Sex with a mistory Woman.

Sometimes I'm like a doberman, other times I'm like a German Shepard (good guard dogs). Most of the time I'm like a  mutt that just got loose from being on a chain for a long time. So I'm starting this New Year with a topic that many might be interested in, Why is she such a mis-story?

I knew I was becoming confused about women and lust the night a clitoris appeared to me in a dream...in the shape of the Star-ship Enterprise, with all kinds of trailing pods, bulbs, and possibly thrust reverser (but no warp speed). Up until then, I'd always thought of it as my Little Friend, the nubby pencil-eraser thing, varying in size from completely hidden to sticking out and visible even under  clothing.

My problem: I'd been reading  a lot of scientists reports who had been upgrading their formerly simple definition of the love button to "clitoral complex," with V-shaped internal components almost equal in size to the penis. It made me want to look at blueprints, or a treasure map.

That wasn't the really confusing thing, though. For men to be clueless about women is, of course, routine. But what the scientists and sex therapists seemed to be suggesting is that a lot of women are also confused. It's possible that there are about as many nerve endings in the tip of a woman's clitoris as there are in the tip of a man's penis, but the nerves of the clitoris are in a more concentrated area. Women also take a bit longer than men to produce a genital response, and they do so in a pan-sexual wonderland of situations. But at the same time, they often seem to be just as oblivious as men are to what's going on down there. Where lust is a constant driver for men, many women may be deep into foreplay before it kicks in, like an old memory: Oh. This is sex. It feels good. Why don't we do this more often?

This developing picture of female sexuality--physically ready below, but holding back up in mission control--may not sound like good news at first. But if there's static on the communication lines--between a man and a woman of a woman and her own sex organs--recognizing it is often a first step toward a remedy. And gaining new insights into sex as women perceive it, not as a mirror image of the male experience, is the best way to reach the promised land of better sex (and more of it) for both sides. yippee!

But brace yourself. The road to bountiful sex may be a little curvy, with plenty of missed turns en route. It's not an easy trip for a caveman,sorry construction dudes you really do need to engage her mind,so brush up on your approach, of being smooth talker. And it's also a challenge for the politically correct; feminists now frequently espouse something called "responsive desire," which sounds, to male ears, surprisingly passive. Also be aware that there is no simple formula. Women seem to vary far more than men in their approaches to sex, and they confound easy theories. Wearing extreme tight clothing, can do wonders to start the fire burning.

Among the many other interesting variations I heard about were women capable of extra-genital orgasms, including a  woman who could have one by applying a vibrator to the point where her neck and shoulder meet. (It may sound weird until you recollect high-school hickies.) And I met a grand-motherly sex-shop owner who offered old-fashioned courtship advice like hand-holding, candles, sweet nothings--while selling strap-ons to women who wanted to perform anal sex on their (surprisingly passive) boyfriends. 'Uummm, think again' this dude will be running out of the room just at the sight of  a strap-on  at the thought that she will be using it on me..

But mostly I met women in long-term relationships who dreamed that their boyfriends or husbands would wash the dishes, show affection without expectations--and also now and then throw them (the women, not the dishes) down on a bed, or push them up against a wall for a good, hard...philosophical discussion.

The statement "I want men to be men" came up a lot. But so did the rueful statement, "Not tonight, dear. I'm too tired." Women reminded me that actually arriving at your destination (bountiful sex, or did you forget?) is never guaranteed. But they also gave me lots of good directions from here to there. Some of them were psychological--for instance, about the value of saying the simple things men start to forget to say roughly 6 weeks into a relationship, like "Wow, that was great," or even just "you are simply amazing." (but never leave a tip on the nightstand.) And some of it was largely mechanical--for instance, if sex hurts, desire gives way to dread. (There are lubricants  in aisle seven, next to the condoms, they have them for men and women when they come together and heat up, you will come together, screaming each others names.)

Almost everyone reminded me that the challenge for any man, especially as a relationship becomes established, is to cultivate the female's desire. You can't just expect it to happen automatically. And honestly, you're kidding yourself if you think it's her responsibility as much as yours. In one study of folks in long-term relationships, half the women admitted to having had sex without desire in just the previous 2 weeks. If you want her to keep wanting it--wanting you--even at work,or  the children running ROUND, and the house expenses nibbling away at your life together, you have to keep wooing her. try a simple kiss of the hand, which can be very suggestive during a private dinner for two.

According to the Durex Sexual Well being Global Survey, many modern societies suck at sex. There's really no other way to say it -- we just don't do it enough and, when we do, we don't enjoy it. The results found that, on average, People have sex (including foreplay) for 35 minutes once every 4.3 days. That averages out to only 57 minutes a week. Have our lives really become so busy that we can't even schedule in quality time for a little horizontal tango?

We already know that many  suffer from sexless marriages, but why are we so adverse to an activity that clearly brings us joy and pleasure? This survey tells us that if we are married that we rank as one of the bottom-feeders in the realm of sexual activity, as modern couples only indulge in sexual intercourse, on average, 85 times a year, way below the global average, which is 103 times.  

So, where are we going wrong?