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| Careful. Her triggers are always ready to pop. |
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| I thought it was love, but it was just infatuation |
Are you feeling butterflies, or are you falling in love? It’s challenging for some people to distinguish between the two. However, butterflies come from infatuation and romance and are usually short-lived. True love is a choice, and it’s nothing that will go away anytime soon.
The feeling of butterflies in your stomach is transient. It only lasts a couple of months before it subsides for most people. Others may experience these sensations for up to a year, but this would only be in rare cases. How do you know which one you’re experiencing?
The difference between infatuation and love is that the person with these butterflies depends on that feeling. They need that rush or thrill to be satisfied. Sadly, when the surface goes, usually they’re right behind it.
You can tell when you’re captivated by the way you feel. If you’re stuck on their physical attraction and can’t seem to get past it, it’s a sign that you’re feeling butterflies rather than love.
To develop a loving relationship, you must look beyond the exterior and see the heart. You want someone as beautiful on the inside as they are on the outside, but you must remember that beauty is only skin deep.
The person who is eye candy might treat you horribly. However, the person you wouldn’t usually consider might be the one who treats you like royalty.
Infatuation stems from the chemistry of a physical nature. Yet, love takes time. There are stories where people fall head over heels in love at first sight, but it’s easier to explain these scenarios as butterflies that grew into something more profound.
Until you’ve sat by your partner in the hospital while they were sick, held them when they felt like their world was falling apart, or wiped their tears, you genuinely don’t know them. You cannot love a person until you know everything about them.
It’s very romantic to curl up by a fire and talk to that person who makes your heart skip a beat. When you’re infatuated and feeling butterflies, you’re more interested in making out physical contact than taking time to talk.
Deep conversations are where you get to know someone’s mind, body, and soul, and it’s an integral part of any relationship.
When you find your soul mate, you feel a sense of completeness. You feel like you’ve found the other half that’s taken you years to search. When you’re feeling butterflies, you don’t have that sense of being complete.
Instead, you’re probably thinking they are cheating if they don’t call several times a day, or you’re constantly questioning whether they’re really into you. True love allows you to share your most profound dreams and darkest fears, and you feel free to open yourself up to be vulnerable because you trust them.
Vulnerability becomes empowering and not debilitating, especially with the right person. Even if you’ve been hurt before, being with the individual that completes you changed everything. It’s a liberating feeling as it allows you to tear down walls and feel free to be yourself.
When you’ve found a romantic love written in the stars, you look to the future. However, infatuation and feeling butterflies can’t go beyond the here and now.
The infatuated individual isn’t making plans for growing old together. This person is only concerned about fulfilling their physical needs with the latest and most significant object of desire.
Since these butterfly feelings are based on physical desires and lust, the other person will always be insecure about the relationship. One person wants more, while the other wants their needs met. One of you will always be sitting and wondering if this association will ever go anywhere.
When you have genuine and romantic love, there are no unrealistic expectations. You accept the person and don’t want them to change a thing. You appreciate what they offer and wouldn’t want to force them to be something they’re not, as you love them just the way they are.
While butterflies are great, the continual process of infatuation can drain your resources. It takes so much of the energy that you never even dreamed how exhausting it could make you.
Love also can be exhausting, but it’s not a forced feeling as it’s one you can’t stop. You can control your infatuation at any moment when those feelings die, but love is uncontrollable. It will make you do and say things you never thought possible.
You don’t question things when you have a spiritual connection with someone. You know how they feel about you, and you know exactly how you think about them.
Infatuation is not romantic, and it causes the other individual to constantly wonder about their position in this person’s life. Being involved in a relationship based on infatuation is nothing but a very insecure situation, and it’s flaky and breakable.
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| so are we really in love? |
Sometimes people become infatuated with love. They want the white picket fence and the perfect family like everyone else. When someone is feeling butterflies, their senses are more based on a fairy tale than grounded in reality.
Love happens at the soul level, and it’s a connection that’s more than an idea. Infatuation is someone being in love with the idea of being in love, but someone who has the real thing knows there’s a big difference
Security, connection, and partnership are essential in a healthy romantic relationship. All three of these things require commitment and loyalty from both partners. When both people feel like the relationship is only between them, it gives a sense of partnership. It shows that you are in it together, and no matter what happens, you will be there to support one another.
