Lies She's Been Telling You Since You Met!

OK, the World cup  is over and Germany won, fair and square!. No controversy there. you both preferred Brazil to win  but they were not strong like Brazilian teams of the past! So now what?

 she's a permanent sport fan...now?  think again! Just as you embellish your resumé to impress potential employers, you fudge some personal details on a first date to boost your odds of scoring a second. Your girlfriend probably did this, too—and chances are, she's kept a few ruses going ever since. Here are some of the fibs she still drops daily, and what she really means instead.

1. “I’m a Huge Sports Fan!” .....really?

There are plenty of genuine female sports fanatics, but many women are a bit more “OMG, sport night again?” on the subject. Problem is, they’ll still spend countless hours perched in front of a big screen with you and your friends, pretending to have fun but secretly wanting to escape by any means necessary. Some women believe that to keep a guy interested, she must love what he loves. Not true. While it’s great to support each other's passions, if she keeps watching ESPN to make you happy, it will foster resentment. 

Get the truth: Don’t make a big deal about it. Just give her an out—and let her know it’s okay to take it. Say, “Hey, we're going to watch the game. You’re welcome to come, but if you’re sick of baseball, NFL football, Hockey, basketball, MLS soccer... I totally understand.”

2. “I Like My Independence” 

Of course she values her freedom, but she'll pretend she likes to take things slower than she really does to avoid coming off as desperate. When given too much ‘space,’ women feel unattended to. she tells you to go out with your buddies, and then gets upset that you aren't hanging out with her. 

Get the truth: Let her know you’re into her. The more secure she feels in you bond, the more likely she is to tell you what she really wants from the relationship. You don't need to have a capital-T "The Talk"—just make some small gestures. Randomly text her, "just thinking about you," or pick her up her favorite snack because, hey, you were listening.

3. “I’m Always in the Mood”

She couldn't keep her hands off you in the early stages of your relationship, but now it's a precedent she worries about keeping up. Women are very much aware of their partner’s sensitivity in this area and don’t want to do anything to bruise their egos. But obligatory sex doesn't make for orgasms or an emotional connections.

Get the truth: If you’re not sure she wants you to make a move. ask her simply, “Want to have a little fun? It’s okay, If you’re too tired . We can rest up for tomorrow.” (Wink.) It’s all about letting her know that if she says “not tonight,” you aren't going to roll over and pout  like a 10 year old.. 

4. “It’s Cool You Have So Many Friends Who Are women”

In theory, ladies love men with platonic pals. (“Finally, a guy who understands women!”) But in reality, guy-girl friendships can cause a lot of jealously. There is such a bad connotation to the word ‘jealous, but it’s natural to have some degree of jealousy when you care about someone. It’s instinct. 

Get the truth: You don’t have to ditch your female friends. Just let her know that sometimes you get jealous, too. Whether it’s from her hanging out with her “work husband” or accepting free drinks at the bar, tell her when the feeling crops up. It will help her see that jealously is perfectly normal. Plus, by showing her that you care about her enough to be jealous, she might be less worried about you straying.

5. “I’m Low-Maintenance” 

A low-maintenance woman has never felt the need to utter this phrase. But if your partner doesn't lay down any rules and always says she’s “cool” with whatever, something could be up. She could be afraid of coming off as difficult, demanding, or, yes, high-maintenance. And while no woman is going to kick off a first date with a list of demands, if you’re getting serious and still haven’t heard them, that’s a problem.

Get the truth: Watch your words. If you find yourself complaining about a difficult ex- or talking about how you “just hate drama,” you might be giving her the impression she needs to put on a super laid-back show.

6. “I’m Fine” 

Despite what it seems, she’s not trying to be passive-aggressive. She’s genuinely trying to hide that she’s upset. “Saying ‘I’m fine’ can be easier than telling the truth, because she knows telling the truth risks making you defensive or angry. Or that you won’t understand. But bottom line in her feelings—even if they're less than logical—can spell more trouble down the road. And honestly, if you drop the issue after she says, “I’m fine,” you’re probably in trouble. 

