It starts with Separated Under the Same Roof. So how do you Survive The limbo phase?
You've decided to split but you're still living together. You're no longer a couple, but you're not yet totally independent. Here's are three of statuses of the Limbo Phase:"
#1
"At first she didn't want him to leave; she thought he might change his mind about the divorce. But he's sleeping in the guest room, and it hurts so much she can't stand it. One night she yelled at him for being late for dinner. That doesn't even make sense!"
"Why did I yell at him it did even phase him!"
This is that transition phase, where old habits require a conscious effect to avoid doing what you have been doing for years. When two people have been together for years you develop habits, some good some bad... these habits are what need to be rewritten. Not easy to do... You resist mostly because you are not ready to make a full change, the more you continue to do the things that you the other person appreciates you will stay in a rut mentally .i.e. dinner on the table as soon as he arrives home from a long day. etc...
#2
"House for Sale.. couple splitting up, must sell ASAP!"
"We don't know long how long it'll take to sell our house. Until we have answers, we don't want to tell the kids we're splitting up. So we're acting like nothing's changed, but really there's an invisible piano suspended over our heads." Your dream home now has to go on the market for Sale. It will soon become another couples dream home... they will make changes..to the home that you both wanted, now it will become the home that another couple will enjoy, maybe even raise their kids there. Your kids will just have their memories of what was... and you and your ex will no longer spend holidays together with family.
#3
"I can't stand the sight of him. If he doesn't move out soon, well... all I can say is it's good we don't own a gun."
I have to get out of here!
"It's a thin line between Love and Hate!"
It's 5 o'clock in the evening You're just getting home, You knock on the door A voice, sweet and low, says, "Who is it, why didn't you use your key?" She opened the door and lets you in Never once does she even look at your face or say, "Where have you been?" She just says, "Are you hungry, did you eat yet?"
Just keep remembering "It's a thin line between love and hate", maybe you should call out for a take out meal to be delivered, to be on the safe side. Don't think you can keep breaking your woman's heart, and she'll sit back and enjoy it. She going to fool you one day! The sweetest woman in the world, could become the meanest woman in the world, if you make her that way. You keep hurting her, she keeps being quiet. She might be holding something inside that will really, really hurt you one day!
Let me state in my BAD opinion: The Key to avoiding continuous emotional separation under the same roof , is to make the Limbo phase as short as possible if not shorter! Remembering and rehashing the feelings you once felt will keep you trapped, you need to let it go!
"It’s all good when we’re making love.... All I ask is don’t take our love for granted…”~ Lil Wayne
On more than one occasion some of us have found ourselves in less than perfect relationships .i.e. You have been in relationships where you felt like you were being taken for granted and even ignored...
"You never want to come with me to any of my functions, you would rather wash dishes Seriously?"
If you were 100% committed to the union, but continued to accept a lackluster 50% commitment from your mate. There were countless times where you’d want you significant other’s love, support and affection, only to be greeted with a “We’re going to see each other later, so I don’t need to check on you during the day,” or a “You know corporate functions aren’t my thing, so I’m just gonna chill at the crib.”
Few emotions are worse than the feeling of being taken for granted. You pour your heart and soul into making a relationship work, endure sacrifices that sometimes include forsaking your own happiness for that of another, only to come up short on the receiving end.
Will he even notice my new hair style?
Often women stay longer than necessary, in hopes of one day being able to look back on this period as one that you've “got through together.” Hope is the main reason why you hold on to toxic relationships. It’s the one emotion greater than fear, and in my opinion, the most powerful emotion of all. But hope is not always enough. Hope will not save your relationship; but realizing that you should never get too comfortable will.
Yes, your life partner should be someone who you can be your full and complete self with. Ideally, you have a relationship based on solid, raw, genuine communication and you accept each other for who you are and who you are becoming.
That is not the type of comfort I’m referring to.
