he treat me as a queen after he  has made  mistakes ?”

Final thoughts:

When we men hear the words `We need to talk´

it causes us to go into replay mode.

Replaying the things that he might have done wrong knowing he might

get caught at some wrongdoing.

These images in his head cause the tornado of mess-up activities to swirl

around in his head. We  men don’t like that feeling of having  to explain the

things we do not want to talk about.

Psychology Explains Why Younger Men Often Prefer older women

                                                        SHE is a Queen not an average princess!

It is becoming more common for younger men to prefer older women.

Fortunately, psychology explains why this is the case. If you aren’t in one,of  these relationships it may be hard to understand, but the reasoning is pretty legitimate. Even with negative stereotyping and judgment, younger men frequently go after older women.

In some instances, it may be more life experience that draws a younger man to an older woman. In other cases, it is due to their level of maturity. Whatever the case may be, it is becoming increasingly common for these types of relationships to flourish.

Men want different things from relationships than women of the same age want. Older women want different things than younger women want. These different desires are part of what attracts younger men to older women.

Understanding these mindsets and relationship preferences is the key to understanding why some younger men are drawn to mature ladies. There are many reasons, and they all align with what a man is looking for in a woman. Also know that these are generalizations–not every statement applies to every person, just as not every younger man prefers a mature partner.

What Men Want in a Relationship

Before understanding why younger men often prefer older women, it is essential first to understand what a man wants in a relationship. Most men look for the same things, whether they realize it or not.

1 – Attraction

Men look for strong attraction in a relationship and want the attraction to last. This can occur if you are yourself right from the beginning. If you start changing soon after the relationship starts, they will stop being attracted to you.

2 – An Emotional Connection

While men don’t always show their feelings as often as women, they want to open up to their partners. If he breaks down before you, he will want to know that you won’t judge him for it or stop loving him.

3 – Respect

A man doesn’t want to be belittled by his partner, so he will look for someone who doesn’t do this. He doesn’t want to be overly criticized, either. You should also avoid comparing him to other men or treating him like a child.

4 – Praise

Men want to know when they did something well or when they appreciated what they did. They will look for a woman who praises them because it makes them feel good about themselves.

5 – Acceptance

Men don’t want a woman that tries to change them. They want a partner who will accept and love them despite their flaws.

6 – Security

Men want to know that their relationship is secure. They want someone reliable, honest, and dependable.

7 – Maturity

Men want a mature relationship, which means acting like a child is out. Throwing a fit, making threats, and refusing to communicate are all signs of immaturity.

8 – Fun

Men want a woman who enjoys adventure and has a sense of humor. They want to laugh and have fun with their partner. Plus, they want someone comfortable trying new things and letting loose occasionally. A study published in the Journal of Women and Aging suggests that this match is made in Heaven, as mature ladies often don’t want to re-marry. Indeed, they want fun and companionship.

9 – Space

At the right times, men want space to be alone once in a while. Having a woman who will willingly give him space without getting upset is ideal for them. He still has hobbies and interests outside of his relationship and will want to continue them.

Here are a few reasons a younger man might prefer a more mature partner.

10– They Are Sometimes More Intellectual

Men want a woman they can talk to and connect with on a deeper level. Since mature women have more life experience, they tend to hold intellectual conversations better than younger women. Plus, they tend to know more about world events.

Some topics men, like to discuss with their partners, include politics, world issues, media, and religion. They are more likely to find this in older women, so men tend to be drawn to older women. With younger women, some males think that the conversation will revolve more around drama and pointless experiences.

11–  They Know What They Want

Women with more life experience are more aware of what they want in life than younger women. Since they are surer of what they want, an older women may have a clear and focused thought process. Men want a woman with meaningful and fulfilling goals, which is easier to find in an older person.

Because of their clear and focused thoughts, these women tend to have concrete plan. They focus on achieving their goals instead of superficial things and want to develop positively. Plus, they want to see those around them doing just as well as they are.

Plus, they won’t waste a man’s time since they know what they want. Some younger women will stay in a relationship even if they aren’t happy, but an older woman will leave. Men want to be in a relationship where they don’t have to guess the other person’s feelings.