Get the truth: Instead of “What’s wrong?" try “You seem upset. Tell me what’s on your mind.” It lets her know you're all ears. As hard as it is, just listen. Let her share her feelings, knowing it isn't your responsibility to fix her. Or it's your responsibility to anticipate all future fixable problems before they happen. Keep the superman cap dry-cleaned and ready, at a moments notice!.

5 simple things that you still need to do for her!

A week ago, a female I know told me this story: her car battery died. Completely. Wouldn't even attempt to turn over. Although she knew what she needed to do--pop the hood, remove the battery, and lug it over to a shop to have someone charge it up--the first thought that popped into her head was not one of 21st century self-sufficiency.Nope. Instead, it was that she  should call her guy, who was 500 miles away at the time, to see what he could possibly do to help her out. Because, the way she sees it, fixing her car problems, even if she is  perfectly capable of fixing them herself, is part of his job as the guy in the relationship.

Guess what? She's not alone. "It's a funny conundrum that women are able to do so much on their own, and yet they still expect men to take care of certain things.This is a great example of 'evolutionary lag' at work." According to Mehta, 'evolutionary lag' is exactly what it sounds like--a term that explains how our Stone Age bodies haven't quite caught up to our Space Age brains (and relationships). "Research shows that women still look to men to protect and provide, much like our female ancestors,

(Science can back all those warm feelings you have for her. Check out these 3 Relationship Cliches That Are Actually True.)

In other words, even though modern conveniences (such as AAA) render her reliance on you almost unnecessary, she still harbors a deep-seated desire to see you step up to the plate in certain ways. Here are five things she can probably do herself, but she expects you to do for her, anyway--and of course how to deal with this horrible double-standard.

1. Fix car problems
Dead battery, burned out headlight, flat tire--if there's an issue with her car, she wants you to fix it. This doesn't necessarily mean you have to replace the headlight or change the tire yourself (although you should probably know how to change a tire), because what she really wants you to do is fix the problem using whatever means you deem necessary. If the problem warrants a trip to the shop, she expects you to get her car to the shop. (When having to diagnose the check engine light, you're most likely dealing with one of these potential issues.)

The reason behind her desire to see you fix things is gender role orientation, according to relationship expert Tracy Thomas, Ph.D. "We are socialized to see the masculine role as being the 'doer' or 'achiever,'" Thomas says. She wants to see you do something--even if that something is just pushing her car to the nearest gas station.

2. Defend her
Swords may be a thing of the past, but you'll still win points by verbally jumping to her defense. If she feels insulted, confronted, or like she got the raw end of a deal, it's your job to step in and stand up for her. She'll appreciate it even if she's normally a confrontational person, according to Thomas. "Women today are socialized in both feminine and masculine gender roles, which makes them sort of androgynous.So, often, there's so much of that masculinity there, in them, that they want to have somewhere--for many, it's the bedroom--where they can just have that feminine experience and feel masculine energy that's not their own.

To refrain from appearing too caveman-like with your defense, gauge the situation first. If she's absolutely killing it with the comebacks, wait until she asks you to step in. (Want to prove that chivalry isn't dead? Check out these tips on how to be the perfect guy for her.)

3. Lift heavy things
You probably already know this, but if a box weighs more than 50 pounds, you get the honor of lugging it up the stairs--even if she can bench her weight and squat 300. Not only is it usually more efficient for the stronger partner to carry heavy things, it's evolutionarily sexy."Women look to men in situations that involve strength, as they did in prehistoric times.

Of course, if she really does kick ass at the gym, you may involuntarily insult her by sweeping up her things and implying she's not all that tough. Just feel out whether she wants it. A simple question like, 'would you like me to help or hang back,' can clarify what she's looking for.  Help with her work out,by making  suggestions.But  let her place the 25 lbs  plates back in the rack herself unless she asks for your help.  

4. Be the expert
The old joke is that guys don't like reading instructions any more than they like asking for directions. Well, neither does she. "You should be the one who's willing to read the directions for household appliances, so she doesn't have to, this goes back to gender role orientation and the male as the 'achiever'--she wants you to be able and fix them, or at least troubleshoot them, if necessary. If you are right there, be available as she picks up the red phone and calls.

