Why didn’t we make it last?

I often ask myself these questions…. What went wrong? What was that one thing that started the snow ball of negativity rolling down hill?

Questions like these are asked,  so  many times, by many folks these days----- that it now seems like the norm  to split- up after just a short or even a long period of time of living with the right person (we thought was the right person.) Now the future of happiness seems like an impossible dream. Many Triggers generate feelings for years later, bringing back painful emotions and memories of strong words that cut deeper than a 10” blade are still fresh in our minds even after a few years have passed. These deep emotions are like hell on earth,  because “ Never  did  you stop caring about this person that you vowed to Love honor and protect until Death do you part , but yet you couldn’t make it last. Why didn’t we find a way to make it last?  People always seem to have a pride issue that will destroy what might have been a salvageable relationship, had they just dropped their pride. These are the famous words that still ring pretty loud in my head: “I’m no longer happy with you. You are no long the person I thought you were. You are a stranger who no longer make me smile. I can’t do this anymore. I don’t Love you like I once did. You will always have a special place in my heart, but I no longer want to share my life with you. I want a divorce, it’s over….” When you are on the receiving end of that, you walk away thinking how could I have been so wrong thinking that these mega years of sharing your lives together were all a lie. But they weren’t a lie, they were temporary truths (temporary truths are feelings that stop flowing.) The relationships today are not based on the permanent truths. Folks are not willing to work overtime to make it last. Why should we give it that extra effort it is so much easier to split up? Throw away all the years as if it wasn’t of any value to hold onto the investment, the sacrifices.  

My very Talented Eldest son sings about “Please stay, don’t walk away from me” I have to believe that his parents split affected him pretty deeply that he created the song because he does not want what happened his parents to happen to him, to have history repeat itself in his life. You know, the sins of the father (mistakes) will affect the son(s) deeply,  and the emotional issues of the mother will affect the daughters outlook on life ( feeling like I will never let what happen to my mother happen to me.)

As a man you react  by walking away ---Since you have your pride and nothing else, you pack what you can pack and book your escape route to new horizons. You start searching for happiness because the new status is that of solitude and loneliness. Then when you do meet someone (you think you can find happiness with.) That new person stirs those feeling of possibilities. But that doesn’t last either. 

Why can’t we make it last?

Clear and simple you have unfinished business (the mess that is still in your head), you have to close the door you just walkout of before you can open another door and setup residence, your life is still swirling   with the drama which brings back memories of the past…. You want peace and honesty in your NEW relationship, but you are not at peace with your own emotions. Since most men are never taught to deal with emotions very well we either turn emotions that are deep and painful into anger or we just shrug it off as ---‘I should not be feeling this crap, I’m a man and men should be able to pick themselves up and dust themselves off and move on.’ Only women deal with these emotions ( it’s a sign of weakness when a man shows emotions that make us seem vulnerable. We either move on or we become a crazy vindictive maniac filled with hate and envy, jealousy or we turn off those emotions and replace them with --------not caring anymore----- which makes it seem easier to let go of the past. 
Because you have turned off the switch of caring you can’t find instant happiness in a new person, who for the most part has all the attributes you want in a woman, and you have feelings for her that you treat as superficial so that you can’t see as a relationship that can go the distance. Which is what you want at this stage in your life (creating conflict) but you are still dealing with the lack of faith that you can make a relationship last, your history is that----- you blew one long term relationship not too long ago.     Dating and games are for other players. You had your days in that arena. It was fun, but once you matured and have started building a solid foundation for---- your version of an ideal family. As a mature man - You live for others, you are dependable and you want to have those members of your family with you every Holiday and every special occasion. But the end of your prior relationship has put you in place that makes it hard to do that.  Maybe the answers aren't all that complicated you may just need to get back to the point where you let the Feeling Flow.
 Whenever you stop the feelings from flowing you interrupt the natural order and then you question ‘IS THIS IT?’, is this all there is?, are you seeing  others living the life you wish you could and suddenly the person in your life no longer fill that need you have for Happiness, BECAUSE you have not resolved the issues that still haunt you. You stopped the feelings from flowing and now you can’t get it started again because of what is still in your head.
Maybe the answers are in these words below.

We just need to just ------let the feelings  Flow, and never let  go------- to make it work.