Not every relationship is meant to last
forever. I realize that’s hard to accept but it’s true. The difficult
part is accepting when that time is. We all know in our hearts when it’s
over but we just can’t seem to pull the trigger!
Some people
have a difficult time with letting go. Often times staying in a
relationship years after the passion has died, even when there are no
ties to children or finances. Even couples with children would rather
separate amicably and work out visitation rather than spend another day
in a boring or argumentative relationship. Sometimes you simply fall out
of love.
But why does falling out of love always seem to
creep up on us? Why do we never see it coming? The answer, I think, is
that we don’t “Check In”. What I mean is, we allow too much time to pass
without taking inventory of our relationship.
I mean, think
about it, how often do we ask ourselves, “Does my partner feel
appreciated? Am I supporting his or her dreams? Are we growing together
or are we growing apart? Am I investing enough time into my relationship
or marriage? Does my partner need more space? And what can I do to
spice things up inside the bedroom?” Those are the questions we should
ask every month, if not every day!
People don’t ask these
critical questions because they are either too busy or they take each
other for granted, either way the relationship is screwed! By the time
most of us get around to “Checking In”, it’s too late!
So, tonight, this is what I want you to do, after dinner when the
children are asleep, turn off the TV, the computer, and your cell phones
and “Check In”. Ask your partner all the questions above and throw in a
few of your own. And most importantly, don’t be afraid of the answers.
If you’re truly in love and committed to working through anything than
have the courage to find out how your partner is doing. And for those
who are hesitant, ask yourself, “Do I want to be in a healthy
relationship that grows or do I just want to be in a relationship?” It’s
your call!
I repeat the caption: "Who matters most to you, says the most about you!"
We live in a World where "Love" is a four letter word to some people. Falling In and Out of Love is a very common thing , you can make changes as easy as changing your socks. Ask yourself these simple Questions:
"Was I ever in-love with this person?"
"Did I just loved what they did for me?"
"What would life have been like if they never stepped into my life?"
"Was it real love or was it just love of convenience?"
last but not least "Did this person bring real value to my live, not just material things but real 'Added Value'?"
If you can answer these questions honestly and feel good about your answers, then you are in that place where moving forward becomes simple. Don't get caught-up in the Hallmark versions of 'falling in Love', or the clinical analysis of what you should be feeling. No two people are exactly the same, therefore your feels can't be the same as the author of a poem, or musical lyrics or even Biblical passages. They can't write about you, only you can write and express things about you and how you feel. Let me add an new-caption.... " What matters most to you, says the most about you!"
The secret to a happy life is to find 'one' that don't look the same!
What
does it say about women who get all dressed up and then have a
knock-down drag-out fight in public?
Is it like the picture say: MAMA said "knock you out!"
I'm confused did these women's Mamas teach them to fightover MEN? If so. Why?
Lets start by making better choices... Here is a list of men, women with dignity should deem, UN-available, off-limits persona non-Grata: So ladies, Just say"NO" to these guys and you may avoid the knock down brall and other problems that usually happen as a result of you making BAD choices:
1) The Man You Only Know Because Of His Ex Who Is Still Your Friend: That’s a mouthful because it’s too hard to swallow (zinger!); if you would
have no other reason to know a fella other than the fact that he dated your
homegirl, its gonna look REAL suspicious if you two magically connect after
their relationship ended. Were you creeping before? Or simply checking
each other out?
2) Your Neighbor: It’s all fun and games creeping across the hall to see that smooth dude, but
if it doesn’t last, can you promise that you won’t have your eyes glued
to the peephole every time you hear high heels clicking towards his
door? I wouldn’t try this unless I had a month to month lease, if I was a woman.
3) Anyone Who Dated One Of Your Family Members: While you might be able to manage something with someone who casually dated a friends or dated one of Family members seriously many years ago, sharing a partner with someone
with whom you share blood is just…not smart and it's classless. The high school BF of your
second cousin who you rarely see is one thing, but your sisters ex gets
the “No, Ooooh HELL no”.
4) Your Child’s Teacher:He may be handsome, a single school teachers are a rarity
and extraordinarily appealing. He’s good with kids, cares about the
community…and he’s got your child’s academic future in his hands. If
things go awry, you can have an incredibly difficult situation between
the three of you; your little one could also become the subject of
teasing or prying if classmates become aware of the relationship. Some
school districts have rules against these relationships, as well. If Mr.
Williams is too irresistible to ignore, at least wait until your
student has moved on to another grade.
