How to Know if Your Girlfriend is Jealous

 

I'm going to stay angry at you for as long as I want

Has your girlfriend seemed more anxious and controlling lately? Is she angrier and more agitated than usual when you spend time with other women? You might be wondering if your girlfriend has been acting this way because she’s jealous. Though jealousy has many causes and is normal in relationships, it can be tough, confusing, and stressful to deal with⁠—especially when she seems to distrust you no matter what you say. I’ve put together some common behaviors to help you figure out what’s going on⁠; if your girlfriend is engaging in some of these, it may be a sign that she really is jealous, and something about the relationship needs to be addressed.

Your girlfriends may question you in extreme detail about how you spend your time. If the requires constant disclosure and feels the need to monitor everything that you do, that could be a sign that they are jealous. Even if you reassure them otherwise or if their claims are irrational, they might continue to express suspicion about your infidelity, leaving you confused about how to gain back their trust.

• For example, they might ask you every day where you were at one in the afternoon, or what you were doing after you got off from work.
• Your girlfriend may just be showing concern and care for you⁠—but if you feel that her questioning is becoming excessive, it may be worth bringing up.

Our relationship will be just fine
 as long as you do what I say.

Your girlfriend may lay down rules about what you can or cannot do. It might seem like it’s not enough for her to just know how you’re spending your time⁠⁠—in addition to this, she may tell you that you’re not allowed to talk to certain people, like a female coworker, or go to certain places.

• It’s tough to feel that your girlfriend is gradually isolating you by laying down so many restrictions on your life⁠—and it’s possible that she’s doing it to try and keep you away from potential rivals.

Your girlfriend monitors any kind of personal correspondence you have. This could include going through your phone to look at your text messages and emails or logging into your social media accounts, even after you tell her that this isn’t okay with you. If she continues to intrude after you ask her not to, it may be a sign that she suspects that you are talking to potential rivals and feels the urge to check herself.^[3]

• For example, she may question you about Instagram posts that you’ve liked, asking who another woman is and why you liked her post.

Your girlfriend wants to know who you’ve dated before. If she seems to be interrogating you about details of previous relationships, like how long they lasted or why the relationship ended, it may be because she’s feeling "retrospective jealousy" about your past. Or, she may be using it as a way to reassure herself that she’s a good current girlfriend.

• Of course, just because she asks about your relationship history doesn’t always mean she’s jealous! She may just genuinely be curious and trying to get to know you better.

How long are you going to yell at me
 for talking to my female coworkers

Your girlfriend doesn’t like it when you talk to women other than herself. If you notice that she’s unhappy about this, it might be because she sees this as a betrayal of your relationship. Her reactions may seem passive-aggressive or ambiguous. She may be trying to send a "message" or "sign" that she’s hurt because she fears that you are no longer attracted to her.

• For example, you might be catching up with an old college friend at a gathering, but afterwards she tells you she is angry and asks you if you are bored of her.

Your girlfriend also doesn’t like it when you mention other women. Even if you’re just bringing up a friend or acquaintance, she may become sad or angry and ask you to stop talking about the other person⁠, leaving you wondering what you said wrong. If so, it may be due to her feeling threatened or thinking that you find the other woman more attractive than her.

• For example, if you mention that you had a great conversation with a coworker about a shared hobby during work, she might react badly and accuse you of flirting and not respecting your relationship.

Your girlfriend shows low self-esteem. If she constantly brings up things she feels insecure about, like how she’s not as pretty as another woman, it might be because she’s jealous and thinks she’s missing those attractive qualities.

• Making comparisons doesn’t always mean your girlfriend is jealous⁠ of someone else—she might just be feeling vulnerable or down about herself. Consider asking her if anything’s wrong, and if you can support or reassure her in any way.

Your girlfriend may also have unrealistic expectations for your relationship. She might point out relationships she sees on social media or in person, or express dissatisfaction about the current status or dynamic. If she doesn’t seem to appreciate the effort you’re putting into the relationship and talks frequently about how she would like to "fix" or "improve" the relationship so that it’s closer to what she wants, this might be a sign that she’s jealous of other couples.

• For example, she might tell you that she wishes you would hold her hand more in public when you walk past another couple at the mall that is holding hands.
• Rather than being jealous, it’s also possible that your girlfriend wants to improve your relationship. It may be worth talking together about how you both feel about your current dynamic and asking her what she might be satisfied or dissatisfied about.

Your girlfriend wants you to be in constant and instant communication with her. She seems to feel abandoned and rejected if you don’t get back to her quickly enough. If you reply to her in a reasonable amount of time but she still always thinks it’s too "late," this may be a sign that she thinks you are ignoring her and is jealous of the attention you're giving others.^[9]

• For example, you may be really busy at work and aren’t able to respond to her text for an hour⁠—but she doesn’t accept your apology and thinks you did it on purpose.
• Your girlfriend may also just want you to show her more affection or is feeling lonely, so consider talking with her to make sure you’re on the same page about how frequently the two of you want to communicate.

Your girlfriend can’t stand when you spend time with other people. It’s not just other women⁠—if she’s even paranoid when you do things with friends, she might be seeing your reduced availability as threatening and stressful, and a sign that you’re not prioritizing the relationship.^[10]

• For example, she might accuse you of taking away time from the relationship when you go out to play basketball or video games with friends, or when you meet up to go hiking for the day.

Your girlfriend insists on tagging along with you to everything.

Why can't I go with you?

 She doesn’t seem to respect your need for time alone even when you really need to recharge, or if you have different interests. This may be a sign that she wants to verify firsthand that you’re not seeing someone else.^[11]

• For example, you might tell her you’re going to make a trip to the store to pick up a couple of groceries. Even though you’re going alone and it won’t take long, she insists on coming with you.
• However, your girlfriend may really just want to spend more time with you, so consider checking in with her if you’re not sure whether she’s jealous.

Final thought

A fair amount of jealousy stems from insecurities about the state of the relationship. Your girlfriend’s envy of your other relationships (either with the opposite sex or sometimes with the same sex) forces her to constantly examine the bond between the two of you. It could also be a sign that she is the one being unfaithful. Jealousy can rip apart a relationship, slowly but surely obliterating everything good about everything and leaving you feeling pretty awful. This may sound harsh, but if it’s your reality, you probably are wondering what can I do about a jealous partner?

try to fix by do things like, asking your girlfriend about her fears. An open dialogue about the roots of jealousy can help you both overcome the problem. When your girlfriend is feeling jealousy, try to ask her directly about her fears. If your girlfriend is able to talk through her fears about the relationship, she will be better able to overcome them.