I was never married My wife was!

 "It has never been a real marriage because I never really loved her.
I married her because I thought that was what I was supposed to do.” 

Those were the words that a guy flirting with a new woman said, I heard the guy in a bar, those were interesting words he used to end his marriage. They must have hit his wife like a physical blow, shattered her into a million little pieces of jagged pain. 

She must have begged him to stay with her for the sake of public appearance tried to convince him—and herself—that she could become a person he would eventually "really love." He might have responded as if she was crazy to have believed their marriage and his love were ever genuine, and he made it clear that me thinking so was simply an indicator of how out of touch I was with reality. He insisted that any sane person would have recognized our marriage as a sham from the start.

I can't read what you were just thinking!
 I'm much more attentive now!

I'm sure it took only a couple of days for the grief and shame to transform into t white hot rage. If it fully hit her that she would have to realize that if her man had never loved her as the only woman  in his life and had he only married her out of a sense of duty, he had been lying to her the entire marriage. I think that Women will wonder what kind of person lies about such a thing. How could a man take his wedding vows and deliberately conceive children with her all while lying about something as fundamental as love?

She could spend hours crying after weeks of desperately trying to make some sense out of it, she could conclude that she   never really knew him at all. In her mind He had to be sociopathic or just plain evil to lie about something so basic and to do it so convincingly. She will  lose all trust in her ability to distinguish safe people from unsafe and wondered if she would ever be able to give her heart to another person.

In time, she will ....heal somewhat. Eventually she will   not only accept the divorce, but to be grateful for it. She will be glad eventually that her man had convinced her that it would be smart to have the courage to put a dying marriage out of its misery.  She might eventually find love again in a new husband. But still, it might seem that no amount of time or love could heal that raw corner of her heart that still remembered those five horrible words: “I never really loved you.”

I  just can't believe that you thought
our marriage and my so-called love were ever genuine.

Final thoughts

About a year ago, I stumbled across a study by sociologist Joseph Hopper that made sense of that entire dark chapter of life. He identified a distinctive pattern in the stories that people tell themselves, their spouses, and other people during a divorce. What Hooper observed was that a spouse who initiates divorce creates a narrative in which the marriage was never valid to begin with, while the “dumpee” spouses copes by holding the initiator responsible for the deception that ultimately doomed the marriage.

So let me tell you how this will end. Divorce is a process, and as we go through that process, the stories that we tell ourselves and others change. They change because feelings abate and because divorce is nothing if not a hideously painful growth opportunity. And they change because eventually both parties come to the realization that how the marriage looks when you are in the process of divorcing is not 20/20 hindsight and it does not tell the truth about your marriage as a whole.

As it turns out, those Five Awful Words were not about "the dumpee," and they were not reflective of the truth of the marriage. They were nothing more than the first steps of a dance that most divorcing couples do.