What Is a Relationship Contract?

It’s always a beautiful thing when two people who have a mutual attraction toward one another can come together and agree to commit to each other in a union that will ideally shape each individual into a better person through love. In the beginning, everything is fresh and those feelings of butterflies from having something new and exciting can often lead to rushed decisions and overlooking certain habits or traits that could develop into deal breakers later in the relationship.

One common issue that sends relationships down the road of brokenness is a lack of communication. It happens too often that people dive head first into a relationship before having those necessary conversations about what the relationship standard will be. I like to call this standard the “relationship contract”.

So what exactly is in this “relationship contract” and why is it so important? I’m glad you asked! The relationship contract is a set of rules that you and your partner decide upon as the guidelines for your relationship.  A relationship can be as open and as free as you want it to be, or as discreet and closed off as you want to make it. The main focus is placing your ideas and concerns on the table to discuss them.

• What are your opinions about having  friends of the opposite sex?
• Can your partner still be involved with people they were once intimate with?
• Is this relationship one that will move towards marriage, or is it one that you just want to float with the wind to see where it goes?
• What role does social networking play in your relationship dynamic?
• Do you place pictures online of your developing love?
• Do you keep your relationship off of the social sites and live in reality?

Raise as many questions and place as many things on the table for discussion as possible. Leave no stone unturned and no topic that may be important to you not discussed. There may be some things that your partner believes that you don’t agree with, and it is at that point of disagreement that a compromise must be made before moving forward.

Do you believe in a postnup?

My perspective: A contract is a legally binding document ( so let's call it an relationship agreement  with a few exit  clauses) . We all have heard about Prenups, but not much about Postnups. ( postnups  are legal documents that's signed by the couple after they're married. This legal instrument details the couple's marital property and what would happen to those assets if they divorced or separated.)  so where am I going with this? Folks this is the 21st  century.  Gone are the days where  relationships were not complicated. Everyone came to the table in the 20th century eyes not so wide open  then were totally surprised when  the relationship didn't workout the way we had it in our heads. and there are major property distribution complications in addition to hurt feels. Why?  Simply because you didn't discuss things with the other person, what you were thinking, and visa versa.  There are studies that state that black women are not that interested in Long term relationships anymore... that's mainly  because black men have not been interested in Long term relationships for decades.  So now women are thinking  trade-in and up grades..... down the road also. Women are you really  "Thinking like a man, by being  prepared to execute the  exit  clauses ." So what do you  really want? State it in writing upfront  and give it to your Lover.  If it can't workout the way you want it to work it  will end anyway, so why not be upfront. But if it has a chance to work. then you need to give it every chance to work possible , by being upfront and very clear, about your issues.

 Have you ever lived on a street that has One way traffic (living alone)?  You only have to look one way while crossing the street when you take your dog out for a walk. This is what it is like when the stream of thoughts flowing into your head  is only coming from one side, however If you live on a street that has  bi-directional traffic,  then you always have to look both ways before crossing (twice to left and then twice to the right) to make sure it's safe. Now your own  information flow will hit you first , but then you still have to look out for the traffic coming from the opposite direction to the right  ( your Lover's information flow) If you ignore either flow then you are headed for a collision. And it may not be pretty.  An agreement can act like a traffic light at an intersection. You don't cross unless you have the green light, the yellow light starts flashing before the Red light comes on and screams "STOP ." So you will be able to follow the agreement and make choices based on what you both agreed to.  Prevention is always better than the alternative.