This is how mature men think about establishing healthy relationships. You Attract What You Are!

The following made me think, about a few things. 

A Michael Baisden Commentary: You Attract What You Are!

For some people cheating is a big game! “It was just sex!” they tell you. But cheating is not a game. Some people actually expect you to mean what you say.

  A man's word, or a woman's, is taken seriously by mature adults, and maybe that’s the problem, most people lack maturity. 

If you want to attract healthy people into your world start by getting rid of negative thoughts, gossiping friends, and dream killing associates who are in your life now!

It might also be a good idea to stop having sex with married or emotionally unavailable men and women. And by the way, cheating emotionally with inappropriate flirting and texting is just as bad. Why would the universe deliver a good person into your life when your choices are so toxic? Karma is real!

But the best advice I can give you, if you’re serious about attracting a significant partner is, stop expecting to attract what you are not!

People kill me with their laundry list of what their ideal mate should be, they expect him or her to be intelligent, attractive, physically fit, be financially stable, be compassionate, honest, affectionate, patient, open minded, have a great personality, etc.. But what they neglect to ask themselves is, “Am I bringing to the table the same qualities I’m asking for?”

Ultimately, all we end up attracting in our relationships is a reflection of who we are…or the person we were too lazy and undisciplined to become.

Food For thought!  I echo these thoughts by Micheal Baisden!

I would like to add my two cents. by giving an example... If you love dancing Salsa, someone who knows the steps is  your ideal partner on the dance floor. I would not want to dance with someone who has two left feet and has no rhythm. The old saying : 'opposites attract... 'may sound good in theory but 'opposite values'  is a terrible combo. Just like a dancing partner who steps on your toes! I think this is the most important things you need to establish in a relationship.  Find someone who avoids stepping on your toes!

You must enjoy spending time with someone who likes and loves the same things you do to make it work.

IT'S TIME TO PLAN A NIGHT OUT ON THE TOWN.(mature folks style) Get dressed in BLACK {hers dress} and [his watch.] He just wears a black watch because he wants to make sure he has the right time to pick her up, while she wants to make sure that he only has eyes for her all night long.Fabulous  black dress is all good, but quick and sexy is better long term. But that's just my opinion!

From a mature man's perspective! There's nothing more frustrating than waiting hours for a woman to get ready to go out. I'm not talking about special occasions, but just to make a quick run to the store or hang out for a hot second with friends at an outside cafe.
Yes, we want our women to look their best, but sometimes the coolest thing in the world is to have a woman who can throw on a pair of fitted jeans, a nice blouse or Tank top, pull her hair back into a ponytail and walk out the door! 

Just try and remember what worked in the beginning does  change over time. Remember when you wished the first rose you bought would last forever. But it wilted in a week or less. a golden rose would have lasted  forever, but it does not have any fragrance... 

So try something else original. 

Here is how to Have Zero Regrets

Decisions relating to love bring about more regret than those involving work, a new study finds.
Researchers performed experiments in which more than 500 men and women rated the intensity of life regrets. Across the board, disappointments involving romance or family—ending a relationship, cheating, or not spending enough time with relatives—were consistently rated as more intense than education or career regrets—quitting a job or dropping out of college. In fact, love regrets outnumbered work regrets by more than 2 to 1 in some comparisons.
simple advise: Make Monogamy Hot
Have date nights, have a "honey you are so fine" weekends.
Listen up, workaholics: You’ll feel much worse about forgetting your anniversary than making a mistake at work. Don’t let your regrets fester. Instead, try to do something to fix them, Use the lessons from the past to avoid making the same mistakes the next time a similar situation arises. Regrets can serve to make you a better, wiser person.” Luckily, it takes only a little effort to keep the romance alive.
Three pointers.

1) Step Away from the Phone and Computer.
OK, you can take some advice from someone who knows, head home from work early to be with your partner. But then don't spend the night G-chatting with friends instead of talking with your partner . Relationship happiness decreases as cell-phone usage increases,  Unplug and unwind together and watch something you can talk about after. You don't have to agree that she is just scandalous in her behavior. You just need to have and open mind and listen to your partners point of view.
2) Be More Attentive
When it comes to romance, forget the box of chocolates and long-stem roses. Instead, just say these magic words: “Tell me about your day.” Wives care most about how affectionate and understanding their husbands are.

