So you think you are ready for the next big step!

The following are the 5 Most Important Things You Must Know Before You move in together.

So you are in Love and all you can think about is when to get married and spend all your life with your love one. After looking at the divorce statistic around the world you would want to consider more time to think about it whether you are ready or not? Some things you must know before you  move in together and plan to get married:

1. Are you ready to get married?

You think you are mature enough to separate love from Lust? Before you say “I Do” you better ask yourself a couple of questions: How much time you want to be alone during a day? How often do you want to spend time with your own friends? Are you ready to spend your christmas with your in-laws ? These questions might not seems important now but they will be at actual times.

2. Employment:

Are you working? What is your job related goal in your life? Does your job require you to travel a lot or spend a lot of times in your office? After you get married and have children are you  or your spouse going to quit your job and stay at home to raise your children? Which one is more important to you ? Your Job or your Family?! Never underestimate the role of your job on your life, So think very carefully!

3.Money, Money, MONEY Issues:

Why do you spend so much on your car?

How are your finances right now? Are you able to spend your money for the big day? What is the future plan for your family finances? How are your partner to be and you  going to share your household expenses? Are you making more money? If so, are you willing to help your spouse with his/her expenses? How do you feel about sharing your bank account and your saving with someone else? Lots of marriage has been broken because they haven not thought about serious changes each relationship will bring.

4.what about Children:

Would you ever decide NOT to have a children? Have you asked your partner to find out what is his/her point of view? How many children he/she wants to have? How do you want to raise your children? Religion is one of the most important points to talk about before having children? As time pass, Decades after decades cultures changed and family beliefs have gone far from our parents and our grandparents. Children will change your life and it’s your responsibility to think before bring another human being into your lives.

5. $ex:

Now is the time to talk about it,
not after you are finished using my body!

YEAH, $ex has two different sides, it can take your life toward two different DIRECTIONS. $ex should be a free topic to discuss, you have to be open and can talk freely about $ex with your partner, when you don’t talk about your $ex life it can changes to unsatisfied $ex episodes. Discuss your expectation and ask your partner about her/his expectations, this way both of you can make each other happy.... if you agree!

So why are you still single?

Are you ready to change
your ways?

Many advisors and counselor can tell women what types of men to avoid but... we men need some good advice on women to avoid..... also.

Fellahs...Maybe you know  one of these 6 types, and you're wondering, 'should I continue or end it.'

Women often spend time wondering what type of women men want to marry, but have you ever considered the type of woman men don’t want to marry?
Here’s some of the most common personality types that send many men running for the door!

1. The Control Freak

She comes off like a mother figure, she’s emasculating and treats her man like an improvement project.


2.The Baggage Lady

She’s still carrying baggage from previous relationships, she often starts sentences with, “My last boyfriend/husband.” She’s driven by fear and unresolved anger.

3.The Asphyxiator

She has no life outside of her man and expects him to feel the same. She’s dropped all of her friends and no longer engages in any hobbies that are not shared.

She often nags when her partner wants to spend time with his friends, in most cases that equals any amount of time that doesn’t include her. She’s extremely clingy and needy.

What do you mean
 I have daddy issues!?!

4.“Daddy Issues” Lady

She’s looking for a man to solve all of her problems, and she’ll resent him if he can’t wipe away all of her tears and kiss away all of her boo-boos. She’s the one who expects the same standard of material indulgence that daddy used to lavish on her. This variation of “daddy issues” lady is emotionally immature and spoiled.

She could also be the type who had a poor or a non-existent relationship with her father so she’s constantly seeking attention outside the relationship to fill a void.

5. The Gossip Girl

She’s the woman who mistakes her boyfriend for one of her girlfriends. She doesn’t understand that the type of intimacy she enjoys with her female friends doesn’t translate well with men. She may expect him to be at her beck and call with lots of emotional drama. She’s quick to point out flaws in other women.

My mommy warned me about men like you.

6. Mommy’s Little Darling

She’s incapable of making a decision about anything without bringing her mother’s opinion into the matter! She can often be found on the phone with her mother whining about all the the intimate details of her romantic relationship.

Often, women like this have co-dependent relationships with their mothers, or they were raised by narcissistic mothers who punished their daughter’s attempts at personal individuality.

I'd rather text than talk to you in person!

Scientists Explain A Few Ways Technology Can Hurt Your Relationship


“We are allowing technology to kill our relationships because we tend to give our phone more attention than we do our partner.” – Unknown

The above quote pretty much sums up this post in a nutshell – technology has taken over our lives, and not in a good way.    Sure, technology has its benefits, giving rise to advancements in medicine and machinery, but it doesn’t do much good for humanity when it comes to smartphones. We have become utterly addicted to our mobile devices, and you don’t need any studies to prove this statement. Just look around you – you’ll likely see most people glued to their phone no matter where you go.

When it comes to relationships, this addiction has disastrous consequences. In the U.S., the average smartphone user spends 2 hours and 37 minutes on his phone per day, according to research from Statista. In Brazil, the average is nearly 5 hours! What does this mean?Basically, our phones have become a permanent extension of our hands, and we don’t pay much attention to the actual world around us. We have substituted virtual reality for reality, and it turns out that switching back and forth between the two worlds doesn’t come so easily.

Many people report that their relationships have suffered due to overuse of technology, and this doesn’t really come as a surprise when people seem to spend every second of free time on their phones.
When I was an IT professional a young woman asked me how could I stand using a Computer for 8 hrs or more each day. Now she may not  think that her mobile device is a computer but she is glued to it for the same hrs each day...
SMDH. at least I was getting paid for my time on a Computer.

