I'm not that guy

 

another email from that guy! hmm what is his game?

How do you get a woman to pay more attention?

By always staying just on the attainable side of the attainable-unattainable divide, you leave an interested woman with little choice but to increase her compliance and availability to get you. For instance, say you meet a girl who is adept at getting men to pay her more attention.

Different women have different attention needs. Some women need lots of attention from lots of people. Some women only need a small amount of quality attention from a few close/important folks. But all women need attention. Not “attention with a point.” When you give a woman too much attention, you are communicating that you’re OBSESSED. In other words, you’re almost the OPPOSITE of a CHALLENGE. Have you ever heard a woman say “I just met this really sensitive, thoughtful, sweet guy that calls me 100 times a day and sends me flowers and cards and gifts… and I just can’t stop thinking about him…”?

OK maybe you have not heard her say that about you but she might have said to her friends

When you try to figure out how to get a woman want you, consider the huge importance
of paying attention to the subtle clues she gives to you while communicating.

So how to get a woman to want you?

Please, read on.

When people interact with others, they’re mostly paying attention to the dialog
inside their own heads.

The majority of women relate to their own emotions in a very, very serious way; in
fact, I would say deadly serious.

They are different compared to men: they follow their own emotional reactions and
think of those emotional reactions as “extremely serious business”

In a dating situation women will basically give you “clues” of how they feel
emotionally all the time.

Sometime they will do that verbally and much more often non-verbally.

Do not expect a woman to tell you what she thinks or wants directly: she loses too
much of her sexual power if she does that.

Her sexual power is in forcing you into having to “guess” what she feels so that you
must invest your energy into her.

While you talk pay attention to the expression of her face, the movements of her
eyes, her lips, her breathing, her posture, legs, feet and whether she has open or
closed body language.

The winning seductive strategy is to carefully monitor her reactions while you talk
to her.

That will be like having her on the truth machine, telling you everything you need
to do and say to seduce her.

Watching her reactions carefully will be like having a GPS telling you where to
direct your car.

When you become good at doing this, with time you will begin to notice that she’ll
tell you, both consciously and unconsciously, how to make her feel attraction for
you.

Women will subtly let you know what you must do to seduce them.

If you notice this and pick up on it, you can affect the communication with her and
create attraction, and even recover from mistakes in calibration.

All women – even those who are HSE (high self-esteem) – are to a certain extent
addicted to attention.

If you miss their subtle messages they will come to the conclusion that you are not
really interested in what they feel and this will work against you.

.

Reasons Why You’re Indecisive (And Ways to Reverse It)

 

choices choices choices!

Life is all about making decisions. From choosing what to eat to deciding on life-changing opportunities, each day is filled with options that you must pick between. If you have trouble with being indecisive, it can clog your life with unnecessarily wasted time.

Indecision is a common problem that many face, and it’s a complex topic with many potential causes and solutions. Here are five reasons why you’re indecisive and ways to reverse that in 5 methods.

 

Do any of these trait's sound like you?

You are A Perfectionist

People may tout perfectionism as a positive thing, but its drawbacks can be easily seen within the term itself. Indeed, it’s the act of seeking perfection, something that is inherently impossible. There’s no way to make everything perfect all the time because nothing is perfect, and that’s part of what makes life interesting.

• Perfectionism can often mean fear of not getting the best outcome, making it hard to make decisions when even a slightly less favorable result would be condemned as imperfect.
• Perfectionism can stem from childhood upbringing; if you were in an environment where being right was more important than learning and growing, your desire to be right can muddle decision-making with an obsession with getting it right.
• Many decisions involve unknown elements, and perfectionists like to analyze every bit of knowledge to make the best decision, even when that knowledge isn’t available.