3) Get Creative (plan a get away)

Another dinner-and-movie date? Yawn, not very orignial. It’s time to spice things up.  The couples that said they were the most bored in year 7 were significantly less satisfied with their relationship 9 years later. Can’t think of any great new ideas?  Let me help you out! One on One dinning in the Caribbean on the beach. the Surf, and some background music might just do the trick.... and she will remember this quick get away, for many years.

More and more couples are choosing to live happily! Apart?

One in ten British adults are in a relationship but not living with their partner, according to a new study by researchers at Birkbeck University in London, together with colleagues at the University of Bradford and the NatCen Social Research.

Identified by sociologists as LATs (“living apart together”), these are people whom traditional government censuses would normally identify as single — but are far from it.  According to the study, published April 23, LATs in a long-term relationship  keep separate homes as much by choice as by circumstance — if not more.

Now let me get this right. Separate lives... works?

I was married once, and I would have to say it was successful, fun, and exciting for the first 20 years, I did have the maturity of communication skills that it took to have a successful marriage. But the bigger issue was that my wife and I didn’t know how to customize our marriage to work for us! Now that we are divorce, I often  wonder if we had lived separate lives for a few years  before getting divorced, if we would still be legally married, while I reside  in paradise, and she remains in the good old stressful USA!

My advice to couples is to create a marriage that works best for you. Apply the lessons from observing healthy relationships of friends and family, but set your own standards and boundaries… and then tell everyone to mind their own damned business!

If separate lives works for you,
 {"Honey I will see you in a week or so."}
then, by all means give it a try. People make decisions on a whim. Once the decision is made the decision dictates the terms. I currently live in the Caribbean, so I see people making decisions all the time where the wife will migrate to the USA, Canada or Europe or even another Caribbean Island and leave her husband behind to join her later, after she gets legal status to sponsor him and/or the kids. But as she leaves, things change most of the times. The husband wants companionship, she may want occasional companionship (maybe even a live-in "Temp partner(s)."  So the wife expects him to stay in a committed  relationship as the husband expects her to stay faithful, but in the husband's mind she is not laying next to him at night, so he is free to do what he wants, in  his heart she is the "one" he desires.... (men can have sex with other women and not get attached.) Whereas women fall in love quicker if they have sex with a new guy. Maybe this new living happily "apart" works in Europe.
You can reserve your spot in your partners home, Buy him/her this gift.

 But in the West it will take a little time before it happens.  If the two people can  agree to the terms you set you can give each other gifts that remind each other that you have made a commitment to make it work while you are apart.
If these heart shaped handcuff pendant is given to the wife, then every guy she meets will realize that she has made a commitment (even if she is not wearing a wedding band.) Gifts are always worn  are reminders there is an emotional attachment.



                                       

Father's in the Caribbean often keep their kids while their wives head off to greener pastures, with the promise that they all will be united again soon. So I guess this is not so new in Latin America and Caribbean Islands, the European influence in these regions, dates back for centuries. Maybe Happily Apart will become " the new normal."

  

 

It's complicated, but does it really have to be?

After reviewing this picture, I asked myself, are things really this complicated in relationships nowadays, and do they really have to be? This signifies that there is a male shortage... Therefore a few females are being shortchanged. The person who is always satisfied is the Hoe who is in this for the money. the picture shows that nowadays Wives are sharing their husband with 3 other women. maybe 2 while one sits silently on the sidelined and hopes that it all comes to a climax and she becomes the default  perfect partner. The Ex who never let go completely. She has a history with him therefore  is stuck in a rut. Which one of these females fits this describtion.: She is Working it like she is the star of her own catwalk! She is bold. She is fierce. She Keeps stepping with her head held high -- knowing that she got this! Because, in fact, she does! 
 


