7/10/2023

Men are usually kinda secretive about how we feel after a divorce

 

How am I supposed to feel about this

As a divorced man, I know what it's like to come home to a family and also knows what it feels like to come home to an empty house.

The assets will have to be divided proportionally
  • The truth is, a lot of men go through the same emotional stages of divorce just as hard as women.

  • There is a myth perpetuated by certain circles that men have it easy when it comes to divorce

    But there are stages of divorce for a man, and they just don’t wake up one day after their marriage 

    The myth is based on the belief that men can handle trials better than women. 

    The truth is, a lot of men go through the same emotional stages of divorce just as hard as women.

    The Pre-divorce stage 

    In this turbulent time, a lot of men turn to substance abuse 

  • to get over their problems. 

  • It’s almost unheard of that a happy couple go through a divorce. 
  • Prior to the divorce, 
  • They make more money and a condescending undertone that men are just "filthy bastards¨ 

  • who can’t stick to just one sexual partner. 

  • Or, at least, that is the perception.

  • let it end and be happy. It’s also a long and winding road ahead.

  • Obviously, this only makes things worse.

  • there are a couple of stages of divorce for a man or woman to cover – 

  • the pair will fight a lot, maybe do a trial separation, or simply ignore each other. 

  • There are cases where they start looking for new partners while they are in a loveless marriage.

  • or at the very least, better than their female partner.

  • Both genders are also susceptible to infidelity during this stage. 

    Let’s understand the stages of divorce for a man.

    1. The denial stage

    Studies show that it’s more likely that a woman initiates a divorce than a man

  • Most men who are in a toxic relationship use the escapism defense mechanism,

  •  than actually escape. Hence, it’s difficult to discuss matters with men about their

  •  failing marriage.

  • Once the divorce papers are served, it marks the beginning of the real journey.

  • Once divorce papers are served, their world comes crashing down, and they would 

    The shock of reality falling over their heads will make them reject it even more.

    2. Pain and sorrow stage

    Some experts consider this is one of the first stages of divorce for a man.

    Short of going completely mental, there is nothing drugs, alcohol, 

    Pain sets in and the way a person reacts to it ranges from ignoring the problem, shutting down completely, going ballistic, and everything else in between.

    If your partner tends to act violently, leave the house and take the children with you. Men and divorce emotional stages can get nasty. 

    You never know what someone might do when they are in pain.

    3. Anger or bargaining stage

    During the pain and desperation stage, all sorts of negative thoughts come to mind

    That is why a man going through a divorce becomes unpredictable

    If the relationship has gotten to this point, it means irreconcilable differences 

    But most women won’t do it if this is the nth time it has happened.

    4. Depression and loneliness stage

  • and cheap women can do to escape reality.

  • happen a lot like a vicious circle. Most women are willing to forgive a man

  •  if they apologize for their mistakes.

  • The pain of divorce for men depends on their attachment to their partner, 

  • children, and their shattered ego.

  • They would lash out at friends, family, and inanimate objects. 

  •  Some men would prostrate themselves and beg for forgiveness.

  • revert further into substance abuse or other defense mechanisms

  • More often than not, it makes things worse.

  • This is one of the worst stages of divorce for a man.

    Once the divorce is complete, they are left to their own devices.

    It shatters their ego and self-esteem. It usually results in an unhealthy lifestyle

    This is the decisive step of all the stages of divorce for a man. 

    In all the stages of grief after divorce, the depression stage is the longest

  • This is where it’s essential to know how to move on after a divorce as a man. 

  • The problem is, there is no silver bullet in how to overcome a divorce.

  • They either stay here and self-destruct, or move on.

  •  This is the turning point of a man’s divorce journey. They either find a way to become

  •  a better person from here or end up a total mess.

  •  They will have a lot of time thinking about what has gone wrong.

  •  It is especially true if they genuinely love their children and lost custody of them.

  • 5. Rebuilding or destroying their lives stage

    The longer they stay on the previous stage, the more damage they do to their health, 

    Some men spend the rest of their lives in the previous stage and commit suicide.

    Some end up as negative personas and ruin all their other relationships,

    But a lot of men “get their shit together” and willfully start over.

    Some start dating right away, regardless of how shallow it is, 

  • their ego would not let them stay down. They would subconsciously target attractive 

  • young women for trophies.

  •  and eventually, their own lives. Those that turn to substance abuse get worse until they end up sick, dead, or in jail.

  • career, and future in general.

  • They would rely on career advancements to boost up their self-esteem.

    So long as it takes to get to the next stage after this because there are a lot who never do.

