So who is being selfish? And are some being tooo choosy?

 

Are women who can have children and choose to not have any children being selfish? 

Or are men who refuse to not commit to having a family with offsprings being selfish?

Well the answer is both..... 

Men and women are being selfish these days, however there are many valid reasons why  their choices are what they are... in some cases its the woman who cant have a child who chose a career over having kids. Lets face the facts she is not Able to have a child....And in other cases its the man who is the one who don't want children who just do not want to have children with some women. so the rest of society judge both unfairly.those of us men who make the wrong choices of the women we choose to sleep with, and the women who chose the wrong men to have relationships with. OK this is not like picking a car off of the car lots, so blue is your color... but the interior is not the choice you want it is grey.... Its not that simple. You like how a woman looks her figure 8 is all that until she can't stop eating the bag of chips  so you have no idea how she will look after delivering a baby. Men do not want women  to change, and women want men to change to how they want the men to behave. in some cases neither get what they want... and since this is the cases more often these days... folks just interrupt the progress... of mating. When women could not chose but one man from a tribe, they had limited choices, they did fine....By choosing one from many. And when men could not choose a woman from another tribe the selection was also limited.... LIMITED to what type was available. Therefore  what you settle for. was Cultures  overlap. The things women want these days is more about a man having  possessions. For example his own house, a luxury  that men do not always have before he has a woman.The look men want these days is more about having a woman remain young and beautiful until the day she dies. OK women want the man in her life to look like fit athletes until she gets tire of him being how he behaves.

So what does this have to do with children? We all want catolog selections, because we want our children to look like the gods selection them designed with perfection.. inspite of the DNA mixetures. Have you  ever heard a mother say to her son, "boy you are behaving just like your father" and mean it in a good way?

And  a father who has a daughter that is loud ever say " girl could you turn your volume down, you are as loud  like your mother" and say it in a kind way?

Clearly  the mixes aren't always what we want in the end... but we can be pleasantly surprised from time to time....I'm so glad that the first time I committed.....I selected from a catalog simular to the one my mother was selected from....most men like me who adored their mothers, were not ever dissatisfied in the way their children turned out because their children looked like one of them or had feature from both.

I` date a lovely lady a few years ago who had 2 kids from previous  intangelments and they both looked more like their fathers than she wanted them to look. Neither kid looked like her. talking about wanting a refund on her investment. Well the men were not happy either because they wanted their daughters to look like their mother instead of like them the fathers. So the catelog choices don't seem to workout the way any of us want either

I know that the next generation that came from my ex-wife and me have so far worked out well. I hope that it will continue to work out well. Unlike a buddy who had a one night stand and the baby cameout fat like her mother's mother.

FINAL THOUGHTS 

Back in the day songs like the ones written by artist like Stevie Wonder were about "isn't she lovely, isn't she beautiful" Im not talking about the women... I'm talking about the baby. I could hear you thinking Isn't Stevie Wonder blind? Well yes but he didn't have any unrealistic expectations.

I currently have  one grandson   and it is the general concensus that he is   a handsome little fellow... obviously my son chose well, and his wife did also. Lets see what the future holds when there are more grandchildren....DNA from ancestors can springup in the future generations that we just did not see coming. A quick chuckle moment.. When I was  a young boy, my friends use to tease me that I must be the mailmans son because I must have not been my fathers since I did not look much like my dad, but my second son does look like my father did, and my eldest son and I could pass for twins as babies. And I look like my mother's father, as does my aunts son, BTW his biological father is an European  white man..did that proves what I wrote about. ANCESTORS  DNA can Springup and surprise you! My great grand mother, grandfather's mother was a European woman.

FINAL THOUGHTS

BEING  choosy and some times still not picking exactly what and who you want can lead to disappointments. Maybe having polygamous relationships can be a safer bet. 

There are reason why women leave the men they love here are a few

Love has no judgment, no agenda, no bias, and no bigotry. Love is love without a concrete definition. It lets go of boundaries, walls, and inhibitions. It is effortless. In relationships, love does require work. But it’s meant to be a rhythmic dance of ease and grace. Unfortunately, when it isn’t an easy dance, the relationship often ends disastrously. It’s in those moments that some women ask, “What happened?” , and some guys ask themselves if they just misread he signs that she was "a nut case"

Sometimes it will be the man who does the leaving, and sometimes it will be the woman. Other times, it will be a mutual decision. The most difficult part of a break-up, though, often involves the unanswered questions. If you are a man concerned about the love of your life, you don’t want to be guessing. That old game you played as a kid with a flower where you plucked the pettles one after the other, mumbling "she loves me, she loves me not" That was a game for kids.... just don't do it as an adult! Because in the end it is always wrong.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Very often the thoughts to causes some decisions have nothing to do with not loving someone, or not being loved at the time of a breakup. There are so many reasons that I could think of.... it is not even funny. Men expect that women who say they love them will never leave them if he does not cheat on her. For example.... NEWS FLASH. It can be hundreds of little reasons that added up over time, a man can't think of 50, why? Because men do not carry the same thoughts as women do. A man can't figure out why women think the way they do.. or why they are so easily influenced by their hangout girl friends. Which they  discussed  and empathize with their problems. To often someone else's problems get translated into universal problems. A guy that does not see a breakup coming can get blindsided by someone else's experience and gets blamed for things he would not  even do.