Usually after a number of years (or sometimes months even), one or both parties get comfortable. The dinner dates stop. The surprise flowers sent “just because” are few and far between, if present at all. There aren’t any more “good morning” texts or phone calls to express that “I’m thinking about you.” The relationship goes from moments of elation to an all but dismissive routine. In some cases it feels like the one who tries to keep up with the initial practices and behaviors that brought you together in the first place is a nuisance.
Can I have your attention, Please!
Your “love” becomes more of an obligatory routine than a freely given practice that you look forward to. If you don’t hear from each other for the whole day, it’s no big deal. It’s as if you are living two separate lives, and see each other while you’re at home by default.
Desperate time sometimes call for drastic measure. All woman know what their partner's love most about them is..... So why not test the theory that all men are visual creatures, this might just do the trick... but be careful that you are not making him wonder if this is for him or someone else. We men need to feel assured that all that we see is meant for us. Words like
"I tried to do the best I can for you... but it seems like it's just not enough?" this can upset the flow of positive energy in our brains. If you think what you have done is not enough, then we feel like you are at the point where you will stop trying. A wake up call can also be alarming, as well as assuring... People only try to do their best when they career enough, to keep trying!
the following was copied from a shout-out I received fromStephan Labossiere who is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, Speaker, and Author
The italic stuff is from my perspective.
We’ve all heard the expression, “you never get a second chance to make a great first impression.” This statement couldn’t be truer than when it comes to first dates. First dates are an opportunity for both parties to see if they have anything in common with the other person, outside of a physical attraction. First dates also serve as a gateway to finding love. If you are a professional single, you have to be mindful of how you communicate both verbally and non-verbally, so that your first impression is indeed a great one. Knowing how to separate work from the rest of your life is a big asset. Some of the wonderful qualities that contribute to your success might not translate so well, on the dating scene and in relationships. The person sitting across from you wants to get to know more about you as a person, not about your resume or job description.
We make a nice couple already!
My perspective: Professional have been trained to interview people, size them up. make analytical decisions about the person as quickly as possible. They try to determine if the interviewee will fit into the environment (the space you feel most comfortable in) . Things like will my friends like her/him, will my family like her/him, will my career path intimidate her/ him. With all these things swirling around in one of their, or both of their heads, they might not relax an start really talking to each other until they have had a few drinks and they relax from their defensive mode.
Below are three chronic communication mistakes that professional singles often make on their first date. Take note and see if you’ve been guilty of any of these in the past. If you have, don’t be too hard on yourself. Simply make note of the mistake(s) and make plans to adjust your behavior, so you achieve better results on a future first date.
1.) Talking too much about work and about yourself
You work hard, if you’re a lucky, you also love what you do. In your mind, there is nothing wrong with talking about your work and sharing it with a new person of interest. This is true only to a certain extent. More often than not, professional singles spend way too much time on the first date, talking about work and their careers. Sure, you spend a lot of time at work, so it is a major part of your life, but it’s only one part. Be sure not to focus too much on it. You might think it’s interesting, but this might not be the case for your date. If you’re not careful, this can make you come off as boring, unavailable, and self-absorbed. It will also seem like you have no life. All of which are major turn-offs.
The same thing is true when talking too much about yourself. If your date asks you a question and you spend twenty minutes responding, it’s safe to say, you’re doing too much. Chances are by the time you finish; they will be one of two things; bored out of their minds or turned off or both. You’ve now spent a fraction of the date, making it all about you. Don’t do it to yourself or them. Give an overview and move on. Leave room for them to ask you more questions, which shows their interest. Even then, remember to do your best to be brief and redirect the conversation back to them, so that it is an even exchange. You’re there to get to know them too!
She will make such a beautiful bride!