Experiencing security in your relationship means that both partners will feel comfortable being away from one another. There will be no second-guessing the other’s intentions, and you can live free of the constant worry.
When you’re loyal, you can also form a stronger emotional connection with your partner. You will both be more comfortable with one another, and there is strength in that feeling.
Fidelity in a relationship fosters positive character traits, including confidence and integrity. The way you live your private life is where you develop these positive qualities.
When there is infidelity, the rest of that person’s life seems to crumble, too. They lose their confidence and no longer feel proud of who they are. If you stay faithful, though, this doesn’t happen, and you can continue feeling good about yourself.
Plus, you don’t want to be the reason for your partner’s pain, which will drain your self-confidence. If you have family, you will feel ashamed for hurting them all and letting them down.
In an honest, committed relationship, there will be more respect. This allows you to show respect to your partner in the most important way. Plus, your partner will respect you for being faithful, and others will respect you for showing your loyalty.
Those in a healthy relationship tend to be happier, more fulfilled, and more relaxed. Plus, people in this type of relationship typically smile more than those that experience infidelity in their relationship.
If you split your time and commitment between two people, you won’t experience loving someone fully. Instead of spreading yourself between two relationships, you can focus on your partner and give your all to the relationship.
Only if you commit yourself fully to one person will you experience true love. If you stay faithful, you will have the chance to experience real love with them.
When all of your energy and emotion are focused on your one partner, you will experience more intimacy. With all of it focused on one person, you will connect to a level that wouldn’t otherwise be possible. It boosts the quality of your connection, and your experiences will be incomparable.
Sneaking around with someone else behind your partner’s back is stressful. You will spend so much time trying to cover your tracks and creating lies that will work. This situation causes indescribable stress, and your well-being will suffer. On the other hand, if you are faithful, you will have peace of mind. You won’t have to worry about your partner finding out about infidelity, and you can be honest. You won’t have excessive drama in your relationship with fidelity, either.
Other people are watching you. When they see that you are faithful to your partner, it shows them that they can do the same. It will help them stay loyal and resist temptation.(especially your offspring)
When there is infidelity in your relationship, there will be no trust issues between you. With confidence, you will be comfortable opening up and having deep discussions. Plus, you will feel more comfortable in your relationship if you trust your partner.
Another benefit of fidelity is that you can demand the same from your partner if you are faithful. If you have been unfaithful, you can’t expect your partner to treat you differently than you treated them.
You might not realize that the way you handle your relationship reflects on your friendships. Good friends won’t find it acceptable for you to be unfaithful to your partner. They will see it as disrespectful and question your loyalty to all of your relationships, including your friendship.
Instead, the people you want to be friends with are the ones that expect you to be honest and trustworthy. They will notice that you treat your partner with respect and resist temptation. This recognition will help them see that you are a positive person to have in their lives.
While infidelity seems to be expected in relationships these days, yours doesn’t have to be that way. Even better, there are many mentally healthy benefits of fidelity. These benefits will help you grow as a person while strengthening your relationship with your partner.
Knowing the benefits can help you continue being faithful in your relationship. If you want a loving, fulfilling relationship, fidelity is standard requirements.
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| I'm glad you didn't give up me you didn't stop fighting for me |
Before scientists can begin to explain a phenomenon, they need to be able to describe it. Back In 1981, I read something that pointed out that the ‘competitive component in the nature of women remains anecdotal, intuitively sensed, but not confirmed by science’. Happily, since that time, quantitative analyses and qualitative descriptions of women's aggression have been published. I begin by outlining what these studies have told us, before considering an evolutionary-informed account of the psychological basis of sex (and individual) differences in aggression. Following this, I review whether such a proposal is supported by neuropsychological studies. This ambitious interdisciplinary trajectory takes us from sociology, through psychology, to neuropsychology and endocrinology.