1. IT TAKES YOU AWAY FROM THE PRESENT MOMENT

Why is he texting me
 instead of being here,
I feel like the 5th wheel.

How many times have you been engaged in a conversation with your partner, only to see them pull out their smartphone in the middle of it? They probably don’t do this on purpose, but it can make you think that your conversation isn’t as important as whatever they’re looking at on their phone. The more this happens, the less satisfied you’re likely to be in your relationship, because your partner’s attention is divided between you and their phone. In fact, in a study published in the journal Psychology of Popular Media Culture, researchers found that 70 % of women said that smartphones interfered with their relationship. hmmm!

Eye contact and active listening are very important components of communication, both of which are compromised when smartphones come into the picture. Intimate relationships require trust and communication, and you can’t build on these when you or your partner decides to scroll through Facebook while having a conversation. It’s downright rude to stare at your phone while your partner is talking to you, because this tells them that what they have to say doesn’t matter.


2. TECHNOLOGY RUINS QUALITY TIME TOGETHER

Two is company +1 ( your phone)
IS A CROWD, I'm out!

Most people today don’t have a lot of free time already, but when we spend an average of 2 hours and 37 minutes on our smartphones per day, that leaves practically nothing left for real relaxation. Not to mention, the same study that found 70% of women had “technoference” in their relationships also discovered that 62% of women said technology interfered with leisure time with their partner.

The more we let technology interrupt our lives, the more our relationships will suffer. For example, when couples go out on dates now, they seem to spend more time checking their phones than talking with their partner. This creates dissatisfaction and loneliness in a relationship, and isn’t the whole point of a relationship to have someone to talk to and bond with?!

3. IT CREATES RESENTMENT

I so do not have the time
To text you back right now!

As I’ve already said, being on your smartphone while spending time with your partner essentially checks you out of the real world. Your attention goes to the myriad of apps and notifications on your phone, creating a distraction from your real life. It might feel nice to escape the real world for a little while, but we have taken it overboard as a society.

Like Me Not or Like Me?!

 "There are Some Behaviors That Make People  like you. And some folks will not like you no matter what you do." -- Marius C.E. Daniel,
My dad may he RIP said this to me when I was 6 years old, because I complained to him that it seemed like my football team mates did not like me because they did not pass me the ball.

Likeable people have an aura of confidence and joyfulness.  They are often smiling. These folks don’t carry the world on their shoulders or have anything that forces negativity when they are in your presence. Their behavior is easy going.
- What makes a person likeable?
- What attracts us to them?

People who smile a lot,
 are most happy and likeable.

1. THESE FOLKS WANT NOTHING IN RETURN FROM YOU.

Likeable people genuinely ask for nothing.  They sit with you, share cups of coffee, and engage in a conversation. They make eye contact. They smile. They truly don’t want anything but being with you. The likeable individual places you in the moment. Author Toni Morrison shared with Oprah many years ago in an interview, that one of the most important aspects that we have in our possession is the art of being present with anyone. If someone walks into the room, give that person your attention.


Likeable people have this ability to put whomever is around them first and foremost for attention. They want to help and will offer assistance with wholehearted presence. A likeable person wants to help you, but not for their benefit. They want to make sure they can be of service to you because they have endured their shares of struggles.

The eyes tell you they are listening.

2. THEY HAVE INCREDIBLE LISTENING POWERS.

A likeable individual will let you talk and share about your life. When you walk away from them, you immediately think, “Wow, what a great person. I know nothing about them.” They will make you the center of attention and have no problem making you feel lighter with all that you shared. They have an ability feel like a free therapy session. Many times you will even admit, “I’ve never shared this with anyone before.”

These folks have such a beautiful sense of awesomeness that the person talking doesn’t realize that they haven’t even asked about them. But, that’s the incredible characteristic of a likeable person: they are never selfish. They believe everyone is owed a moment of feeling special. After all, don’t we all want to be heard?

3. THEY AREN’T INSECURE.

Likeable people have no hangups about how others see them. They are happy in their own skins. They know that when they are in a group setting, they are going to meet a bunch of people. The likeable person has the ability to transfer that confidence to others when they speak with them. You can’t be jealous of a person who is providing space for you to feel good about yourself. They compliment others with easiness.

These type of people don’t care how anyone sees them. They only want to make sure you know your greatness. They will do anything to make you feel good about yourself. You can start a conversation with them, complaining, and they will change it and say something like, “Isn’t that an amazing opportunity for you to….”

4. THEY ARE GENUINE FOLKS.

The likeable person has nothing to prove.What you see is what you get with them. They are genuine in all aspects. If they don’t like something, they will let you know. They speak up and share with others, even if the subject matter isn’t one to agree with. They have the ability to let you know, “I admire your opinion. Let’s agree to disagree.” And they will say this in a non-condescending manner that doesn’t feel intrusive. It’s just a matter of choosing your language and your tone. The likeable person knows that words have power, and they will utilize language in the most common fashion without ever feeling attacked.

5. THEY DO NOT JUDGE OR CRITICIZE.

These folks like everyone. And, if they don’t understand something, they will accept it as is, but never judge or criticize you for what you are doing. The likeable person believes that everyone is entitled to their own lessons, opportunities, and opinions. They learn from others. These people know that diversity is the secret to growth. If you want to be liked, start with holding back any judgment against another. Likeable people have no class barriers or standard

Foot note: I don't know anyone who is like all of the above....but my dad came close.