How many wives/ live-in lovers echo, the caption statement, on  the picture below (Shirley Caesar quote.)  Here she knows that as a couple they have a history... which has endured many mow-hills that seemed like mountains at the time.. But knows that the complications have started creeping in from every angle. The " freak for pay " is the only one who knows where she stands. The Ex (whatever) stays in limbo, finding excuses to call and text or talk about the kids or whatever. The college girl-friend that never allow for a real relationship, with him during their college years, because she wanted a career  right after college and thought a relationship would prevent her from getting what she wanted. Now years later she  thinks that she was wrong for not allowing the relationship to happen. Some of these woman now are thinking they need  to move-on  by hitting the 'start button,' but can't figure out how to  shift to 'forward,' they stay in 'neutral' and slips into 'reverse,' in their heads over and over.
If you are any of these females...identify who you are....... and Finish This Sentence:
 Every relationship should teach me a valuable lesson about myself. The most valuable lessons I've learned from my past relationships is......

OK, let me help you out. Stop wasting valuable time on a person that does not challenge or fulfill you! I'm not suggesting that you quit your relationship today, but at least start working towards making your passion (your needs) your priority.
Procrastination is the number one reason why most people are dreaming their dream instead of living their life's dream!
The problem with a relationship is that there is no “quick fix.” You must exercise patience and work at repairing the damage. Don’t expect the relationship to be the same because it never will be. Nor should it  be. Your relationship should be better, stronger, and different.
But if you feel in your heart that you cannot truly forgive them,  release them, stop punishing yourself and your partner and move on! Otherwise, you will always see him/her as “The person who hurt you, lied to you, and humiliated you.” Be honest with yourself  and make a decision to work it out or leave.
 
 

Stop talking too darn much about yourself! on your first date.

Here’s a novel dating strategy to try: Keep your mouth shut!

Turns out, women are less attracted to men who seem too caring on a first date, according to research in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin.         Really??
In a study, women were less likely to want to sleep with male acquaintances who expressed concern when they opened up, than with men who were less emotionally responsive.
It’s another case of nice guys finishing last. “The ‘too-nice stranger’ may come across as desperate,” says a study from the Interdisciplinary Center Herzliya in Israel. Ooh, so this study was done in Israel. OK, they don't trust anyone who is not from Israel, an are in Israel.

Here is what women like on the first date, Fellahs. Just listen, really listen, without interrupting.

My agenda is a bit sneaky, sure—but so is almost every other man's first-date agenda. We rarely ask a question for the sake of conversation;and neither do women, theirs often have some veiled reason behind their questions, women usual are thinking  Why Him? Who was he with,  before he met me? How do I Keep and Find a Lasting Love? Can this dude be the 'One"? In other words, with one slip of the tongue, you could be mentally  dismissed before the check arrives—or, in the case of  some dudes, before his takeout kids' meal—arrives. When guys  rudely hollered at a passing waiter, "Yo, can I get some chicken fingers?" She knows she wouldn't be swapping honey mustard-flavored saliva later, with this dude. I'm not just playing the harsh critic here: On the first date, the woman has little information to go on, so she over-weights the few things she does know about you."

 My fieldwork could save you—and help you secure date #2 and maybe more.

FIRST-DATE QUESTION 1: "What would you like do tonight?"

Half of my dates  lately are taken to the same spot on a beach board walk restaurant. Why? Because it's close to my home, and the waiters and chef knows me, and most important I love the sound of the surf. If You're planning, or you lack a plan,  this is the first signal of your interest level in her on making a lasting impression,  make sure you  avoid the extremes.  If you leave it to her, she'll feel like she's just taking a number, a process of elimination.
Here is - a tongue in cheek - experience.        disclaimer: NOT My experience.

 A while back, I picked up a lovely date at her parent's home.

I managed to  scraped together some money to take her to a fancy restaurant.

She ordered the most expensive items on the menu . . . Patron tequila, shrimp cocktail, foie gras. lobster, Dom Perignon champagne.

I asked her, "Does your mother feed you like that when you eat at home?"

"No," she replied, "but my mother's not expecting a blow job tonight."

I said, "Would you care for dessert!"