In the United States, girls account for 33% of arrests for simple assault and 24% of aggravated assaults. Despite a 24% increase in female arrests for simple assault between 1996 and 2005, victimization and self-report data indicate that this reflects changes in police practice rather than girls’ behavior. The male-to-female ratio for assault has remained remarkably stable over time. The gender gap is considerably greater for aggravated than simple assault, reflecting girls’ less injurious behavior and their lower likelihood of using weapons. Surveys indicate that in the previous year, 40.5% of boys and 25.1% of girls had been in a physical fight . In the previous month, 60% of girls had called another girl names, 50% had sworn at them and 35% had pushed or shoved them . Boys and girls predominantly engage in same-sex aggression, although girls are more likely than boys to target members of the opposite sex. Here, I will focus specifically on same-sex aggression by young women.
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| Do you see the finger! |
The media depiction of girls’ aggression—as an anomalous violation of the feminine gender role—ignores the way that femininity is constructed differently in different cultural contexts. Female aggression is more prevalent in disorganized neighborhoods with high levels of poverty and low social cohesion . For families living in these neighborhoods, the frequent absence of a consistent father figure means that mothers (and grandmothers) play a pivotal role. They are strong figures who must cope alone with daily stresses of subsistence living. Many mothers are themselves involved in fighting, especially in defense of their family's good name. Some become actively involved in their daughters’ fights also and, in doing so, become role models and allies. Even when they do not go this far, mothers’ concern for their daughters’ welfare translates into tolerance (and sometimes encouragement) of fighting. Most mothers acknowledge that a girl needs to be able to ‘stand her ground’ and ‘hold her own’. The strength and resilience of women (both mothers and daughters) is not seen as incongruent with femininity: indeed passivity is viewed as a weakness rather than an asset. As Irwin & Adler, p. 319] noted, ‘Given the emphasis on female strength, girls lost respect for and even targeted other girls who fell short in fulfilling idealized notions of feminine resilience circulating in the local communities’.
How are two men supposed to find a way to love the same woman and not fight over her?
If weakness makes a girl a target, an important benefit of willingness to fight is the avoidance of victimization. Girls’ reports of their fights present aggression as a form of self-defense by emphasizing that their opponents ‘started it’. In some cases, ‘starting it’ refers to a physical assault but more often to verbal taunts to which physical aggression is seen as the appropriate response. The slippery divide between physical and verbal provocation is mirrored in the equally fuzzy distinction between self-defense and reputation enhancement. For many girls, success in a public fight achieves more than the immediate goal of causing an opponent to back off: it promotes a ‘crazy’ or ‘mean’ reputation that will deter others from future attacks. Reputation enhancement involves a disproportionate response to any perceived act (or rumor) of ‘disrespect’ including staring, failing to move out of the way, behind-the-back gossip and an offensive demeanor that presumes social superiority (a girl who ‘thinks she's all that’). Once established, reputations must be defended against others who are seeking to enhance their own. Girls who start fights are ‘ … trying to make their name. They'll go fight somebody so somebody can be like ‘so-and-so’ fought her, just so their name will be known’ . One response to such reputation-seeking challengers is for tough girls to get their retaliation in first. In this way, a self-reinforcing loop develops between self-defense, reputation enhancement, sensitivity to challenge and pre-emptive aggression. But these overarching principles of deterring disrespect and maintaining a reputation obscure the specific triggers that provoke fights. What accusations or provocations constitute acts of ‘disrespect’ worthy of a violent response?
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| In this jungle.......size matters sweetie, guys back off when I stand up. |
Although girls will fight out of loyalty to family and friends, the ethnographic literature leaves little doubt as to the central role played by boys. Romantic rivalry is one cause. Girls understand their own value in terms of the quality of boys they can attract: ‘Say one guy is good looking, we're all in a fight over who's getting who … If all the girls are fighting for this one really popular guy and one girl gets him, everyone will think she's more popular too’ Once a boyfriend is secured, the relationship must be protected from takeover by other girls: jealousy is another major cause of female fights. When a girl spends too much time with another girl's boyfriend, the anger is firmly targeted at the female interloper rather than at the male partner. This is all the more remarkable because many young men (‘playas’) enjoy trading off girls against one another: ‘He was being with both of them at the same time, and they ended up fighting over him or whatever. In the end, they found out that both of them was getting played by him’ Commentators have noted that jealousy-motivated fights may not be entirely about the boy but about the kudos that a relationship with a high-status boy can bring At other times, the dividing line between defending a relationship and maintaining a reputation becomes blurred: ‘I don't care about the guy or anything but I'm gonna mess that girl up cause she deserves it. The bitch just be asking for it. The way I see it, I ain't fighting over the boy. I'm fighting the girl because she be acting in a way that says she thinks I'm a punk’ . Jealousy can be even more extreme when financial incentives are added, such as when the wronged girl is the mother of her boyfriend's baby.
