So many clocks to deal with these days

So why am I seeing clocks on the wall more now than I have in the past? Maybe because the time is moving faster, or does it just seem that way? Many Women I've met have a biological clock issue, men I talk to have financial clocks, no one is understanding the urgency of the other person's clock.... Ticking & Tocking, causing each one of the issues of stress!

 - Women, who are the career-minded type females often ignore their biological clock until they are almost running out of time. They are busy getting their careers going, that they think they can put off having children until later. But they might miscalculate how much time they have. And then they panic thinking "OMG how could I have had my priorities all screwed up? I want a child like right NOW!" But with whom can I still get that guy I  rejected back then, back to become a sperm donor? I want a kid with him I want my child to have his Genes.







-Men do not have a biological clock unless they are Potheads.  Allow me to explain... Fellahs may think their boyz are always going to be able to produce so they smoke up their heads and lose sperm headcounts (causing low sperm production) and don't realize that they may not be able to produce offsprings now or later because of their early actions. read the link The Romans numerals on the wall from back in the day are not going to reverse and help you out,   dude, you can't turn the clock back, and have a do-over.

- men also have financial clocks that make them depressed if they are not doing well, financially,  by a certain point in their lives.  The clock becomes their enemy. Or they look for new jobs.... and may start doing other things, even give up if they are not having enough coins in his pocket or they might start gambling/cheating to hopefully hit it big NFL star Adam 'Pacman' Jones arrested at Indiana casino. Former NFL star Adam 'Pacman' Jones arrested at Indiana casino.    

Why oooh why, are we so hung up on things that depress us? 

- Women who jumped the gun and had kids too early.. think they should have waited and finished college and have a career etc... 

- Women who dropped out of school way too early are in later years thinking "if I had only stuck with it. I would be financially better off right now." and in sharp contrast those who took the long road and may be thinking what if I had done it differently. "Maybe just maybe I would have everything I want right now!" 

- Men who dropped out of school way too early are thinking "if I had only stuck with it. I would be financially better off right now." and in sharp contrast those who took the long road and may be thinking what if I had done it differently. Maybe just maybe I would have everything I want right now. 

SMDH No you would not have exactly what you want..... this is why the clock is staring you in the face!

There are internal contradictions that modern-day women often experience

Which me should I be?

Women want men to be men, dominant but not dominating! An internal Contradiction that they have to balance. What the hell does that mean? Many guys don't understand what women want.

In real terms when a woman is the boss at work and has a man at home who does not understand her dilemma? Does that work well in their relationship?  She has to go from being the leader/decision maker and even the delegator/controller at work to being the follower and the softer female at home. Really? That switch does not often turn automatically.

Men these days have to understand what to expect when they are in a relationship with women that are in these executive positions. The Man needs to do the things that allow her to want to switch from being the person in control to being a partner in the relationship. Partner are also decision makers, but there is a high Archie in all situations. Who does what, when and how! Joining forces can be battle of wills, if a man does not understand that women are no longer just housewives, they have double roles, in all situations. Men that have been single and have lived as bachelors for a while may have learned how to switch from being the only decision maker to have a partner who is also used to being the only decision makers.  But do men revert back to commanding women to do as they say? Think before you say or do the wrong things, dude!

No matter which gender you are... you will agree with one of these statements!

Like a plane on final approach, the runway is ahead. The pilot turns off the automatic pilot and takes control and does what he has been trained to do. Land the plane safely! Sounds simple enough, but it’s not as easy as one would think, each airport is different, and runaways are not always the same. On final approach to meeting and greeting an independent career woman, a Man has to avoid doing the same things he is used to doing. She might see him coming and think “OK don’t blow the landing Dude” if you mess up you will crash and burn upon impact.    

That laptop open is a dead give away that she has a busy life. Her eyes may tell a story but you will not know what she is thinking. Assume nothing.   Approach with caution!

Final thought

I’ve often thought that I should write a book on “Act like a Modern-day man,  but remain a gentleman” however I have to find the right balance in how to write it. Women might want to read, too!

