a Woman is not one of your Boys, stop talking to her as if she is a guy

 OK, Because male-based generics are another indicator — and more importantly, a reinforcer — of a system in which "man" in the abstract and men in the flesh are privileged over women. Some say that language merely reflects reality and so we should ignore our words and work on changing the unequal gender arrangements that are reflected in our language. Well, yes, in part.

Did he just refer to me as "man"

It's no accident that "man" is the anchor in our language and "woman" is not. And of course we should make social change all over the place. But the words we use can also reinforce current realities when they are sexist (or racist or heterosexist). Words are tools of thought. We can use words to maintain the status quo or to think in new ways -- which in turn creates the possibility of a new reality. It makes a difference if I think of myself as a "man" or a "woman" it makes a difference if we talk about "Negroes" or "African-Americans." Do we want a truly inclusive language or one that just pretends?

I need to pay more attention to what I call women

I'm convinced that choosing not to use "guys" is not just about creating a "new reality," but also has more immediate, personal consequences. A friend who works on a male-dominated team in field in which woman are scarce told me, "It used to not really bother me — because I say it a ton, and really don't mind when addressed as such because it's basically ingrained in society. But I've found that now that I'm on a team with only men, when they use it, it bothers me more." she said.

I asked around on Social Media and found that while plenty of people (men and women) said they used "guys" and their mixed-gender groups of friends were fine with it, plenty more said they were trying to eliminate it.  They offered up their alternatives, and there were more options than had originally occurred to me. However when guys get together and refer to their buddies as "ladies" or "bitches" the y are being sarcastic of insulting.  think before you insult people what does that say about you when you do things that this all of the time.

maybe we should give people the option and let them pick what works best for them  for example

• Friends

• Folks
• Everyone
• Colleagues
• Gang
• Team
• Y'all
• Guys and girls

They are not all going to fit every personality, or be appropriate in every situation, but it seems there are enough alternatives that we can pick and choose without too much trouble.

Why Being Alone Is Better Than Being In A Bad Relationship

 Growing up, you probably saw your fair share of movies and TV shows that portrayed relationships as some sort of fairytale. In that world, no problems ever existed. Unfortunately, most, if not all, relationships go through trials and tribulations. Indeed, these challenges can either strengthen or weaken the couple’s relationship. Bumps in the road happen in any relationship, but if you find that you feel stressed, anxious, depressed, or any other negative emotion the majority of the time in your relationship, then it can send your mental and physical health on a downward spiral.

So my relationship is not like a fairytale?

Many people feel very afraid of being alone and would rather stay in an unhealthy relationship, surprisingly, but this can cost you your sanity and energy in the long run. Scientists have also found truth in this idea and reveal why you’ll fare better alone than in a bad relationship.

In reality, we’d all like every relationship to go smoothly and not give us any headaches. But with the state of the world today, this just isn’t realistic. Every couple will go through their ups and downs. But the key to a healthy relationship is that you work together as a team and connect deeply on many levels. Couples should support and encourage each other, showing plenty of love and affection along the way. Each party should take time to fully listen and understand their partner during discussions or disagreements. Respect, trust, communication, and love have to exist for a long-term relationship to work. You get through the hard times together, supporting one another along the way and celebrating the good times while they last.

 studies  on the relationships of couples from rural Iowa and found that staying in an unhealthy relationship damages one’s health far more than remaining single. Taking data from a sample of young folks coming from two-parent, married families, the lead researcher on the team,  one-third of the subjects went through pretty major changes in their relationships over the course of two years.

“the research took into account satisfaction, partner hostility, questions about criticism, support, kindness, affection and commitment,” says Barr. “We also asked about how partners behave outside of the relationship. Do they  depressive symptoms, alcohol problems, and poorer general health.

do not make it complicated when it isnt, its all biological

 

When you are living in your head, she is living in her head, your thoughts are different.

Men and women are different–and think differently

There are some good biological reasons for that. Studies of brain scans of men and women show that women tend to use both sides of their brain because they have a larger corpus callosum. This is the bridge between the two hemispheres of the brain and allows women to share information between those two halves of the brain faster than men. Men tend to use the left side of the brain which is the more logical and rational side of the brain.

Scans also reveal other interesting ways in which men and women do things differently or process information differently from each other.

Perception

Women have smaller brains that are more tightly packed with connections. This allows women to perform better at tasks involving the bigger picture and situational thinking. A man’s brain tends to perform better at spatial thinking involving recognizing patterns and problem solving with objects in a spatial environment.