2.    You Are Afraid

Fear is a powerful motivator. Being afraid can make someone act out of character, show their true colors after years of hiding, or trap someone in a stagnant, frozen state – that’s how powerful it can be. And being frozen in fear is a quick way to become too frightened to decide anything. You might be afraid that:

• You’ll make the wrong decision
• You will lose valuable safety nets
• You’ll have to deal with change and adjustments
• You won’t be able to know what’s coming next
• You’ll suffer as a result of your choices
• You’re not good enough for your decisions

These kinds of fears quickly prevent you from solidifying a choice. The consequences for that choice are ones you may not ever want to face. Worse still, this can result in you making no decisions at all and winding up in an even worse situation than if you’d just picked anything at all.

3.    You’ve Lost Sight Of Your Goals

Big decisions are all about choosing which ones best align with your personal goals. When you’ve lost sight of where you’re heading in life, it’s easy for choices to become harder to make. You don’t feel the pull of your passions and drive as strongly, so you’re crippled as to what would best help you.

5 Reasons Why You’re Indecisive (And 5 Ways to Reverse It)

Life is all about making decisions. From choosing what to eat to deciding on life-changing opportunities, each day is filled with options that you must pick between. If you have trouble with being indecisive, it can clog your life with unnecessarily wasted time.

Indecision is a common problem that many face, and it’s a complex topic with many potential causes and solutions. Here are five reasons why you’re indecisive and ways to reverse that in 5 methods.

Do any of these traits sound like you?

    You Want To Please Everyone

It’s okay to enjoy making others happy. But at the end of the day, you can’t be responsible for others, nor can you successfully please everyone in your life. Some of the decisions you make will face disagreement and discord, and you’ll have to make choices against the wishes of the people around you.

If you’re trying to please everyone and gain everyone’s validation and approval, it’s pretty apparent that indecision will follow. You emphasize the desires of others instead of your own. While it’s good to listen to other perspectives and accommodate some people in certain circumstances, decisions regarding your life have to be influenced primarily by you.

Ask Who You’re Aiming To Please

It’s true that sometimes, you have to make decisions while taking into account certain other people. That can make choices more difficult, especially if it’s reasonable to include them. But if you’re indecisive by nature, the chances are that you tend to try to please too many people at once.

So ask yourself: who are you trying to please with your decisions? And should you care about their thoughts on your choices? For example, are you:

• Trying to prove yourself to someone who isn’t worth the effort or the wasted decision?
• Aiming to please everyone around you, including people with opposite opinions on the matter?
• One of the people you include in your considerations people whose opinions shouldn’t have a say in your choices?
• Someone who you’re trying to please known for being a perfectionist or demanding the impossible?

Consider if you’re allowing yourself to try and please too many people. It might be time to let some of them down gently. Remember, when you’re making decisions about your personal life, only your say matters in the end. It’s your responsibility to make choices and deal with the consequences, so why should anyone else get a say?

I know I can't please everyone, or can I.

    Thinking Well Of Yourself

Many indecisive people are also insecure or have low self-esteem, which leads to:

• Fear of being unable to make the right decision or a lack of trust in their capabilities to handle any possible consequences.
• Thinking you’re not worthy enough for certain decisions and outcomes that could otherwise positively affect your life.
• Acts of seeking validation from others by making decisions that will please, accommodate, impress, or receive attention or praise.

This is why positive thinking when you consider yourself is so important. Being aware of your strengths allows you to feel more confident in making decisions, as you know what you’re capable of and are more assured in your thought processes. Cultivate healthy self-esteem by listing and appreciating your strengths and feeling validated intrinsically.

Alpha males portray strength of mind but are they really that strong?

 

Alpha men portray a strength of mind and independence in most sense of the word. THEY are accustomed to taking charge, they can intimidate some people. That kind of power can be off-putting for some partners who are either overly competitive with the Alpha woman or too submissive. So how can a true Alpha man maintain a strong and healthy relationship? Maybe a Beta woman who are not as confident and ambitious and are sometimes afraid to tell people what they want. 

Alpha people Need To Be Challenged

A partner to an Alpha woman needs to be able to hold his own. The Alpha woman needs someone to compete with, yet someone who is secure enough in their abilities to be gracious in victory and a good sport in defeat.