My version of being a “man” means you can come home or go visit her Grandmother and fix the things that are falling apart at her old house. It may not be your duty but it's what you can volunteer to do, but you need the skills.  Being a “gentleman” still means you should open doors for her, pull out her chair so that she can sit down at the table. These are simple things that speak volumes to a woman's heart.

Have a little Foreplay before you get...

 "Between The Sheets"

Sexual Intelligence -- Inhibitions-- contradictions

When women want a fresh start - and want to have more adventure in their lives….a few things may have to change.   Can sexual intelligence play a roll in… overcoming their inhibitions, … allowing them to drop their guard which will allow them to connect to their wilder side?

I sometimes wonder how often do some women get stuck in a mindset of “I’ve always been this way” they may have always been this way in their past. The question is: Do they always want to remain this way?

My guess is not likely if these women are stating facts of how they have always been. That’s their experiences talking, however, there are questioning: “What if I overcome some of my inhibitions and connect with my wider side, just to see if I will have more fun?”

Remaining inhibited guarantees one thing... you will not have any major changes in your lives.  

Ladies start by going through the process of limitation in your minds:

• Is he a nice guy?
• Are there any scandals that I can find out about that can be of interest?
• Does he seem to be a player?
• What would we have in common?
• Does he seem to have commitment issues?
• Is he a steady, responsible type of guy?
• What is it about him that makes him look like he might become “the One”
• Will he see you as “the One” or will you be “the plus One”?
• Try imagining how he might make you Feel!  
• Can he be what you’ve been waiting for.... but your career and other things…. kept you from trying something new, with someone new.
• Can he also be the guy you have secretly admired for a while and he has secretly admired you for a greater length of time…. But you are both scared of each other. Rejection possibilities have stood in your way!

These are thoughts you have not been able to resolve in your head… so maybe they require a change.. Action can bring about change. Inaction keeps things the same. So “how well is the same old same old working for you?”

No one is recommending major changes, just a change in attitude can open new doors that can lead to ultimate happiness, you will not know unless you try something new.

Let’s now start thinking like a man as Steve Harvey suggest. Just continue acting like a lady and figure out what it is you are missing. You see your friends in relationships that you question how happy are they in their relationships, Really?  You may also see other girlfriends that are alone and they never have anything new to talk about because they are also doing “the same old same old.”

While a man may not be the answer to your ultimate happiness, you will not know unless you give it a chance.  But here is what you know for sure you are no happier than you were yesterday in your current way of doing things.   Your wilder side has been dormant for a long period of time waiting to be explored and never experienced what your heart may desire Most!

Let me show you, the way to exotic love experiences!   

Ladies some guys who have a little more experience than you in the area of being more romantic can help you explore what you might have been missing. Some guys are actually romantic and know what women like.   They are not specialist in “bang it and throw her to the curb”... they are “ lovers of mutually gratifying pleasures.”

That First Kiss on the back of your hand in public can blow your mind… “Yes,” you can derive some pleasure from public displays of affection!   

“Let me show you how loving you the right way

can bring you maximum enjoyment!”

I told you dancing with me could take your breath away!  JUST think about what else you might discover while in my arms!

I didn't like the sport my dad liked

This is post is My birthday weekend post.

Sometimes when I think back on how a father can be disappointed in his son (not being like him) can lead to his son having advantages in life.  <Smirking> Maybe I wasn’t the son my dad waited 20 years for, which is a very long time to have to wait for your first born and only son, I wasn’t going to become the baseball player he wanted me to become.... That was very disappointing to him.  

Just to give you an example as to why. I hated baseball. It was the equivalent of me watching for paint to dry. In my view.