My perspective: The problem isn't what or who you are talking about.. the problem is what is the purpose of a first date?? Too often folks start thinking about, the commitment phase, that will come as a result of you and this new person having ooh so much in common. SMH. This is Never a good idea because the interview will always reveal all of the positives which will confirm why you accepted to go out on the date in the first place. He looks good, she looks great and has a "lovely smile" and we are both smart..... this is a perfect match. But is it? We all want the right Person that will fit into our World. But how will we fit into their world this thought is less important to us in the beginning. So ask yourself when should you start a role reversals test. Just, to see if you are as compatible as your resume(s) indicate. Will he be willing to stay home with your first born while you continues to climb professionally, for example. Or will she be willing to change locations because my career requires a move? These are questions that will have to be discussed at some point, the sooner the better.
2. Not Listening
A huge missing part of effective communication in relationships these days is our inability to attentively listen to the other person. However, this is the only real sign of interest that you can give your first date right off the bat. Not listening comes off as rude, arrogant and self-centered. Don’t cut them off in the middle of a sentence, don’t fiddle with your phone, answer a call, or allow your eyes to roam around the room constantly. When it’s your time to listen, you are also communicating a lot in the process. So, don’t spend the entire time caught up in distractions and miss out on getting to the know them.
Listening is crucial to a successful relationship and important when wanting to really connect with someone. It’s best to put your best foot forward in this department from the beginning. If you need to work on it, here are some tips to help you become a better listener.
When you listen, you listen with your ears of course, but also listen with your eyes, your body, and your mouth.
Show you’re interested in them and what they are saying, by turning your body toward them, and leaning in their direction, especially if there is a lot of background noise.
Listen to their words, but also focus on what they are saying and the messages that their words convey. This helps you follow-up with feedback that will help you get to know them better without seeming pushy.
Make eye contact as much as possible, it shows they have your attention and you’re focused on what they have to say.
Smile at them when doing all the other things above. J
Being a good listener shows, you’re in tune with them and that you’re caring because you made the choice to give them your time and attention. Being a good listener is very sexy and will make you much more desirable to a potential mate.
Ooh my goodness you have been to China and climbed the great wall?
My perspective: You listen well when you are curious about things. When we tell others about our experiences. the more fascinating your story, the more attention the other person will pay to what you are saying. One thing that fascinates people is where have you lived and why? Have you traveled to places that are interesting, have you experienced things that the other person has not. Once you can go into details about other cultures that the listener is fascinated about that is when the conversation will flow without much interruptions. A smart story teller has to make sure it does not run on and on. Leave some information for the 2nd and 3rd date. Turn the table and become the listener..... for the duration of the rest of the date.
3. Talking at/talking down to your date
At work, you might be a manager or even the boss, and might be used to talking to people in a way that is authoritative and directive. This works at work, but not on a first date. Your date is not your subordinate, so be mindful of your tone and manner in which you speak to them. Be patience and open-minded. Don’t be so quick to be turned off or look for the flaws in them. Be respectful of the person, their time, and their interest. When you’re on a first date, if you feel like you aren’t interested for some reason, figure out a way to end the date quickly, but never result to talking at or talking down to your date. This is a major sign of disrespect, not only to them, but to you also.
My last words of advice — loosen up! The first date is not an interview or a police interrogation. Don’t bring the stressed out person you were that morning at the 11 a.m. executive board meeting. Don’t bring your inner detective/secret service self, and remember to leave all of your dating repellent at home. You’re not there to scare them away; you’re there to give them reasons to be more interested in getting to know you a little better. Be your best self. I’m not saying to be phony or send your representative. However, you don’t have anything to prove. So, relax and enjoy yourself. It’s the only real way for you to see if there is any kind of real chemistry for things to eventually blow up…in a good way! By avoiding these big communication no-no’s, you’re in a better position to go from single to taken.
I'm wearing low cut dress! Is he really looking into my eyes?
