Most people would love to have a perfect marriage. But in the real world, life doesn’t work that way. In the beginning, marriage may seem like rainbows and butterflies during the honeymoon phase, sure. However, when the excitement settles down, reality comes to crash the party. Bills, work, kids, responsibilities, and chores become part of the everyday routine, and romance takes a back seat.
Some people may find that mundane and not even worth the effort. Unfortunately, divorce rates continue to rise because of our glorified idea of marriage. TV shows and movies have given many people the unrealistic notion that married life should resemble a fairytale. In this world, nothing ever goes wrong, and the couple lives happily ever after. However, real-life can never meet the high standards set by filmmakers.
Not to mention, most people would get bored of a perfect marriage after a while. If you didn’t face challenges together as a couple, you would never grow or be able to appreciate your blessings. So, you shouldn’t wish for a perfect marriage; you should hope for a partner who will stand by you, for better or worse. It’s always worth the effort when you’re with the right person.
Today’s world seems obsessed with instant gratification due to the advent of technology and consumer culture. We always hear how we need to buy the latest gadget, fly to a different country, or get happiness from outside ourselves.
We’ve also sold this lie through the movie industry since they love to draw people in with fairytales. At some point, though, we grow up and realize that life isn’t that simple. Would we even want it to be?
If we never encountered obstacles and everything always went our way, we’d probably still feel unsatisfied. Couples who face hard times together grow closer and appreciate one another more. They feel thankful to have found their person to navigate the sometimes turbulent waters of life with. For instance, a landmark study found couples that experienced a natural disaster felt more satisfied in their relationship, at least temporarily.
This bond probably happens because everyday life’s petty arguments and troubles seem trivial compared to a fire or hurricane. In those times, you put aside your differences and focus on survival, making you aware of life’s fragility. You’re just grateful to have your partner’s support as you face a life-threatening situation and deal with the storm’s aftermath.
Of course, that doesn’t mean you should hope for a monster hurricane to come barreling toward your city. However, you can still apply the lessons learned from the study and focus on appreciating your partner each day. Please think of the little things they do to make your life easier or the sacrifices they make for your relationship. If you remind yourself of the positive traits of your partner, you won’t wish for a perfect marriage. You’ll feel grateful for the one you’ve got.
As I said earlier, the honeymoon phase won’t last forever. Once it fades, you have a partner who you committed to spending your life with, in sickness and health and for better or worse. Many people believe that if they don’t feel those butterflies all the time, their love has faded. This leads to resentment, heartache, passive-aggressiveness, and sometimes even cheating or divorce.
When your initial excitement about the relationship fades, you must remember why you married your partner. What did you love about them when you first met them? Remembering why you fell in love will hopefully put things in perspective and convince you to stay, even if it’s not a perfect marriage. Love becomes a choice after a while, and we decide each day to offer our devotion to a significant other.
Of course, some reasons for splitting up are warranted, and we’re not here to give relationship advice. We want to remind couples considering divorce that a relationship will always take hard work. But, it’s worth it to fight for your relationship, especially if you’ve been together for many years.
If you’re looking for a perfect marriage, you’ll spend your whole life searching and never find it. We live in a dualistic reality, so the rollercoaster can’t ascend forever. Eventually, it must come down before rising once again. Having hard times once in a while makes life more meaningful and teaches you valuable lessons along with way.
If you’re a perfectionist, you may try your hardest to avoid painful or difficult experiences because you can’t control them. However, you can’t grow if you’re not willing to step outside your comfort zone.
In a relationship, much of the same rules apply. If you want to live a satisfying life and enjoy your marriage, you’ll have to take the good with the bad. Life isn’t a math formula, precise. It’s messy, chaotic, and will take you on a wild ride through it all. However, if you’re flexible, open, and committed to experiencing it all with your partner, the idea of a perfect marriage will lose its appeal.
Final Thoughts
There’s nothing wrong with expecting certain things from your partner or having goals for your relationship. It only becomes a problem when you have unrealistic expectations that prevent you from clearly seeing reality. In life, difficulties will inevitably arise because of the complexity of modern living. This challenge doesn’t mean you should throw in the towel, though, whether in relationships or general. I felt the sting of a divorce as we were heading towards our 25th wedding anniversary. I got divorced and walked away with some regrets and resentments. Because I did not think it would happen to our marriage, because many including me thought we could make it last. I remember another couple we were friends with saying that their 25th anniversary was coming up and the wife said I will celebrate our Silver anniversary, "no way will I not celebrate this milestone."
My resentment come mostly because I choose to marry one woman and have 2 sons with her, instead of the other woman I had in my life who wanted to marry me also. but I choose the one I thought had better family values.... and I picked the wrong woman. this goes to show that you can't judge a book, or woman but her cover.
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