Doesn't what a woman says mean the same thing a man as what a man thinking when he hears it.

        I will ride you the way I ride this horse

MEN and women think so differently it is baffling to both gender at times. 

At least once a day. She also needs to know that she has an admirer, who has been admirering her  when she smiles from a distance !

So, to the beautiful ladies reading this. Its a reminder that

You are  BEAUTIFUL in a very special way, please accept this compliment, with the sincerity with which it is given. 

Well men do not need to know that they are being admired, if a man has an admirer he might feel that he is being observed by a female but women do not stare at a man unless she is thirsty. She will sneak a peek every now and then. She may even lock eyes with the  guy she likes for a second or two, but a guy who is expecting a woman to leap at the chance to seduce him he will be waiting along time. OUR MINDS are wired so very differently. It's confusing to both genders. 

Men who are smart prefer emotional intelligent women

Some men are very particular about their women. There is the kind of girl you date, and then there is the perfect someone to enjoy life with for the long haul. The difference between the two is the maturity of emotionally intelligent women.

Everybody wants to have fun and enjoy a fling or two, but when it comes to settling down and building a life with someone, you want it to be a person of substance. You want a woman who gets you on a different level and is mature enough to have children, a job, and keeps your relationship alive.

Have you ever heard that men are interested in some women because of their brains? Part of that is true that there needs to be some intellect to make conversations interesting. However, there are many reasons why intelligent women are so much more appealing than most.

For starters, they can maneuver the world of emotions and use their feelings to get positive results rather than negative ones. Not only is this trait an asset in a relationship, but it’s also good to have in the workplace too.

not many people admit that they are introverts...

An 85-year Harvard study on the key to happiness could spell trouble for introverts—unless you know these 2 tricks.

Forget money, a successful career or exercise: The No. 1 key to happiness comes down to positive relationships, according to an 85-year study from Harvard researchers. 

That’s great news for anyone ready to ditch their gym membership — but for introverts, the news might feel like a mixed bag. 

From cocktail mixers to out-loud brainstorming sessions, the business world can feel stacked in favor of extroverts, particularly when it comes to forming the kind of bonds that lead to happiness.

But you don’t need to panic. The path toward developing rewarding relationships may simply look different for introverts and extroverts.

When introverts find happiness in positive relationships, they probably get that value from a smaller number of “deeper, longer term, slower-starting” connections.

The trick is knowing how to start, build and sustain those relationships.

Identify your strengths

Step one: Recognize what you bring to the table. 

Introverts often have underappreciated leadership skills, such as deep thinking or attentiveness. Forming stronger relationships starts with identifying and developing those natural traits, since that will help others appreciate your unique strengths, Shapiro said.

To get a truly complete portrait of your best traits, she suggests a potentially terrifying activity: Reach out to a handful of people you’ve worked with in the past, and ask them to write brief snapshots of a time your strengths shined.

This exercise with students is “the most powerful thing,” Shapiro said.

People who are silent during group meetings learn that their boss could always tell they were deeply considering everyone else’s contributions, she said. People who cling to the sidelines during happy hours might realize the few people they talked to really appreciated it.

Share them with the people around you

Step two: Translate that information to your colleagues. 

Anytime you get a new boss or coworker, lay out your strengths for them — or, if that feels awkward, at least give them a snapshot of your working style. Maybe you’re not the most talkative in meetings, but you keep chewing on ideas afterward. Maybe you need some quiet time each day to complete your most pressing work.

Then, turn the tables, Shapiro said: Ask your boss what they need from you in order to be seen “as a full contributor” on your team. Do they need you to share at least a couple ideas every brainstorming meeting? Is attendance at companywide networking events mandatory? 

“Acting extroverted” at work can be draining, Shapiro said. Knowing your obligations ahead of time will help you ration your social energy — making everything from group meetings to cocktail parties less depleting. 

You can keep these conversations going over time, too. If your extroverted boss makes major company decisions during brainstorming sessions, remind them that you often need more time to process before you can contribute.

Or, better yet, suggest a fix that would work for both you and others on the team — like a Slack channel, or some other kind of forum, for adding more thoughts within 24 hours of the meeting.

That helps everyone, Shapiro said: Introverts will have a space to share “the brilliant ideas” they’ll inevitably have after the meeting, while everyone else benefits from getting more ideas on the table.