My perspective:Never ever ask questions like "How many people do you have reporting to you now...?" this becomes a measuring stick of "who is more important" conversation instantly. It's like who is a boss VS a leader conversation. If one of you is a boss, and the other is a leader then you might want to understand that there is a difference. If you ask the other person the question on what is the difference between a boss and a leader for example during the conversation you might hear clearly which one the other person is and which they admire most. Just remember the more complicated your job the less interesting it would be to the other person. You are not what you do for a living you are who you are maybe in contrast to what you do for a living! In my Professional career life the acronym we used most to be most productive is K.I.S.S which stands for Keep It Simple Stupid. In my personal life K.I.S.S. stands for Keep It Sensually Sexy. just think about which image you want the opposite sex to see while talking to you on a date.
One of the biggest challenges in life
is separating what feels good from what’s good for you. We have all
experienced the euphoria of falling in love and the power of sexual
chemistry. But neither of those things means you are compatible for a
relationship or marriage.
Yes, chemistry is essential to creating
a strong bound but it doesn’t mean you share the same values or
lifestyle. And it certainly doesn’t make your emotional, psychological,
or financial baggage disappear. And let’s not forget about common values
and interest. Without that longevity is impossible!
Sometimes the people we “Click With”
are simply meant to be companions, or temporary lovers, or platonic
friends. Of course the ideal is to have chemistry, friendship, and
compatibility, but too often we mistake one for the other; not only will
you destroy the potential for having a great friendship but you’ll
block yourself from that special someone who can give you what you need
and what you deserve. ~ Michael Baisden
hmmm!
My perspective: How the order in which Attraction follows chemistry happened these days is subject to circumstance aided by Social Media and/or Tequila shots happy hour.. Let me just state my case of observation here. Attraction often happens during social media sessions, Your friend post something and a comment from one of their friends catch your eye, At that point you have almost instant access to that person's pics and other post ( unless they protect their profile against intruders). This now becomes a surfing session of ....oohs and wows this looks like a person I would like to get closer to, lets check out her/his birthday... Are we compatible base on our zodiac signs at least? Huh, wait she has 3 kids.. ooh wait let's pause, and think about this for or moment. This intended pursuit.... will stall if too much time passes, simply because the chemistry does not start happening until that new person accept your friendship request on facebook, and start communicating with you. Hopefully she didn't mistake you for someone else, who has the same first name, and she does not remember that other person's last name. So this could be a mistake in identity that started the communication going on a mistake but that can be fixed if you have good to above average communication skills . In addition to what may be a mistake. the Geographical Location may make meeting each other in person possible or impossible, it becomes one of those infatuations that may fade in time, unless strong efforts are put forth. Especially if someone else becomes a new point of interest, in the interim.
As men we have this internal conflict..... we want woman to be calm lady-like Females on the streets, representing us , and a Cougar in the bedroom, we want to be the only one that knows she is cougar behind closed doors and experience it. If she is a cougar then she must have developed those practiced skills some where (there you goo Pausing again.) For all that we see about librarian type women that let their hair down after hours and become pole dancer on the big stage or on the pay per view channels. We men have to realize that there is a script that is being acted out, even amateur performers follow a script. So When is chemistry going to kick this relationship into high gear? During the Warrior encounter or during the Zen sessions. She will not just be swinging from the chandelier 1-2-3..... unless you make her addicted to you!
"To be or not to be, that is the question... " The fact that we men have been watching Porn, secretly, since we where slightly older than 12( in my case I read my dad's books from his private library, in secret, so I imagine most of it.) We just think what we think, and what we like is really what we like . what we fail to consider is the woman and how her chemical connection to us is triggered by something not so freaky. No woman wants a complete gentleman unless she has only known jerks in past life. No woman wants a complete animal with caveman instincts either , unless she just has a fetish for that type.... So be on the safe side and ask her this simple question:
"Do you like strong, sensual, alpha BAD boy, who is forced to humble himself for the woman he loves? " and see how she responds to you. If you don't get a response, don't force the issue.. Give her time to think. she is not a light switch. Maybe she's dealing with stuff that she does not want repeated..... Things that will come to light in time. We men become attracted to a Queen.. and instantly want to Reign over her Kingdom... News flash: Women who own their own Kingdom are Queens.. they need time to allow a King to join them... in a merger. If you are not patient you will never have that merger! STOP thinking takeover... because a Queen wants a joint venture and a merger. Never a complete takeover.