What does Acceptance mean to you?

As I am standing on the rocks
at the waters edge I'm thinking
deep thoughts about "Acceptance!"

Acceptance is extremely important in every relationship we have with another person. We always seek acceptance, even if we like to tell ourselves that we don’t. But seeking acceptance is a natural part of being human. We seek acceptance from our friends, our families, or coworkers, and even from strangers.

Researchers have long been putting in the work to understand why we need acceptance from people, especially from people in our romantic lives. Being with someone who accepts you completely will make changes to your life that you may never have guessed.

1. LESS RESENTMENT

When we are met with a lack of acceptance from people who we love, this can slowly grow resentment in our minds. Having a partner who accepts you completely, no matter what, means that you won’t have any resentment.

“Accepting people does not itself mean agreeing with them, approving of them, waiving your own rights, or downplaying their impact upon you. You can still take appropriate actions to protect or support yourself or others,” says neuropsychologist and author Rick Hanson, Ph.D.

However, no one likes to be told what to do, how to do it, or be told that the things they do or like are unacceptable – especially if they’re not harming themselves or others. Resentment can cause a number of different mental and emotional problems, from anxiety to depression. It can even irreparably damage relationships. Relationships should be about acceptance of one another, not fostering resentment.

2. IT BRINGS CLOSENESS

Acceptance fosters closeness between both partners.

“We have all had moments when we wished our partner was thinner, wealthier, more romantic, and so on. Take a look at your expectations and ask yourself how realistic they are. Unrealistic expectations lead to chronic frustration, which my study found is the main reason relationships fail,” says relationship expert, author, professor and therapist Dr. Terri L. Orbuch.

Being with someone is often a learning curve, and learning to trust someone can take a while. When you’re with someone who accepts you for who you are, completely, then it brings both partners close together. Being aware that your partner accepts you for who you are opens up trust that allows partners to connect and grow closer together. It can even improve a relationship when acceptance replaces nonacceptance.



3. PERSONAL GROWTH

When you are with someone who doesn’t accept you for who you are, your personal growth is stunted. When someone doesn’t accept you, even when they never say it, they will still act and behave towards you in a way that shows that lack of acceptance. On the other hand, when you find someone who accepts you as you are, your personal growth expands. You are capable of learning new things and experiencing growth as a person. You’re able to foster your own unique abilities and skills without judgement.

“It’s good when someone encourages you to be the best you can be. As long as you still get to be you. Pushing our loved ones to be better is part of what a successful relationship entails. However, if your loved one asks you to be things you’re not, or compares you unfavorably to others, then you should hear warning sirens in your head,” says translator Carolina June.

4. LETTING GO OF CONTROL

We can’t control everything. When we try to control everything around us, especially other people, we’re left feeling frustrated and anxious.

“When we start a relationship we like to feel in control, powerful even – to protect ourselves from the vulnerability that comes with opening up to a lover. We may carry the hurt from past relationships, so we protect ourselves by trying to appear in control. Yet no relationship was ever deepened by lovers’ attempts to assert themselves over each other – rather, it is through the mutual exploration of their imperfections, fears and anxieties that true connection occurs. It may sound counterintuitive but it’s true,” says couples’ counsellor David Waters.

Please read part 2.

"Acceptance " part 2.

Having someone who accepts us for our flaws and uniqueness means that we have the ability to let go of that need for constant control.  We want to control everything that we do, and we want to control how people see us. But since we can’t control how other people feel about us, we are often left feeling upset. Having at least one person who accepts us completely begins to free us from that need of control.

Having an elevated view helps one
see that you are accepted by the universe.

5. PEACE AND SERENITY

Being surrounded by people who don’t accept us, or parts of us, can leave us feeling like we’re caught in a world of anxiety and chaos. We don’t feel good about ourselves, and that can harm so many different facets of our lives. The importance of peace in our lives shouldn’t be overlooked. When you have someone who accepts you completely, you’ll be able to find an easier peace and serenity that you may not have known before.

“When we accept something just as it is, without judgment, without manipulating it to be something else or without a label, we experience peace. We can have the same peace in our relationship when we learn to accept our partner’s behavior without judgment or without trying to change them in some way. Letting go of our expectations of how we think they should be sets us free and we experience peace,” says therapist Tara Mills.

We all deserve to have a place in our lives where we know peace, and being with someone who accepts you completely can be that place.

6. GREAT SELF-ESTEEM

Self-esteem shouldn’t be overlooked when it comes to mental and emotional health. With a lack of self-esteem comes a lot of depression and anxiety.

“People with low self-esteem tend to have “lower quality relationships” than people with healthy self-esteem. Their relationships have less love and trust, and more conflict and ambivalence. People with low self-esteem’s relationships are also less stable (more likely to break up),” says psychologist and author Alice Boyes, Ph.D.

“The greatest gift that you can give to others is the gift of unconditional love and acceptance.” – Brian Tracy

When we are with someone who doesn’t accept us completely, our self-esteem can drop drastically. On the other hand, having someone who can support you and accept you completely will raise your self-esteem, even when other people in your life don’t show you that same support or acceptance.

Final thoughts

Acceptance is a part of human existence. We seek acceptance from all kinds of people in our lives. Not everyone we come across will accept us for who we are, or accept us completely. However, being with someone who accepts us can drastically change our mental and emotional health, and researchers have agreed that acceptance is important to our well-being.