5)Separated-But-Not-Divorced Guy: He doesn’t love her anymore, he’s just legally bound to her. No biggie,
right? Oh, and if they have kids, there’s the possibility that some
family tragedy (or holiday) will pluck him out of your arms and right
back into her...their…home.
6) Your Boss: **Serious face** Aside from the potential legal ramifications if your
company has a ‘no romance’ policy, this could be terrible for the
professional reputations of both of you;
it may be assumed that your workplace accomplishments are the result of
your relationship as opposed to your hard work. There could be major
problems for you if the relationship goes sour while you still report to
him.
7) The Local D-Boy! Wait… do I really have to elaborate, here? Aside from the cancer he promotes in the
community, he’s likely going to end up behind bars and you very easily
could find yourself doing just the same if you stay in his company.
8) The He-Man Woman Hater! You know, the dude who has nothing good to say about his ex, his baby’s
mother, his own mother, Oprah, Michelle Obama, Beyoncé, the waitress at
IHOP…if he seems to have a problem with every woman on the planet except
for you…you probably aren’t an exception
9) Your car Mechanic: I may be going to the far left with this one, but seriously? Do you know what kind
of damage a mechanic could do to your car if he got mad at you? And if you
aren’t particularly automotive savvy, you may find yourself paying to have the water pipe evaluator
recalibrate under the automatic filter gear, or some other made up
vehicular concern presented to you post-romance. If you go there, get a
new mechanic.
10) The superstar: He’s cool and successful and all, but do you really
want to be the subject of his next record: ‘The Break-Up of (his name) and
(Insert Your Name Here)’?
Love should be free and without drama and all that good stuff. So you
can’t bypass common sense in favor of rose-colored glasses, when it
comes to matters of the heart. A man can be all that and bag of Doritos, kind and just your perfect soul-mate (in your mind)…yet totally, totally wrong for other reasons. Take a look again at the list above of ‘banned’ men and keep your looking for someone else!
Find someone who will take you to a tropical paradise and not have to lie to anyone as to where he will be spending his vacation. Maybe just maybe He might pop the question and you can finalize the deal on the beach during your vacation which will become your honeymoon.
The truth be told nothing is easy like that anymore especially not 'Monday mornings.' Think about it we can't wait for the weekend from the first work day of the week. If you don't have a JOB you hate Mondays even more because Mondays remind you that you don't have an income for another week and if things don't change you will be feeling the same way next week . So 'easy like Monday morning' is an old saying that no one says anymore. For every stay- at-home-husband this below is the Female/wife picture you can only wish for.
If you have a girlfriend who will come over and see you after a she had a hard day at work this picture is also what you are hoping for, if you have not cleaned-up (like shaved and cleanup the kitchen) YET. Your comment to her is: "It was all good just a week ago." Are you serious? Finding ways to feel good these days has become more and more difficult.So pickup the pieces and start mending... You can be very lonely if you blow it any further. Try this line: "I' a man I make mistakes" maybe she will see your potential and hang in there with you a little longer. Avoid becoming' the Man in Crisis.'
When you treat someone well and it comes from the heart, you don’t expect a reward or pat on the back. But what you should expect is not to have your love, your hard earned money, and your time, taken for granted.
When you know your worth, nothing will make you leave a relationship faster than feeling unappreciated! ~ Michael Baisden
So be the best she has ever had even if you are not feeling like the best at anything right now, i.e. make it mind over matter, performance is 60% mental 40% physical.
I often wonder can Men and Women really just communicate as friends/co-workers, Boss/employee.. and agree on the female advancement.
I think we should ask the question.
Can Women advance in a male dominated World without the help of men? Maybe Mothers can help daughters with out arterial motives...Women are still working to get Men's approval in almost every area. A K.I.S.S on her cheek can make her day, and make her feel like she is on top of the World. I'm a guy who worked hard to impress my mother, then my aunts, my female cousins, my female boss (when I had one), my girlfriends, my wife (when I was married) and now female friends who call me BAD. They know I'm always working hard to do good things.I never worry about impressing guys, maybe that is because I could never really impress my Dad, who wanted me to be more like him, he wanted me to play baseball (which I hated) He wanted me to become an Architectural professional and build cities,I picked Computer science as a major, He never could understand that his son choose to be typist as he put it....So I did almost everything in my life to impress the women in my life, because my mother supported everything I did and what I wanted out of life. I've known great mothers over the years... but this next example takes the cake. I heard a mother-in-law pay my good friend the greatest complement the other day. We were at a track and field meet, his daughter was competing in, and my Buddy's eldest daughter just ran the 4X100 she ran the second leg superbly and blew the field away giving her team the lead,and her team mate held on to win. His Mother- in-law turned to my friend and said "Thank you for, sharing your great genes with my family, my grand-daughters are just the greatest because of your contribution." This almost made me stand up and applaud. "Yeah, that's what I'm talking about!"