Get CNBC’s free Warren Buffett Guide to Investing, which distills the billionaire’s No. 1 best piece of advice for regular investors, do’s and don’ts, and three key investing principles into a clear and simple 

isn't she lovely, but lonely!

Physical beauty is often coveted in our culture. People think that if you’re attractive, you’ll naturally end up in a happy long-term relationship. Surprisingly, this isn’t true. Attractive people aren’t always lucky when it comes to their love life.

A research study at Harvard University found that, in general, physically attractive people don’t stay in a relationship as long as other people. In another part of the same study, researchers found that the most physically attractive people were more desirable. Still, they often had short-term marriages that ended in divorce.

The blessings and curses of being physically attractive don’t stop at troubled relationships. Studies reveal that beauty affects your ability to get a job, whether you’ll be convicted of a crime and whether you get good health care.

While it may seem that people who are more physically attractive have an easier time finding a partner, this may not always be true. Physical attraction definitely plays a role in selecting a partner. People are first drawn by what they see. Attractive people have an easier time drawing new people and potential partners in. There’s no denying this.

However, the attraction is more than just about the outside. Attractive people can have just as many struggles finding someone to connect with as someone who has average looks. There are plenty of reasons that someone beautiful and fit may have the 

So, it would seem that being attractive isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, especially when it comes to long-term relationships. Here are seven reasons why an attractive person may not be able to find a long-term partner.

“Attractiveness can convey more power over visible space, but that in turn can make others feel they can’t approach that person…” – Dr. Tonya Frevert

1. Because there are too many options

While this may not seem like much of a problem, having too many options when it comes to dating can be just as difficult as having no options at all. I think attractiveness gives you more options in terms of relationship alternatives which might make it harder to protect a relationship from outside threats. In this sense, having too many other choices is likely not beneficial for relationship longevity.”

Having an overwhelming number of choices regarding dating can make it hard to connect with one person. After all, dating is something that can lead to connecting and falling in love with someone for the rest of your life. The idea of having to choose one of many can be daunting.

2. Potential partners are wary of you

Attractive people may intimidate potential partners from making a move because they’re vibrantly aware that they have an array of different people to choose from. This can stop the good-hearted and genuine people from trying to make their move and get to know a person better. It can be disheartening to be part of a competition for someone’s affection, and people may not want to risk being turned down.

Attractive women sometimes find it hard to feel at ease in social settings. They may experience a lot of unwanted attention, so they are more guarded. This makes them come across as cold or stoic. Or they may not be comfortable initiating conversations because they’re used to others initiating towards them. Surprisingly, attractive people can lack self-confidence. Because they have experienced being used in the past, they keep people at a distance to protect themselves.

3. They are judged by their looks

After all, this is the first thing that many people see when they meet another person. Attractive people can be judged on their looks just as easily as people who aren’t as attractive. Whether this comes with the “Ditzy Blonde” stereotype or the “Meathead Jock” stereotype, attractive people are often judged based on their looks. This snap judgment makes it hard to make a real connection with someone after they’ve already decided your personality based on how you look.

Attractive people are no different from anybody else. They have good days and bad days, chores to do at home, and bills to pay. But beautiful people are often held to a higher standard than other people. There can be an expectation that they are hard to get to know. These perceptions aren’t usually based on knowing the attractive person, but based on their good looks. Because of such judgments, potential partners often distance themselves from an attractive person.

Social psychologist Lisa Slattery Walker explains, “We have a whole set of cultural ideals about beauty that let us say if someone is attractive – and through those same ideals, we begin to associate it with competence.”

4. People want to use them for their bodies

One psychological study found that many attractive people see their beauty as a detriment. But why?

Attractive people often face the unique challenge of people using them for their looks and their bodies. They may be faced with people who try to get close to them and feign interest in them long enough to get intimate, and then being dropped emotionally. This may put people on edge and make them closed off from connecting to other people because they’re used to being used.

Attractive people are often unsure of a partner’s real intentions. This makes them prone to being guarded in dating. They aren’t sure if they can trust the person because they’ve been used in the past.  You often read stories about beautiful celebrities finding long-lasting love with a very normal non-celebrity type person because this person loves them for who they really are, not just their beauty.

5. Attractive people feel socially awkward

Attractive women sometimes find it hard to feel at ease in social settings. They may experience a lot of unwanted attention, so they are more guarded. This makes them come across as cold or stoic. Or they may not be comfortable initiating conversations because they’re used to others initiating towards them. Surprisingly, attractive people can lack self-confidence. Because they have experienced being used in the past, they keep people at a distance to protect themselves.

In part, this awkwardness may stem from the whispers they hear behind their backs.  Good-looking people often have a stigma attached to them that assumes that they’re loose. Attractive people are often seen as sexual creatures and nothing else.

