The Six Enemies of Greatness (and Happiness)

These six factors can erode the grandest of plans and the noblest of intentions, and the best Romances. They can turn visionaries into paper-pushers and wide-eyed dreamers into shivering, weeping balls of regret. And turn folks in relationships into folks who can't find their way to Happiness.  Beware!

 1) Availability

We often settle for what’s available, and what’s available isn’t always great. “Because it was there,” is an okay reason to climb a mountain, but not a very good reason to take a job or a free sample at the supermarket. Some of us are settling for a mundane  evenings of having sex out of obligation , instead of rocking  each other’s World. 

 2) Ignorance

If we don’t know how to make something great, we simply won’t. If we don’t know that greatness is possible, we won’t bother attempting it. All too often, we literally do not know any better than good enough. Sound like your life with that woman/  that man you choose to be with. You may not know  you could be  spicing up your    life together, giving you a feeling that your choice was the right one for picking each other. 

 3) Committees

Nothing destroys a good idea faster than a mandatory consensus. The lowest common denominator is never a high standard. Stop going to your friends for advice. Hell.... they don’t know that much themselves.

 4) Comfort

Why pursue greatness when you’ve already got 324 channels and a recliner? Pass the dip and forget about your grand desires.He isn't the hunk you wish your could be dancing with, ( but  for him) you are that once in a life time babe. Need I say more!

5) Momentum

If you’ve been doing what you’re doing for years and its not-so-great, you are in a rut. Many people refer to these ruts as careers. And have a Love  affairs with their partners need to be a good reason for getting  out of a rut.

Hate to dance? Get over it. Women often  rate the good dancers as more attractive and—believe it or not—more masculine, 

6) Passivity

There’s a difference between being agreeable and agreeing to everything. Trust the little internal voice that tells you, “this is a B.A.D idea.”  Try saying this not why I picked you to be my partner. If I wanted to have someone who  agrees with me all the time.I could have an one-way conversation. 
I know I will agree with me, So STOP going along to get along and...... help me balance out my life, this is why I picked you. 

So let's talk about stepping out of our comfort zones, and learn how to fly and soar. Sing along  if want (the lyrics are provided for that reason.) 

"I Believe I Can Fly"

I used to think that I could not go on
And life was nothing but an awful song
But now I know the meaning of true love
I'm leaning on the everlasting arms

If I can see it, then I can do it
If I just believe it, there's nothing to it

[Chorus:]
I believe I can fly
I believe I can touch the sky
I think about it every night and day
Spread my wings and fly away
I believe I can soar
I see me running through that open door
I believe I can fly
I believe I can fly
I believe I can fly

See I was on the verge of breaking down
Sometimes silence can seem so loud
There are miracles in life I must achieve
But first I know it starts inside of me, oh

If I can see it, then I can be it
If I just believe it, there's nothing to it

[Chorus]

Hey, cause I believe in me, oh

If I can see it, then I can be it
If I just believe it, there's nothing to it

[Chorus]

Hey, if I just spread my wings
I can fly
I can fly
I can fly, hey
If I just spread my wings
I can fly
Fly-eye-eye

Why do we always compare ourselves to celebrity couples?

The Persuaders - Thin Line between Love & Hate

Celebrities  inspire us because they look better than the average couple.  Just look at them.

Beyonce and Jay Z

but they also force us to be critical of them and ourselves.  We start putting everyone in categories based on celebrities relationships. Sparking comments like: 'They would not be together unless he had money big times....' Or 'she is with him because he is a great singer/rapper.' Or 'he can manager her career well.'