2. These Alphas  Need Trust

They need to know that what they tell you in confidence will stay in that relationship vault. An Alpha woman needs to feel the allowance to be vulnerable and let their guard down once in a while. They need to trust someone not to stab them in the back for personal gain.

3. These Alphas  Need Respect

The Alpha woman needs her partner to respect her decisions and not second-guess them at every turn. It is okay to challenge her before the decision is made, but not afterward. She needs her space and boundaries respected as well. This includes not being lied to for whatever reason. She respects someone who doesn’t belittle her when she is angry or put her on a pedestal she will fall off of eventually.

4. Alpha Women Need Their Independence

They need to be able to enjoy their personal passions and their friends. Alpha women don’t need a clingy person who can’t survive for a few hours without them. They want someone like them who also has a life outside of the relationship.

5. These Alphas  Need Someone Who Can Keep Up

Alpha women have things they have to do and they know no one is going to do those things for them. They are moving at a high speed, time-efficient and booked solid almost 24/7. Someone who can hang with them and their high-pressure, high-intensity environment is what they are looking for.

6. They Need an Equal Partner

Someone who is an equal partner; someone who carries their own weight in the relationship – this is who Alpha women will respect. They need someone who has their own opinions, and who has their ego in a healthy place. In other words, they need someone to walk with them, not behind them or in front of them. Their partner doesn’t need to have the same opinions, hobbies, or friends as they do. Alpha women respect a partner who is a complete and self-sufficient person on their own.

7. Alpha Females Need To Laugh

Like many people, Alpha women love someone who can make them laugh and lighten the mood in their often stressful and high-pressure lives. They need someone who can bring a smile to their face, who can tease them and be teased in return without hurting feelings on either side.

9. Alpha Women Need Someone Who Is Informed

In order to be all of these things, a partner of an Alpha woman should be informed about things from current events to esoteric knowledge. They need to be able to have an intelligent conversation with the Alpha woman and express ideas on her level. In the age of social media and information bubbles, it is important for the partner of an Alpha woman to have a well-tuned bullsh!t detector.

10. Alpha Females Need Someone With Tact

Most importantly, they need someone with tact, someone who knows when to have that intense talk about something important and when to let it go. They need someone who can handle their moods and emotions without ruffling feathers. An Alpha woman needs someone who is thoughtful and sensitive enough to pick up on how she is feeling and broach difficult subjects in private.

So what stages are you in currently

 

will we remain happy through all of the stages?

Most people don’t know that different stages of a relationship exist, but knowing this can help your relationship succeed. For example, once the honeymoon phase ends, couples start to settle into more of a long-term friendship. They realize that it takes effort and a conscious choice to make the relationship work. Then the real work begins after the butterflies start to fade. Unfortunately, movies and other media outlets have glamorized relationships and given people unrealistic expectations about them.

Many relationships fail because people expect to feel the same way about their partner after years of being together as they did in the very beginning. Of course, after having kids and dealing with life’s responsibilities, those exciting and intense feelings begin to fade. Perhaps this disappointment in reality not living up to fantasy may explain why around half of the marriages in the U.S. end in divorce.

However, if a couple chooses to remain together, they should learn about the different stages of a relationship, so they know what to expect. Below, I will  go over them in more detail.

While different relationship stage theories exist, I will focus on the one by Dr. Mark Knapp, a renowned professor at the University of Texas. He studied patterns in relationships and was considered an expert in nonverbal communication research. While his model assumes that all relationships will eventually end, as evidenced by the coming apart phases, not all relationships will follow this specific pattern.

With that said, he came up with ten different stages, broken up into two phases: the coming together and coming apart phases. Let’s go over them more extensively below.

The Coming Together Phase

Relationships don’t all begin in the same way, but they usually have some things in common. Some people meet through online dating sites or in the workplace, while others meet during travels abroad. After the initial coming together phase, most couples will go through the following stages of a relationship.

