If you have a good mate enjoy it while it last

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"You can tell a lot about someone’s true nature according to few situations rather than spending years with them. You can see whether a man is truly ‘good’ by looking at the way he treats his lady. Here are 6 characteristics of a good man. Time changes all things so enjoy them now. " ----B.A.D.

1.He is never abusive

A man should never be violent unless he is in danger. No matter how heated the argument gets, he must never become physically violent because he is aware that abuse is wrong no matter what.

Even if he has been cheated or lied to, he knows it is very important to stay calm and control himself rather than act like an uncivilized person. The laws have changed since the O.J Simpson murder case a few decades ago. If the cops are called out for any dometic disturbances no Questions....... Someone is spending a night in jail...... So keep your cool...both of you.

2.He is supportive of his lady

He will support his lady even if he does not understand
her goals because he values her happiness and fulfillment. However, if he believes that she is reaching for something that will end up as a disaster, he will try to explain that she should switch to something different and better. However he should research carefully what alternatives she has open, because if he is wrong and she believes her first choice was the best choice.... She will resent the redirection he steered her towards.

3.He makes his lady feel safe

Providing protection and security in a relationship is still considered to be the obligation of the man. A good man knows then it is time to stand up for his partner and to protect her even if that threat is something as simple as being taken advantage of. Hmmm even if she is wonder woman type she will still want to feel like she can count on him to take a bullet to the chest for her. So wear you bulletproof vest unless you are the man of steel.

4.He is honest for the most part

A good (mature) man will not cheat no matter how tempted. He values his partner much more than he values every other woman and he will never jeopardize his relationship. A good man has probably learned this lesson the hard way by being cheated on, and he will never allow his partner to go through the same. Any man who has been betrayed will know how it feels,  he will have trust issues he may not trust ever again. Which can lead to questioning her every move, also.

5.He is selfless

At the beginning of the relationship, some men act selfless in order to bribe their partner because they lack confidence, however a good man will keep being selfless no matter how easy he think it is to keep his partner. But if his lady is selfish his attitude might change... it's a two way street. "Do for me and I will do for you" highway

6.He makes his lady feel good

A good man will make his lady feel special..... most of the time. He will never put her through something that might hurt her because he is aware that the world is full of dishonest, abusive and unsupportive people. This is why he will try to show his lady that he is one of the good people that is not an advantage taker. 

Her words have a " sliver of truth"

How often does the four letter word "Love" get used in conversations between men and women.  Some may think.... too often.."Love is a good thing!" however it can make some ladies a bit leary ,even a bit uncomfortable when a man they bearly know says it in some contexts. Their thought of "yeah right !"is often the first thought that pops into her mind when a woman hears "I love your........" the (blank) can be anything.... Maybe she has heard it before and her experiences may have made her slighly jaded. Which may have her thinking " love is a fairytale" This is what happen when your predecessor screwed up royally in the love department . she now thinks "there is no hope for love, becase love ends in betrayal!"

Most women these days are not naive.... they have heard just about any and every line possible. But what if the woman is the one making the first move..? What line would she use that is totally original?

My B.A.D. post huricane experience. at a tire repair shop got me thinking their words have a "sliver of truth..".as I was waiting for my tire to be repaired, two attractive ladies  drove up in a little car with a badly worn left front tire that was pretty flat. The driver told the young guy, who came to service her tire, that she wanted the  tire patched. Then she turned to me and asked: " are you the owner of this business? I responded by SMH.So her girl friend said." He looks too polished to be part of his kind  of business... look at him , he is clean shaven, and his clothing is not suitable to be around a tire repair shop. I smiled a bit because I knew they both wanted to start a conversation with me. so I said:" I'm not in this business, however I would advise you to tell the guy to put that badly worn tire on the rear of your car or use it as a spare and put the better tire on the front. i.e. rotate them." the driver responded with." Oooh you have a radio voice.... Are you a radio personality? My response: "no I'm just a guy" and then the girl friend said:"yeah, with a deep manly voice... I think you are not just sexy but also new on the Island. I ve never seen you before, and you sound different to the local guys.." I Shook my head again.
It became obvious to me that they were both hitting on me... I was flattered but not very interested... because I would have to choose one or the other to ask out on a date... if I was interested. If I choose one, then I  have no chance with the other one.  Then its best to not Pick any of the two, to pursue....Ladies guys, like yours truly ( old schoolers), prefer to be the hunter.. But getting compliment is good for our ego. So go ahead and tell us what you're thinking we want to hear it and then offer us your contact info... So that the next move is ours.
Now if two guys rolled up on a lady at a tire store and tried to hit on any of these ladies she would reject their advances almost instictively instantly, because guys in pack are considered wolves.... But we guys don't have to feel that way, because in the end women will not go as far as men would in their advances they will not ask a guy out unless they are sure he is interested. As their car was ready before mine...... The lady driver thanked me for the advise on rotating her tires... Her friend then said : "Who said there are no more good helpfull Men around anymore. With a smile look directly at me... As they drove off.
I thought to  myself, "that was so cool... I'm still a chick magnet...." lol not in any of these service flavors anymore. But maybe still a cup of tasty water with some flavoring.