Seal and Heidi Klum

 Inter-racial couples get it the worst because we don't want them to be happy. So if and when they break up we have an opinion on why we knew it would not work. We start talking as if we know these people personally. We judge them like we would judge or own families and friends... Simply because they just live the lives we wish we could be living. Where perfection has another meaning. If we can't be perfect then the celebs we love should be... or we start hating.  This is hate and Love at its best and its worst.  People looking at their heroes in a glass fish-bowl and wishing that we could interact with them constantly..... but thanks to social media sometime we can. With reality shows making celebrities more human showing their flaws, we become the crazies that can stark them by looking into their bedrooms their pool sides parties, extravagant  vacations. When they step onto that mega Yacht, our dreams and fantasies are right there with them. Tasting every chef created meal, every glass of expensive wine and other spirit. We jump to endorse their diets, their spending habits. Lines of clothing that they wear... It must be the best if our hero celebs are wearing that brand. 

Jada Pinkett and Will Smith

When they have a block buster Movie or a great hit song we relive their success in our minds as if it they were our personal properties.

 They can't make a mistake without all of us tuning in on their lives with our opinions and critiques       

Lets face it ! We are obsessed with Celebrities.... Their lives are our 'want-a-be' lives. Since these are heroes to us we can see them as normal ever day people. They are reading a script every day and playing the rolls that we see as perfection.   

Nich Lachey and Vanessa

1. 
   

Celebrities  couples just look way better than the average couple. They almost always have these perfect bodies, both of them. How come the rest of us can't be that lucky to find that perfect looking mate and why can't we all be that good looking ourselves. Simple fact,  it is just the way it is, just get over it. The cameras love these people because they are so close to perfection the rest of us will never be able to step into their perfect shoes. Cinderella and Prince charming were perfect in the cartoons we read about and watched as kids-movies when we were kids or even as grownups. 

Every little girl grows up seeking to meet her prince charming, And every little boy grows up looking for his sleeping beauty( she needs to be beautiful when she is asleep with no make up or she don't qualify.) So when we see celebs that look like and living  our fantasies living (this is how we want to live our lives, ) we either Love them or hate them sometimes we even do both at the same time. We live  that thin line between love and hate everyday.... . We become either people who copying the Persuaders (originals) or those who favor the Pretenders (copiers) The tune is the same just the artist is different. But in our minds it is all about our perspective . this song has two versions that show that we all are Lovers of celebs who are persuaders or pretenders.... So me are all in these categories ourselves because we emulate our favorite Celebs... whom we either Love or hate... but that can change at the drop of a hat after all there is a thin line.....

The Pretenders - Thin Line Between Love And Hate

Some of us become really Romantic , when someone we Love speaks or sing to our heart

Before you start reading this post listen and watch this video. She is Loving me still, Waw. this is music to my ears.

 I was asked not to long ago if I'm a romantic Dude.... After all I do have B.A.D intitials , My response was my BAD- label came about in my case as a result of me  living in N.Y. back in the day, it meant real Good  back then. 

I'm a romantic dude for the most part..... One lady commented in one of my post . That she could hear Barry White singing in my words 'dripping with Honey.' I must admit that was one of the greatest compliment I ever  received.  I believe that being Romantic is where a Man will express himself in a thoughtful manner  to the woman he is addressing. The gift of gab is for comedians. Who  say things that are funny and make everyone laugh. A  guy, like me don't want to or need to do that. We want to whisper in her ear and make her get goose bumps. Instant 'Foreplay' 101.... It  starts in how she reacts to my voice, my touch and my command of the moment. If you can't establish that connection you have nothing going on later, so make a great impression from the out set. 

  Think of ways to set the mood just right.... If you live in place where you have access to a beach. Setting up this kind of romantic dinner may not be as hard as you think some resorts may be willing to do it for you.

I'm a guy who  believes nature is the most effective Romantic setting you can find. WE are always force to do our thing in-doors because the World is so over populated it is hard to find your spot in a natural setting to express your romantic side. I love being in the Caribbean for this simple reason. Just picture yourself  chilling  in a setting like this with that special someone,
Forget about the  rest of the World...

This is that other--- Oooh Aaah moment---  I know that this will creat specieal memories

 If two people can't find each other in this setting then they don't need to be together.
Life together should be about trying to create Adam and Eve moments you will remember for years and years..