Men avoid admitting these things, because their Boyz might LOL.

Ladies, did you know that some men secretly love these "girly" things....


Many of women don’t realize, but men have a lot of pressure placed on them by society. There’s a lot required for you to be considered “manly”. Especially when it comes to relationships. We act the way we do because that’s what we believe to be socially acceptable.

For example, being a man, in our
 eyes, means always making the first move, chasing the girl (not vice versa) and not suggesting extra cheese on the Pizza. But this is just a front we put up to be considered a man. In reality, this isn’t always the case, as to who we really are.

According to Elite Daily and many other publications, there are so many “girly” things that men enjoy that people would just not expect. In addition to that, there are things that men secretly like when they are in a relationship, or when they are into a girl that no one would expect.

Here are a few of those things. Remember, these things are only considered a secret because society makes us believe it makes men less “manly” if they think like this. But in reality…it’s who the man is!



1. When a man  finds the right woman, men love romantic and cheesy gestures (like painting in the buff).But because of society giving them the belief that they have to be masculine, they get a bit shy. But not only do they love doing romantic things for their women,  they love it when women do romantic things for them!

When you invited me over to pain
I had no idea this is what you had in mind!

2. Guys LOVE watching their woman eat. Glamour posted some things that guys have admitted to secretly loving, one writing “When my wife gets hot chocolate with whipped cream on top, she takes two coffee stirrers and uses them like chopsticks to eat all the cream” (Chris Hermosilla). They love when their partner eats messy or has silly little habits when eating.


3. Men LOVE when women initiate things. I mean, they can’t be the only ones doing all the work, right? Women shouldn’t be worried to show equal interest and initiate a text, or even a hangout, or going to the extreme... ( NUDE couples art clssses) It shows confidence, which men find seriously attractive!

Are you sure this.... is
for your art class!

4. When men offer help, it’s not to make themselves seem more superior. Men are actually fully aware that ladies are more than capable of handling themselves. But by letting men help out, it actually makes them feel wanted and accepted. If you sound needy,  it’s actually kind of sweet!



5. Asking “can we try something new” when it comes to the bedroom is something that both men and women want but are afraid to say it out loud. Men especially are worried that they’ll be judged. So you think of ways that can spice up life in the bedroom with your partner, noting that every couple has certain moves on their bucket list and are too worried to suggest it. JUST Do it!



6. Society makes us believe that “real men” don’t need to be praised. But in reality, men do love it when there is a bit of well-intentioned objectification. That means squeezing their biceps or complimenting them on their outfit, for example.



7. When women pay the bill. Hey wait a minute, there are women who enjoy paying the bill on the first date. Society has given the impression that a man is supposed to pay for the woman's meal—but it doesn’t have to be this way! The topic is complex depending on who you ask. Some men enjoy paying for women because it makes them feel like they can treat the person they are interested in. Others think that the bill should be split (going Dutch.)

Are you suggesting we go Dutch!

Final note: Going back to WHO pays.... if the woman invites the man to breakfast, lunch or dinner... Then think of it this way... if you fix the meal yourself (you are paying for the meal) so if you don't trust your cooking enough to impress him..... then take him to a restaurant, coffee shop or where ever ... and pay the bill.
As a man .... I have cooked for women... (because I know how to impress her with my skills...in the kitchen)  I prefer to giving her the B.A.D. special treatment... instead of  letting some second rate chef (want to be famous ) get the praise......(smirking)!

Top secret!

Secrets That Can Make Love Last Forever. Or, at least, a very long time.

“You have been the summary of my entire existence; my biggest weakness, my greatest strength. The weathers of my life start and end with you. You complete me.” – Sapan Saxena

Falling in love is an amazing feeling. At first, everything seems so intense and beautiful. Even when the honeymoon feeling begins to fade, relationships fall into that comfortable place where everything just seems happy. To keep that feeling, and to keep that love and relationship going strong, takes a bit of work on both partner’s parts.

Continuing to love someone and make a relationship work brings joy to everyone’s life, and researchers have now found the perfect way to make a love continue to go strong forever. Relationship experts have long been doling out advice on how to keep your relationship strong and your love burning bright. Now, three secrets are going to be revealed that will help your love last:

1. OPEN COMMUNICATION ABOUT YOU AND YOUR PARTNER’S NEEDS

Sometimes, we tend to expect our partners to be able to read our minds. Communication is key to any relationship, but what will make a relationship last forever is a very specific kind of communication: communicating your needs. Perhaps your partner is running late for a date that you’ve been planning for weeks. In your own head, you may feel like this means that your partner doesn’t care about your time together, and when they finally arrive, you give them the cold shoulder. On the other hand, your partner was actually held up at work and couldn’t get out of it, and they didn’t really mean to be late. All they could think about was getting to your important date on time.

In his book ‘Love Is Never Enough: How Couples Can Overcome Misunderstanding ‘, Dr. Aaron T. Beck writes, “When spouses’ high expectations are thwarted, they are prone to jump to negative conclusions about the partner’s state of mind and the state of the marriage. Interpreting a partner’s motives in this way is fraught with danger, simply because we cannot read other people’s minds.”

Without communicating your needs – in this case, the need for your time to be respected – your partner isn’t going to understand that their lateness hurt you, and you won’t know that your partner was thinking about you the entire time. Communicating what you need in these kinds of situations will keep both you and your partner happy, but also open the line of communication for compromising in situations.