As a little boy, I was overheard by my mom talking to myself often as I was the only child,  I strutted through my backyard, Yankees Baseball cap in place, toting a ball and bat. I said, “I’m the greatest hitter in the World!” Then I tossed the ball into the air, swung at it, and missed. “Strike One!”  Undaunted, I picked up the ball, threw it into the air again and swung at it and missed again. “Strike two”. Hmmm being a fellah who was creative in my thinking I paused for a moment to examine my bat and ball carefully. Then tossed the ball a third time into the air, swung  and missed again
' I’m the greatest pitcher in the World, Strike three!’ What a lefty pitcher I will become… LOL. not on your life!

You see I was left-brained and did things the reverse to how my dad taught me to do things. I tossed the ball with my left hand and tried to hit it batting right like he did. SMDH. so I missed, I was following, how my dad (a right-hander) did it. I was not successful in doing things like him!

My dad partly grew up (his teen years) in the Dominican Republic ( that is where my first and middle names came from)  So he loved baseball, but I didn’t… What my dad did not understand.... was that when a child is a lefty he does thing the opposite to a right-handed person.  So when I would watch my dad giving me examples on how to hit the ball, he did it the reverse of how I would do it naturally, and therefore I looked awkward doing it. My dad was not very patient. And since he waited 20 years to have a son, he was instantly disappointed that I was not exactly like him. His birthday was 2 days after mine. So we were the same sign. So in his mind,  I should be the apple that did not fall too far from the tree. But I was not like him in many ways. But I was impatient just like him, however. SMDH, my mom recognized that similarity as she would often say: “ you are just like your father” I would frown when she said that because I didn’t feel she was saying it in a positive way. Hmmm! I didn’t look like him and I was left handed (left brain) and he was right-handed (right brain). As we were both very creative minded, impatient and stubborn. He always wanted things done his way, and I did things my way. Constantly disappointing him. My choices were not the same as his.

I was told by many who knew my grandfather, my mother’s father that  I looked so much like him. That made me proud to the max. I had no idea what my father’s dad looked like he had died before I was born and my dad did not have pictures of him or my grandmother on his sides These Grandparents were missed story to me.) When you maintain an air of confidence, obstacles are easily overcome. You believe within your heart that you will accomplish your objectives. Denying the voices that tell you that you can’t do something or that you won’t; because you can and you will! And when you reach your goals through the trait of self-confidence, give yourself a high five. You’ve got what it takes!

My dad was a mature man by the time I was born.
I was  a 5 year old at my parents Silver anniversary! 

Why did I have so much self-confidence?  In spite of the disappointment, I often saw in my dad’s eyes. Simply because I knew my dad was proud of me even though he almost never said it. Maybe because I did things the complete opposite to the ways he did things. And I knew my mom was most proud because I looked like her father whom she adored. Which made me feel like could do anything I tried to do.  I became ambidextrous because my sister/Cousin, whom my parents raised was studying to become a school teacher she taught me to write with my right hand ( she told me if I didn’t want the kids to laugh at me I would learn to write with my right hand, now we could not have that. So I learned how to use both hands and feet to do many things, others could only use their right. I would show my dad that I could do everything he could and even things he could not. He built me a table-tennis table just so we would play after he got home from work. We needed to bond at doing something together. And just like him, I hated to lose. So I would use both hands switching the paddle back and forth and would hit passing shots to his left, and beat him. He would say: “ you are getting to be too good at this”  and he stopped playing with me. LOL, OK… when I left home for college he lectured me about staying out of trouble, a very good talk for a 17-year-old heading for N.Y. city. Considering the last two years of high school, he was in SXM building our new home, and I was in trouble a few times because I was n’t being controlled with a strong hand by my mom the way a boy should be controlled at that age. She did her best, but sometimes a boy needs his father’s stronger hands to grab him by the neck and turn him if he is heading down the wrong road.

That talk helped me graduated with a degree in Computer science, from N.Y. Institute of Technology…a school ranked almost as high as MIT this was one of my proudest moment, My dad didn’t understand what I did in my new career. All he saw was me typing code that didn’t make any sense to him (what did I do in 4-5 years of attending an expensive University)  His son who could have been an architect (like he wanted) disappointed him again. I chose to spend a great amount of money studying to become a typist (computer programmer). Hmmm! another disappointment to my old man. Like I said I disappointed him more than once. But I didn’t turn out to be a no-good-whatever. <smirking> His way was not my way! I made it a point to have a different relationship with my sons. Maybe they will write their version one day. I might not be around when they do… just like my dad is not alive as I’m writing this post.

