What does Acceptance mean to you?

As I am standing on the rocks
at the waters edge I'm thinking
deep thoughts about "Acceptance!"

Acceptance is extremely important in every relationship we have with another person. We always seek acceptance, even if we like to tell ourselves that we don’t. But seeking acceptance is a natural part of being human. We seek acceptance from our friends, our families, or coworkers, and even from strangers.

Researchers have long been putting in the work to understand why we need acceptance from people, especially from people in our romantic lives. Being with someone who accepts you completely will make changes to your life that you may never have guessed.

1. LESS RESENTMENT

When we are met with a lack of acceptance from people who we love, this can slowly grow resentment in our minds. Having a partner who accepts you completely, no matter what, means that you won’t have any resentment.

“Accepting people does not itself mean agreeing with them, approving of them, waiving your own rights, or downplaying their impact upon you. You can still take appropriate actions to protect or support yourself or others,” says neuropsychologist and author Rick Hanson, Ph.D.

However, no one likes to be told what to do, how to do it, or be told that the things they do or like are unacceptable – especially if they’re not harming themselves or others. Resentment can cause a number of different mental and emotional problems, from anxiety to depression. It can even irreparably damage relationships. Relationships should be about acceptance of one another, not fostering resentment.

2. IT BRINGS CLOSENESS

Acceptance fosters closeness between both partners.

“We have all had moments when we wished our partner was thinner, wealthier, more romantic, and so on. Take a look at your expectations and ask yourself how realistic they are. Unrealistic expectations lead to chronic frustration, which my study found is the main reason relationships fail,” says relationship expert, author, professor and therapist Dr. Terri L. Orbuch.

Being with someone is often a learning curve, and learning to trust someone can take a while. When you’re with someone who accepts you for who you are, completely, then it brings both partners close together. Being aware that your partner accepts you for who you are opens up trust that allows partners to connect and grow closer together. It can even improve a relationship when acceptance replaces nonacceptance.



3. PERSONAL GROWTH

When you are with someone who doesn’t accept you for who you are, your personal growth is stunted. When someone doesn’t accept you, even when they never say it, they will still act and behave towards you in a way that shows that lack of acceptance. On the other hand, when you find someone who accepts you as you are, your personal growth expands. You are capable of learning new things and experiencing growth as a person. You’re able to foster your own unique abilities and skills without judgement.

“It’s good when someone encourages you to be the best you can be. As long as you still get to be you. Pushing our loved ones to be better is part of what a successful relationship entails. However, if your loved one asks you to be things you’re not, or compares you unfavorably to others, then you should hear warning sirens in your head,” says translator Carolina June.

4. LETTING GO OF CONTROL

We can’t control everything. When we try to control everything around us, especially other people, we’re left feeling frustrated and anxious.

“When we start a relationship we like to feel in control, powerful even – to protect ourselves from the vulnerability that comes with opening up to a lover. We may carry the hurt from past relationships, so we protect ourselves by trying to appear in control. Yet no relationship was ever deepened by lovers’ attempts to assert themselves over each other – rather, it is through the mutual exploration of their imperfections, fears and anxieties that true connection occurs. It may sound counterintuitive but it’s true,” says couples’ counsellor David Waters.

Please read part 2.