Their self-esteem is stripped from them, and people often refuse to see them as wholly realized people with interests and opinions. It can be extremely draining and put them off of dating.

6. It’s harder to figure out people’s true intentions

Isabell Giardini, a 22-year-old Italian beauty who signed with Major Models, mentioned, “When men see beautiful women, they are more concentrated on how she looks because they want to ‘have’ her, and so they don’t want to go deeper and get to know her…”

Hence, attractive people will be faced with the problem of trying to figure out what people really want from them. They’re often stuck with trying to figure out if someone is interested in them for their personality or looks, which can make connecting with people difficult.

7. Their looks can cause drama

This can range from people talking behind their back based on stereotypes associated with their looks or even the source of jealousy. Dealing with drama can be difficult for any person, and attractive people are no different. The drama can make dating difficult because the word of drama often spreads quicker than it can be contained. Everyone loves drama, except when it comes to drama based on your looks.

That kind of drama can also relate to jealousy–a problem that can destroy a relationship, according to psychologists.

Your potential partner may assume because you are attractive, you will flirt with everyone around you. They assume you may cheat. This can be hurtful because it’s making an assumption about your character simply based upon your appearance. This type of mistrust eats away at a relationship.

Beauty Is As Beauty Does

In classic literature, the story’s heroine is always beautiful on the inside and the outside. These old classics taught its readers the importance of good character. Attractive people shouldn’t be overly concerned about their looks to the neglect of their character. If your identity is so tied up in your looks, you may find yourself falling short in humility. This can seep into your relationship without you realizing it.

We all have blind spots, and it’s helpful when someone points them out, even though it’s hard to hear. Find a good, trusted friend and ask them to point out any character areas where you need to grow. Listen to their hard truth and then find ways to grow in good qualities such as these:

• Humility
• Kindness
• Thankfulness
• Gratitude
• Serving others

These qualities are the most attractive and much deeper than any physical beauty could be. Read books about character development. Attend church or your place of faith where they teach the importance of character. You may have missed out on these teachings growing up, especially if your parents were overly concerned about your looks. You can change and learn how to be the best person you can be, so your relationship lasts forever.

What keeps a long term relationship going?

Even once they find love, attractive people seem to struggle with long-term relationships. But what keeps a relationship going? Here are some psychologist-confirmed tips on how to maintain a healthy long-term relationship.

1 – Shifting goals

At the beginning of your relationship, you and your partner kept everything divided equally. But over time, you may grow selfish and less apt to be as flexible in what you value. If you see yourself shifting towards selfishness, resist it, and work towards being ready to give rather than receive.

2 – Good communication

Seek to be honest and share your feelings with your partner. Good communication is essential for a healthy long-term relationship. Once you start to harbor your feelings, you may get bitter or build walls against your partner. Talk about what you’re feeling calm before it grows into a full-blown angry outburst.

3 – There’s no winner or loser

Don’t let competition seep into your relationship. When competition is part of your relationship, it takes away the genuine love and cares you have, so you feel like you’re in a football game. If you compete to “win” all the time, you may find yourself losing big time in your relationship.

4 – Understand how your partner thinks and feels

Your partner might like to cuddle, but you’d rather sit and talk. Maybe sweet cards and gifts make your partner feel loved or going for a long walk every night after dinner. Love looks different to everyone. Don’t assume your partner is like you… they probably aren’t. Learn what love looks like to them and then demonstrate love to them.

5 – Give your partner some space

We all need a break once in a while. You don’t need to be with your partner, 24/7. It can actually be healthy to have time apart from one another. It allows you opportunities to invest in your other friendships and hobbies. You’ll have things to discuss when you get back together. Plus, you’ll learn to see another side of your partner as you learn about their interests in life.

6 – Don’t forget to laugh

One of the best medicines for a romantic relationship is the ability to laugh. Sometimes life is so ridiculously crazy that all you can do is laugh about it. And a good sense of humor can help you work out your differences.  Being able to laugh at your mistakes or your partner’s funny habits diffuses difficult situations. Joy, in a relationship, is lovely. So laugh a lot.

7 – Compromise

Relationships require some give and take from both partners. You must learn to be flexible and compromise. Sometimes you end up doing the dishes after dinner because your partner is tired. Or they take your dog outside every morning, even though you said you would do it. Of course, you should talk about areas where you won’t compromise-communication, faithfulness, and trust. The reality is that there will always be big and little compromises in your relationship.

Final Thoughts

It’s easy to assume that attractive people have no trouble getting into good healthy, long-lasting relationships. Sometimes people are even jealous of them because they think their life has always been easy. There is some truth to this, but not always. Many attractive people are socially awkward and feel like they can’t trust people for fear of being used. They are faced with unique challenges, not because of anything they have done, but simply because of they look.