a few Myths About Emotions That might be Holding Us Back in our relationships!

As a society, we don’t talk much about emotions. Conversations tend to focus more on what we’re doing or what we’re thinking. In fact, most people find it easier to start sentences with, “I think…” instead of “I feel…” simply because it feels  less awkward.

I was talking to a young lady the other day and she was telling that we had a debate about something in the past. I didn't recall, so I stalled for a little time,  as I was trying to remember where we had met. In her words: " you don't remember because you lost the debate" then I said: "  OK... Did I loose the debate because I agreed with you? Or was it a tie. She said: "No you lost because, I am a woman and woman always win an argument" I  had to admit defeat or we would start a brand new argument... I was not interested in doing that... simply not worth the energy.  So she got the satisfaction of having declared victory... It became more about how my giving in made her feel empowered. 

Most of us are never educated about feelings. Instead, we’re supposed to learn socially acceptable ways to deal with feelings by watching the people around us. Those of us who weren't fortunate enough to grow up surrounded by emotionally superb role models likely missed out on an important emotional concept or two.
There are certainly cultural differences when it comes to emotions. Social norms differ over what is considered acceptable in terms of talking about feelings and dealing with them. In fact, most languages have words for certain emotions that don’t have equivalent translations. (Popular Science recently shared 21 emotions for which there are no English equivalents)." Feel  good moments" are always etched into our  brain as the emotion of choice.... those who remember all negatives are often bitter and self punishing people, which explains how we, after some time has past , start thinking:" Oooh she was not that bad. There are  a few things about her that I liked, there must have been  or I would not have had any dealings with her. "

It’s no wonder there is a lot of confusion about emotions. Here are some of the most common misconceptions about emotions:


1. I should feel differently. So often people will say things like, “I know I shouldn't be so upset over something so little,” or, “I really should be happier than I am.” There aren't any rules about emotions and your emotional reaction isn't wrong. Rather than waste energy beating yourself up over how you feel, accept that you feel that particular emotion right now and that you have choices in how you react to that emotion.My B.A.D. approach has always played trick on my emotions. I have a tendency to let things  go.. way too quickly. therefore, I come across as someone who is un-feeling. This may be true, because I have an internal protection switch built in  which allows me  avoid on going conflict. My motto if she gets on my nerves she will not get the chance to get on my last nerve. Simple logical resolutions. are very satisfying in my book!  

2. I can’t control how I feel. Even though your emotions aren't wrong, that doesn't mean you have to stay stuck in a particular mood. You can certainly choose to make changes that will influence the way you feel. If you want to change the way you feel, choose to change the way you think and behave.  Why harp on something forever as tomorrow the sun will shine again and the fresh air should help clear your mind.  Can't control how you feel, means you let your situation keep you in a rut. repeatedly...... and you can't help it.  A new day sunny day let me see all the  new things in fresh sun light.

3.Venting will make me feel better. A widely held misconception is that if you’re not talking to everyone about your feelings, you must be “suppressing your emotions” or “stuffing your feelings.” But research shows that the opposite is quite true, at least when it comes to anger. Punching a pillow or calling everyone you know to tell them how bad your day was will only increase your arousal and won’t make you feel better. To vent means someone is willing to hear your crap. If You get on the top floor of a building and shout out you problem.  you  might feel better, but no one down below will really hear you or care about your issues. However with easy access to mobile social media chats, and texting. People believe they have an audience all the time. news flash, this makes it easier for folks to ignore you, also. not much different from  you standing on the roof top  venting. 



4. Trying to control my emotions is synonymous with behaving like a robot. Sometimes people think that regulating their emotions means trying to act as if they don’t have feelings. But, that’s not the case. A realistic view of emotions shows that we’re capable of experiencing a wide range of emotions but we don’t have to be controlled by those emotions. After a hard day, choosing to do something to help you feel better – as opposed to staying in a bad mood – is a healthy skill.
The term:" that does not compute!" come to my  mind here, when I think about this. a case of Road rage for example  I witnessed a guy who got the middle finger from another motorist as he tried to get her attention. The  one drive became furious and drove past the other  car cutting  in front of her and hit his brakes. got out of his car and was force to dive back into his car,  as  the young lady in the other car was a female, off duty  state trooper, who  fired a round into his back window and shattered it. the aggressive motorist panicked  and drove away instantly. Now he had to replace his rear window because he just had to give into his emotions. the state trooper remained calm and was cold blooded when she shot a bullet into his car. that was self defense not robotic in any way.    