The same goes for navigation, though you shouldn't take that to mean that you can never ask for directions. Ultimately, what she cares about is your ability to get her from one place to another--even if that means stopping and consulting a friendly gas station attendant every so often. "She doesn't really care how you get things done, just that you get them done," Thomas says. (Be her personal handyman. Here's everything you need to know to fix ANYTHING around the house.)

5. Take the first watch

This isn't as daunting as it sounds--she wants you to "take the first watch," but in little ways.If there's a situation in which she'll be uncomfortable, such as opening the door for the pizza guy when she's in the middle of getting ready, or taking the trash out in the rain, she sort of expects you to take on that inconvenience for her. Even running errands shows that you're the masculine 'doer,' or the agent who goes out and accomplishes things. hit the trail jack and hike down to the store and pickup the Pizza. 

I use my playlist as a foreplayl

Want to turn a late-night cocktail into an all-night encore? Concoct a sexy playlist. Let an old school-er with modern day  taste, director of special projects at bringing you  some tasteful seductive Beat Music, point you to the right type of  mix . I will not suggest that you use my exact playlist, but will give you some example hits.

1. Begin with Audio Foreplay. Start with a sexy bass line—just avoid the obvious slow jams. "That's like walking into the room with your pants already at your ankles. Try a song like "What You Won't Do for Love" by Bobby Caldwell.  

2. Give Her Something FamiliarCue up a couple of known songs by such artists as Rihanna, Beyonce, Justin Timberlake, or Marvin Gaye.  "let's get it on" Once her hips start to sway, you can move in a little closer.

3. Bring on the Slow Jams After five or six songs, it's finally safe to switch over to a slower, more sensual love song, like John Legend's inescapable "All of Me." or Gregory Abbott's- "shake You Down."  Now make your move.  Read the signs, move nice and smooth. haste makes waste. I'm sure you don't want to undo all that the music has done by blowing it and rushing to get to the cookie to soon!

Now I know this is short post , but if I get long winded on this one, you will have too much to remember.  Like Nike, just check off  1-2-3 and move forward.

Make it all because of HER

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears!

Before you see this blog as female bashing... permit me to repeat the caption:  "The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair."
The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart the place where love resides. ~ Audrey Hepburn. in her soul.( I added that last part).

However if you are suffering from "Attention Deficit Disorder" ---- A-D-D!

You suffer from a lack of attention  and it is causing you to act out of ORDER( just for quick reference" what do you do when you see a sign that says "out of Order" ... you turn around and walk away and try to find one that is working perfectly) . Breast hanging out on Facebook, skirt barely concealing your Butt. Disorderly conduct. Grown women, suffering from “Attention Deficit Disorder”.

I WISH there was a medication that I could prescribe to curb your desperate desire for the attention of a man at any cost.a new -Ritalin that raises standards. The Side affects “could cause a sudden surge of self-worth”.

Tell me what  WON’T you do to get a man to look at you? I will give you a minute to ponder that thought. It appears that anything goes, off with the clothes. You have misdiagnosed your behavior as HIGH SELF ESTEEM, PRIDE…”You work it , twerk  it”. So you work-out to show all of Facebook how tight your butt has now become ? Why would strange men care other than to lust after it for fun, take a moment to try and get “some”? Do you need validation of your looks, your sexuality, physical appeal from total strangers? Attention Deficit Disorder. Standing in the bathroom, the place of ultimate privacy….you snap pictures of YOURSELF in various stages of undress.

- Attention Deficit Disorder. You don’t care where or how they SEE you, you must be SEEN. Feeling invisible, unwanted, you MUST have something that a man will notice. Lets try this and this and this. Lips full and red promising pleasure. Bend over on the bed legs spread. Not enough hits or likes or better yet shares. Take it all off, add a phone # a personal email address. Anything, anybody, Perverts, Predators…."please notice  me." Come on now  "You see, (guys) I am suffering here," I have not had MY medication, your validation. If you don’t tell me that I am beautiful, how will I ever know….for sure. I am a Woman Who Wants MORE, just some MORE, just enough. Lust for me, come for me, use me…at least once ..... YOU SEE, that I exist. I will continue to SCREAM with my BUTT, Show off with MY BREAST, RANT AND RAVE until you NOTICE me,  Attention Deficit Disorder-ADD- or better yet ADHD  Attention deficit Hysterical Dis-order. Is there a Doctor in the House? The Great Physician. Dr. Jehovah Rafa, can you prescribe a pill for self-hate ? A shot of self-respect ? We suffer from Attention Deficit Disorder. Dr. Shalom, can we get a prescription for some inner peace? We are dying to be noticed, crying to be noticed. Blindness has set in and we don’t see ourselves as we are. Beautiful, priceless and perfect. Born in the image of our Father. Open our eyes so that we may seek attention from YOU, the God of ORDER in whom there are NO deficits.
I have not had my medication, your validation.

