Communication Mistakes Professional Singles Make on the First Date.

the following was copied from a shout-out I received from Stephan Labossiere 
who is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, Speaker, and Author
The italic  stuff is from my perspective.

We’ve all heard the expression, “you never get a second chance to make a great first impression.” This statement couldn’t be truer than when it comes to first dates. First dates are an opportunity for both parties to see if they have anything in common with the other person, outside of a physical attraction. First dates also serve as a gateway to finding love. If you are a professional single, you have to be mindful of how you communicate both verbally and non-verbally, so that your first impression is indeed a great one. Knowing how to separate work from the rest of your life is a big asset. Some of the wonderful qualities that contribute to your success might not translate so well, on the dating scene and in relationships. The person sitting across from you wants to get to know more about you as a person, not about your resume or job description.

We make a nice couple already!

My perspective: Professional have been trained to interview people, size them up. make analytical decisions about the person as quickly as possible. They try to determine if the interviewee will fit into the environment (the space you feel most comfortable in) . Things like will my friends like her/him, will my family like  her/him, will my career path intimidate her/ him. With  all these things swirling around in  one of their, or both of their  heads, they might  not relax an start really talking to each other until they have had a few drinks and they relax from their defensive mode. 

Below are three chronic communication mistakes that professional singles often make on their first date. Take note and see if you’ve been guilty of any of these in the past. If you have, don’t be too hard on yourself. Simply make note of the mistake(s) and make plans to adjust your behavior, so you achieve better results on a future first date.

1.) Talking too much about work and about yourself

You work hard, if you’re a lucky, you also love what you do. In your mind, there is nothing wrong with talking about your work and sharing it with a new person of interest. This is true only to a certain extent. More often than not, professional singles spend way too much time on the first date, talking about work and their careers. Sure, you spend a lot of time at work, so it is a major part of your life, but it’s only one part. Be sure not to focus too much on it. You might think it’s interesting, but this might not be the case for your date. If you’re not careful, this can make you come off as boring, unavailable, and self-absorbed. It will also seem like you have no life. All of which are major turn-offs.

The same thing is true when talking too much about yourself. If your date asks you a question and you spend twenty minutes responding, it’s safe to say, you’re doing too much. Chances are by the time you finish; they will be one of two things; bored out of their minds or turned off or both. You’ve now spent a fraction of the date, making it all about you. Don’t do it to yourself or them. Give an overview and move on. Leave room for them to ask you more questions, which shows their interest. Even then, remember to do your best to be brief and redirect the conversation back to them, so that it is an even exchange. You’re there to get to know them too!

She will make such a beautiful bride!

My perspective: The problem isn't what or who you are  talking about.. the problem is what is the purpose of a first date?? Too often folks start thinking about, the commitment phase,   that will come as a result of you and this new person having ooh so much in common.  SMH. This is Never a good idea because the interview will always reveal all of the positives which will confirm why  you accepted to go out on the date in the first place. He looks good, she looks great and has a "lovely smile"  and we are both smart..... this is a perfect match. But is it? We all want the right Person that will fit into our World. But how will we fit into their world this thought is less important to us in the beginning. So ask yourself when  should you  start a role reversals test. Just, to see if you are as compatible as your resume(s) indicate. Will he be willing to stay home with your first born while you continues to climb professionally, for example. Or will she be willing to change locations because my career requires a move? These are questions that will have to be discussed at some point, the sooner the better.   

2. Not Listening

A huge missing part of effective communication in relationships these days is our inability to attentively listen to the other person. However, this is the only real sign of interest that you can give your first date right off the bat. Not listening comes off as rude, arrogant and self-centered. Don’t cut them off in the middle of a sentence, don’t fiddle with your phone, answer a call, or allow your eyes to roam around the room constantly. When it’s your time to listen, you are also communicating a lot in the process. So, don’t spend the entire time caught up in distractions and miss out on getting to the know them.

Listening is crucial to a successful relationship and important when wanting to really connect with someone. It’s best to put your best foot forward in this department from the beginning. If you need to work on it, here are some tips to help you become a better listener.

• When you listen, you listen with your ears of course, but also listen with your eyes, your body, and your mouth.
• Show you’re interested in them and what they are saying, by turning your body toward them, and leaning in their direction, especially if there is a lot of background noise.
• Listen to their words, but also focus on what they are saying and the messages that their words convey. This helps you follow-up with feedback that will help you get to know them better without seeming pushy.
• Make eye contact as much as possible, it shows they have your attention and you’re focused on what they have to say.
• Smile at them when doing all the other things above. J

Being a good listener shows, you’re in tune with them and that you’re caring because you made the choice to give them your time and attention. Being a good listener is very sexy and will make you much more desirable to a potential mate.

Ooh my goodness you have been to
China and climbed the great wall?

My perspective: You listen well when you are curious about things.  When we  tell others about our experiences. the more fascinating your story, the more attention the other person will pay to what you are saying. One thing that fascinates people is where have you lived  and  why? Have you traveled to places that are interesting, have you  experienced things that the other person has not. Once you can go into details about other cultures that the listener  is fascinated about that is when the conversation will flow  without much interruptions.   A smart story teller has to  make sure it does not run on and on. Leave some information for the 2nd  and 3rd date. Turn the table and become the  listener..... for the duration of the rest of the date.  

3. Talking at/talking down to your date

At work, you might be a manager or even the boss, and might be used to talking to people in a way that is authoritative and directive. This works at work, but not on a first date. Your date is not your subordinate, so be mindful of your tone and manner in which you speak to them. Be patience and open-minded. Don’t be so quick to be turned off or look for the flaws in them. Be respectful of the person, their time, and their interest. When you’re on a first date, if you feel like you aren’t interested for some reason, figure out a way to end the date quickly, but never result to talking at or talking down to your date. This is a major sign of disrespect, not only to them, but to you also.

My last words of advice — loosen up! The first date is not an interview or a police interrogation. Don’t bring the stressed out person you were that morning at the 11 a.m. executive board meeting. Don’t bring your inner detective/secret service self, and remember to leave all of your dating repellent at home. You’re not there to scare them away; you’re there to give them reasons to be more interested in getting to know you a little better. Be your best self. I’m not saying to be phony or send your representative. However, you don’t have anything to prove. So, relax and enjoy yourself. It’s the only real way for you to see if there is any kind of real chemistry for things to eventually blow up…in a good way! By avoiding these big communication no-no’s, you’re in a better position to go from single to taken.

I'm wearing  low cut dress!
 Is he really looking into my eyes?

My perspective: Never ever ask questions like "How many people do you have reporting to you  now...?" this becomes a measuring stick of "who is more important" conversation instantly. It's like who is  a boss VS a leader conversation. If one of you is a boss, and the other is a leader then you might want to understand that there is a difference.  If  you ask the other person the question on what is the difference between a boss and a leader for example during the conversation you might hear clearly which one the other person is and  which they admire most. Just remember the more complicated your job the less interesting it would be to the other person. You are not what you do for a living  you are who you are maybe in contrast to what you do for a living! In my Professional career life the acronym  we used most  to be most productive is K.I.S.S  which  stands for Keep It Simple Stupid. In my personal life K.I.S.S.  stands for  Keep It Sensually Sexy. just think about which image you want the opposite sex to see while talking to you on a date. 

Falling In Love