Hey, this a mother in-law straight from Heaven. My ex-wife has the same kind of mother, I miss her very much, because have not seen her in a long while, she often referred to me as her eldest son, not her Son-in-law, I called her "Mom," not just out of respect but because I lost my mom 3 months after her daughter and I got married to cancer, so we developed a close relationship that based on Love..
What am I trying say here. Mothers can make their daughters better partners because of how they approach their relationships with their daughter's partners. A smart woman wrote a book titled "LEAN IN." which is about the need for women to move into leadership roles.
I believe Men should read it to better understand that women of today are not the women of yesterday.
Some women are critical of the book... They are Missing the points that are most important. Here is someone who (with the support of her husband) got the job of a COO with a great Tech company. Her husband told her to not take the first offer she received but make sure the money was the best compensation she could receive.., Ladies this a good thing. 'Stop hating,' because many of you don't know how to demand what you want without having a Bitchy attitude. Women should lean in when they have a conversation, on any level. Lean forward and look him or her in the eye and ask and tell them what you want. If you do, you will show that you have confidence in your powers, harness that power to advance yourselves.
A Michael Baisden Commentary: Honesty Doesn't Necessarily Equal Integrity
If you want to live a peaceful life be honest in your relationships and
have integrity... there's a difference! Honesty is telling someone the
truth about who you are and what you want. Integrity is caring about how
that truth impacts them. In
other words, if someone wants more out of the relationship than you are
able or willing to give, you must care enough to lean IN and speak UP. Just
because you told them the truth does not remove you from your
responsibility to do the right thing, do the best job possible..
Ladies don't make us men wonder what you want.. TEll US. We can't read your minds but we can hear what you are saying, if you say it in a calm voice.. So be firm and state your case.
With all the talk about gay marriages, same sex marriages, civil unions ect... We need to ask ourselves... What are we really thinking or objecting to? The fact that two people can agree to be together and share their lives. Handle their bills together, their expenses, plan their futures, share their beliefs, their dreams, Make financial commitments to each other, contributing to one household, take care of each other when sick and healthy or making a decision on how to handle their estate in death...
All of the above sound like an agreement , a contract, verbal or written it's all the same thing. Manny marriages fail these days because we don't understant what "I do" relly means "I'm commit to you... I swear, so help me God" Ok, thou shall not SWEAR......in God's name! Really? How often do we break that commandment. And how many other commandment do we break in our so call committed relationships (so call marriage, where we used lip service before our family and friends) ? For better for worse, in sickness and in health, OK maybe Fiancials should be part of the vows... You should vow to stick with each other no matter who loose his or her job.... take care of each other and share the one plate of food you can now afford. It's not what's yours is our and what's mine is mine.. If you make a commitment to honor and respect, treat fairly and stick it out until the end, then do just that. Look at any piture of a crowned gathering and see if you can find your ideal partner for life in the crowd. Isn't this what we face when we are looking for that perfect person?
So you think of it as a long term contract to a commitment you are willing to make not just a marriage of perfet times.
Committed relationships aren’t easy. But couple who endure to have happy, healthy, long-term relationships have one thing in common, they…. are friends first and become best friends over a course of time. Isn't this the way it should be?
Here are a few love quotes that can work in any Loving relationship (just close your eyes and think about LOVE not benefits:
1. Love is a promise, love is a souvenir, once given never forgotten, never let it disappear.
2. Women wish to be loved not because they are pretty, or good, or well bred, or graceful, or intelligent, but because they are themselves.
3. Two lives, two hearts joined together in friendship united forever in love.
4. To the world you are one person, but to one person you are the World.
5. Two souls with but a single thought, Two hearts that beat as one.
6. Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.
7. Love is as much of an object as an obsession, everybody wants it, everybody seeks it, but few ever achieve it, those who do will cherish it, be lost in it, and among all, never... never forget it.
8. Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop.
9. Give her two red roses, each with a note. The first note says For the woman I love and the second, For my best friend.
10. As we grow older together, As we continue to change with age, There is one thing that will never change. . . I will always keep falling in love with you.
We were given: Two hands to hold. Two legs to walk. Two eyes to see. Two ears to listen. But why only one heart? Because the other was given to someone else. For us to find.