When you tell your partner that you would appreciate a text or phone call if they were going to be late, you’re communicating your needs and letting your partner know how to better love you – which means your partner will do the same. Being open and honest about your needs, and receptive about your partner’s needs, is the key to a strong relationship. This will keep your love lasting for a very long time.


2. GET RID OF ANY UNSPOKEN RULES

Just the same way you can’t read your partner’s mind, they can’t read your mind either! When something feels obvious to you, it may not be obvious to them. When you find yourself becoming upset over something your partner has done, or not done, or said, or not said, take a step back and ask yourself what you expected your partner to do instead. If it isn’t something obvious that any polite adult would know to do, maybe it’s become an unspoken rule that your partner isn’t aware of. This can happen in the reverse as well, if your partner becomes upset over something you didn’t know to do, or did.

A relationship is not a guessing game. Many people fear stating their needs and, as a result, camouflage them. The result is disappointment at not getting what they want and anger at a partner for not having met their (unspoken) needs.

Take some time to sit down together and air out those “unspoken” rules. Make them spoken, and then decide if they are arbitrary.

We are of different genders... recognize the differences.

If her bra and panties match ...
then it's not just the man
 who is thinking about having sex

Ways in which love-making is different for men and women

Men and women find sex very different and these are some ways in which they perceive it differently.




When it comes to sex, men and women have very different ideas and thoughts about it. They have different opinions and different perceptions about it. They also have different ideas about what they expect and what they derive out of it. Sex, therefore, is not the same for the two genders and the following  differences bring out how unique it is to them (note: these do not apply to everyone).

#1 Context


Men do not need a particular context for sex. We do not need a story or a background to have sex. For us, sex is straightforward and pleasurable for the gratification we derive from it. Sex, for is, is more of a physical union than anything else and our minds are oriented to receive pleasure.....period.



Women need context for sex. For them, sex has to mean something. It has to lead them somewhere and they are more interested in the psychological and the emotional aspect of sex rather than purely physical one. They seek emotional unity and are most comfortable with those they are emotionally compatible with.

#2 Priorities

Men have sex extremely high on their priority list. They can drop almost anything for a good time and most other things in their life can take a back-seat once sex comes into the picture. Also, we usually seek more variety in sex when compared to women.



Women, on the other hand, do not place sex that high on their priority list. While they do enjoy sex, it is usually not what keeps their minds occupied. The one thing that is extremely high on their priority list is security and if they feel secure with their partners, they are comfortable having sex.

It was great for however long it lasted!

How to rid yourself of Emotional Attachments to Someone Who Stopped Loving You.

So that's it we are done!

“Nothing in the universe can stop you from letting go and starting over.” – Guy Finley

You've heard of falling in love, but hardly ever do you come across people who have fallen out of love. Is this even possible? Can your partner suddenly stop loving you? Before  answering that question, you must know that there’s a huge difference between ‘loving’ and ‘being in love’.

“Falling out of love is one of those awful parts of life that we don’t want to think about until we sense that it’s happening to us. At first, we think we’re imagining things, it’s rare that we stop and ask ourselves, “does s/he still love me?” But pretty soon it becomes clear that something is really, really wrong.”

Letting go of someone that you never thought you would have to let go of is a difficult thing. When someone has stopped loving you, it may feel like the world won’t continue spinning. However, we all know that isn’t true. Letting go and moving forward with life is entirely possible, and it’s the healthy solution to having to say goodbye to someone you once loved.

When it’s time to let go and say goodbye, we are often left wondering how to go about doing that. After all, it’s not something that’s taught to us in school. Here are the best ways to let go of someone who’s stopped loving you, and move forward to a better and healing tomorrow.

1. UNDERSTAND WHY YOU BROKE UP

What was it about the relationship that wasn’t working? What caused the rift that had the both of you part ways in the first place? If you can’t pinpoint the exact reason, you may want to do some thinking as to what went wrong in the relationship. This doesn’t mean that it was your fault, or their fault, or anyone’s fault at all.

Sometimes, people just don’t work out in a relationship. That doesn’t mean that there has to be a good guy and a bad guy in the break up story. Even if it still hurts, understanding why the relationship ended is a first step to allowing yourself to let them go and learn to say goodbye.

If you’re still on speaking terms, see if your ex would be willing to talk to give you closure. If things are still awkward, try talking it out with a friend. Keep in mind, you may not always understand why. Human emotions are complicated, and the reasons for a breakup may be hard or impossible to understand.

For the life of me I don't  get it!
It's over and you are not explaining why!

2. TAKE YOUR TIME

You don’t need to get over your heartbreak right away. There’s a reason that the phrase “time heals all wounds” is as popular as it is. While it may not be true in the sense that time heals ALL wounds, it is true that taking your time can make healing a lot easier. If you try to push yourself into feeling better and bottle up how you’re feeling, it’s only going to come back ten times harder than before.

Sometimes time shows us that the feelings we felt were only to be felt in passing — as we passed on by and on to the next individual we love. That’s why you have to give time a chance. Even if it doesn’t do the trick of healing all your wounds, it will most certainly numb the pain. It will turn those vivid memories into blurry renditions,” says entrepreneur Paul Hudson.

The most important thing to do when you’re learning to let go is to let yourself take all the time you need in order to heal. One day, you’ll wake up and realize that you aren’t feeling the same pain as you did when it first happened.