New Cars are easy to maintain, relationships aren't like cars: Change the oil, check the belts, rotate the tires, done. Relationship maintenance is a bit more difficult. So after consulting the experts, I developed this diagnostic check to help us assess the wear and tear on your marital vows. Instead of taking your marriage into the shop and having someone else look at it, these tools are about learning to listen to the important cues in your relationship, Sticking Together in a World That Pulls Us Apart. Here's how to make sure you and your special lady are firing on all cylinders. The following are a few things i have experienced... so these are some things I know a little about. my perspective.
Togetherness
I really couldn't care less!
When you gingerly mention that you'd like to go away for a weekend on a buddies only trip , what is your wife's reaction? Does she hassle you about spending more time with her? If the answer is yes, breathe easy. When a woman is engaged in a relationship with all her heart, she's high-maintenance. (Uh, hooray?) But if she used to demand attention and doesn't anymore, don't chalk it up to her accepting you for who you are. She may have given up her efforts to save your connection, and moved on to her own time-consuming pursuits, things like "looking for a exit strategy, finding a lawyer, and planning a new life with out you.
Intimacy
What are we not doing Right?
Let's think about sex for a minute( surprise, we men think about sex every other minute, but hang with me for a second) . Okay, it has been a little while—that's normal after you have Kids and have a job that is time demanding these are lousy aphrodisiacs. The first red flag is when there's a change in your sexual relationship, Perhaps Saturday-morning cartoons used to mean you locked yourselves in the bedroom, but now it's when she schedules manicures? What about the rare weekends when you are alone together? Does she relish those nights? Ask yourself, Is she just going through the motions and getting it over with? Men tune-in (women Lean-in) to make sure your partner is getting what she wants.
Communication
All couples fight.....we are not all the Honeymooners ( I just remembered Ralph Kramdon). The question to ask yourself is, What happens next? If your wife acts reasonably pleasant, do you assume she's over it and just go on with your day? If so, there could be trouble brewing. Women will brood for months about words spoken. If you've cleared the air completely......for example, if she can laugh about it now.....you're okay. If not, it's likely that she's "still hurting or expecting an apology." Warning: Pent-up resentment, is like rust, is corrosive. Therefore, I recommends approaching your wife after a blowup to ask how she's doing. Yes, it's scary, because she might blast you again, but it's better to know that there's tension than not to know.
Socializing
To single single Life!
Who is she hanging out with? If your social world involves playing basketball with other married guys, and she takes on new friends who are single....or pulls away from your married friends......you're orbiting different suns and that will make you grow apart, adding that this move is often totally unconscious, but it can be dangerous. While a married woman is inclined to offer her female friend advice on how to overcome conflict with her husband, single women are more likely to say: " Come join us!" After all, Single people love having single friends. But don't bail on your guy friends. You need them, and they need you. I can think of Four reasons why poker night or fight night might save your career, your marriage, your sanity and even your life.
Jealousy
I so hate you right now!
At a holiday party, you spend a few minutes chatting with a co-worker who could pass for a model. When you get home, does your wife say, "Who was that floozy/scank?" If so, feel good about your marriage, A hint of jealousy means that she thinks you're attractive, she expects other women to find you attractive, and she wants you all to herself. Sometimes men process a lack of jealousy as ....a free pass to flirt with other women. Think about that. If she really doesn't give a rip, it's not a good thing. It means she's less invested, She might be thinking that if you left for another woman, it wouldn't be so bad.