Now let put it in simple terms you can understand. You are raising daughters to be just like you! with your messed up values! your lack of self R-E-S-P -E-C-T!
you have  A-D-D, and A-D-H-D and your kid will also!

STOP the MADNESS! 

I placed this old tune video below just to show that men think differently about the women we REALLY  want...to have a life with.  it may sound really old-school,  like from  back in your grand-daddy's day. but  real men have not changed... it'sf time for you to become a real woman and change to someone with REAL values!

Did you know you could turn her on. with just your attributes! Part 2

If you missed part 1 here is the link: 

Fellahs....Did you know you could turn her on with just your attributes? part 1

Want to learn how to turn a woman on? Well, you have come to the right place. What you are about to read will give you different ways to peak a woman’s interest and can even arouse her. No this isn't about where to kiss her, and different ways to touch her body. We are talking about achieving this without ever laying a finger on her. Non physical attributes play a big role in generating attraction with a woman, and here are some that can truly have an impact.

This is one that for a lot of women isn't a huge issue if you're not. But, that doesn't mean they don't like to see a man that knows how to get his hands dirty. It doesn't mean you need to be an all out mechanic, or build furniture from scratch. It just means that knowing how to handle things around a house or on your own can be a very sexy attribute to a lot of women. It comes off as very manly and naturally women are drawn to masculine energy.
My BAD experience: the  above  might be true, but don't expect her to  grab your hands and hold them tightly until you have done a complete scrub-down after the job is done , and changed into something she likes to see you wear.. 

It is well known that making a woman laugh can take you a long way. Unlike some of the other things mentioned on this list, it probably doesn't generate as much "arousal." But, it will draw a woman more to you. We all like to smile, so learning how to have a good sense of humor is a great thing to strive for. You don't have to be stand up comic funny, and have jokes ready to go. Just remember that laughter is good for the soul and can definitely help you appear more attractive to a woman.

My BAD experience:  I hate to contradict what I just stated, but making an A-hole of yourself   in front of all her friends, get's you labeled a "clown."  If they are laughing at you , and not your jokes, this can result in an argument after you get back to her place or your place. Try the jokes out  on her in private  first,before   making a fool of yourself with her, in public!

This one right here doesn't get talked about enough, but it sure can make a difference between turning her off and turning her on. A woman likes to be desired (hopefully respectfully) but when you start to look desperate, that just isn't a good look. Understanding how to show desire without crossing the line of desperation will work in your favor. Coming off as "thirsty" (I know that term gets abused and misused a lot) will probably leave you with nothing to drink.

My BAD experience: Okay, let’s get something out of the way first: she’s probably not comparing you to Brad Pitt. Women don’t pick apart your naked self as much as you might imagine. They’re less aroused by a naked male body than they are by depictions of actual sex activity.so talk a good game!

Your words and knowing how to use them can be powerful. The ability to communicate can make you a very desirable man. That is how some men who don't have many of the other things on the list still get women. They learned how to listen, and how to seduce her mind with effective communication. A lot of women love to talk and a man that knows how to talk to them can see a huge benefit.

My BAD experience: But while the butt-naked you may not be hitting the same arousal buttons as her bared body does in your eyes, you can be sure that she is checking you out nonetheless. All of you. Studies tracking eye movement show women give men the once-over physically just as much as men do women.  So when you drop trousers in her presence, keep the following intel in mind. She is more interested in how I say, what I will do to her, than what I think she will like. 