1. The Initiation Stage

This phase happens during the dating phase when you both are still getting to know each other. You know that you like one another, but you haven’t committed to each other yet. Right now, you may get together one or two times a week for dates where you gauge your compatibility with this person. You may feel that butterfly sensation in your stomach when you meet up with them, as everything feels fresh and exciting.

2. The Experimentation Stage

If you decide that you wish to take things further, you get to know them on a deeper level. You may start dating formally and call each other boyfriend or girlfriend. Others begin to recognize you as a couple, and you make this person the center of your world. While you haven’t fallen in love with them yet, you realize the potential in this relationship and want to test the waters.

In this stage, you get to know their values and outlook on things and see if they match yours. While you probably don’t agree on everything, you have enough in common to want to continue dating them.

3. Intensifying Stage

This time is the real honeymoon stage where everything goes smoothly, and you want to see them as much as possible. After work or on the weekends, you call or text your new beau and make plans to meetup or chat on the phone for a while. You start to feel comfortable enough with this person to where you want to divulge more intimate details about yourself. You find yourself developing deep feelings for this person and may begin to picture a future with them.

4. Integration Stage

Since you’ve officially become a couple, you start to mesh your lives together. While you may not live together at this point, you still take each other into account when you make plans and revolve your lives around one another. You have routines and habits as a unit, and start to see yourselves as an “us” rather than a “me and you.”

5. The Bonding Stage

As your relationship deepens, you start to bond more intensely. You may decide to live together or get married because you feel so strongly about each other. You’ve made sure that your ideals and values line up and that your personalities mesh well together. The people closest to you recognize the seriousness of your relationship, and you may decide to make a formal commitment, such as marriage.

The Coming Apart Phase

Unfortunately, not all relationships last forever. While some people stay married for life, many others decide to divorce or break up due to a variety of reasons. If you start to see any of these stages happening in your relationship, it may signal trouble in the near future.

Here are the stages of a relationship in the coming apart phase:

6. The Differentiating Stage

Whether this happens after months or years together, every couple goes through this phase at some point. Even if the relationship lasts a lifetime, couples will have periods where they don’t see eye to eye on things. They may notice incompatibilities in their personalities or beliefs. They may see themselves as separate people rather than one unit. If you can’t overcome your differences, you may decide to break up during this phase.

7. The Circumscribing Stage

The stages of a relationship include a phase where you drift further apart, called the circumscribing stage. You may start to set more boundaries for yourself and have more of your life separate from your significant other. You may begin to do things on your own accord without consulting with your partner first. As a result of the distance in your relationship, you may have more arguments or feelings of resentment.

The intimacy steadily decreases, and you may start sleeping in separate rooms or even moving back with friends or family for a while. You still love them, but you don’t see yourself as a unit any longer.

8. The Stagnation Stage

You feel that the relationship is hurtling toward a dead end. In this stage, you don’t feel devoted to your partner like you used to and don’t see much of a future with them. While both of you may know that things have come to a standstill, you may have a hard time formally ending things. In the coming apart stages of a relationship, you have to decide to either reconcile or go your separate ways.

9. The Avoidance Stage

In this phase, you try to avoid one another as much as possible. If you still live together, you may have separate lives and only interact if you have to talk about bills or other adult responsibilities. However, any feelings of love or devotion toward your partner have faded. You may start making plans to move out and have a life of your own so you can have closure.

Final thoughts.

Final thoughtsFinal thoughtsFinal thoughts.Final thoughtsFinal thoughts   we need to keep affirmations alive in our words


Statement of affirmation can get a couple through  tough relational issues. 

• "Everything is better when you're here."
• "I appreciate it when you..."
• "I couldn't do this without you."
• "I really love the new outfit. It looks great on you!"
• "I'm so lucky to be with you."
• "I'm so thankful to have you in my life."
• "It impressed me when you..."
• "Thank you for..."