Its elementary my friend! Living life is about learning.

j

In the first five years alone we learn to walk, talk, eat, and interact with playmates, parent and family. From five to ten we learned to read,write and do arithmetic. We also learned more about friends, relatives ,supporters, and detractors. Most people continue to learn until the age of fifteen or twenty+.Then the growth slows, or in some cases stops. Most people then declare their formal education over. Some actual feel they have nothing else to learn.which means they have a lot to learn.

An African proverb offers excellent advice: "He who knows not, and knows not that he knows not, is a fool--- shun him. He who knows not, and knows that he knows not, is a child----- teach him. He who knows not, and knows not that he knows, is asleep---- wake him. He who knows not, and knows that he knows, is wise---- follow him."

Baby on board!
In speaking to a young pregnant woman after the huricanes Irma and Maria... I asked her what was she going to do after her baby is born? What was her baby-daddy doing to secure a home for them... Since her dwelling was destroyed in the storms. Her response was "He is a fool, who does not have a clue...what parenting is all about" hmmm? There aren't really enough crutches in the world for all the lame excuses.
She saw me spending most of my day  hours trying to clean up after the storms from across the street and asked me what do I do when Im not outside cutting up fallen trees for removal..etc. My response to her was I Read and  design computer applications for major corporate clients, and as a hobby I write a  blog and sometimes study to keep up with changing technology. I take online classes...etc
Her reaction was ....Why?  You are past your school years Age. Why go through studying at this stage in your life... What's left for you to learn and what are going to do with all of that knowledge...? My response I will share it with those who want to learn from what I have learned and experienced over the years! Once again She cameback at me with can you teach my baby daddy to to be a real man... Like you! Wow ?
So What constitutes a real man? I asked. She Looked me dead in my eyes and said you look like you were a good dad... You have two grown sons you talk about with pride all the time... I heard you talking to my younger brother about how to control his anger.. And you also told my other brother that he has  talent.. He should try and market himself. OK I had to admit that I had no idea anyone else was listening when I was talking to her brothers..She said: 'my mom and I were listening in the kitchen when you were on the porch talking. About everything...your experiences etc. All the guys ( her brothers friends) were listening to you and would ask questions...you seem to have so many answers that should make them think about where their lives were headed. Right now all they do is smoke up their heads and drink every night waiting for the curfew to be lifted so they could go and do the same things in other places... Instead of being forced to be  here at their parents house with family and neighbors instead. Eing on the street messing up... R srewing up someones daughters life....at that point I shared my African proverb with her and she said I need to give this to my baby-dady...he needs to grow up----and be a real man and help me raise our baby! At that point I said: 'be gentle and explain it dont dictated to him, he might listen if you are not mandating wha he should do...'
"Life is about making choices.. Dont be a know-it-all. No one knows less than the person who knows it all""
Step up to the tasks ahead.. By taking in the information as the first step to growth and development. You see, some people think they have all the answers. Education is a lifelong process and should end only when you do. Every day is commencement  day because education is cumulative!

Never ever "sweat" a woman ..you desire!

No I'm not going to give you
My number or any contact info!