So if you sound desperate to impress her, you'll probably just make her a little uncomfortable. When men spend a lot of money on a first date, women wonder, "What do I have to give in return?" Don't put that pressure on her.
Play it safe by offering two options—one traditional and a bit upscale (say, a steak dinner or a pasta restaurant), the other little adventurous and less pricey (maybe sushi and a walk downtown).
 Just don't suggest a movie. You can't assess chemistry—the kind that involves conversation—in a darkened theater.. this does not work, it never did for anyone I know.

FIRST-DATE QUESTION 2: "What do you do for a living?"

Yes, they will be probing for Intel about your position and income. But it's not because they want to dip into your savings or 401K, right away.... They want to make sure if they like you that your assets are an "Added value" to theirs. An Australian study found, women value these traits—intelligence, ambition, drive—that often accompany wealth building. They interpret your success as their future stability.

Even so, when one of my dates (just the other day), a federal agent, announced her income range to me ( because I told her my former next door neighbors were both Fed agents, she said, "they make good money" "You probably think my job is pretty bad-ass, this is why I get paid the big bucks, to be able to read the character of a person, instantly," I dissed her by saying "hmm, I guess you are suspicious of every man you meet, and put your handcuffs on the table as a warning,  saying if you mess-up you will be arrested!" Instead of leaving me to infer her success—and trust me, women and men can—be  recite their achievements resume-style, she came right out and told me that she was suspicious of everybody. Needless to say I wasn't impressed. She is 44 years old and had not been on a date in 3 years...... That spoke volumes to me.

A better move: Tell folks your job enables you to spend time doing what you love (like being able to vacation in the Caribbean a different Island every year). It's a way to unobtrusively flash your resources while showing that you have interests in enjoying life. If you hate your current gig, simply say, "I don't love my job," and then explain what you really want to do.

FIRST-DATE QUESTION 3: "What's your type?"
I'm a guy living in the Caribbean, after spending most of my adult years in Mayor Metropolitan cities, which to many women translates as easy going  and sweet ( and guess what, I'm still wearing the same size jeans  from my college years.same waist size) A guy who says he liked "cute, skinny, sweet" girls will freak a woman out, if his gut is hanging over his pants. "Even if you describe your ideal woman, it only makes her think, 'Wow, I'm like every other girl he goes for, or I'm not even close.  She doesn't feel special, and it makes you seem a little rigid in your selection criteria."

The same goes for detailing your dislikes. ("I won't date a girl who has a kid. Or who didn't go to college."  You're just going to make the woman nervous, and want to cut the evening short.

Focus on your ideal areas of compatibility—talk about, having an interest in road biking or traveling. And be sure to show some flexibility. Your line: "I'm looking for a woman who shares some of my interests and who has some of her own that I might adopt." That way she won't think you'll write her off if your love of the Miami Heat isn't mutual.

FIRST-DATE QUESTION 4: "What's your family like?"

My family was not dysfunctional, and I want someone who can relate to "normal." But some folks will   surprised even me. A lady I dateda long time ago revealed, "My dad's kind of an asshole. My parents never really cared about me." , Note: When you say anything that sounds angry or emotional on a first date, it's like it's on steroids. Translation: If you say "asshole," He or she may hear "abusive alcoholic" in your past. Oooh, Oooh!

We all  want an honest glimpse into someone's family life. Just temper that honesty. One of my dates, for example, said, "My dad died when I was 19. But my mom's everything a mother should be." She disclosed something personal without being overly emotional, and then ended on a positive note.

If your family is truly fantastic, "pick the one quality you love about your mother, then the quality she loved about your father-why she married him or had had his child (you),"

FIRST-DATE QUESTION 5: "Why'd you decide to try online dating?"

The most common response I've heard is: "I'm tired of the bar scene." Maybe my dates were trying to convey maturity. But, really, they just left me wondering if they'd traded nights out for nights online. "Women don't want to say they met you at a bar," to their friends. "However, dating is a numbers game. Join a dating site but keep going out—even if it's just  to wine tastings or restaurants (where everyone knows you)—and ask friends to set you up (make sure you like their choice in mates.)

Once you land an online date, tell her about your relationship-oriented reasons for joining the site. One guy, for example, told me, "My brother met his fiancee on Match, so I figured I'd give it a try." Another said," My buddy met his wife on the site. He convinced me to sign up." If you don't have a success story to share (or the mention of marriage makes you sweat), say, "I'm looking to meet the right girl (while he is a middle age guy,) and this seemed like the best way to do it." He is talking about girls and he is not a boy anymore...