Each of my sons was raised somewhat differently to each other because of my ….Analytical skills... allowed me to adjust to their personalities. They never disappointed me…. I’ve always felt very proud that they turned out with skills that I taught them and more. So they are not like me, they are both right brained… but they were raised to be balanced because they didn’t have to adapt to “a right-handed world” as I did. But I taught them both to be semi-ambidextrous and they excelled as a result of being able to change on the fly. My eldest won the regional Taekwondo championship (in Orlando) beating the best black belts in that Championship year, he was never really challenged (in spite of him having a really bad cough.), one of his friends won the World Championship later that year as my son hurt his knee before the tournament or he would have won that too I’m pretty sure of it..  because he could switch his stands and confuse his opponents.... the friend that won it never could beat him even with a bad knee. He scored at will using both hands and feet his famous hook kick was an instant two points. which would cause opponents to panic and run in and get nailed.
My youngest son became the most explosive soccer player that could play on the left side of the field and was almost unstoppable, (maybe my coaching him had something to do with that) from when he was little, and he always stepped up in big games when he got older his high school teams won the State championships 2 years in a row... his club team went undefeated not too long ago. He hates to lose (like his grandfather, he even looks like his grandfather a bit ) so if his team really need him he delivers.
I would like to think that was what I taught them…. I tried to mold both of them to be amongst the best in their choices of sports. NOT my choices for them! They are their own men. Not their Dad’s carbon copies! I’m most proud of that part.

Parents should never treat their children the same because they are different. 

My eldest son Trenell B.Daniel is a Manager at Verizon.

                          

My youngest son Trestan A. Daniel is an Insurance broker!


Can you tell that I'm a proud dad!

My sixth sense warned me, but I ignored it!

“It’s not you, it’s me.” this is always a statement that spells internal troubles. Understanding and accepting another person's negative feelings are difficult if your own negative feelings have not been resolved, about what you, as a man, want in a woman. The more we are able to heal our own unresolved issues from whenever stuff went wrong in our lives. The more resistance you have to the feeling of your inner pain, the more resistance you will have to listen to the feelings of others. If you feel impatient and intolerant when others express their issues, then this is an indicator of how you treat yourself.  By Trying to retrain ourselves we must re-parent-ourselves… when I heard elders say ” he has mommy issues” and she has “daddie issues” or “they have abandonment issues!”...We must acknowledge that there is an emotional person inside us-all who gets upset even when our rational adult mind says there is no reason to be upset. We must isolate that emotional part of our self and become a career parent to it.
We need to ask ourselves:

• What’s am I, really, feeling?
• What really happened to upset me, that my behavior has gone out of bounds?
• What am I angry about?
• What makes me feel so sad?
• What am I afraid of?
• What do I want?

When something has been frustrating us, we remain stuck feeling angry and annoyed even when our adult self says we should feel calm, and peaceful.

When something has bee disappointing, we remain stuck feeling sad and hurt, even when our adult self says we should feel enthusiastic happy and hopeful

When something has been upsetting, we remain stuck feeling afraid and worried even when our adult self says we should feel assured, confident, and grateful.

When something has been embarrassing, we remain stuck feeling sorry and ashamed, even when our adult self says we should feel secure, and wonderful.