    6. Acceptance and moving on stage

    Those men who are able to rebuild their lives, learn to leave the past behindSome of them find love again or spend their days looking after their children. It takes a while to get there, but some do complete the stages of divorce for a man.

    Some self-destructive individuals fail, but most don’t

    What becomes of men after a divorce

    We can’t honestly say, some learn from their mistakes

  • while others spend the rest of their lives paying for it, even if the man 

  • had not done anything wrong.

  • They accept their fate and live with it.

  •  Eventually, they settle in their new routine and start all over again. 

  • If the big question is, how long does it take for a man to get 

  • over a divorce?

  • Final thoughts

  • Most of us men, try a new look, but try to make ourselves still look  relevant in the new style era

  •  



     when you become an ¨OG,¨
    you know that you are  no longer in a committed Marriage anymore.
    Itś time to explore new things.




So where are you going?

 a Walkout speaks volumes "about you" not the the other people whom you are walking out on

.to suddenly leave your husbandwife, or partner and end your relationship with them:

So who looks like a  ??? the person who walkout or the other person?

Men have been "taken for one half of everything they had in a divorce," women have laughed all the way to the bank when cashing out -- I had a flashback to my own divorce  over18+ years ago, when I read the following.

Some marriages were never meant to be

When we talk about how marriages end, we promptly round up the usual suspects: money issues, infidelity, lack of commitment, among other things.

But we can’t forget that some people were never meant to be married in the first place. They don't know what a good marriage is supposed to look like!

The truth is, bad relationships turn into bad marriages every day.

When two incompatible spouses break up a marriage, the incompatibility isn’t always something that developed over time as both spouses grew apart, sometimes it had been there from the beginning.

We’re great at ignoring important signs of incompatibility when we like someone. We brush them under the rug and explain it away with lame excuses, hiding behind our belief that love can conquer all.

Love doesn’t always conquer all (let alone lust).

There are always two people responsible for maintaining a relationship

According to researc, the difference between happy and stable marriages and unhappy ones is the ratio of positive to negative interactions.

“That “magic ratio” is 5 to 1. This means that for every negative interaction during conflict, a stable and happy marriage has five (or more) positive interactions.

While conflict is inevitable in any relationship, the way you handle conflict, and the way you interact when you’re not in the middle of a conflict, makes all the difference.

If a stable and happy marriage requires 5 positive interactions for every 1 negative, it’s both spouse’s responsibility to strive for that 5 to 1 ratio. That doesn’t mean you have to keep count, it only means you have to be conscious that a happy marriage is your responsibility as much as your spouse’s.

A long-term marriage requires feats of Herculean strength

Ask any couple who’s been together for over thirty years and they’re likely to tell you it hasn’t always been a smooth ride.

They’re likely to tell you there were moments of disconnect and moments where one spouse had to pick up the emotional slack and give the other spouse strength to carry on.

If they’re honest, they’re likely to tell you of moments where one spouse felt like he or she could not go on, and how the other took the marriage upon his or her shoulders and carried them both through. That’s usually a temporary solution, no one can carry a marriage on their shoulders alone for the long run. Eventually, the balance needs to be restored, and that’s where stable, happy marriages shine through: when both spouses know how to be thankful for one another’s efforts and are selfless enough to pick their partner up when he or she needs it the most.

We tend to get comfortable and lazy

As humans, we’re tempted to get comfortable and take the people we love,and who love us for granted.

We become so used to having someone by our side that we begin to take liberties we wouldn’t dream of taking with other people. We treat our partners as an extension of ourselves, and God only knows we don’t always treat ourselves with the utmost kindness.

We say hurtful things in the name of “honesty,” forgetting that being honest doesn’t always mean saying whatever comes to mind with no filter.

We try to control our partners because we think loving them means we always know what’s best for them.

We use our partners as emotional dumpsters, believing it’s their duty to absorb any and all emotions we don’t feel capable to handle on our own.

We stop making an effort. We settle into a “couples fight” mindset and neglect to strive for that 5 to 1 positive to negative interactions ratio.

Sometimes things just go to shit

If blame is a way to discharge pain and discomfort, our tendency to blame might come from an inability to sit with our pain and discomfort.

When we’re lost and confused, when we’re still dizzy from the metaphorical punch in the face that is divorce and we don’t yet know what hit us, blaming is an instinctive response.

Sitting with our pain not knowing what went wrong is too uncomfortable, we need certainty, so we blame. We find the easiest possible answer and we hold on to that instead of facing the pain and discomfort that is knowing it all just went to shit, and chances are one simple explanation will not cover it all.

Who’s to blame for the divorce after all?

