People like me don't need counseling! Wrong

I’m a problem solver … 'I’m fine… People like me don’t need counseling or therapy!’ words of untruths, spoken by yours truly after years of dealing with stuff I have repressed for years.

As you grow more intimate in your relationships, Love increases. As a result, deeper, more painful emotions will surface that need to be healed --- Deep feelings like shame and even fears. Because we generally do not know how to deal with these painful feelings, we become stuck. if we are not careful we wind up in a rut. To heal them we need to share them with someone, but we are too afraid or ashamed to reveal what we are feeling. At such times we may become depressed, dejected, anxious, bored resentful, or simply exhausted for no apparent reasons at all. These are all symptoms of our “stuff” coming up and being blocked.

Instinctively you will want to either run away from love or increase your addictions. This is the time to work on your feelings and not try to run away from them. When deep feelings come up you would be very wise to get the help of a counselor or therapist. When deep feeling come up, we project our feelings onto our closest people. If we did not feel safe to express our feelings to our parents or a past partner, all of a sudden we cannot get in touch with our feelings in the presence of our present partner. At this point, no matter how supportive your partner is, when you are with your partner you will not feel safe. Feelings will be blocked.

Hmmm! It is a paradox because you feel thoughts you felt safe without your partner, your deepest fear has a chance to surface.when they surface you become afraid and are unable to share what you feel. Your fear may even make you numb. When this happens the feelings that are coming up get stuck… like in a bottleneck. I felt like my head was about to explode!

A post-Hurricanes Irma and Maria symposium showed my fears on my face.

I was asking myself ‘Is my tie too tight,’ I felt like things were bubbling up inside of me.

So why am I finally able to admit that…  the above is 'truth' in my case. I have matured a bit now and can deal with things better.  My life has been an ocean of ebbs and flows. I was born to older parents… my mom thought she would never have a child. But at 44 years old she had me, so I became her miracle baby boy. My dad finally had a son to carry on his name. My mom was the most loving, overprotecting mother I could have, and so were all of my aunts who helped raise me….. as the only boy in the middle of female cousins. So after completing my studies and graduated  High-school, I had to get away... so I left home and went to N.Y. where I had a life filled with secrets and was a mystery to every woman I dated. I seldom revealed much about myself, because I wanted to fit in, wherever I was and did not want to be judged. Most of my Relationships were kind of the same... I, once again, had this urge to start over after I graduated with a Bachelor of Science Degree in computer science So sociology, psychology were requirements. A new opportunity was offered to me and I took it… I left Wall Street and N.Y., after my internship at IBM I headed to Chicago Ill. Wow! Was I scare, because I  had no idea where I was going. But I had maps. I rented a Uhaul truck and started driving toward and across the George Washington bridge. I Drove for 12+ hours pretty much all day, through all these stated N.Y., N.J. Penn, Ohio, Indiana and until got to Illinois. I followed the maps through Chicago and found my way to Northbrook Ill, arriving that Sunday evening. I had to report to Allstate Insurance Monday morning. So I checked into a Holiday Inn close by my new job. I had no idea if I would find an Apt. to put my stuff in, so the Uhaul stayed parked in the Holiday Inn parking lot for 3 days… with all that I owned. But I got lucky and was able to settle into a nice 2 bedroom Apt.  within a week. The job was a dream and I loved my new apt. ( I could never have afforded one like it in N.Y.) So what could go wrong, actually nothing did. I cruised through as if I was a guy who had all the answers. But my fears were bubbling up. I met my now ex-wife we dated for a while…. but I was still in my N.Y. state of mind... never have one girlfriend at a time always had a spare, back then. Hmmm, well that worked for a while until I was confronted by both women at my apt. One Friday evening…(my quick response was ‘I never promised anyone of you exclusivity, as a matter of fact, I might go back to N.Y. in the fall)

A total miscalculation of timing, I slipped up and broke a fine young ladies heart.  But one young woman stuck it out she moved in with me so she would have the inside track, and we got married after 2 years of living together. My mother came to the wedding along with my aunt and my closest cousins. Then in less than no time, my mom died 3 months later. It was as if she was waiting to see her baby boy get married to someone to take care of him.  It hit me hard because my emotions had to be kept in check I had to be strong for my Dad who suddenly was without his wife of 45 years.. Once again I had to make a move. My mother’s death in Chicago was too much for me, to keep reliving. We packed and headed for South Florida because 'Chicago was too cold, the windy city was not for this tropical dude' (that was my excuse I gave everyone who asked why I wanted to leave… but that was only part of it.  On the road again this time with a wife. If I knew what I now know…. that I needed counseling….I would have gotten it then…. but a strong man does not need that kind of help. My way of dealing was to make moves and have a fresh start whenever I needed it...! Wrong! After years of what seemed like a successful marriage and raising my two sons in Florida… I found myself at another crossroad. Divorced after 20+ years of marriage. Alone again. At this point, my dad had passed away too. Another relocation gave me another new start on the Island where both my parents were from, now they are laying in side by side graves not too far from where I live in the house my dad built for my mom in SXM….but my relationships that followed my divorce was an all bumpy one after the other hit snags. One ex-ladyfriend told me I was wound too tight it’s as if I see women as betrayers after a while. Hmmm, maybe she was right! But this is how I was raised, to tough it out, and keep your emotions in check. I know now that all these events caused me to have health issues at one point. But true to form I bounced back. Only to hit walls a few times, one after the other!

Therapy is now my blog posts writing, with Zero feedback from a counselor!