FIRST-DATE QUESTION 6: "Want to split the bill?"

As anticipated, none of my dates took me up on my offer to go Dutch. LOL. It was just a test. But when one said, "No, that's okay. It's pretty cheap, you should be able to afford it" she may as well have offered to pay for the date (she implied that I was cheap). The point of paying is not the amount but that you don't want her putting any money out.
Really impress her, shift the focus away from your wallet and onto the relationship. My favorite respons when a woman offered to pay for my dinner was: "Are you kidding? It's the least I can do. I've been looking forward to meeting you." (This almost made up for me looking over her head and  staring at ESPN all night.)

Warning: She'll probably argue with you. But most likely she doesn't mean it. In an MSNBC.com survey, more than half of women said they always offer to pay, but 34 percent admitted to being annoyed when men actually accepted. If she keeps insisting, say, "I'll get this one and you can get the next." That's a safe reply even if her offer was sincere or not sincere.

EPILOGUE: The postdate text (be very careful here, because you are putting it in writing)

"Hope that wasn't too painful for you." I had just walked in the door after a not too bad date when this text message rolled in. I could barely muster a response. It shows that she thinks you're out of her league, that she has no self-confidence.
A poorly executed postdate text can negate even a near-perfect evening. The right one, on the other hand, can turn a "maybe" into an "I want to see you again." Men need to be attracted to women physically. For women, that's not the first priority. Women want a confident man. Sending her a postdate text that puts your feelings out there can be risky. But that takes confidence, and women take notice.

Once you're back home, shoot her a short text that shows gratitude and includes "Let's do it again soon, "  Then a day or a day and a half later, ask her out for a second date."how about some Salsa dancing?"! 
That's my B.A.D. advice on 'First dates' in a nut-shell

---

Her 'indecent proposal,' caught my attention!

“ It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them. ”
— Ralph Waldo Emerson

I must be getting slow on the pickup. I found an email from someone named Iris in my inbox. Now I knew an Iris  that was nice looking woman that  was practical joker. Even thought I did not recognize the email address, I though maybe just maybe she found my email address in her roller-deck and decided to contact me. Iris S. was my banker for a few years, we often talked, she would ask me "when are you getting a divorce? If you were not married  I would make you an indecent proposal." So I would say: "You are my banker, offer me a Million Dollar to have passionate sex with you and see what happens."  She always blushed an I had a man's blush after I  answered her. So when I saw the email  I thought: "hmmm, I'm no longer married, so maybe, just maybe she might still want me." so I clicked on the msg. and saw a  link and click on it and the first thing that popped up was this statement:"Get the best bang for your buck" shortly after a college student faces looking back at me popped up, then this pic below with a male co-ed looking like he just got spanked  and an other female looking like she is part of this threesome awaiting her turn..patiently.

 OKayyy, I know what you are thinking... because my mine when straight to the gutter, I'm writing about 'indecent porposals.' because women are bolder these days!

This is what pictures can do, they can do more than just make you think, they advance ideas.

The ideas of the author of this email is to make me react like a pervert and keep clicking on every link and share my private info, that's  my laptop, with  them. They then can market to me at will.

Spam  can be stopped, by using some simple PC cleanner software. However this is the "New abnormal Normal." 

Back in the day, I did know college student that were strippers at night  in the Club called "lipstick" and a student during the day at expensive Ivy league Universities, these schools was expensive even back when I was a struggling student. But today Indecent proposals are a little further out there. My question is it Indecent because we assume it has immoral implications. The fact that there has been a sexual evolution has nothing to do with morality and decency. Women are equal to men, in my view. , Hey,  Ask me out, make sexual advances towards me. IOk with that! This gives the option to say "yes" or "NO." It is not always the right time. I'm not 'always ready Freddy.' there is more on my schedule, and agenda than 'quickies.'

 

The point that I'm making here is that some young women are out of control. IF young women at Spring break their behavior is a about make a "slash" on Youtube, they may forget that they are Making their  parents have to  hide from their friends because of their little girl is in Cancun, posing for the cameras.Actions have consiquences girls. This Dad would not be paying for you to go next year... trust me.