12 – Life Experience

Older partners have more life experience than younger women do. Men like this because they can gain another perspective on life issues. Plus, a man can get sound advice from an older woman, and she can help him mature more quickly.

Men are drawn to someone who can give them realistic outlooks on situations. They want to plan for what may happen, and have someone experienced will help.

Men also want someone who will help them grow intellectually, which an older woman can do. Their life experience allows them to help a younger person learn and grow.

13 – Emotional Maturity

Men usually don’t have to deal with immaturity if they go for an older woman. One reason is that they don’t play mind games like younger females do. They won’t confuse trip their man up, and the man can be confident in this area of his relationship.

This isn’t to blame younger women for their immature behavior, however. It takes time for hormones to level out and learn to manage their emotions. Older women have already achieved this, making them more mature.

Another benefit is an older woman can also help a younger man grow emotionally. They will learn to manage, process, and understand their feelings better with an older woman to help them.

14 – Less Hectic Behavior

Since mature ladies have already learned how to handle their emotions, their behavior is less hectic than younger women’s. Older women are calmer, and men can better guess what they will do next. Men enjoy a slower pace, so they are drawn to the women who can offer this.

15– Confidence

While younger women tend to need constant attention, a more mature lady might not need this. Older women are more confident in who they are and won’t need constant reassurance that they are cared for.

This isn’t to say they don’t want any attention, but they can focus on other things instead. They know who they are and what is important in life, which makes them more confident.

16– Financial Independence

As young men start their careers and secure their place, they don’t want to totally take care of someone else financially. Older women generally don’t have to worry about that because they are usually already financially independent.

Men also like women’s financial independence because they can find comfort in knowing their partner isn’t only with them for money. Plus, they can count on splitting bills if they ever move in with their partner.

17– Mutual Respect

Men want to be in a relationship where they are respected, and they want to respect their ladies, too. They respect older women because they have become successful and worked hard already. Knowing that their partner was dedicated and persistent on her path to success will make them respect her instantly.

18 –  Strong Emotional Support

Younger women haven’t quite found their emotional maturity yet, and they may not offer the best emotional support. Older women, on the other hand, are perfectly capable of this.

As men figure out their lives, they become stressed out and need a woman to help them. Since some mature ladies have been through it before, they know what type of emotional support to offer.

Final Thoughts 

While some younger men often prefer a more mature partner remained a mystery for a long time. It is now better understood. Psychology has helped explain this reasoning, allowing the rest of us in on the secret. From higher levels of maturity to be able to communicate intellectually, men enjoy an older woman’s dependability.

A man can go to their older woman for support and guidance and count on them for sound advice. Plus, they won’t have to worry about being played or manipulated like they would have to worry about from someone younger.

Now that the reasons younger men often prefer older women are a bit clearer, it is easier to see why. The reasons are all pretty logical and align with what a man wants in a relationship.

So now You know that being alone is not what you really wanted. Right?

So how long has it been since you became single?

Every so often we men may attend a social event and see a woman and think to ourselves

“there is no way she  is single.” 

Our instincts tell us if she looks this good she must have a man. OK maybe she had one but

she may not anymore. Why do we assume that she must be in a relationship maybe because

we feel that attractive women in their prime years will attract someone.

Unless she is rejecting every dude that  steps to her. 

This came to mind, as I started writing.

 

While on this  roller coaster ride called “Life”

You have to take the good turns with the bad, 

Even smile when you’re sad, share love 

Appreciate what you’ve got and remember 

What you had.

Always forgive, but never forget. 

Learn from your mistakes, but never regret.

People change. Things go wrong. 

Just remember, the ride goes on,

Just hang on  you are strong!

This song was a song I remember from in the days when  I was growing up

The road is long, with  many winding turns that leads us to who knows where?

They say that faith is the ability to believe in things unseen.

What if the thing you’ve never seen is love? Can you have faith in something you’ve

never experienced? Can you hope to embody that thing you’ve never experienced

without royally messing it up? Or delivering it badly? Because you’ve never experienced it,

and you don’t really even know what it is, or how to do it? And what role does forgiveness play?

After you have been hurt. To be able to forgive is to love in- spite of being hurt.