3. UNDERSTAND WHY YOU NEED TO LET THEM GO

Relationships don’t always end completely. There are times where a relationship can be rekindled and put back together. However, when you’re saying goodbye to someone who has stopped loving you, it’s best to understand that the relationship is not likely to be fixed. Sometimes, we need to understand that relationships end so that we can move forward and find that others special relationship that we’re meant to enjoy being in.

So you think you know when they might Cheat!?!

My husband Stopped
 taking me to places like this!

A new study has revealed when women are most likely to cheat on their partners and it’s not good news if you are married.

The research shows between six and 10 years into a marriage is when females are more inclined to be unfaithful.

It comes after the study, published in the Journal of Sex Research, looked at 423 people who were in long-term relationships.
You happy in your marriage?

Are you really happy
in your marriage?

And it found that women who were in the early stages of marriage, or have been wed for 10 years or more, were more likely to stay faithful.

But those women in between were more likely to stray, due to the pressures of raising children and facing middle age with the same partner.

However, for men, the result was different as it showed those married for 11 or more years were the most likely to play around and stray away.

And researchers put this down to the fact that this is the time men might focus on what they haven’t achieved in life and the evolutionary desire to produce more offspring.

So who will be your REMEDY after you've been Cheated on?

Was you Valentines crush too distant?

Maybe I just have to be quicker next time!

“It’s hard to admit when you have fallen in love with someone who can’t be yours.” – Unknown

Almost everyone has had this particular experience: falling for someone that you can’t have. Whether this person is your best friend, or the partner of someone you know, your co-worker or just someone who lives too far away, pining after someone that you can't  have is not good.

This is a particularly painful experience, and many of us have been in this exact situation, wondering how in the world we’re going to get over wanting someone that we can’t have.

It's just not going to happen ,
 so you might as well give up!

It’s the kind of love that doesn’t signal the beginning of something beautiful, but rather the end of something that might have been beautiful, but will never amount to anything more than what it is. Fortunately, it’s entirely possible to both positively handle that pain and get over the other person.

HERE ARE SOME WAYS TO HANDLE THE PAIN OF LOVING SOMEONE YOU CAN’T HAVE

1. ENJOY YOUR TIME TOGETHER

When you’re spending time with someone that you love but can’t have, it can be tempting to ask for more. However, that will only lead to rejection and more pain. Instead, focus on enjoying the time that you do spend together. Focusing on the good times that you have means that you’ll have more good memories to draw on so that you’re not spending your time thinking about how badly you want to be with them.

2. GET A HOBBY TO KEEP YOU OCCUPIED

When we’re hopelessly in love with someone that we can’t have, it may be hard to focus on anything else. Instead, try diverting your attention to other things, like hobbies. Find something that you really enjoy and put your energy into that. You’ll find that you pass the time much easier, and you might even stop thinking about them all the time. Finding ways to distract yourself from obsessing over someone that you can’t have will make it easier to move on.

3. PROTECT YOUR FEELINGS

Being this person’s friend is entirely possible. You can be there for them when they need it, but you also need to be able to know when something is too much. Learn to protect your feelings and set boundaries. If you find it hard to listen to them when they’re having troubles with their partner, it’s okay to set that boundary. Be there for them when you can, but also make sure that you’re taking care of yourself.

4. HAVE A SUPPORT SYSTEM

Surrounding yourself with other friends is a good way to make sure that you’re not alone. If you’re hopelessly in love with your best friend and can’t have them, life can get isolating pretty quickly. Instead, make sure that you have other friends who are supportive and understanding, so that you can always have someone to turn to when you’re feeling low about your unrequited love.



Allow yourself to be supported by your friends, even if you’re just going through the motions because it helps you jumpstart yourself into a new rhythm.

5. LEARN TO COMPARTMENTALIZE

This is an important tool in making sure that your mind isn’t being obsessed with your unrequited love when you’re not together. When you’re hanging out with them, make sure that you’re enjoying your time together to the fullest. However, when you’re apart, you want to make sure that you’re not letting your mind keep wandering back to them and distract you from doing your work.

6. LIMIT CONTACT WITH THEM TO HEAL YOURSELF

Sometimes, your heart doesn’t stop pining. In that case, it’s time to stop letting your heart rule your head. If you’re in pain and in unrequited love after months or years, it may be time to limit the contact that you have with this person.

 Leave them behind. Keeping the line of communication open, no matter how good of ‘friends’ you think you’ll be is only keeping the hopes of a relationship alive



It might be upsetting at first, but you may just be opening old wounds every time you’re together. It’s time to give them space to heal.

7. DATE OTHER PEOPLE

The best way to get over someone is to date other people. It’s important not to compare the new people that you date with your unrequited love. Not only will you feel bad, but it’ll make the person you’re dating have to live up to impossible standards. Enjoying people for who they are will open you up to all kinds of new relationships, though you may not fall in love with every new person you go out with.

8. JOURNAL YOUR FEELINGS

With social media now, it can be easy to throw up a Twitter post about how you feel and get validation from others. This may make you feel good in the moment, but it’s not the same as really examining your emotions. Instead, journal about how you’re feeling. You can do it on a blank word document on a computer, or get old fashioned with paper and pencil. Expressing your feelings in an open and honest way without the expectation that others will see it can help you work through them.

9. DEVOTE SOME TIME TO SULK

Don’t let yourself wallow for too long, but giving yourself a half hour or a little more time to sit and sulk about your unrequited love may actually help you work through those feelings and move past them. You may find that the longer time goes on, the less you’ll feel the need to sulk about them.