The water is calm and the right temp. So just get wet... even it is only your feet.

A little Blue Magic: What's come over me might set the right mood . 

So When the sun is shining and the breezes are cool, try and make it a great day. If you can't go to the beach at least look at this pic and imagine yourself there... With the right person.

 .

If you are committed to it, you can fix it.....

If people aren’t perfect, relationships can’t be perfect. There will be things said and done that will be sweet and bitter. There will be good days and bad days, richer days and poorer days, sick days and healthy days.
I must admit this pic got me thinking, what happens to us Men when we need to clean up our messy lives? We usually don't ask for help or we get help and advise from the wrong sources. More often than not we deal with our problems in a negative way and  in the wrong places. Like  turning to mind altering drugs and living in the 'Bottle' local bars,   drinking instead of being home with a 'Loving Queen'  who God  created to be at your side and protect you. Yes, just like in Chess, the game of planning and making the right moves. The King goes down and the game is over. The Queen protect and tries to prevent the King from destruction . We play life of Chess with Checkers rules, making moves that don't make sense.

I have seen it first hand. I see it happening every day, just look at how many relationships fail because good men don let their Queens protect them from themselves.  We are men and we don't need help from the person who is you life partner, we want a servant to wait on us hand and foot and never question us. But when we are failing we don't look for help from the person who vowed to standby us through good and BAD, for richer or poorer, Sickness and health.
We have lost the meaning of what those Vows mean they are not just words they should be practices. When a relationship fail it is because neither Men or Women refer to their vows before calling it quits...... It has become so simple to cancel a contract legally. We finalize the process in the Courts that started at the alter witness by God,our families and friends.



Life is about changing what isn't working, If you don't like what is happening in your relationship find away to resolve it quickly. Don't let it linger.
A poison that cause a slow death is agonizing, the antidote is in quick resolution of conflict, you need to get back to the normal happy moments you committed to.






It all starts with commitment and it should survive based on continuous commitment.
The guy pulls out the ring and the princess thinks "For me" and welcomes the gesture.

She shows off the ring to her girls who are all at the wedding but  most of them are almost never in the courts with you when you are ending the marriage. They are watching from a distance and trying to stay out of your business. LOL. Those who know what it takes to make a relationship work and last should advise others, who don't, so that we can save the next generation from copying these  destructive practices.
We need to copy our Grand parents who are the right examples on how to do it right.  They often made it last,  way into their later years, where they have someone who Loves them  by their  side saving  and comforting each other. They vowed to stick it out and didn't quit when thinks got tough.

Reaching a 'Climax'

I was watching this Video when I decided to write this post  (click on it) 'Reaching a Climax' by Usher.
I kept playing it over and over, so I could understand the New mindset of 'Reaching a Climax' these days. Something has changed, Reaching a Climax use to mean the ultimate in pleasure, But today it means breaking up, get to that point of no return.  This is how language has changed as has the mindset on Romance and Love,  it is all about confrontational  issues. I'm a man who thinks a bit old school. When I saw the title I started thinking Usher will telling  a story about making his lady smile for weeks. My BAD, not in this era. The relationships these days are  like Arenas with Gladiators,  fighting to the death. Or to the splitting up. 'Love' is now a battlefield, so you better have your game plan and your play book ready when you get ready to go out on a date..... with someone New.

Who thinks like that any way ? Definitely Not someone who is looking for happiness and Endless Love.
When a guy walks up to a lady he would like to get to know, her new line of choice is  'Oooh, Jesus has my heart ' .......but Jesus was all about Love not rejection. So you are using 'Jesus' name in vain to reject a dude.... Not cool
The fake approach
And even before you even meet you start with a little 'sexting.' So you generate interest. Maybe when he shows up and he is not your type, you can say 'those  boobs aren't mind' when he shows you the pics you sent him.
His surprised  reaction is ' Are you sure those aren't yours?'