A lot of women are sensitive to smell, so if your breath or body is a little funky, then that probably isn't going to work in your favor. Putting more effort into your hygiene is a great thing to do. A lot of men take this for granted, but when you smell fresh and clean that can make a woman want to get closer to you. Also invest in some good cologne (please don't drown yourself in it), and some type of smell good that you can use on a daily basis. Some women may like some "funk" but most are turned on by a nice smelling man.

My BAD experience: She’s hoping you smell good
If you’re smart, you’ll borrow this tip. The amygdala is very close to the olfactory bulb where your sense of smell takes place. Brain research recently found that the amygdala has been shown to play a major role in sexuality. Smells and sex have a very intimate relationship, so let her pick the scent you should wear to appear more sexy to her in bed.
This is one of the most important, if not the most important factor in turning a woman on and gaining her attention. Confidence is sexy. Women love it, and the same goes for men. If you lack confidence, your energy isn't likely to arouse her one bit. You have to see the value in who you are, and be comfortable with who you are. Just don't confuse confidence with arrogance. Confidence presents itself, arrogance tends to have to announce itself. 

My BAD experience: knowing how to close the deal is important. a man  can meet a woman, charm her, land her in bed... and that's when the worrying begins. More often than not, he may reach orgasm too soon. He desperately wants his body to be cooler and calmer, to handle the great gift he's been rewarded with. When it doesn't, he feels inadequate, defective.  whatever you , don't say "Oops!" in a Governor of Texas  Rick Perry voice

Fellahs....Did you know you could turn her on with just your attributes? part 1

I knwo this might raise some eyebrowes, but my research backs this up. 
- For a lot of women, a smart man is a sexy man. Knowledge is power, and it can definitely intrigue a woman. Now I know what some of you are thinking, "nerds don't get the girls". Well some do. And the one's that don't have allowed other turn offs to overshadow this great attribute. Having the ability to carry on an intelligent conversation can have a very positive effect on a woman.
My B.A.D experience: It's all in the image you project... when I was 5 years old, my very wise  iconic Uncle came to my parents home for a visit, He did that every year. as he came on Government business. His tailor was always ready for his visit, bringing swatches of material for my uncle to choose from. His suites were always custom made. I  asked my mom  why he always wore suites.. he over heard me and responded: " A man that looks good in a suite, always commands respect." I knew from that point on, that his message should be my motto, it was clear and simple, even a 5 year old could understand. 

- When you do something considerate, it can make a woman feel special. And that can sometimes materialize into a greater attraction. Being mindful of her feelings and doing small gestures to show her you're thinking about her can easily win you some points. You're pouring into her emotionally and that makes her much more receptive to you.
My BAD experience: Social media allows us to get personal without  being too personal or creepy and yet we don't do the simple things that can make someone  take notice that we are reaching out. By sending a picture of her favorite  place... or her favorite flowers... will her go: "hhmmm?" these are gesture that says.. "I know what you like!"  

- Most women (if not all) are not turned out by a man they view as too soft and passive. Knowing how to be assertive and putting your foot down at the right time (in the right way) can cause that woman to melt right before your eyes. That doesn't mean go out and behave like an a-hole, or treat her like she is beneath you. It just means stand strong, handle your business, and demand respect. If she can't respect you, then she won't have a desire for you.
My BAD experience: I live with woman and her two  kids, actually they lived with me.... we had 3 Tvs in the house, but yet she insisted that what she wanted to watch on TV  in the living-room, was more important than what  I was watching at the time. We started arguing about what to watch. then I gave her my final answer. 'I'm watch the game, which is currently  "live" and it will not be repeated, you want to watch re-runs, go into the bedroom and watch your show in there, this is my final answer.' LOL. we broke up a few months later and her and her kids moved out taking 2 TVs with them . Oh well I guess I got the last word....<smirking>  

- Even though men tend to be more superficial than women, don't be fooled. She is paying attention, and she too wants something nice to look at. It doesn't mean you need to have expensive clothes or flashy jewelry. Simply learning how to present yourself as well put together can do wonders. Know how to rock a suit, and that casual outfit. Don't forget a nice pair of shoes. A lot of women are looking at your shoes whether you realize it or not.
My BAD experience: " would you like to have a spit-shine, sir"  my reaction was less that positive when a shoe shiner in Grand Central station pointed to my shoes on my way to an interview at IBM. As luck will have it, he was a messenger from heaven  sent to guarantee me the job I wanted fresh out of college. the Interviewer was a lady who look at my shoes first, then she look up at my face after scanning my custom made suit. I got the job.... which was my start in the industry that became my success story for many years. Had I not gotten that spit-shine, who knows maybe I would not have made that first-great-impression.   