Soon, you’ll be living your life day-to-day without the same pain that was there before because trying to miss out that period of sadness can mean that we don’t give ourselves a chance to process what has happened.

                         Distance can actually be good.

Go out and smell the flowers!

This relationship is
becoming so taxing!

 You’re Emotionally Drained By Your Partner



“If your relationship is one sided and one person is doing all the giving, don’t be surprised when the other gets emotionally drained and gives up.” – Unknown

No one wants to consider that their partner is a drain on their emotional well-being. After all, relationships are supported be a source of emotional wealth and happiness. But unfortunately, People we love can sometimes drain us the most. Our mates may not be trying to do this, but life’s demands add up. This is because relationships don’t always work out the way that we had envisioned.

If you find that you’re not feeling quite like yourself after spending time with your significant other, it may be a sign that they’re emotionally draining you. You could be completely consumed by your relationship without even knowing it. Being too wrapped up in your significant other can make it hard to examine whether or not the relationship is a healthy one. There are some tell-tale signs that your partner is a significant drain on your emotional energy, and that something has got to give.

1. YOU CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT YOUR PARTNER

Sending flowers can be a
Great gesture.... but what are you really saying.....?

This isn’t the same as that honey-moon stage where all you want to do is spend time with your significant other. Rather, when you’re unable to function and these thoughts consume your every waking moment is when the situation gets bad. You may find that you’re consumed with wondering where they are, or what they’re doing, and not knowing the answer is causing you distress and an inability to think about anything else.

Your partner might be draining you emotionally when you spend an unhealthy amount of time focused on intrusive thoughts. When you are thinking about what they are doing, who they are with, what they are doing with this person, or what the nature of this relationship is — this can be draining.

While this isn’t necessarily the fault of your partner, it may be a sign that you’re subconsciously unable to trust them.

2. YOU’RE ALWAYS TIRED

Using up too much emotion uses up our energies. This fatigue isn’t like the one you feel at the end of a hard day because that kind of exhaustion can be remedied with a couple of nights’ worth of decent sleep.

When we’re giving too much to one person, it can leave us feeling drained and exhausted, especially when we’re not getting enough back.

Being with your partner shouldn’t leave you feeling like you’ve got all of the energy sucked out of you. When you feel like that, it’s because you’re being emotionally drained. It could either be because of them, or because you don’t know when to stop giving.

3. YOU’RE EAGER TO SPEND TIME ALONE

A lot of people understand that feeling of enjoying spending time by themselves. However, you may be facing an emotionally draining partner when you feel a sense of relief, euphoria and excitement knowing that you’re going to be spending some time away from them.

If you’re all that excited to have a weekend alone, consider that the reason for your joy is that they’re draining you when they’re around.   You should be happy to have a break, but not too happy.

If you’re not missing your partner when they’re gone, it might be a sign you don’t want them around as much as you thought.

4. YOUR PARTNER ISN’T GIVING YOU AN EMOTIONAL BOOST

One of the earliest signs of being in an emotionally draining relationship is whether or not you feel emotionally lifted when your partner is around. “Healthy relationships are supportive. Those in them don’t always agree on plans or next steps, but they hear each other out respectfully.

Therefore, if you feel happy, relaxed and eager to spend time together YOU have a connection that might be considered long lasting.

Oooh not so happy Valentine's day!

This goes in the Column of "I did Not know this!"

You are hanging on to him now
but come Valentines day he will be in my bed.

Cheaters tend to stray more during Valentine's Day and majority don't even feel guilty about it!

A study conducted by Ashley Madison Australia, an online dating site for married people has revealed that people are increasingly becoming more invested in their affairs.



Valentine's Day is right around the corner. It is the time of the year when lovers unite and it is also the perfect time to ask your crush out. But, if you're one of the lucky ones who will be celebrating 14th February with an already committed partner - be warned.

So that's it you are going home
To her

A study conducted by Ashley Madison Australia, an online dating site cautions that people who have cheated before actually tend to drift to repeating the offense on Valentine's Day reported Daily Mail.



According to the study, 28 percent of married folks actually tend to spend this day with their illicit love affairs. The study was conducted on 1,638 men and women, who also talked about how much they would spend on a gift for their affairs.



The study was conducted between January 25 and February 5 earlier this year. "Typically, holidays and special occasions are reserved for the spouse and the affair partner is sidelined," said Isabella Mise, Director of Communications at Ashley Madison, according to the same report.


She also reportedly said that though this research along with others who have been done recently show a spike, this trend of putting the affair before the committed relationship is higher than it has ever been.



The study says that the amount of money they would spend on an affair's gift was equal to how much they would spend for their better halves, how they would do it is totally different. 36 percent of the people surveyed said they would shell out up to $250 for both.

For the last time I spend Valentine's day watching sports in a sports bar with the guys!

"For Valentine's Day this year, we're seeing that affairs of the heart can lead to new traditions with a greater importance being placed on the extramarital relationship," Daily Mail reported.


Unsurprisingly, 71 percent of the cheaters wanted to spend the day with their extramarital affair by having sex, thus spending the money on hotel rooms and the likes, and 73 percent would spend the day taking their partners for dinner. This survey shows that people are becoming increasingly becoming more invested in their love affairs outside their already existing relationships, she added.

SURPRISE "HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY" to all of you....

The attraction can fly away.... after a while.

You just used me,
Then you tell me you are not attracted to me?

Relationships  require nurturing, love, and appreciation. No one wants to feel they are taken for granted, betrayed or misunderstood.

