The attraction can fly away.... after a while.

You just used me,
Then you tell me you are not attracted to me?

Relationships  require nurturing, love, and appreciation. No one wants to feel they are taken for granted, betrayed or misunderstood.

It takes more than friendship and commitment. Love requires the presence of trust and respect. Falling in love is easy. The difficult part is remaining in love, and committing to your partner forever. (OK, I'm good for 25 years, take it or leave it)

So how is the communication
between the two of you?

HERE ARE SOME REASONS PEOPLE FALL OUT OF LOVE:

1.Lack of communication.

When you start a new relationship there is an abundance of sharing. Couples talk about anything and everything as they get to know each other. They fall in love with those parts that relate to one another. Unfortunately, as time goes on, communication withers.   For over 40 years the psychologist Professor John Gottman has been analyzing relationships.  He says that there are 4 ways that communication is affected: criticism, contempt (sarcasm and name-calling), defensiveness, and stonewalling (the silent treatment which is caused by the other three).In the comfort of knowing your partner, there is the discomfort of not wanting to ask again, or say the same thing again, as not to upset them. Communication shuts down because there is no effective way to sit and discuss issues in a healthy manner.

2. Feeling invisible. (how long have you been sitting there?)

After long periods of time, couples begin to take each other for granted. There is a feeling of merely existing in the relationship. Making love becomes the thing of the past. You stop touching and complimenting each other. You stop looking at one another. You begin to act like roommates rather than lovers. Love grows cold. It’s not a good idea to blame your partner for all the relationship problems. Sometimes we need distance in order to recognize how important our partner really is and retrace what made us sparkle in the first place. But it takes work.

All that I'm left with is a hand covered
with sand, and memories of what was.

3. Magnifying insecurities.

When the “in love” part vanishes, the truth of who we are starts to play. We begin to feed off each others’ insecurities. Jealousy starts to play a role in the relationship. Because we feel invisible,
we begin to notice that our partner starts to behave differently with others. It’s not that he or she is cheating. It’s that we want to feel like we used to in the beginning. His insecurities are passed on to you. Her own issues began to play a huge role in how he reacts. It’s a constant battle of self worth and acceptance. The best way to move past this is to discuss the issues without blame or criticism.

4. Boredom sets in.

I thought this would bring back the spark in our relationship,
Was I wrong?

April Masini, the relationship author of Romantic Date Ideas, says: “Over time, people can change — or more often, they become who they really are. Someone who loved his steady business career may suddenly realize he always wanted to be a stand-up comedian and throw caution to the wind to chase his dreams. The kind of change that leads to love lost is always about a buried desire to be someone that’s repressed inside. It’s important to really know your partner to avoid this lost-love syndrome.   A way to avoid this is to be open and accept your partner’s choices in what makes him/her happy. Changes are suppose to happen in relationships. You must go with the flow, otherwise boredom will extinguish the flame that was once the reason you fell in love.


5. Attraction is gone. It flew away like a bird!

What kills attraction? The inability to have fun. You fall in a rut and can’t get out of it. You stop going out on date nights, or doing special things for your significant other. Most times it has nothing to do with physical appearance but the things that go unsaid or undone. You fell in love with that person for many reasons. It’s about revisiting those parts of the relationship. Attraction is ignited through appreciation and compassion.


6. Holding on to grudges.

Nothing is worst than holding on to past resentments and grudges. The quote “forgive and forget” does not play well when we are still reclaiming the past.