Finding ways to connect in a personal way

We all would like to connect with that special person, instantly. No drama ------off beat script that keeps bringing some annoyance into the mix. ----   Can we just hold hands and not start wondering  if an ulterior motive is at play here, every time we touch. The peaceful energy we should get from each other is often interrupted by thoughts of ---where are we going with these touches--- Am I putting myself  at an disadvantage if I stay too relaxed and let what ever happens from this point on just  happen.
I wish we could just relax and enjoy these moments, with out negative thoughts, creeping into our heads.

A lot of us men take the term "foreplay" quite literally—it's the work put in before playtime begins. But in a study published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, 60 percent of women said foreplay was their favorite part of sex. It's no wonder: A surveyed of nearly 1,900 women  found that 68 percent of them considered excellent foreplay very important (or even essential) to their ability to orgasm.

This might come as a shock to some guys, but it doesn't surprise me, for the past 12 years I've worked hard at trying to understand what women want  (I was working at saving a relationship heading for a cliff, that did go over the cliff.) I've learned  that we Men and women take different paths to the big payoff. Guys generally just want to plunge into the pleasure zone, while women are...women.That is to say, well, a bit more complex.

Which leads me back to 'foreplay.' Follow this 4  step to the  stairway to heaven and you'll give her orgasms she'll brag about to her friends.(maybe)....

4 Ways to turn her on, Location, location, location location

Let us look at the things we men  should not do: There’s a reason why you and your wife of 20 years don’t ravage each other anymore, and it isn't for the fella's lack of trying.  Women in a committed relationship report lower levels of sexual desire over time. While a guy’s desire stays the same. (Yet another reason to start with a lusty woman to begin with!)

So are you to blame for her lack of lust? Not necessarily,  For women with a lower sex drive in the first place, the switch to a deeper emotional bond may reduce some of the excitement associated with sex in new relationships. 

4 Things You Do That Kill Her Sex Drive (avoid them)

1. Ignoring Her Appearance
Guys in long-term relationships tend to stop noticing when their partner looks pretty, and so much of female sexual desire is tied to a sense of self-esteem. Pay her a few simple compliments every day, like letting her know she’s sexy. (I actually screwed up royally for years on this one.)

2. Putting Her Under Pressure
Don’t worry or question her about getting orgasms, just stay relaxed and focused on playful touching,  This means no performance pressure on either of you. Let whatever happens happen in its own time—or not. Good sex is about connection and sensual satisfaction, not number of orgasms produced. And here’s a nice added benefit to staying calm: The relaxation is good for erections, so that is plus for both of us.

3. Using Porn As a Benchmark
It’s good to keep the sex hot—but it’s more important to keep it real. In other words, forget that cool move you caught on XTube.  ”Just because you saw a sexual practice in a film doesn’t mean it’s safe or satisfying.  And it might not even be something she’s into. If you need extreme stimulation to perform with a partner, you may want to cut back on overstimulation. A desensitized brain can also find sex less arousing. As you restore your brain to normal sensitivity, regular sex behaviors become enjoyable again. Time to rediscover the wonders of the missionary position. 

4. Leaving Her Lips Hanging
As men get comfortable in a relationship, our approach to 'foreplay' tends to focus on the moments leading up to sex. But female desire doesn’t operate like a light switch that turns on and off—it’s more like a dimmer, Small acts of intimacy like hugging and kissing can get her in the mood. But don’t get antsy: “Don’t expect her to be immediately turned on.

We men should learn how to relax our women, a massage is something she may not want from a stranger, who may have the perfect technique down. But she will appreciate it from her man, who took the time to learn how to do it just right!
I'm still a work in progress in this area, going from BAD to good is not easy.... My last lady- love  would ask for me to give her massage often (at least twice a week) and I would think 'not again' but it often lead to a pleasurable experience from time to time, so it is worth the effort.

When in doubt 'Let the feeling flow.'