It takes more than friendship and commitment. Love requires the presence of trust and respect. Falling in love is easy. The difficult part is remaining in love, and committing to your partner forever. (OK, I'm good for 25 years, take it or leave it)

So how is the communication
between the two of you?

HERE ARE SOME REASONS PEOPLE FALL OUT OF LOVE:

1.Lack of communication.

When you start a new relationship there is an abundance of sharing. Couples talk about anything and everything as they get to know each other. They fall in love with those parts that relate to one another. Unfortunately, as time goes on, communication withers.   For over 40 years the psychologist Professor John Gottman has been analyzing relationships.  He says that there are 4 ways that communication is affected: criticism, contempt (sarcasm and name-calling), defensiveness, and stonewalling (the silent treatment which is caused by the other three).In the comfort of knowing your partner, there is the discomfort of not wanting to ask again, or say the same thing again, as not to upset them. Communication shuts down because there is no effective way to sit and discuss issues in a healthy manner.

2. Feeling invisible. (how long have you been sitting there?)

After long periods of time, couples begin to take each other for granted. There is a feeling of merely existing in the relationship. Making love becomes the thing of the past. You stop touching and complimenting each other. You stop looking at one another. You begin to act like roommates rather than lovers. Love grows cold. It’s not a good idea to blame your partner for all the relationship problems. Sometimes we need distance in order to recognize how important our partner really is and retrace what made us sparkle in the first place. But it takes work.

All that I'm left with is a hand covered
with sand, and memories of what was.

3. Magnifying insecurities.

When the “in love” part vanishes, the truth of who we are starts to play. We begin to feed off each others’ insecurities. Jealousy starts to play a role in the relationship. Because we feel invisible,
we begin to notice that our partner starts to behave differently with others. It’s not that he or she is cheating. It’s that we want to feel like we used to in the beginning. His insecurities are passed on to you. Her own issues began to play a huge role in how he reacts. It’s a constant battle of self worth and acceptance. The best way to move past this is to discuss the issues without blame or criticism.

4. Boredom sets in.

I thought this would bring back the spark in our relationship,
Was I wrong?

April Masini, the relationship author of Romantic Date Ideas, says: “Over time, people can change — or more often, they become who they really are. Someone who loved his steady business career may suddenly realize he always wanted to be a stand-up comedian and throw caution to the wind to chase his dreams. The kind of change that leads to love lost is always about a buried desire to be someone that’s repressed inside. It’s important to really know your partner to avoid this lost-love syndrome.   A way to avoid this is to be open and accept your partner’s choices in what makes him/her happy. Changes are suppose to happen in relationships. You must go with the flow, otherwise boredom will extinguish the flame that was once the reason you fell in love.


5. Attraction is gone. It flew away like a bird!

What kills attraction? The inability to have fun. You fall in a rut and can’t get out of it. You stop going out on date nights, or doing special things for your significant other. Most times it has nothing to do with physical appearance but the things that go unsaid or undone. You fell in love with that person for many reasons. It’s about revisiting those parts of the relationship. Attraction is ignited through appreciation and compassion.


6. Holding on to grudges.

Nothing is worst than holding on to past resentments and grudges. The quote “forgive and forget” does not play well when we are still reclaiming the past.

Lovers are not friends with benefits!

Do you know the most important differences between  just a friend and a lover

The difference between a lover and a friend is stark and worth knowing.

I thought I made it clear,
We are friends with benefits... that's all.

We all have friends and some of us have lovers. The dynamics between us, when we speak to a friend and when we speak to a lover, vary widely and there are quite distinct differences between the two. While a lover may end up a friend and a friend may end up a lover as well, but as far as the individual relationships are concerned, these  differences separate the one from the other.

#1 The conversations

A conversation with a friend happens on an individual level. You are either talking about yourself or talking about the friend or dome one else. It is one persona at a time and both the parties understand that they need to give time for each to speak about their individual lives.


A conversation between lovers is done on a together-level. The conversation revolves around 'us' and 'we'(well it should.) The couple usually doesn't think in singularity and as they see a future together, they speak in plural terms.

#2 Reasons for jealousy

A friend may get jealous if your attention is diverted from them while you talk to them. You may not have talked to a friend for years but the comfort level still remains when you meet them after a long time. The jealousy, here, is also not that serious and not really of great consequence.


Jealousy between lovers arises when either fails to fulfill their commitments towards the other. Lovers really feel the need to be in touch as they are the closest people and any distance may lead to seeds of jealousy being sown. Jealousy in a relationship is highly consequential and can lead to heartburns and even  breakups.

#3 The number?


One can have as many friends as they like. The friends, too, can be of different kinds and from different backgrounds. There can be a drinking buddy and a study friend and so much more. The variety and number depend completely on the person.


But there cannot  be more than one lover( you should be exclusive.) Any more than one means infidelity and that is not what a relationship is about. Also, a lover can be a friend (not just friends with benefits) but the intimacy between the lovers far exceeds the one between friends. Should I repeat it or will you read again to make sure you get my point.

#4 Who gets your affection?

We started out as friend
 and now we are lovers.

Friends can show affection to you and anyone and it would not be a problem. Even best friends can show different degrees of affection to other friends and it won't matter. Friends do need each other's affection but they may not be that needy for it.


A lover would, on the other hand, need special affection. ( Give that person ATTENTION like no other)The position of a lover in life is slightly elevated over a friend's and they would not be wrong in seeking special privileges when it comes to your time. This is what relationships are built on, to treat your lover uniquely.....