One Track Mind

Men tend to excel better at singular tasks while women are better at juggling a number of tasks at once. This may stem from the primordial male role of the hunter who is fixated on a singular objective while the traditional female role of manager of the home forced her to juggle many tasks simultaneously.

3. Social Interactions

Women tend to perform better in social situations than men do. Men tend to excel at more abstract thinking and task-oriented jobs. Again, this may stem from the traditional gender roles whereby women had to work together to accomplish more complex tasks while men spent more time alone stalking prey.

4. Dealing with Emotions

Women have a larger limbic system in their brains which allows them to be more in touch and expressive about their emotions. Men tend to be a little oblivious with emotions that are not explicitly verbalized. Men tend to be more logical in their thinking and dismiss information that is not directly involved with the issue they are tackling. Women tend to be much more empathetic and susceptible to emotions influencing their thinking.

5. Do the Math

Men tend to have larger inferior parietal lobules than women. This area of the brain is thought to control mathematical ability and processes. Men tend to do better with math because of this. This isn’t to say that there are not women who are great at math, but that men have a small biological advantage when it comes to math and logic-based skills.

Dealing With Pain

The amygdala is the area of the brain responsible for pain. Pain is activated in either the right (men) or left (women) hemispheres. The right side is more connected with external stimuli, while the left is more connected to internal stimuli. Women tend to feel pain more intensely than men do because of this.

7. Learn Languages

Women tend to be better at learning languages and are more attuned to words and sounds. This may be why men tend to find it harder to express themselves verbally. It may stem from the increased demand on women over millions of years to cooperate and organize in order to manage large complex tasks.

8. Women Remember Better

Women tend to have higher activity in their hippocampus, the region responsible for forming and storing memories, than men do. Studies have shown that women tend to remember faces, names, objects and events better than men.

 Ask for Directions

Men tend to have better spatial-reasoning skills and are better at remembering geographic details. They tend to have a better innate sense of direction and remember where areas and locations are. This ability most likely stems from their days as hunters when men had to navigate long distances without the aid of a map and compass.

10. Risk Taking

Men tend to be more likely to take risks. Women tend to be more risk-averse. Men get a bigger dose of endorphins when they take risks. The bigger the risk, the larger the pleasure derived from the risky behavior. Men may be specialized to take more risks because of early human’s need to hunt down food which may be larger, stronger, and more dangerous than a single man. Hunting is also inherently dangerous as you think some predator may be stalking you while you are stalking another prey animal.

Final thought.

Sex.....

Men tend to be more visual in what arouses them, while women tend to be turned on by a combination of things like ambiance, emotions, scents as well as visual perceptions.

While equal, men and women have different biological strengths and weaknesses. These differences may stem from a very long period of specialization between genders. Humans have been hunter/gatherers much longer than we have been civilized farmers and tradesmen. This long period of adaptation to changing environments may be responsible in some small part for traditional gender roles based on biology and physical specialization. Men and women, while different, are complementary like a knife and a fork.

I'm not that guy

 

another email from that guy! hmm what is his game?

How do you get a woman to pay more attention?

By always staying just on the attainable side of the attainable-unattainable divide, you leave an interested woman with little choice but to increase her compliance and availability to get you. For instance, say you meet a girl who is adept at getting men to pay her more attention.

Different women have different attention needs. Some women need lots of attention from lots of people. Some women only need a small amount of quality attention from a few close/important folks. But all women need attention. Not “attention with a point.” When you give a woman too much attention, you are communicating that you’re OBSESSED. In other words, you’re almost the OPPOSITE of a CHALLENGE. Have you ever heard a woman say “I just met this really sensitive, thoughtful, sweet guy that calls me 100 times a day and sends me flowers and cards and gifts… and I just can’t stop thinking about him…”?

OK maybe you have not heard her say that about you but she might have said to her friends

When you try to figure out how to get a woman want you, consider the huge importance
of paying attention to the subtle clues she gives to you while communicating.

So how to get a woman to want you?

Please, read on.

When people interact with others, they’re mostly paying attention to the dialog
inside their own heads.

The majority of women relate to their own emotions in a very, very serious way; in
fact, I would say deadly serious.

They are different compared to men: they follow their own emotional reactions and
think of those emotional reactions as “extremely serious business”

In a dating situation women will basically give you “clues” of how they feel
emotionally all the time.

Sometime they will do that verbally and much more often non-verbally.