This is "the new Normal" folks. Dads are getting greyer (50 shades of grey) by the minute with each picture of his little girl gone wild on every media platform out there. I'm glad I have sons, they know what I have a problem with so they don't ever let me see  it on  facebook or twitter.

Business know that they  can catch your attention with ads like these.

 

But parents are subjected to this after they pay for their daughters go on a fun vacations. Guys these days see this so often that they  don't react to what's going on in-front of then anymore, if the phone chimes."wow, I have a call from someone else." Girl  do things on a dare, more so these days. Strip poker was often played back in the day in dorm rooms in private sessions one on one, but poker is not being played on University campuses as much anymore. They just strip and flash their tattas, just because their girlz are doing it.

 

I currently live on an Island that have nude beaches.. If I have a problem with nudity,  I just don't go to that beach. I pick one like this one.I don't have a problem with nudity if this is the thing at that beach.

 

Back to 'indecent proposals'

The  fact that some girls post these pics on facebook speaks volumes... It says "I don't care who sees it." Wow. Parents must be loosing their minds when they see this. No matter how liberal you are. I think this caption would make you pause and say "Really."

 Practice makes perfection. If your parents saw you doing this in your room, young lady, they would panic. And ask the question.. "who is influencing our daughters?" What is she doing on campus. Is our money being well spent on education.  Or buying bottles that are large at the neck ?????

 

International comp...Female sports: Now this is off the chain... This in my book is an  indecent proposal. Men may not have a problem seeing this. But I think women would be a bit taken back. This is just my BAD opinion.

The peculiar dignity of a man dining in a restaurant... alone is a poem?

The other day I read this poem, and asked myself: "how many times have I dined alone in a restaurant?"

"The peculiar dignity of men seen eating alone in restaurants on national holidays"  This quote is by Stanley Elkin.

 The poem.

The peculiar dignity of men seen eating alone in restaurants*

Waitresses never ask what you're reading
but they always smile when you eat alone
not that usual one, the one that invites a conversation
but those sad smiles, that caress the edges of pity
But the soup is wonderful, and I don't think I need more water
however if it's not too much trouble I could use another manhattan
Some say eating alone is depressing,
but nonsense, it's the way to go
to prove to yourself that loneliness will not
be the death of you.
It's got it's good points
nobody else to eat the good bread from the basket
no judgment that you shouldn't have another drink
perhaps that isn't enough
but even at the worst points, you can look up
and the waitress will smile
and you'll tell her how wonderful the soup is
and in that moment, things will seem quiet.

My thought automatically went to how I must be  perceived, by others, when I choose to  dine alone in a  restaurant. Frankly I hate questions like " is that a vegetable omelet, or is there meat in it?" So when I'm alone, I don't have to answer these kinds of  crepe questions.

I seldom care what people think, but it has crossed my mind: Am  I being perceived as a loner, a loser, someone who has no friends, or worst yet, someone who would be perceived as a dangerous bomb-maker. 

Women in  sharp contrast are seldom seen in public dining or doing anything alone , they usually are in groups of 3 or larger. 

Even if they are  in a relationship with someone, they always call  a hangout girlfriend to join then for girls time.
Guys need to head to  a sports bar or an event to be part of  crowded place. If we are not in the mood to be  hanging with many people, we go fishing. Personally I hate sports-bars, not because I hate sports, on the contrary I love sports. I hate jerks who start arguments about who has 'game and who sucks.'
Women can be laughing about silly pickup lines that guys use and enjoy their conversations. Where as us guys will have two drinks and start arguments on who was the all-time greatest players, fighter or swimmer. Old school dudes will drop names that the hip hop generation have never heard of, which will cause an argument, "if he was that good how come I have never hear of him."  which will cause an argument instantly..
Finding a peaceful way to dine alone is peculiar to some, but to someone who likes his own company it is dignifying way to dine and think in peace.
I'm a guy who looks for ways to improve in every area, I'm not stuck in my ways of for the lack of a better term " my BAD habits."  So I will spend a little time reading this book during my alone time sometime this week.