No one, but safe for cases of physical and emotional abuse, you’re each partially responsible.

If you’ve been physically or emotionally abused, nothing you’ve said or done can justify that. Don’t let anyone hold you responsible for being abused.

Abuse aside, you might need the help of a therapist to see clearly how you have let your partner down, and how they have let you down. Once you see that, let go of the blame.

Don’t descend into a spiral of questioning what you could have done better, or what would have happened if you had tried this or that. Take the lessons you’ve learned and make an effort to do better in your next relationship.

You might have learned not to ignore obvious red flags early on, or to put more effort into promoting positive interactions in your relationship.

You might have learned not to take the person you love for granted, or how to seek help when you feel your mental health is somehow compromised (and jeopardizing your relationship).

You might have learned how to be more independent, or how to be there for the person who needs you the most.

You might also have learned how to pick yourself back up, dust yourself off and carry on despite the incredible pain you’ve just been through.

You might have learned that you’re a survivor, and yo are stronger than you ever thought you could be.

These lessons are valid and precious, and they can help you build a better life moving forward.

black women  often assume that a  Blackman leaves to chase other women of different cultures. AREthey wrong in that assumption?

 

there are two or more types of marriages

 What is marriage? 

Marriage is a union of individual people. Also called matrimony, it acts as a social and legal contract that gives a partner someone to rely on, brings a greater degree of intimacy and emotional security. Read this post to know more about why is marriage important.

a real marriage is the couple that stayed together regardless of the storms


  • What is the history of marriage? Marriage has, since ancient times, been recognized as a liaison for economic reasons and family engagements. However, it has come a long way with time to be recognized as a union of people in love who promise to spend a lifetime together. 

    To get in-depth information, read this quick guide on the definition of marriage and its history.

    • How many types of marriages are there?

    There are many types of marriages, each serving its own purpose to provide a balance between life and love. From civil unions, interfaith marriages, polygamous marriages, arranged marriages to marriages of convenience and safety marriage, the type depends on what the individuals want from each other.

    • What are the stages of marriage?

    There are 5 stages of marriage. It starts from the romantic stage and moves onto the power struggle phase, followed by the stability and commitment phase. It ends at the bliss stage when couples get ready to create together, and this can include a family or business together. It is very essential to know what the stages of marriage are for you to understand how to experience the changes associated with each stage.

  • What are the most important things in marriage?
  • For the success of a marriage, various elements come into play. Some of the important things in a marriage are acceptance, fighting fair, appreciation, communication, and so forth. By learning what marriage is and what the most important things in marriage are, you can explore how to enjoy married life and build a solid marital relationship.

    What are the things to know before getting married?

    The dynamics from a romantic relationship stage to that of a marital one don’t differ drastically. Still, there is a marked change over time in the expectations that partners have from each other, among other things.

    It is necessary to understand what is the meaning of marriage to you, have a degree of awareness, and work towards establishing healthy practices to brace for such changes and keep the relationship healthy. It is equally important to consider a few things before choosing a partner like:

    1. learning from your past experiences
    2. ensuring your partner and you have common basics
    3. looking for someone who makes you laugh
    4. never settling for less, and wanting fore-ever more
  • What are the things to take care of before getting married?
    1. Marriage is, undoubtedly, one of the biggest commitments in life. Every marriage takes people who do enormous hard work to make it successful.

      To avoid marriage problems, there are a few things to take care of before getting married: understanding what marriage is all about, setting a communication system, sharing a list of things you would not like to compromise on, and so forth. To get more insights on things to take care of before getting married, follow this guide.

      • What are the questions to ask before marriage?

      What were the best parts of your childhood? What’s your love language? What’s your retirement plan? What is the true meaning of marriage for you?

      It is important to ask questions and explore some important aspects with your partner before you walk down the aisle. This will help you both know each other better and make adjustments. 

      Final thoughts

      After a divorce an OG, needs to find his swagger again. 

    Do something new from time to time

      Wondering why your past relationships lost their spark just after a couple of months? Because you became boring to them or they became boring for you.

      When I was younger and foolish I worked hard at Finding the right partner but it always felt like a whole lot of work, that I really did not feel was necessary. There were so many moving parts to each relationship–attractiveness, trust, honesty, communication, intimacy, sex life, etc.–that it made if feel like there was no hope in finding a partner that you can spend your life with

      Choosing a wife wasn’t hard because it was impossible. It was hard because some of us go about it the wrong way. We look outward to the world and hope we can find someone to complete us, rather than looking inward at ourselves and making ourselves whole first. The key to choosing a life partner is working on the one you have with yourself.