- A man with no aspirations and no drive can be a huge turn off for a woman. Yes, there are plenty of good for nothing men getting women to be with them, but that is due to a deeper issue to be discussed another time. The reality is most women crave a man with some ambition. Having passion and a purpose can really do it for her. It gives off the energy of a man who is about handling his business, and a woman loves to see that.
My BAD experience: transition years can be tough, as we men go from the comfort of a career that served us well for many years to pursuing a a dream....... we can be looked at as "less attractive" to a woman who had grown used to having man who had plenty of money to spend on her. but If she sees the dream you have... maybe, just maybe she might decide to come along for the  ride with of staring into the sunset.


I decided to make this the part 1 of a a two part blog post. the next post will have the rest of my B.A.D. thoughts. here is the link to part II.

Here are 6 tips for couples

According to the Small Business Administration, there are more than 28 million small businesses in the US of America. These small businesses employ half of the working population, with 52% of them being home-based, and many of these being run by couples. Husband and wife teams, successfully established their own home-based business.

Here are 6 tips for couples to increase the likelihood of having a successful home-based business together:  My Bad perspective: this will also build harmony in your marriage.

1. Be a team. When going into business together, it is important that couples make the commitment to also be a team for their business. Being a team and being on the same page about it is crucial. This means doing things that will better the business, including avoiding petty arguments that will slow progress and growth. My Bad perspective: Here is Why ( I believer) couples, have  problems in the 21st century of building a business  together is because, men  may not be willing to accept the role of being equal partners with their wives, or taking  on the role of second in command or  being her subordinate.

2. Define roles. Each individual will bring his or her own set of strengths to the partnership. Define roles based on what you do best and most enjoy doing. Each person should be responsible for something and be the boss of a particular area.. My Bad perspective: Couples, have a problem defining roles not because they can't relate to each other, but because who would accept new roles in the relationships... (personally and in business).  Who is better at something than the other....especial when you are raising kids. Nix the age old  labeling of that is "a man's job," and that is "a woman's responsibility."

3. Be respectful. Just as people who work together in offices outside of their marriage need to be respectful of one another, so too do couples. Give each other the same respect that would be given to co-workers in any other setting.  My Bad perspective: here again is where it gets tricky, RESPECT your better half... that's right I said it ( not tongue in cheek) we men, respect our wives when we have to. But practice makes perfect.. if you practice having respect for each other you will become really good at it. Can you think of anything more important. If a man says: "she is the best at what she does" and the woman says:" he is the best at what he does"    

4. Take breaks. Since there is a couple involved, not everything can be all work. It is important to break away from the duties and work and have some fun, take some breaks, and leave it all behind. Plan a lunch outing once a week where no work is discussed.  My Bad perspective: power couples need to have fun and relax together. 

5. Use humor. When challenges do arise, it will help if they are approached with humor. There are always going to be hurdles for anyone to cross and work their way around. But using humor can make things much more bearable.  My Bad perspective: look out. here comes that train... into 'the station of sensitivity' make sure that humor becomes a LOL, LMAO, "tell me that joke about me again.But  Make sure you don't embellish to make it BAD humor. "

6. Consider offices. If possible, consider having separate home offices. This gives everyone their own space and then you can come back together to discuss work items.  My Bad perspective: having space to operate is key, because my desk (like most men) is  a random access area. (this works for me because it forces me to remember where I last saw a item I now need).. while  My ladies desk might be  perfectly organized. so sharing the same space, can be come problematic. she will frown at your messy desk, while you ( as a man) will be reminded <smirking>. that her space looks great, but she may still have moments when she can't find where she hid  something from herself in the name of having order and  being totally  organized.   

OK maybe, just maybe,  if couples could apply these 6 simple  tips into other part of their relationships more that 52% of couples would have successful personal relationships as couples.