Allow her to feel your vibe.. And respond, on her terms!
If she desires your attention she will respond to you... If she does not she will not. When a man understands what the woman is like and what she likes, then he should let the energy between the two of them flow, with good communication.. And no pressure.
August Wilson, the highly acclaimed playywright, wrote, " All you need in the World is love and laughter". Vanessa Williams said." "love is the fairest flower that blooms in God's garden." Everyone needs love. The more you give, the more comes back to you. If you understand that "love is an unusual game. There are either two winners or there are none! Its a two way street... she has to becoming towards you ......not  Trying to get away from you.
One of life's worst nightmares is to have no purpose, no destiny---- nothing useful to do. The person who hasn't experienced the joy of loving someone and have that person love them back, or even worse, has confused a form of interaction with someone for "love," has lived in vain.
We are told in Genesis that "a deep sleep fell over Adam"-But nowhere does it say in the Bible that he woke up! In essence (it could be interpreted) all the events that followed Adam's falling asleep are a part of his dream. Many of us (men) posses an "Adam dreaming" mentality. Too many have enterd into a deep
deep sleep. Manyof us  have never realized, or even worse, have forgotten, our true identity, what does it feel like to belove, and be loved. Each of us was created to love. Take An honest look at the troubles we have created for ourselves as a people reveals that we have painfully lost sight of the visions that once painted our future. What began as a happy dreams seems to have spun into a nightmare of fear, deprivation, and unhappiness. These clouds have hidden the great origins of what we should be realizing about love. But nightmares always end with an awakening. While the dream may seem overwhelming as you experience it, it becomes nothing the moment you open your eyes. If you are passing through such a dream, take comfort in knowing that this type of experience is important. When planting a garden, the earth must be turned over, tilled, and smoothed out before new seeds can grow. In the same way, before a new building can be erected,, the old, useless structure must be leveled and cleared away. We must make space for something new and better to enter our life. While it may seem that sometimes we are spinning around in the same cycle of doing things the same old way we've done over and over again... The dream that became a reacurring nightmare..will change when we Open wour eyes and wake up. The nightmare is not your world that is shattering, it is your illusions.
You better know what time it is.  Its time for us to realize our true reality and wake up. Set your Alarm clock, to wake yourselves up..." Stop sweating her if she is not feeling you!"

"We are a special people, we are the best and the brightest our ancestors ever produced!" -- James Weldon Johnson, writer.
Its about time we start acting like the quote says and meet each other at the crossroads. No home field advantages(Fellahs), let's  move forward together by avoiding having An identity crisis, as to who holds the most power,  between the sexes. Knowing the truth will set you appart from the rest, become a seeker of Truth... Stop fooling yourselves!

She was validated for her looks...but he was not!

The early 20th vs the early 21st century possible romances connections my point of view.
An old story---A man and woman had been corresponding by mail for several months  before they kind-a fell in

love. They agreed to meet at the airport. Since they had never seen each other, they devised a plan that would help them recognize each other. The woman was to wear a green scarf, a green hat, and a green carnation pinned to her coat. When the man got off his plane, he immediately began searching for his pen gal. Suddenly, he saw a woman with a green sarf, hat, and carnation, his heart sank. She was one of the homeliest women he had ever seen. He was tempted to board the plane witout approaching her. Never-the-less he walked over to the woman, smiled and introduced himself. Immediately the woman said, "what's this all about? I dont know who you are. That woman over there... Should expain," she continued, "she gave me ten dollars to wear this outfit."
When the man looked over to where she pointed,he saw one of the most beautiful women he had ever seen in his life. He sighed and approached her, the pretty woman explained, "all my life men have approached me because of my beauty. I want someone to "love me" not for my outward   appearances but for what I am on the inside."
Now lets roll forward to the 21st century.
These days social media lets us see the pics folks want us to validate before contact is made. The things that made me think about writing this blog...was before and after hurricanes Irma, Jose and Maria. I found myself  communicating with mainly a new FB genuine friend who seemed to very much care about my safety and well being... Other than my sons and mainy family members in the USA and Europe not many others seemed to  very much care.... Needless to say I know what she looks like.... And Visa Versa. So validation of looks will not be an issue.... In our case  She has read a few of my post before the huricane... And seemed to liked them... She has even read my latest  blogs so now she know how my mind works, I even had the pleasure of meeting her mom, prior to the storms...who is a delightful lady I saw where her daughter got her looks and caring demena from.. These are the things...That are possible with so much less guess work these days....however with all these wonderful tools that allow people to connect, disconnect and reconnect...a few sets of 20th century issues still remain viable in the 21st Century.
The story points out that its the woman who is the one who was validated because of her looks.. No where did it mention anything about the man's looks, his height his weight or anything about him,that would make the woman of today reject him or favor him. Now my B.A.D. analyis would ask why was he writing to someone he did not know or had no idea who she was... Was he in jail?  At war? on a oil-rigg? Where was he? Ok so he hopped on a plane after he felt something was attracting him to her physically.
Now the women of the 21st Century have many more options... They can pick and choose---- instead of waitng to be chosen..
Many ladies these days have better education than even many men, women are moving up---- all the way up to the glass ceiling...where a few men still have the advantages to look down and see them coming and validate them on their looks. So power of choice is still not transfered to women ---- maybe just to a select few woman.. These woman are known as Alpha females.... They scare the mess out of the average male, they compete with Alpha menand sometimes win... But their window to dominate is still very small.... Yeah, you might still think.... but they can use their looks to impress and advance Upward...
Just for one second....Picture the woman who can say this: "I am in complete control. My thoughts are in accord with my desires. I can overcome any difficulty. Come what may, I know: I am a living magnet. I attract the circumstances that I desire!"