Travel
My connecting flight was delayed
It’s entirely healthy for spouses to spend time away from each other while traveling and at home, too. Spouses are still individual people with separate identities and different interests. It’s also a great thing to let your partner miss you just a little every now and then, therefore let him or her appreciate your being around just a little more.
Or, as one married woman put it, “everything in life cannot be about the hubs. Some experiences can be for just you and the girls.” well I agree.
Clearly, for some, traveling without a spouse is a “thing.” In all the stories that I’ve shared, you may have noticed a common denominator. The problem is always what “they” would say—what will those family members and random folks who always have something to say when you both go off in different directions often. Just wondered What does your spouse think? Because if you don’t have a problem with it and the spouse doesn’t have a problem with it, is it really a problem?
It’s always a beautiful thing when two people who have a mutual attraction toward one another can come together and agree to commit to each other in a union that will ideally shape each individual into a better person through love. In the beginning, everything is fresh and those feelings of butterflies from having something new and exciting can often lead to rushed decisions and overlooking certain habits or traits that could develop into deal breakers later in the relationship.
One common issue that sends relationships down the road of brokenness is a lack of communication. It happens too often that people dive head first into a relationship before having those necessary conversations about what the relationship standard will be. I like to call this standard the “relationship contract”.
So what exactly is in this “relationship contract” and why is it so important? I’m glad you asked! The relationship contract is a set of rules that you and your partner decide upon as the guidelines for your relationship. A relationship can be as open and as free as you want it to be, or as discreet and closed off as you want to make it. The main focus is placing your ideas and concerns on the table to discuss them.
What are your opinions about having friends of the opposite sex?
Can your partner still be involved with people they were once intimate with?
Is this relationship one that will move towards marriage, or is it one that you just want to float with the wind to see where it goes?
What role does social networking play in your relationship dynamic?
Do you place pictures online of your developing love?
Do you keep your relationship off of the social sites and live in reality?
Raise as many questions and place as many things on the table for discussion as possible. Leave no stone unturned and no topic that may be important to you not discussed. There may be some things that your partner believes that you don’t agree with, and it is at that point of disagreement that a compromise must be made before moving forward.
Do you believe in a postnup?
My perspective: A contract is a legally binding document ( so let's call it an relationship agreement with a few exit clauses) . We all have heard about Prenups, but not much about Postnups. (postnups are legal documents that's signed by the couple after they're married. This legal instrument details the couple's marital property and what would happen to those assets if they divorced or separated.) so where am I going with this? Folks this is the 21st century. Gone are the days where relationships were not complicated. Everyone came to the table in the 20th century eyes not so wide open then were totally surprised when the relationship didn't workout the way we had it in our heads. and there are major property distribution complications in addition to hurt feels. Why? Simply because you didn't discuss things with the other person, what you were thinking, and visa versa. There are studies that state that black women are not that interested in Long term relationships anymore... that's mainly because black men have not been interested in Long term relationships for decades. So now women are thinking trade-in and up grades..... down the road also. Women are you really "Thinking like a man, by being prepared to execute the exit clauses ." So what do you really want? State it in writing upfront and give it to your Lover. If it can't workout the way you want it to work it will end anyway, so why not be upfront. But if it has a chance to work. then you need to give it every chance to work possible , by being upfront and very clear, about your issues.
Have you ever lived on a street that has One way traffic (living alone)? You only have to look one way while crossing the street when you take your dog out for a walk. This is what it is like when the stream of thoughts flowing into your head is only coming from one side, however If you live on a street that has bi-directional traffic, then you always have to look both ways before crossing (twice to left and then twice to the right) to make sure it's safe. Now your own information flow will hit you first , but then you still have to look out for the traffic coming from the opposite direction to the right ( your Lover's information flow) If you ignore either flow then you are headed for a collision. And it may not be pretty. An agreement can act like a traffic light at an intersection. You don't cross unless you have the green light, the yellow light starts flashing before the Red light comes on and screams "STOP ." So you will be able to follow the agreement and make choices based on what you both agreed to. Prevention is always better than the alternative.
there are some qualities that makes a man a great husband, finding these traits is something every woman out there should be lucky enough to find.
for most women who are, or were married, and want to be married being with the right man is top priority. He may not be perfect to others but you first have to see him as the best thing in your life.