So if you are straight or not you can picture the person in your mind you would have no problem saying these things to that person. I know I do.
click on the following for othe blogs on this subject:
Crack her up, an you might bring her home for dinner. Being funny makes you more attractive to women, according to new research in Personality and Individual Differences.
The problem is being funny is way easier said than done. While there's
research here and there about what kind of jokes kill (dead) with the
ladies—one 2011 study found women are most attracted to men who use dry,
sarcastic humor—comedy is hardly an exact science. But luckily for you,
we turned to real comedians and did the legwork.This why Kevin Hart still lives with his mother... OK I don't know that for sure.. But at 5'2" short, he most likely does because he is not fully grown yet. Researchers guess that women might seek funny guys for flings because
it signals that they’re not serious or willing to invest in a mate,yet
according to the study. But many women—regardless if they’re looking for
a one-night stand or future husband—appreciate a comedian: In a survey
of more than 1,000 women ages 21 to 54, 77 percent of women
ranked a sense of humor as their number one must-have in a man, beating
out intelligence, passion, confidence, and generosity.
The problem? Being funny is easier said than done. While there’s
research here and there about what kind of jokes kill with the
ladies—one 2011 study found women are most attracted to men who use dry,
sarcastic humor—comedy is hardly an exact science.
So we turned to real comedians for their advice on how to be a funny flirter.
Use these words of wisdom to make her laugh so hard that she’ll have no
choice but to come back to your place and catch the encore set.
The comedian: Steve Harvey.. Think like man and act like lady! My advice: Don't Use the corniest line in the book.
“I know men sometimes don’t believe that intelligent humor is what impress her on both levels, but trust me: If you want to
bag a cool, smart chick, having a sense of humor is an absolute must.
And it’s best to lead with it—make her laugh, and you’ve got her
attention. Here’s a line I just came up with that would knock my pants
off: Walk up to her and say, ‘Excuse me, I know this is weird, but you
look exactly like my next girlfriend.’ Really? I don't recommend the
standard, ‘Come here often?’—especially if it’s on the train, the
street, or at a funeral. It’s so cheesy that no woman would think you’re
using it seriously.”
The comedian:Kevin Hart. Short people see things differently. My advice: Don’t try so damn hard.
“Try to let your natural wit come out through conversation.
Self-deprecation can work well because it diffuses your ego and lets her
know you’re self-aware. But don’t go too far—too much can make her
think you have zero self-confidence. Joke about what’s happening around
you. Is your waiter being too aggressive with the dessert menu? Is there
a creepy dude at the end of the bar? Joining forces to make fun of the
crazy world around you can be a great way to connect.
The comedian: Rodney Dangerfield. He hates every thing about himself. My advice:Confidence is key.
“Yes, women like funny guys, but it’s what’s behind the funny that’s
so attractive. Guys with a sharp wit and winning sense of humor are
usually chock full of confidence as well. There aren’t a lot of funny
wallflowers out there. And don’t kid yourself—even the nerdish guys like
Woody Allen and Larry David are cocksure. That confidence is what
appeals some what to women. Having a guy who can make them laugh is just
icing on the cake.”
The comedian:Eddie Murphy, he is just raw.
My advice: No obscure impressions, please.
“I like it when we guys uses self-effacing humor. But if a guy starts crying.
Then everyone feels uncomfortable. Please do not do
impressions—especially of someone from your third-grade class about whom
no one knows a damn thing. If you find yourself start doing
impressions, this is the perfect time to excuse yourself to the men's
room, giving everyone time to leave.” Any of the above mentioned comedians can give you examples on how to be funny, however be aware that most woman have also seen them, so copying can bomb if you forget the punch lines. So be naturally funny if at all possible.
'TheNormal Bar,'
29 percent of women say it bothers them “a lot” that their partners aren't more romantic. This could be why many girlfriends and even wives flock
to the other men in their lives—fictional characters like Mr. Darcy, Dr. McDreamy, and Christian Grey—or any movie Denzel Washington is in, to get their romance fix.
Women tell the story that it is about these
make-believe men that make them swoon, then turned to relationship to see how they can make us fellahs into the characters on the pages in the book. The character: Fitzwilliam Darcy (a.k.a. Mr. Darcy) in Pride and Prejudice Why she loves him: The leading man in Jane Austen’s
classic novel is a giant prick at first, but eventually he does the
right thing—saves female protagonist Elizabeth’s family—and keeps it a
secret, refusing to be rewarded or applauded. What he does tell
Elizabeth is exactly how he feels about her, which women love. There’s a
myth that nice guys never come out ahead, but by the end of Pride and Prejudice, Mr. Darcy’s the epitome of a good, old-fashioned nice guy—and he gets the girl. How to be more like him ( don't ask me I have not read the book): However having read the above I summarize the following: Some things, like moral decency, never go out of style, Morality is “ingrained in the definition of romantic love
ever since Plato defined Eros as a love of goodness.” To be more like
Darcy, be generous, honest, and fair—not to impress your woman, but for the
sake of being good. In other words, don’t point out every time you do
the dishes or fold the laundry. She’ll notice that you did it, you don't need to sound the buggle.
