The delayed-reaction response

Let’s not let resentments overpower the good thing we have!

Just as love may bring up our past unresolved feelings, so can not getting what you want when you want it. Resentment will destroy a good thing, I remember when I first learned about this. A few years ago I wanted sex from my lady, as we were living together, so I assumed sex was automatic, but she was not in the mood. In my mind, I kinda accepted that. The next day I hinted around, and she still was not interested. This pattern continued every day for a week. By the end of the week, I was beginning to feel resentful. But at that time in my life, I didn’t know how to communicate those resentful feelings, without sounding angry...even though I had been married for years prior to this relationship. Instead of talking about my displeasure and my frustrations I just kept pretending as if everything was OK, I was suffering from my negative feelings in silence, and was trying to act lovingly… trying to get her in the mood. For two weeks my resentment continued to build.

I did everything I knew to please her and make her feel happy since this was not a marriage I knew she was not obligated to comply to my whims, even though she was living with me in my house. So in the meanwhile inside I was resenting her rejection, very strongly. At the end of the week, I went out and bought her a sexy negligee. That evening I gave it to her…. We men are so delusional we think that because we think the negligee is sexy she would want to wear it and it will change her mood.

I even bought an (in my view) ugly throw pillow she liked in the store, the result was still “Nada”

She opened the boxes and was happily surprised. I asked her to try negligee on. She said she was still not in the mood. At this point, I gave up. I just ignored her for the rest of the second week. I buried myself in work and other things and gave up my desire for sex with her. In my mind, I made it sort of OK by suppressing my desires and also my feelings of resentment.  About a week later, however, when I came home from the gym, she had prepared a romantic meal and was wearing the negligee, she had sent her daughters to sleep over at her mom’s. The lights were low and soft music was on in the background. You can imagine my reaction. All of a sudden I felt a surge of resentment. Inside I felt “ you made me suffer for almost three weeks, and now you think you can set the mood?” All of the resentment that I had suppressed for that long period of time suddenly was coming up. After talking about these feelings I realized that her willingness to give me what I wanted, delayed over a stretch of time, released my old resentments.

Now I walk up a hill to spots where the air

allows me to breathe more freely.

We all have our moments.

I began to see patterns with my ex-wife. As soon as I was willing to give my ex-wife what she had been asking for, she would have a resentful reaction like “well, it is too late” or “ hmmm, do you think this is going to gain you brownie points now?”

I was married for over 20+ years. Our two sons have grown up and left home. But before they both left she suddenly wanted a divorce. I woke up and realized that I wanted a change also. I wanted to relocate away from the rat race. So mentally I started to make changes to give her what I assumed she wanted over the 20+ years of being together, she reacts with cold resentment.

It is as though she wanted me to suffer for twenty years just as she might have. Fortunately, that is not the case.

So I told her… “ I always tried to give you what you wanted, as long as I could afford it, now I will grant you the divorce. And I will be history!”