But that implies that one must have experienced love to begin with, doesn't it?

what do we see on Social media

When a man has a welcoming looking page, women these days request friendships

No matter if you respond or not new request keep coming from African nations and Caribbean Islands.

While talking to a brother I had to tell him that women these days are a lot more aggressive.

He didn't believe me until I showed him that the same woman he was now interested in had contacted me a few days before maybe he became dejected because he thought he was the only guy she had contacted. HE read her request to me and realized I was not B.S.-ing him.

FINAL THOUGHTS

ALL I can say is that it can be flattering for a brief moment. Then you get the let down that she is just trolling for just  a few new friends.

Here is what I like most about Black women and dreadlocks these days?

Needless to say I am a black man, the caption tells my story without me having to explain too much. While growing up my Aunt and mother owned and operated a beauty salon, the first business of its kind in the neighborhood where we resided, mainly for women of color. I used to watch the pains taking process as women of all shades went through the process of straightening their hair, I always thought that they were destroying their natural hair during the process, the natural hair which our creator intended them to have. But they were all determined to go through the process, to look more beatiful in their minds in the end. I disagree with that false assumption. 

This lady has a full natural afro, she stands   out in any crowd. 

 As I grew older I started noticing that many women of color were reverting to wearing their hair braided and other  natural hairstyles. My first girlfriend in my teenage years had an afro, needless to say we were a young couple who both wore Afro hair styles. She used to braid my hair and then I would style it the next day with an afropick and pat it In a round shape. I DID not see the need to try and look like James Brown and other music stars from that era, hair all slicked back. I later started noticing that men and women started twisting their hair into locks and braids. After my Afro years I would cut my hair short, strangly that is how my mother insisted I should wear my hair all through my school years, while stating your hair says a lot about you, to people who dont know you.. Now as a grown man, a father and a grandfather I leave that hair subject alone, when it involves, women and even my sons because both my sons have gone through different phases of hairstyles. Since they are grown men now I keep my opinion about their hair images to myself. 

 

You guessed it my Afro was pretty much this size at various times.

Our afrocentric hairstyles usually compliment our faces best in my opinion.

I feel that we have earned the right to do with our hair what we want.

I am sure this sistah will not be mistaken for any other culture than the one she is displaying.

Final thought.

Say what you want about black folks style and us having creative ever changing looks. We have always been able to change our looks.  We range from real dark to almost white, and some of us can pass for white..with even born natural straight hair,  but our DNA will always reveal who we are and really who we are not.....our DNA percentages will show which genes are the most dominant. This is what makes us special, the afro genes is often the most dominant gene noticable. You can always see it in a person of an African descent.

Do women swone when a man's singing voice is deep in the lower register, like a bass guitar.

Back in the day, my dad and his cousins all could play instruments.. I wanted to learn how to play the sax.  I FIGURED young women would like me more than just because I had a deep voice.. (I was not a singer)

I should have learned to play the standing bass. The women would assume that my voice was deep because of the bass instrument.. Well I was wrong!

The sax was and still is an instrument that implies "Sexy". 

Where as the bass gave the impression that the guy could get down.

• In addition, men with deep voices might be more successful at intimidating and outcompeting male rivals. From sea lions and koalas to giant pandas and dogs, males of various species appear to judge how dangerous other males are based on their voices. Humans make similar judgments about men.
• 
  Low-pitched male voices are frequently seen as signs of dominance, strength, and sex appeal. Now anthropologists are sussing out whether there’s truth behind the stereotypes. Need I say more...
  
• Low-pitched male voices are frequently seen as signs of dominance, strength, and sex appeal. Now anthropologists are sussing out whether there’s truth behind the stereotypes. when trying to attract a person they’re interested in.
  

• Lowering your voice may be a means of demonstrating attraction, says  an assistant professor of psychology at Albright College in Reading, Pa., in a study, "Vocal and Physiological Changes in Response to the Physical Attractiveness of Controversial Partners," to be published soon

  They found that both sexes used a lower-pitch voice and showed a higher level of physiological arousal when speaking to a more attractive opposite-sex target.