Some women create interest with 'a disclaimer' ready and on hand ,if he does not meet her standards.  This is the mode we are operating in these days. 
     
It keeps getting harder and harder, because we are not trying  to be 'real,' it's all about 'the game.' To get past the brick wall requires a Jack-hammer to chisel of the ice first.
Sorry, I don't have the time or the interest in doing that kind of work. So warm up to the idea that you are one of many on the open market.  You can be special, but you have to act that way. Not the opposite. Being cold  and Bitchy is not a turn 'On'. The laws of physics  for instant combustion maybe using friction. But mental friction is like turning on the gas and stiking a match when the room has filled up with gas. Boom!
 We blowup and the end happens before we even get started. The 'ultimate Climax' in the New Romance era. So if artist like Usher are driving women crazy with these lyrics then we are going nowhere fast. 
Bring back Peabo Bryson 'reach for the stars,' and Roberta  Flack a little 'killing me softly with his songs.'
I can listen to Usher but I will not use his lines on someone I want to get close to.

Even Christmas starts with an argument and ends with a Bang these days

Let's bring Sexy back
For me it's about chemistry.
It all start with the look of confidence and the walk that says  'can you handle this,' come strong or stay away. No knuckle-heads  with smart instant negative  remarks will get my attention.
Her walk needs to tell me that she knows what a real 'Climax' feels like.

Finding ways to connect in a personal way

We all would like to connect with that special person, instantly. No drama ------off beat script that keeps bringing some annoyance into the mix. ----   Can we just hold hands and not start wondering  if an ulterior motive is at play here, every time we touch. The peaceful energy we should get from each other is often interrupted by thoughts of ---where are we going with these touches--- Am I putting myself  at an disadvantage if I stay too relaxed and let what ever happens from this point on just  happen.
I wish we could just relax and enjoy these moments, with out negative thoughts, creeping into our heads.

A lot of us men take the term "foreplay" quite literally—it's the work put in before playtime begins. But in a study published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, 60 percent of women said foreplay was their favorite part of sex. It's no wonder: A surveyed of nearly 1,900 women  found that 68 percent of them considered excellent foreplay very important (or even essential) to their ability to orgasm.

This might come as a shock to some guys, but it doesn't surprise me, for the past 12 years I've worked hard at trying to understand what women want  (I was working at saving a relationship heading for a cliff, that did go over the cliff.) I've learned  that we Men and women take different paths to the big payoff. Guys generally just want to plunge into the pleasure zone, while women are...women.That is to say, well, a bit more complex.

Which leads me back to 'foreplay.' Follow this 4  step to the  stairway to heaven and you'll give her orgasms she'll brag about to her friends.(maybe)....

4 Ways to turn her on, Location, location, location location

Let us look at the things we men  should not do: There’s a reason why you and your wife of 20 years don’t ravage each other anymore, and it isn't for the fella's lack of trying.  Women in a committed relationship report lower levels of sexual desire over time. While a guy’s desire stays the same. (Yet another reason to start with a lusty woman to begin with!)

So are you to blame for her lack of lust? Not necessarily,  For women with a lower sex drive in the first place, the switch to a deeper emotional bond may reduce some of the excitement associated with sex in new relationships. 

4 Things You Do That Kill Her Sex Drive (avoid them)

1. Ignoring Her Appearance
Guys in long-term relationships tend to stop noticing when their partner looks pretty, and so much of female sexual desire is tied to a sense of self-esteem. Pay her a few simple compliments every day, like letting her know she’s sexy. (I actually screwed up royally for years on this one.)

2. Putting Her Under Pressure
Don’t worry or question her about getting orgasms, just stay relaxed and focused on playful touching,  This means no performance pressure on either of you. Let whatever happens happen in its own time—or not. Good sex is about connection and sensual satisfaction, not number of orgasms produced. And here’s a nice added benefit to staying calm: The relaxation is good for erections, so that is plus for both of us.