Attractive girls are both the strongest rivals for male attention and the greatest threats to an ongoing relationship. However, it is the combination of attractiveness together with a self-confident awareness of it that seems particularly provocative. Girls who advertise their attractiveness through dress, make-up or demeanor are often targeted . These girls offend on two fronts: they attract more than their fair share of boys and they communicate their felt superiority over other girls. This becomes a form of ‘disrespect’ which adds to the rivalry. While disrespect is often synonymous with status challenge among young men, the same is not true for girls. Girls do not show the hierarchical structure typical of boys’ groups. Girls chiefly want to fit in rather than stand out and it is this which explains the paradoxical finding that girls who are nominated as ‘popular’ (visible, charismatic) are not well liked as friends. Girls who communicate their attractiveness too confidently are targeted not just because they are conspicuous to boys but because they set themselves apart from other girls. This refusal to blend in means that those girls who disdain concern with their appearance or with securing a boyfriend can also be picked on: an inherent sense of superiority is read into their non-conformity.
Will a man fight for the woman he truly loves? Will a woman have to “fight” at all to prove her love?
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| Your strong arms around me makes me feel safe. |
Perhaps the strongest evidence that boys lie at the heart of female competition is the terms used to insult others. The same epithets appear frequently in accounts of girls’ fights: ‘slut’, ‘whore (ho)’ and ‘tart’ . The second most common insults are about a girls’ appearance (‘ugly’, ‘fat’). Whether it is delivered directly to an opponent's face or reaches her via gossip and rumor, these terms are often the immediate trigger to physical confrontation.
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| insult me again and I will deck you! |
Male aggression (and the paucity of female aggression) has been explained in terms of the greater male variance in reproductive success contingent on polygyny. However, recent developments in evolutionary biology have queried the simplicity of the traditional view of sexual selection which highlights intense male (but not female) competition for mates. Rates of female competition are higher in species (like our own) with biparental care and diminished sexual dimorphism. Attempts to trace the evolution of biparental care have used estimates of increased infant cranial size (leading to earlier births, protracted offspring dependence and greater maternal need for assistance) and dated it to . In terms of sexual dimorphism, archaeological evidence suggests that the relatively modest difference in skeletal size between men and women has remained stable over about 2 yr and possibly longer . The long history of human biparental care is mirrored in the fact that the vast majority of the world's population live monogamously, despite the large number of societies that permit polygyny. The consequences of monogamy for women have been underappreciated. When a man commits himself to a single woman, his criteria for mate choice shift dramatically upwards . Monogamy entails two-way sexual selection: women as well as men must compete to attain the best possible mates.
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| I'm going to stay angry at you for as long as I want |
Has your girlfriend seemed more anxious and controlling lately? Is she angrier and more agitated than usual when you spend time with other women? You might be wondering if your girlfriend has been acting this way because she’s jealous. Though jealousy has many causes and is normal in relationships, it can be tough, confusing, and stressful to deal with—especially when she seems to distrust you no matter what you say. I’ve put together some common behaviors to help you figure out what’s going on; if your girlfriend is engaging in some of these, it may be a sign that she really is jealous, and something about the relationship needs to be addressed.
Your girlfriends may question you in extreme detail about how you spend your time. If the requires constant disclosure and feels the need to monitor everything that you do, that could be a sign that they are jealous. Even if you reassure them otherwise or if their claims are irrational, they might continue to express suspicion about your infidelity, leaving you confused about how to gain back their trust.
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| Our relationship will be just fine as long as you do what I say. |
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| How long are you going to yell at me for talking to my female coworkers |
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| Why can't I go with you? |