A quick story of when I was new resident of Chicago Ill, I found this young woman from a Southern state, she was attending Northwestern University very appealing until one day…...I realized that she had major self-esteem issues. Her sense of self-worthiness was tied to her sexual appeal. Even though she was a fashion and merchandising major and was very attractive. She carried herself as if she was a hooker most of the time. So my sixth sense said leave this one alone… her issues are too much for you to handle. But I ignored my inner voice… Why? Simply because I was “Mr. fix it “ back then, I knew that under all of her self demeaning behavior there was a good person. Her name was Melody. She was just waiting for someone to make her feel good about herself.  Who was I kidding? At that point, my B.A.D. initials had just hit me. So I thought I could handle anything at least in my mind a B.A.D. Persona I could deal. As we were sitting outside on the step of her apt. in Evanston Ill., I found my eyes just could not keep from focusing on her ability to just show that she was a sex object just waiting for the right offers. SMDH! we engaged in a conversation that led to her telling me about her having gang sex with multiple dudes when she was a “cheerleader” in her senior year in high school. SHOCK! This was not what I was expecting to hear. Maybe because I was thinking why would she volunteer this kind of information. We just met….! Needless to say my interest in her dissolved instantly. But not totally…. because…. I still wonder what became of her.

How could you claim to understand me if

I don’t even understand myself?

Final thoughts

When a man feels attracted to a woman and is suddenly hit with her past, we become angry and resentful, and can’t focus on expressing love and understanding.

• How can a man give someone the support they need when their behaviors are telling you they don’t want to even try to undo, the painting they have painted for you, which is what is destroying their self-worth.
• How does a man find it in his heart to accept the other person's imperfections if, he, himself feels he had to be perfect to be worthy of love?
• How can you listen to your new person of interest painful feelings if no one listened to yours?
• How can you ignore or forgive if you were not forgiven for deeds you engaged in your past.

Let’s face it many men.... at some point in time engaged, if not in a real situation at least a fantasy of threesomes, Gang banging or something that we would not want to admit to a church going woman.

We are living in a World where we are conflicted because we want some level of purity from our potential mate. We are asking women to be “ virtuous,” if not necessarily virgins,  while we, as men, have spent the night in a sex workers room until the next morning, and bragged about this kind of behavior the next day to our “BOYZ!”

Our double and triple standards have us living in constant internal conflict.

The answer to all of these issues is the same… do NOT  expect others to be perfect if you are not perfect. Review your own package that you bring to the table and don't be hypocrites.

People will ignore and even forget how you treated them, and how you made them feel when it no longer matters.

When you know you have done the right things in a relationship that ended, you can leave, with a clear conscience, if they don’t want you or need you anymore.. They just don’t appreciate you any longer.

Why stress over what was once love forever-after that is now forever-over. I think it’s ownership, not partnership, that keeps some people stuck together forever when people feel tied together in this kind of so-called-Love. Where a breakup feels like abandonment, betrayal and faked commitment.

You tell everybody: “She is my boo, my bae, my lover,  my everything, all mine,” when you are in a committed relationship of ownership.  These folks have insecurities that make then clingy. This is a possessive kind of love relationship. If you are in this kind of relationship you are buying time that will expire one day.  If I’ve loved someone I wish them well and happiness and then I stroll off into the sunset when it’s over between us. I can see that person crossing the street in front of my car and stop to let them cross, wish her a good day and happy life, without thinking I should raise the engine just to scare them into thinking “he might just run me over! <smirking>  

I like this phrase. It’s so B.A.D. “the sun is alone too, but it still shines”  my guess is... it shines brightest when it’s alone. While stars have to be in a cluster to grant enough light. And you look up at them not being able to figure out which is which. Groups of lights are beautiful, but when the moon and sun are visible at the same time during the day the sun is most powerful and they might be heading towards an eclipse. Where one will cover the other. Making one more visible than the other. She is my moon, and I am her "Sun." hmm! And when we are together we have a ring a fire that can be blinding to the naked eye. Here is how I see folks that are in a relationship like that. They are so combustible when they are together that the laws of natural movement will draw them together temporarily and then they move in opposite directions. To you, that may sound cynical. But think about it for a second. The greatest love relationships you had in your life didn’t last. This is why folks regret losing that kind of love. If you still have it you will not see it as the greatest. The greatest is always consider the greatest compared to the one that is not as great currently. The partnership lovers that you may have can last because they orbit each other never covering the other up like the moon and sun eclipsing every so many years.