3. Using Porn As a Benchmark
It’s good to keep the sex hot—but it’s more important to keep it real. In other words, forget that cool move you caught on XTube.  ”Just because you saw a sexual practice in a film doesn’t mean it’s safe or satisfying.  And it might not even be something she’s into. If you need extreme stimulation to perform with a partner, you may want to cut back on overstimulation. A desensitized brain can also find sex less arousing. As you restore your brain to normal sensitivity, regular sex behaviors become enjoyable again. Time to rediscover the wonders of the missionary position. 

4. Leaving Her Lips Hanging
As men get comfortable in a relationship, our approach to 'foreplay' tends to focus on the moments leading up to sex. But female desire doesn’t operate like a light switch that turns on and off—it’s more like a dimmer, Small acts of intimacy like hugging and kissing can get her in the mood. But don’t get antsy: “Don’t expect her to be immediately turned on.

We men should learn how to relax our women, a massage is something she may not want from a stranger, who may have the perfect technique down. But she will appreciate it from her man, who took the time to learn how to do it just right!
I'm still a work in progress in this area, going from BAD to good is not easy.... My last lady- love  would ask for me to give her massage often (at least twice a week) and I would think 'not again' but it often lead to a pleasurable experience from time to time, so it is worth the effort.

When in doubt 'Let the feeling flow.'

    

The BAD girl you will never forget!

Do you ever wonder whatever happen to that one woman that challenged you at every turn to perform at your peak level? Every man should have a woman that does that to him at some point in his life. Either professionally or/and sexually. You never forget her and you wonder sometimes what you would do if she suddenly were to appear out of nowhere, and shocked you with a line that she would challenged you with back when you were together.    

We men never forget that one female from our past that rocked our Worlds. There is just something about her that made her unforgettable. Not just the Sexy exterior but also the passion that she generated in you with her seductive nature that made you get up in the middle of the night by just  tapping on your bedroom window after she hung out with her girls and decided she would come over and live out a new fantasy of the things they talked about.

News flash: Women talk dirty when they get together and have a few drinks.  We men drink and  boast about our exploits, while some women talk about what they would like  to have done to them.

When she left her friends after drinking a few glasses of whatever and heads over to your house to visit you at 3 am and request that you blow her mind, which is what she deems as the ultimate passionate roll in the sheets for 3 hours or more. She might even keep the bowtie on after disrobing, adding to the fantasies that you are now sharing. You never forget these experiences and sometimes wonder what happened to her, you may have seen her once or twice, from a distance, after the last time you had an encounter. She has moved on and you have moved on.       

She is and always was that  special memory.  The term ‘classy freak’  comes to mind when you think of her. I can now understand why President J.F.K and his brother R.K. were both obsessed with Marilyn Monroe. She was sexy to the point where men in almost all age groups had fantasies about her.  I was lucky to have someone in my memory banks who ranks in that fantasy category. I consider myself fortunate  to have had someone like that  play a roll in life.

The one that caused spontaneous combustion just by sitting across from me or next to me in the car and had me wondering if she was wearing panties. Then she would reveal that  she wasn't. OMG. What a night followed that  dinner date. If my bedroom only had the cameras I now have installed for security purposes  around the house in my bedroom. I would have the proof  of what I’m now describing. That 'she was all that and a bag of chips.' 

The original BAD girl who had this guy with the BAD initials’ nose wide open for as long as it lasted. I still remember the flat stomach and the rebellious attitude. That spoke volumes on ‘I dare you to try and satisfy me.’

We broke up before I had my ultimate fantasy with her as my limousine driver/ BAD girl…… playmate!

One of the only problems was I started thinking that I couldn't hold on to her  because she was a flirt and attracted fellas left,  right and center. Here is where your mind works overtime thinking if she makes me perform like this, who else will she or did she have feeling this way.

Come on Baby light my fire, in a BAD way!