The character: Noah Calhoun in The Notebook Why she loves him: “Poetic sensuality” is how Prioleau describes Noah Calhoun’s style. “He seduces [The Notebook's
main character] Allie through the magic of the senses: his exquisite,
hand-restored house; seasoned crabs with hot sauce; a trip to a
beautiful secret lagoon; and bourbon before a crackling fire;” A large part of Noah’s appeal is his
determination in all he does, including fighting to be with Allie to the
very end. Plus, he’s played by Ryan Gosling. So there’s that. How to be more like him: Stimulate her senses, this is what works on most women. Think beautiful flowers in the center of the dining room table,
and a meal you’ve prepared that she can smell when she walks through
the door with flavors that delight her taste buds. Turn on music that
sets the mood, light some candles. Want to go the extra mile? Write
her a note before dinner inviting her to your elaborate meal, and
include a few romantic lines—even if you have to borrow them from a
great poet (or cheesy movie). Your romantic gestures will emulate Noah’s
great effort to make his relationship. The character: Derek Shepherd (a.k.a. Dr. McDreamy) in Grey’s Anatomy Why she loves him: Well, women say he’s dreamy—it’s right there in his name—but the good doc’s appeal is that he’s humble and open to love, says dating coach David Wygant, author of Always Talk to Strangers: 3 Simple Steps to Finding the Love of Your Life.
“He cheated on his wife, but he admitted his faults,” says Wygant.
“He’s able to be vulnerable when he finds the right woman.” That, allows women to feel safe falling in love with him. How to be more like him: To channel McDreamy, become
McListener. It’s important to pay attention to her, and to do
so without judgment. Allow her to express everything so she feels
comfortables. Don’t get defensive if the conversation turns
to your relationship. By simply listening and keeping calm, you’ll make
her feel safe. The character: Rhett Butler in Gone With the Wind Why she loves him: Butler’s style is more primitive
and raw than the others on this list. He’s the very definition of a
manly man, he is primitive manhood in full
mating mode. Throughout the book and movie, Butler looks at female
protagonist Scarlett O’Hara as if he’s seen her naked and can’t wait to
take her clothes off again. He kisses her without invitation. He wants
her, and makes no qualms about it. How to be more like him: “Drop the cool guy approach
to courtship and come on strong. Women are
turned on by being desired, so instead of playing games, you should be
blunt. The ‘player’ movement is off base when it preaches that men
should feign a lack of interest and let women chase them. No matter how successful and independent she might be, the
primal being within her wants to be pursued and sexually irresistible.
Make your move, Butler. The character: Christian Grey in Fifty Shades of Grey Why she loves him: Grey’s ability
to make young Anastasia feel sexy is unparalleled in literature.
Although much has been made of the sexual exploits in the Fifty Shades trilogy—women are guilty!— Grey’s appeal goes much further. Namely, the fact that his
attention is squarely focused on Anastasia 100 percent of the time. He
makes her the center of his universe, his one and only. How to be more like him: Don’t worry, you won’t have
to stock up on extra S&M gear. Instead, show her you give more than
a crap about her: Don’t check your phone when you’re talking to her or
peek at the TV over her shoulder at dinner. Ask her about her day, every
day. Remember when she has a big presentation at work and send her a
text saying "good luck." All that attention will make her feel sexy—and
you just might reap the benefits.
In Sharp contrast we men don't read...... we watch the movie because our dream girl stars in it. We could care less about the plot. if she can use a whip we are watching and thinking she is so HOT.
Men like the star not the character. However if she shows us some moves that we can keep picturing for weeks on end in our minds, then that is all we really need. The image will fade in time and we will find a new Love interest for our imagination.
Then it becomes all about her and the pole.
That's right Ladies we are from Mars and you are from Venus. We are different in every sense of the word. So don 't see your McStudd in the book and expect us to do it automatically with out a director. Who will instruct our every move, yelling "Take 200,Action." We will not do it to you because we don't want you to become our imagination girl we want you to be the best you can be just for us not an audience.