http://www.amazon.com/Never-Eat-Alone-Secrets-Relationship/dp/0385512058/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1367251945&sr=1-1&keywords=never+eat+alone

Taking advantage of alone time to make positive changes is always a good thing. I have always thought of myself worth with  some pride of accomplishments. The fact that I take my time to study a subject, and not rush out to make an impression on someone , UN-prepared, is not me. A person  might not even  be interested in being impressed by me.  So why rush. When you rush... and hit a stone wall, you  say, "oops, that didn't work!" That is the worst feeling!
Many guys do this all to often. - Rush to impress a woman or a new employer before someone else does.- Yes we all  would like to get there first but she will remember the last person who made an solid impression on her as 'the lasting impression.' So think about how well you are prepared before jumping the gun,and getting called for a 'FALSE start' and being dis-qualified immediately.
Making a lasting impression is about doing things with  dignity and composure to close the deal. Hat in hand. Yes, I know, that so old school.. But do you think she will see it as: Good manners and respect for her. if you remove your hat as you approach her.
I think she might be impressed, just a little bit....  Now ask to join her for a drink in 'French.' That my friends is class that is timeless.

Being Scarred mentally does not show, when someone first meet you.

Books, TV series  and movies sometimes make titles look sexy. there is nothing sexy about being  "scarred ."

What do scars reveal about us? They indicate that something went wrong in our past... Do they make us jaded, cynical, less trusting, always on guard, never relaxed, ready for the worst? Does a scandal in your past remind you of happy times? I don't think so. I guess there are scars that are sexy. Scandals that are made to look sexy  by adding a sexy face or/and  body to the picture. It's always about married men or women doing something scandalous with a younger single member of the opposite sex. I'm not being judgmental here, but I have to say an affair with a single older/younger person who is not married is not a scandal maker because the affair is acceptal in today's society, unless one of the parties is in a committed relationship. We need to find reasons after a painful breakup.to justify to ourselves why we should start and pursue new relationships is often slowed down by hesitation. The scars need to heal but they  will not stay hidden forever. No amount of makeup will coverup emotional scars, which will leave a person emotionally spent and often defensive about thing they might say and do, and the new person may not have the patience to deal with your healing period.

How will a new new person react when the true you is revealed. Will there be understanding or will there be what you fair most. The one thing that will make this easier is being honest from the moment your eyes meet. Answer inquiry questions.....  truthfully and find ways to make the new person understand that they will have to be the cause of you being 'the best You' if you and this new person hookup. Many guys will give you a piggyback ride in the beginning... women will never!

 But if you are not honest from the start they will start questioning if you will have his back or just ride his back for all your personal gains. If you  have the perfect job, the perfect house, and  once had the perfect relationship, you will also have comparison issues. When tragedy strikes, your  world could  takes a devastating turn. You may vow to yourself  to never  love again. If you don’t allow another man/woman into your heart, then there’s no reason for you go through the possibility to feel the pain of a loss again. This plan may seem  to work, but it will be put to the test when you can’t stand the suffering any longer.

When a new love possible Love interest   learns about you  loss,(scar revealed)  he/she might want nothing more than to be there for you. Will his/her love and determination make you strong enough to give faith second chance, or will your fear of losing another love make you run away?

Firstly, let me defend the position of taking time to heal by saying most women don’t cheat while in a relationship, at least not in the same way men do. Especially when they’re in an established relationship/ like engaged or married; and are happy. If they’re really into a dude, they’re loyal from the first kiss. Faithfulness is hardwired into most female circuitry, like they  need to cuddle and buy shoes.

Now, the unfortunate exception: some do. Okay, a lot do: 39 % of women will act on the urging of their cheating hearts at least once, according to recent surveys. And if a woman is going to cheat, there are surprisingly common times when she’s likely to do it. Pay attention, because even if you’re sure your woman would never cheat, the urge may pop up at one of these times.Where as, we men don't have a specific time to cheat, it can happen just because our favorite team lost the Superbowl and we need to have someone, who will share that moment and not say "hey! it was just a stupid game, get over it." I'm just being BAD here, sex and sports have nothing in common. Right?