Do not expect a woman to tell you what she thinks or wants directly: she loses too
much of her sexual power if she does that.

Her sexual power is in forcing you into having to “guess” what she feels so that you
must invest your energy into her.

While you talk pay attention to the expression of her face, the movements of her
eyes, her lips, her breathing, her posture, legs, feet and whether she has open or
closed body language.

The winning seductive strategy is to carefully monitor her reactions while you talk
to her.

That will be like having her on the truth machine, telling you everything you need
to do and say to seduce her.

Watching her reactions carefully will be like having a GPS telling you where to
direct your car.

When you become good at doing this, with time you will begin to notice that she’ll
tell you, both consciously and unconsciously, how to make her feel attraction for
you.

Women will subtly let you know what you must do to seduce them.

If you notice this and pick up on it, you can affect the communication with her and
create attraction, and even recover from mistakes in calibration.

All women – even those who are HSE (high self-esteem) – are to a certain extent
addicted to attention.

If you miss their subtle messages they will come to the conclusion that you are not
really interested in what they feel and this will work against you.

.

Reasons Why You’re Indecisive (And Ways to Reverse It)

 

choices choices choices!

Life is all about making decisions. From choosing what to eat to deciding on life-changing opportunities, each day is filled with options that you must pick between. If you have trouble with being indecisive, it can clog your life with unnecessarily wasted time.

Indecision is a common problem that many face, and it’s a complex topic with many potential causes and solutions. Here are five reasons why you’re indecisive and ways to reverse that in 5 methods.

 

Do any of these trait's sound like you?

You are A Perfectionist

People may tout perfectionism as a positive thing, but its drawbacks can be easily seen within the term itself. Indeed, it’s the act of seeking perfection, something that is inherently impossible. There’s no way to make everything perfect all the time because nothing is perfect, and that’s part of what makes life interesting.

• Perfectionism can often mean fear of not getting the best outcome, making it hard to make decisions when even a slightly less favorable result would be condemned as imperfect.
• Perfectionism can stem from childhood upbringing; if you were in an environment where being right was more important than learning and growing, your desire to be right can muddle decision-making with an obsession with getting it right.
• Many decisions involve unknown elements, and perfectionists like to analyze every bit of knowledge to make the best decision, even when that knowledge isn’t available.

2.    You Are Afraid

Fear is a powerful motivator. Being afraid can make someone act out of character, show their true colors after years of hiding, or trap someone in a stagnant, frozen state – that’s how powerful it can be. And being frozen in fear is a quick way to become too frightened to decide anything. You might be afraid that:

• You’ll make the wrong decision
• You will lose valuable safety nets
• You’ll have to deal with change and adjustments
• You won’t be able to know what’s coming next
• You’ll suffer as a result of your choices
• You’re not good enough for your decisions

These kinds of fears quickly prevent you from solidifying a choice. The consequences for that choice are ones you may not ever want to face. Worse still, this can result in you making no decisions at all and winding up in an even worse situation than if you’d just picked anything at all.

3.    You’ve Lost Sight Of Your Goals

Big decisions are all about choosing which ones best align with your personal goals. When you’ve lost sight of where you’re heading in life, it’s easy for choices to become harder to make. You don’t feel the pull of your passions and drive as strongly, so you’re crippled as to what would best help you.

5 Reasons Why You’re Indecisive (And 5 Ways to Reverse It)

Life is all about making decisions. From choosing what to eat to deciding on life-changing opportunities, each day is filled with options that you must pick between. If you have trouble with being indecisive, it can clog your life with unnecessarily wasted time.

Indecision is a common problem that many face, and it’s a complex topic with many potential causes and solutions. Here are five reasons why you’re indecisive and ways to reverse that in 5 methods.

Do any of these traits sound like you?

    You Want To Please Everyone

It’s okay to enjoy making others happy. But at the end of the day, you can’t be responsible for others, nor can you successfully please everyone in your life. Some of the decisions you make will face disagreement and discord, and you’ll have to make choices against the wishes of the people around you.

If you’re trying to please everyone and gain everyone’s validation and approval, it’s pretty apparent that indecision will follow. You emphasize the desires of others instead of your own. While it’s good to listen to other perspectives and accommodate some people in certain circumstances, decisions regarding your life have to be influenced primarily by you.

Ask Who You’re Aiming To Please

It’s true that sometimes, you have to make decisions while taking into account certain other people. That can make choices more difficult, especially if it’s reasonable to include them. But if you’re indecisive by nature, the chances are that you tend to try to please too many people at once.