There are some qualities that make some men great husbands, finding this trait is something every woman out there should seek. But remember, it takes two committed people to make a relationship work.
Don't tickle me!
Now ladies I learned all this after I got divorced as I thought long and hard about what I could have done better. Maybe I can help a few guys out there by sharing my thoughts.
Here are my 10 signs you have a potentially great husband on the line, just reel him in .
1. He stands by you through the good and bad. A very supportive guy will make a woman feel supported. Ok this is not done as easy as 1-2-3, because things can get pretty complicated in relationships these days. So if he deals with all your mood swings and does not jump over board then he will keep cruising with you.
2. He has a sense of humor. He makes you laugh really hard , or at least smile, with silly and funny things he does. Guys, it can be quit a challenge to keep a woman happy, but if she enjoys your sense of humor, then you are half way there.. I was told to my face " you are such a fool" on more than one occasion while clowning around. I took it as a compliment!
This would not be heaven if you weren't here with me to enjoy this view and this bottle of wine .
3. He knows what loyalty is all about. A great husband knows there's only one woman who owns his heart, doesn't matter the amount of women he comes in contact with everyday. His attention he gives you.. making you the special Lady. Here is were we have to learn to do the hard things , Fellahs. It's easy to chase other women, it is harder to stay put.... and save your energy for one "special lady." She deserves your best. Once you have declared her special.. Make her feel special by grant her your best. 4. He know you like no other. He understands you in a deeper level than others. He know what makes you tick, what makes you sad and happy. He know your purpose in life. This is called "time invested" If a man takes the time to figure out what makes a woman happy or sad, then he is not following someone else's script, because all women are different. A man who takes the time to be observant, is a guy who will think before acting. therefore avoiding the things that could become deal breakers. 5. He is very good at communicating. He talks and listens to you and gist with you about anything. OK, let's assume, he loves you more for your mind and your accomplishment than your aesthetics/ assets. He is more interested in helping you succeed. He can offer some insight into you progressing in your chosen career. This is called helping you to reach your full potential.
Isn't this what the Dr ordered
6. Your safety is his top priority. he tends to your physical and emotional needs and does all he can to protect you from harm. This here is what real men do, anyway. but if he is doing it while dating , before you are in a full committed relationship then he will do it with more intensity when you are married. 7. He's willing to share with you the knowledge he has. He doesn't have to prove he's the smartest or wisest but takes his time to make sure you understand what he's sharing with you. Let's just say he has done a few things in the corporate world and has had some success, He could help you excel by warning you about a things you should avoid doing. 8. He sees you both as equals in strength and talents. He's not ashamed or afraid of you in public. Hmmm, OK, now you might intimidate him a little but he is still proud of your strength and talents, you might even have superior skills, to his, which he will boast about you, big time, to everyone who will listen. 9. He enjoys spending time with you. You both enjoy being in each others company and will always have a good time together. As I'm writing this blog post I paused for moment and just left a comment on a couple Facebook post who I admire to the max.. as they are at a restaurant on their date night. Let's just say I want what they have. there marriage survived while all of our marriages ( their friends/neighbors, who live in the same gated community) ended in divorces
Isn't this great?
10. he never fails to admit his mistakes and apologies when he's wrong. I often refer to my feeling the sting of the hand slap as my indicator of my being wrong in an act I might have committed in error. Ouch, I'm sorry ! I deserved that!
But the most import things he thinks about things in terms of "just the two of us!"
Take a breath. No matter what number is on the scale, you are beautiful, whole, perfect, and yes, STILL a “hottie.”