                             Maybe after 2020!

Unlock your hidden treasures

“What lies behind us and what lies ahead of us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”– Ralph Waldo Emerson

Imagine yourself on an island called “Self.”

Can you find the key to this lock?

Imagine that this island has two towns, one called “Future” and the other called “Past.”

You are currently standing in between both of these towns in a place we will call “The Present.” “The Present” is not a town: it’s just a dirt trail you have always used to get to the other towns on the island called Self.

On this dirt trail, underneath your very feet, lies hidden a treasure of tremendous value. This treasure, coincidentally, belongs to you and only you —and you are the only one who has the power to access it. In fact, one could say that even if another were to find this treasure and unlock it, they would find it void of meaning. Another would find no intrinsic value in your treasure and so they would instantly toss it aside and go searching some place else for their boon. It’s almost as if you’ve not only been given this treasure—and the key to unlock it—but you’ve also been given the “sight” required to recognize it as your treasure and yours alone.

The problem, however, is that this treasure is buried underneath a very heavy layer of dirt with a rusty lock....

In order to reach it, you would have to do some very labor-intensive digging to uncover it. The process would be very trying and exhausting. It would require all the energy and focus you can muster. However, at the end of all this work, the good news is that you would finally reach your treasure, and be able to use it for any creative end .....

I love stars it's great that we are able
 to create our own  stars directly above us. 

Even though you recognize this truth, however, you may decide not to do the work. You decide, instead, to travel to the nearby town called “The Past”—which, you recall, had in it some treasure you once used and enjoyed long ago. You travel to this town, only to find that “The Past” has been completely ransacked by vandals, abandoned by its people, and decimated by invaders. No matter where you look in The Past, there is not a soul present, and no matter where you look in The Past, there is no treasure to be found. The treasure you remembered once existing there is no longer accessible—for some reason, it cannot even be found in the place you remembered it had once been! 

Dismayed, you leave the ghost town of The Past and decide that you are more likely to find some treasure in the other town on this island, the island called “The Future.”

So, you make your journey to “The Future” but, just as soon as you arrive there, you encounter a barren desert. It is pretty obvious to you that nothing ever existed there. Nothing currently resides there, and, in fact, the only thing you encounter in this town is a sign that reads:

“Welcome To Future Town: Construction Will Begin Tomorrow!”

So tell me  "Mr. B.A.D what will we build together
in this town you call "The future?" 

Now, as you lay there, absolutely exhausted by your travels, you notice the wind slowly blow a layer of the dirt floor away, finally doing away with a layer of dirt that once stood in the way between you and your hidden treasure. As you lay there, you’re able to take notice of this natural progression and even though the process is painful (because the dirt gets into your mouth and eyes and stings you as the wind blows) you find the cleansing process incredibly peaceful.

You realize that, in the natural progression of things, the wind will eventually erode all the dirt that is covering your treasure and, in due time, you will uncover your hidden treasure whether you wish it to be uncovered or not. Recognizing this truth, you stand up, pick up a shovel and begin to dig, right here, in The Present, hoping to expedite the process of uncovering your hidden treasure.

Did I make a B.A.D choice?

A few years ago... I was searching  for some answers as I had just left my home of 20+ years and decide to start over on an Island my parents called home.... when I read the above... you can click on this date and read  the same thing and more from the book .March 9, 2015

When you get to where I am..
you have a different set of thoughts!

What I came away with is that after living in a world with  many choices (the USA) ... My attitude will either have to  change or I will fail miserably..... this gave me new courage to start figuring out if I still had some hidden treasures left in my creative mind. “Sometimes it can feel  like we’ve gotten into a rut or I can become frustrated with my life when things don’t seem to be working out the way I imagined. In this book, Ollin Morales offers thoughtful analysis and suggestions for tackling the different internal roadblocks we face when trying to live a meaningful life. The book is well written and presented in an easily digestible format. I will be putting some of these suggestions into practice in my own life. “ the biggest is dealing with my sometimes lack of patience, in dealing with others. maybe I have mellowed a bit now that I'm an Island resident. Hurricanes can always give me excitement ...because even Islander move at rapid speed trying to avoid disasters.  I can use that to make some things happen. 

But I've learned that you can't push a rope.. You can only pull it.  For those who are wondering how this blog happened. This post was started during my watching Hurricane Irma coming directly at me and my Island and neighbors. It just put things in perspective for me!