• I heard of the physical effects on our body when we are talking to someone we are attracted to, like pupils getting larger or butterflies in her stomach.
  

• Sexy voices have a greater impact on attraction than physical appearance.
• People rated the voices of strangers who had a history of cheating as more likely to cheat.
• Men and women with sexy voices are more likely to be sexually unfaithful. I say this BS. I KNOW MORE CHEATERS with high pitch voices than deep voices.
• 
  

FINAL THOUGHTS.                         
Deep voices are more important to women. THAN to men. In other words, men fall in love with a woman's see her with his eyes, and women with their ears. 

We can detect better physical attraction through seeing, while in hearing (and listening) intellectual evaluations are more central.

Signs Your Date Isn't Interested in You

KEY POINTS to think about!

If someone breaks or postpones plans, with you, more than once in the early stages of dating, it shows they are conflicted.

A person will usually introduce someone they're interested in romantically to a few key people in their life within a couple of months of dating.

People will schedule dates with those they're truly interested in on Fridays and Saturdays.

Although dating is supposed to be more hedonistic than masochistic, countless men and women looking for a relationship inevitably find the whole process to be kind of awful. The reason? It’s often difficult to figure out what the person you’re dating is thinking—or whether they are truly interested in you at all.

A Psychologist who specializes in relationships, said he heard men and women alike sit on the couch in his office and reveal a list of ways they’ve been brushed off, without ever being told directly, “I’m sorry, but I don’t think we’re a good fit.”

Rather than use that simple sentence—which takes a total of four seconds to utter—scores of daters rely on one of the following brush-off techniques to do the dirty work for them.

If you are on the receiving end of a brush-off technique, quickly identify it as such and then consider moving the heck on. After all, what you need in a romantic partner is a bona fide grownup, one who can handle actual adult conversations, awkward as they may be.

If you start dating someone who ends up using one of these cowardly techniques on you, tell yourself, "Good riddance," because that kind of person isn’t the kind of person you’d want to be with anyhow. If you’re in it for the long haul, you want someone with character and integrity.

Texting or emailing in response to your phone call

If your new date occasionally texts in response to your phone calls, don’t overthink it. But if she regularly texts you when you call her, understand that you—or your needs—are getting brushed off.

Even if she doesn’t love talking on the phone, she should be willing to talk on the phone with you a few times each week. If she can’t meet this need, it’s time for you to keep looking.

Postponing plans due to sickness or a too busy schedule

As an Analyst my skin crawls when clients tell me they lose interest in someone and stop returning calls and texts altogether. As a community, we can do better than that.

If you meet someone you like, make a concerted effort to not break plans in the first few weeks of dating. This period is filled with enough uncertainty, and you don’t want to give someone you like the wrong message.

Likewise, if someone you’re newly dating breaks or postpones plans more than once with you, it’s a bona fide brush-off. Your date’s behavior shows how conflicted she is, and she could be conflicted for different reasons: She recently met someone else whom she’s getting to know; she works a lot and isn’t sure she has the time to devote to a new relationship; she wants to start something new but still feels scarred by an ex.

Bottom line: Nothing crushes self-esteem like not being prioritized, so identify the brush-off for what it is and start focusing your energies on someone new.

Avoiding introducing you to their friends

The usual mistake many people make early in dating is introducing a new date to friends too soon. The situation sounds harmless on the surface, but friends typically end up scrutinizing every detail of the new man or woman you’re dating, and that makes your date feel uncomfortable.

What happens when you want to meet your date’s friends, roommates, and so forth, but you haven’t been given the opportunity? If you’ve been dating a couple of months but haven’t met a few of the major players in your date’s personal life, it’s safe to assume that you’re being brushed off.

Scheduling daytime or early evening dates

In the beginning, it makes perfect sense to schedule a date over lunch or early evening coffee. However, if your date is truly interested in you, you will soon be scheduled during the highly coveted Friday and Saturday night slots. If you keep getting offers to meet him or her during other periods of the week, it’s safe to say that your date doesn’t yet consider you prime-time

If you’re still dating or talking to someone at the one- or two-month mark, you should be invited to get together during weekend evening hours. If not, it’s a brush-off—and your self-esteem is begging you to move on.