5. Other people have the power to make me feel certain emotions. So often, people will say things like, “My boss makes me so mad,” or, “My co-worker makes me feel so bad about myself.” But in reality, no one can make you feel anything. Other people may influence how you feel, but you are the only one in charge of your emotions.

Become emotionally aware. Are you receptive to your emotions? Most people aren't. However, the first step to increasing emotional intelligence is to identify your emotions. When emotions arise, identify them and ask “Why am I feeling this way?” “Is it appropriate given the circumstances?” Although it’s believed that rational decision making  yields the best results, emotions often trump the rational mind. Even in relationships, people often make decisions based on emotional attachments to ideas, past experiences, and perceived outcomes. Therefore, becoming more emotionally aware and understanding how your emotions fit into the big  picture are critical to evaluating your thinking and performance and ultimately lead to achieving greater success in your relationships..

6. I can’t handle uncomfortable emotions. When people doubt their ability to tolerate certain emotions, it leads to avoidance. Someone who experiences frequent bouts of anxiety may pass up opportunities to be promoted. A person who feels uncomfortable with confrontation may avoid meeting with a co-worker to problem-solve a situation. Learning to deal with uncomfortable emotions directly builds confidence. When you don’t allow your emotions to rule your behavior, you’ll learn you can handle a lot more than you imagined.
Harness your emotions. Do you have access to your emotions when you need them? You should. Harnessing your emotions for brainstorming and problem solving this can help you exert an even greater influence on everything you do in  your relationships. Emotions can be like high-octane fuel for your brain and nervous system.  So use your emotions constructively — to enhance your input, output, planning, evaluation, collaboration, and every element that affects the beginning, middle, and bottom line in relationships.

7. Negative emotions are bad. It’s easy to categorize emotions as being good or bad, but feelings in themselves aren't positive or negative. It’s what we choose to do with those emotions that can make the difference. Anger, for example, often gets a bad rap. While some people make horrible choices when they’re mad, other people choose to use anger in a proactive manner. Many of the world’s positive changes wouldn't have ever occurred if activists hadn't gotten angry about injustices they witnessed.
Manage your emotions. It’s one thing to identify your emotions and another to access them on demand. However, the million dollar question is whether you can manage them. This includes regulating your own emotions, as well as positively influencing the emotional state of others. Prioritize these activities by practicing them daily, as they will affect your ability to lead (and others to follow).

8. Showing emotion is a sign of weakness. While it’s a healthy social skill to be able to behave professionally even when you’re not feeling at the top of your game, letting your guard down at socially appropriate times isn't a sign of weakness. In fact, being aware of your emotions and making a conscious decision to share those emotions with others – when it’s socially appropriate to do so- can be a sign of strength.
Regulating your emotions, this is like regulating your behavior, is not an easy task. But it pays huge dividends. By exercising discipline and empathy for others, you will increase your success exponentially.Additionally, your ability to connect, on a visceral level, to the reasons why you do what you do in your life is imperative to both short-term and long-term success. Such insight can pave the way for better overall decision making and provide the inspiration to expand your expectations of what’s possible. 

Developing an awareness and understanding of your emotions can be complicated when you’re not used to thinking about how you feel. Just like most skills in life, with practice you’re ability to recognize, tolerate and regulate your emotions will improve.Increased emotional self-awareness is key to achieving success in your personal life.With continued focus, emotional intelligence can become second nature. Why not guarantee your success by becoming more emotionally aware, harnessing your emotions, and managing them, too.The more harmonious relationship you want will be obtained as a result.  These are  just my BAD emotional thoughts!