Ladies You are not alone. Many women (and some men) suffer in silence when a partner loses interest after a little body change.
Generally, when we make a long-term relationship commitment, we choose to love, honor, and cherish for a lifetime. I am not sure the nature of the promises you made with your partner, but it sounds as though that this is the kind of relationship you most likely were seeking.
To me, the real issue is what is going on with you, rather than what is happening with your partner. You gained 15 pounds in a couple of months. I am not a doctor, but that sounds to me like a large amount to gain in such a short period of time.
Whether by personal design, lifestyle change, or health issue, there is some reason you gained the weight in the first place. Is it a hormonal change, health issue, emotional issue like depression, side effect to medication or some other cause?
Often when we gain weight for emotional reasons, it is because we feel unsafe. The weight becomes literally an insulator from the outside world. If your weight gain is due to increased eating, are you trying to numb yourself to or avoid something happening in your life?
Ideally, a romantic partner should love us no matter what happens with our bodies. The reality is that weight gain or even, sadly, body illness, is a deal-breaker for some people. I have a life coaching client who ended a relationship over her partner’s weight gain. When I asked why, she said she didn’t sign up for that. She explained, “I am not attracted to fat men. If I wanted a fat man I would have dated one in the first place.” We can judge her as superficial, but personal sexual attraction is not an interchangeable science. We are all attracted to different things.
You are all grey and you have the nerve to act like She is no longer attractive.
Right now, your priority is to take care of you. See a medical doctor immediately to make sure everything is okay physically. I would also advise you to see a therapist.
As for your relationship with your man, open, honest communication is necessary ASAP. Show him this letter and see what he has to say. Of course you don’t want to throw your relationship away, but you didn’t sign up to be ignored either. You deserve to have a man who finds you irresistible.
You say you have to beg or cry to get attention. That is unacceptable. That’s no way to live… or love.
My perspective after reading this in an online article..my mind hit Pause. and I focused on "We take vows to love, honor, and cherish for a lifetime" this shouldn't be so hard to help your partner overcome what is a challenging body change that they are experiencing. as far as weight gain. My mindset is if you gain inches/ weight.... you can reverse the gains by getting some help. You shouldn't wait until you get to that weight to be eligible to be on the TV show "the :biggest Looser" A Simple approaches is work at it with a little urgency and expediency . Having your partner's encouragement is so key to success, not boot camp drills style, but simple changes can result in Small victories. This should be the methods used. Start with what you can help your partner accomplish. If she/he hates the fact that she/he gained weight offering to help her/him Loose it, This will take care of the Attention part, you are half way there.. Do not use references like ----"Look at how you looked back then in these pics." Or "your BFF is still so slim, like when you both where in college." and the worst "that pregnancy stomach has got to go." etc.
I had to chased you for years
now it's your turn,
catch me if you can!
Try a caring approach, this will always get the best results. When you go together to a gym get a proper diet plan for both of you. If you can't be supportive and positive then turn her over to a trainer who will use the right type of training. Let her have the little successes, and declare victory . and then she will want to keep going until she achieves her goals. NOT yours! So why do men who are involved with women stop “chasing” them at a certain
point? Why does this happen, and how can it be dealt with?My arguments are essential that we must continually invest into
relationships and create “value” — i.e., the reasons the other person is
attracted to us and why they would want to stick around. In a healthy relationship, you must not only communicate that you expect
this of the other person, but you must effectuate it yourself as well.
Only then can a natural rhythm and yearning be created and recreated.
Just a little token to show you how proud I am of you!
Feel the power of a renewed connection when both parties are Happy with results of a joint venture that succeeded. Fellahs think about how you will feel and how you will make her feel, when your support of your lady gave you the best result of her choice to look and feel better/. Sing this tune in her ear as she opens her gift you got for her after she has completed her weight and size reduction. "It's so good loving somebody , when somebody loves your back" Just make sure you try and stay in the Teddy Pendergrass pocket!