I’ve been told by someone: “ then You’ve never really loved in your past” if I think this way. Well, I didn’t love the way some people view “love.” I cared, I encouraged, I helped, I provided, I facilitated…. I supported, I did my best. I gave what I had to give and accepted what was given to me. Case and point: My  25 years in a committed relationship came to an end because my best….. was no longer enough. I moved on, no regrets. Other relationships that lasted more or less fewer years each came to an end, to some degree maybe for the similar kinds of reasons. I moved on. No regrets! no need to trying to hold on to love that is already gone. No need for recycling of rekindling what has been lost…. it sparked like a struck match and then it burned out…. over time.

The crazy statement like “I can sleep alone” or “ I can’t live alone” is nuts, SMDH you were not born as twins, so why can’t you…do without the other person? Learn to adjust.  I think when these people lacked the naturing love of the parent of the opposite sex they have abandonment issues. Tell me “you don’t want to be alone.” I can partly accept that, some will even say “I don’t want to die alone!” hmmm, that is selfish. You want to take the other person with you, or you want them to watch you take their last breath and have to live with memory for the rest of their lives??

Once these folks realize that a significant other wants someone else they freak out. If you are not the one any longer… then maybe you were never “the One long term.” Knowing that might make you feel relieved, that you are no longer buying time with a person who might be looking at you thinking they made a mistake getting with you in the first place. That means you can now walk away without having to look over your shoulder. Having thoughts of indifference! And unresolved feelings, of resentment, now dislike and whatever other negative feelings that flow to the top like oil on water. YOU never mixed!  

There goes my ex-, he didn’t even look at us!

I guess he really is not the jealous type.

Or did he not ever really care for me that much!

I can’t stop wondering!

.   

Post Valentine's day dinner

What about a Post Valentine’s day, exclusive dinner!

I hope you like the surprise I have prepared for you!

Make sure the wine is the right temp for serving!

Why just do, what everyone else does on Valentine’s day when the weekend following the celebratory event is more special and your place at home is less crowded. A couple can have a section of a restaurant all to themselves or even a private home dining room setup. Just picture her face as she looks at all of the candles. OK, so  Kanye West went outside of the box when he commissioned Kenny G. to play a special song to a room filled with single roses in vases. But my thoughts go to candles all over the floor, with Grover Washington on a sound system might work well also. Simply because you did something that no one else thought of doing for the weekend Friday or Saturday after V-day. Women who expect the usual get the usual, candy and flowers maybe even a balloon or two.

But women who see a man as a creative-mind will think what other surprises will there be in her future if she sticks with this guy?  

Thinking outside of the box of chocolates is totally unique and maybe even breathtaking, to a special lady. Especially if you planned it weeks in advance and told…. her to expect the unexpected. “Hmmm! Are you so B.A.D. that  you did this all for me?”

Don’t LOL. this not some crazy fantasy Island special feature. A Guy who can cook and serve his lady her favorite dish in a setting like this get’s her to see him differently than other guys she may have dated before him… I can guarantee you none, previous has blown her mind in any Is there a better way than this, Exclusive dining!

The Frosting on the cake:

Following the dinner by serving dessert on the patio or terrace, with the sun setting off on the horizon. Having the table for two angled just right so that both your eyes will see the sunset and you will look at each other out of the corner of your eyes just to check each other's expressions. I just think the side eye glances are so sexy and thoughts to provoke the mood.

Think about the possibilities. I must admit this is straight out of an old school play I read back in college.

I didn’t write that play but being an offensive minded guy I changed the setting just enough to make it my own. She’d better have a great defense strategy in place to be able to prevent the score after.  

“I can’t believe you really had all of this planned ahead of time, you hinted to me it was going to be special….so it was all I could think about all week but I still had no clue what to expect.  You should write this down…somewhere….. so that someone might want to do something similar for their lady in the future!”  

‘OK, so you think this is good Blog material, right?’

Here is a toast to all of you outside the box thinkers!