We need to talk

I have some things on my mind we need to discuss

‘Oooh oooh,fellahs,’ Men need  to be able to identify the difference between “very important” talks and “ Urgent” talks.

A woman’s mind is very complicated to say  the least. The “Urgent!” flashing lights above her head could change in and instant to “very important” and back again.

The channels of images  that flows into her mind are like being connect to the internet and cable TV at the same time. The switches in her head allows her to browse  the icons and click on the one from the latest news on the Internet or last episode of her favorite topic “reality show”  on Cable TV.   A Picture In  Picture (PIP) which also allow her to view the two subjects and episode at the same time. The volumes are  not always muted, so the sound can even  make her even more talkative. So we  guys,  need to be able to read the signals ahead of time, be prepare for what is coming  at us at the same time in the two PIP windows (her labels of  very important or Urgent  can change on a dime.) 

We men often know when we have made mistakes. If a man made a mistake and feels embarrased, sorry or even ashamed, then he needs his woman’s love even more.. The bigger the mistake, the more points  he gives her,  if she forgives him, quickly. However some men can become defensive, and deflective. Which is his way of trying to prevent  his woman from   feeling resentful towards  him.

 

What makes men defensive, and deflective?  

A man may become very angry at his woman when he has made the mistake and the woman is upset. His upset is proportional to the size of his mistakes. A little mistake makes him less defensive, while a big mistake makes him much more defensive. Sometimes women wonder why a man doesn’t say he is sorry for a big mistake. The answer is he is afraid of not being forgiven. It is too painful to acknowledge that he has failed her in some way, instead of saying he is sorry he may become angry with her for being upset and gives her penalty points. I read the following which made me think.

It might help to greatly when women understand that men score points differently. Men give penalty points is very confusing to women and doesn’t make it safe for women to share their feelings. Certainly, it would be wonderful if all men could see how unfair penalty points are and it changes overnight--- change can take time, but it can change in a second. What can be reassuring for a woman however, is to know that just as a man quickly gives out the penalty points he also takes them back. A man giving penalty points is similar to a woman feeling resentful when she gives more than he does. She subtracts his score from hers and gives him a ZERO. At such times a man can just be understanding that she is sick with the resentment and give her some extra love. Similarly, when a man is giving penalty points, a woman can realize that he has his own version of resentment. He needs some extra love so he can get better. As a result, he immediately gives her bonus points to even the score again. Through learning how to score big with a man, a woman has a new edge for supporting her man when he seems distant  and hurt.

   

So what makes men defensive? When a man is in a negative state of mind, a woman needs to treat him like a passing tornado and his anger lowers after the tornado has passed he will give her an abundance of bonus points for not making him the one who is permanently wrong, never forgiving him for his wrongs or for not trying to change him. If she tries to Stop the tornado it will create havoc, and he will blame her for interfering. This is a new insight for many women because in their minds when someone is upset the Venetians never even ignore her or even consider lying low during the tornadoes.  In her mind Tornadoes do not exist.  When other women are upset everyone (women) gets involved with one another and tries to understand what is  bothering her by asking a lot of questions, trying to understand what is bothering her. Where as a man waits for the tornado to pass everyone finds a ditch and lies low, until the stormy sky clears up.   

 

“Will he still treat me as a queen after he  has made  mistakes, and I confronted him ?”

Final thoughts:

When we men hear the words “We need to talk” it causes us to go into replay mode. Replaying the things that he might have done wrong knowing he might get caught at some wrong doing. These images in his head causes the tornado of mess-up activities to swirl around in his head. We  men don’t like that feeling of having  to explain the things we do not want to talk about.