I’m sitting in a restaurant at the bar with a couple of female friends “They are parents of young children really nice ladies but very much mistaken about sex in my view They believe that women can have sex as only sex.. And they ask me the question I often get asked maybe more than most men… I guess ‘Dude, how do couples sustain a strong sexual connection over multiple decades?’” they assumed that I had the answer since I was married for 25+ years.
Being so close to you is always a wonderful experience!
Since this is a question that someone wrote a book about Come As You Are , I guess I looked like I might have the answers. For starters, there are two things that don’t keep the home fires burning: frequency (“Almost none of us have sex that often, unless the women does for it as a business. “We are too busy.”) and seemed to not be having an adventurous sex life.
In fact, let me add “The best predictor of whether or not couples will have a strong relationship and sexual satisfaction is not what kind of sex they have, or how often, or where they have it, but whether they are willing to cuddle after sex.” for example. It is all about being attentive to your partner.
When a couple can’t keep their hands off each other, they’re overcome by what researchers call " spontaneous desire" While this kind of wanting is great, it’s not the only kind — there’s also “responsive” desire. “Whereas spontaneous desire seems to emerge in anticipation of pleasure, “responsive desire emerges in response to pleasure, or the memory of pleasure”
I can explain about responsive desire with a metaphor. “Imagine your best friend invites you to a party,” “You say ‘yes, I will be there" because it’s your best friend and this friend gives good parties, but as the date approaches you start thinking, ‘There’s gonna be all this traffic, I have to find child care — am I ready to put my party clothes on, and go to it?’ Ok you put your party clothes on and you show up to the party. And what happens? You do have a blast at the party!” it's memorable!
Similarly, with sex, it’s all about showing up at the party. “You put your body and mind in the bed with that someone who makes it feel special, you let your skin touch your partner’s skin, you like how you both smell,and you allow your body to wake up and remember, ‘Oh yes right, I like this; and I like this person.’” That’s responsive desire, and the ability to feel those “I like this; and I like this person” feelings — even after years together, or not being together and despite the annoyances and troubles of daily life — is critically important to feel like that togetherness.
A lady that I enjoyed sex with for years once told me "it's how I remember you made me feel from the first time, it makes me excited about being with you over and over again.
My response was "so sex with me wasn't just sex....... then"
Her comeback at me was " I don't want to inflate nor deflate your ego, but you were better than just Allright, you made me feel like a special lady."
Final Thought.
As guys we often boast about our performances, to other guys or even women banging to the max, but how often do we boast about making a woman feel like a special lady? I rest my case!