So ask yourself: who are you trying to please with your decisions? And should you care about their thoughts on your choices? For example, are you:

• Trying to prove yourself to someone who isn’t worth the effort or the wasted decision?
• Aiming to please everyone around you, including people with opposite opinions on the matter?
• One of the people you include in your considerations people whose opinions shouldn’t have a say in your choices?
• Someone who you’re trying to please known for being a perfectionist or demanding the impossible?

Consider if you’re allowing yourself to try and please too many people. It might be time to let some of them down gently. Remember, when you’re making decisions about your personal life, only your say matters in the end. It’s your responsibility to make choices and deal with the consequences, so why should anyone else get a say?

I know I can't please everyone, or can I.

    Thinking Well Of Yourself

Many indecisive people are also insecure or have low self-esteem, which leads to:

• Fear of being unable to make the right decision or a lack of trust in their capabilities to handle any possible consequences.
• Thinking you’re not worthy enough for certain decisions and outcomes that could otherwise positively affect your life.
• Acts of seeking validation from others by making decisions that will please, accommodate, impress, or receive attention or praise.

This is why positive thinking when you consider yourself is so important. Being aware of your strengths allows you to feel more confident in making decisions, as you know what you’re capable of and are more assured in your thought processes. Cultivate healthy self-esteem by listing and appreciating your strengths and feeling validated intrinsically.

Alpha males portray strength of mind but are they really that strong?

 

Alpha men portray a strength of mind and independence in most sense of the word. THEY are accustomed to taking charge, they can intimidate some people. That kind of power can be off-putting for some partners who are either overly competitive with the Alpha woman or too submissive. So how can a true Alpha man maintain a strong and healthy relationship? Maybe a Beta woman who are not as confident and ambitious and are sometimes afraid to tell people what they want. 

Alpha people Need To Be Challenged

A partner to an Alpha woman needs to be able to hold his own. The Alpha woman needs someone to compete with, yet someone who is secure enough in their abilities to be gracious in victory and a good sport in defeat.

2. These Alphas  Need Trust

They need to know that what they tell you in confidence will stay in that relationship vault. An Alpha woman needs to feel the allowance to be vulnerable and let their guard down once in a while. They need to trust someone not to stab them in the back for personal gain.

3. These Alphas  Need Respect

The Alpha woman needs her partner to respect her decisions and not second-guess them at every turn. It is okay to challenge her before the decision is made, but not afterward. She needs her space and boundaries respected as well. This includes not being lied to for whatever reason. She respects someone who doesn’t belittle her when she is angry or put her on a pedestal she will fall off of eventually.

4. Alpha Women Need Their Independence

They need to be able to enjoy their personal passions and their friends. Alpha women don’t need a clingy person who can’t survive for a few hours without them. They want someone like them who also has a life outside of the relationship.

5. These Alphas  Need Someone Who Can Keep Up

Alpha women have things they have to do and they know no one is going to do those things for them. They are moving at a high speed, time-efficient and booked solid almost 24/7. Someone who can hang with them and their high-pressure, high-intensity environment is what they are looking for.

6. They Need an Equal Partner

Someone who is an equal partner; someone who carries their own weight in the relationship – this is who Alpha women will respect. They need someone who has their own opinions, and who has their ego in a healthy place. In other words, they need someone to walk with them, not behind them or in front of them. Their partner doesn’t need to have the same opinions, hobbies, or friends as they do. Alpha women respect a partner who is a complete and self-sufficient person on their own.

7. Alpha Females Need To Laugh

Like many people, Alpha women love someone who can make them laugh and lighten the mood in their often stressful and high-pressure lives. They need someone who can bring a smile to their face, who can tease them and be teased in return without hurting feelings on either side.

9. Alpha Women Need Someone Who Is Informed

In order to be all of these things, a partner of an Alpha woman should be informed about things from current events to esoteric knowledge. They need to be able to have an intelligent conversation with the Alpha woman and express ideas on her level. In the age of social media and information bubbles, it is important for the partner of an Alpha woman to have a well-tuned bullsh!t detector.

10. Alpha Females Need Someone With Tact

Most importantly, they need someone with tact, someone who knows when to have that intense talk about something important and when to let it go. They need someone who can handle their moods and emotions without ruffling feathers. An Alpha woman needs someone who is thoughtful and sensitive enough to pick up on how she is feeling and broach difficult subjects in private.