Hold HER Hand.... and do things together!

Go Shopping With You (and Wait With the Bags)

Only a guy who's all-in will endure daylong shopping excursions and double as your boyfriend and butler. (Wink!)

This  is called "do onto others as you will have done onto you...." We guys hate being put in position that we hate.. however a special lady can have us doing cartwheels to make her happy.... But ladies when he want you sit and watch the Cavaliers VS Warriors NBA finals.... then it's your turn.    

Hold Your Hand
If your hand always has a warm and cozy spot inside his, trust us, he's already smitten.
Warm hands .... may be comforting but as the saying goes  "cold hands warm heart"... We can be  hot blooded.... but not always when you want us to be... and  neither are you, ladies!

Dream With You

A man who sees you as a permanent fixture in his future , ladies,  will dream aloud with you and invest as much time and energy into your goals as he does his own.

Times have changed ...  so fellahs.... she has dreams that are within her reach... where as you may have dreams that are far out of your reach.... help her get to her dreams and you both will benefit... yours may take awhile... and you will need her to help you get there 

Take A Bath With You

When you share a tub filled with bubbles and bliss, it's as intimate as it is romantic. If he wants to hop in the tub with you, let him and feel the love.

OK... thing about the benefits of rubbing soap all over her..... Her doing the same to you .... it's all good... So don't be a shower only type of dud... and miss out on the buildup to a wild after party.  

Show You Off On Social Media

When he's head over heels and proud of it, you'll make regular appearances on his social media feed.

The buzz  of the day is Social Media... if you are willing show that you are off the market... by posting That you are locked down, then you will give her the feeling that she has a  guy that is willing to stick around long term. 

Wash Your Hair

The gesture is as sensual as it gets and the ultimate bonding experience for two. Grab the shampoo and share that love.
Women  may have  experience things with other men, but this is special.... if you want he to thing about you every time she washes her hair..... then make a lasting impression by doing a good job  and condition her hair too. 

Keep Your Secrets and Share His

If he's willing to confide in you, his heart is wide open. Just be sure to return the favor.
LOL this goes in the column of "do it at your own risk".... she may think it wonderful that  she can share with you and not have to worry about hearing it on the street. But if you take the risk of sharing with her... you might be staying up at night wondering if her BFF knows something about you.. that you didn't want shared.  

Cook For You

Whether he can throw down in the kitchen or not, if he's willing to dirty a few pots and pans to surprise you with a home cooked meal, he's auditioning for the role of "keeper."

A single man that can't cook these days is dude that spends too much time and money in Restaurants... If you want to really impress her develop some cooking skills. 

Celebrate Your Presence in His Life

When a good man falls for a great woman, he's smart enough to know that's cause for celebration. If he values and cherishes your time with him, keep him close, ladies.

Develop a memory for good/great moment.. and celebrate every anniversary.. it could be monthly, Quarterly, annually.. so be like Nike "Just do it" and she will see you as the guy who swept her off her feet. 

Vacation With You

If he's already packing his bags for a romantic rendezvous with you, you've got this one in the bag, ladies.

Let face it unless he is a traveling salesman, men don't often have luggage at hand... So..... fellahs make sure your are ready to go at the drop of a hat.   Be spontaneous!

Share A Home With You

unless you've agreed to wait until marriage to share an address, a guy who's willing to go apartment or home shopping with you is showing that he's in it for the long haul.

This here... boyz is the lock-down of all lock-downs... Once you go here you have to figure it's for good. It's good  if it's your place she is moving too.. better if it's place you go out and find and agree to share... I will leave it there. Peace out! 

What types of movies do both of you enjoy together

Remember when you enjoyed the simple things together?

 One thing I love about “The Lovers” is that it’s impossible to categorize. I hate the word “dramady,” which seems so dismissive, and “romance” doesn’t usually apply to a couple who are already married 20+some years at the beginning of the movie.

Her response:  I agree that it’s in a league of its own. Writer-director Azazel Jacobs has taken the realistic, well-rounded approach of “Manchester by the Sea” – an unusual beast itself – and added an atypical love story.

 Except that “Manchester” is so tightly conceived and executed, and “The Lovers” seems so loose and nimble.

Her response: I wouldn’t be surprised if Mike Leigh had a ghostwriting credit here. It’s that level of humane.

Exactly. And it’s so nice to see Tracy Letts and Debra Winger, who can be so intense, playing Michael and Mary, a couple who are basically improvising their lives. Only Robert (Aidan Gillen), Mary’s lover, has the self-confidence to exert some control.

The above is a conversation between a lady friend and myself during a movie we both enjoyed.... it seem like this doesn't happen very much these days as folks are into their own little worlds... Not really enjoying the same things....
Social media and other distractions  are interfering with face to face or side by side interaction time between people.
 My thoughts are not important to you.... and Your thoughts are not important to me... therefore we co-exist and almost never connect anymore which leads to:  "  I've had enough of this relationship... it's been real"

All too often, our thoughts and conversations reveal that we wrestle with characters who have moved on and events that don't really mate.
The people who surround us are kept on hold while we invest valuable amounts of time and attention to areas of the past that are dead issues and possess no ability to reward ... personally I think that the greatest of all depressions come when we live and gather our successes just to prove something to someone who isn't even looking. Have you stopped to appreciate what life has allowed you to accomplish, or have you been too busy trying to make an impression on someone, who shouldn't even matter?
Somewhere self doubt and self deprivation there is contentment, and contentment is born out of necessity. It springs up in the heart that lives in an empty house, and in the smile that comes on the face of a person who has amused him/herself with his/her own thoughts. You can't tell what's in you by looking at you!
When you establish patience, character and concentration in the school of " nothing seems to be happening" you will be surprised things start making sense. 

Men are now being confronted with prenups......as women are doing better financially!

Baby when my big NBA contract is signed you will be set for life...!

While men may have had leverage... the tide is now shifting.... therefore women  are now more likely in need of protecting themselves and their assets... just check the last few women celebrities who had  the courts rule in favor of their now ex- husbands .... they are now paying for not having been protected!

Why You Should Get A Prenup Even If You're Young And Broke

This article originally appeared on Money. 

“We didn’t need a prenup because we won’t get divorced and we don’t have much money,” a friend recently told me when I casually asked if she’d drawn up a prenuptial agreement for her upcoming marriage.

Her first argument induced an immediate eye-roll. But the second point — that they’re not loaded — isn’t necessarily a reason to dismiss a prenuptial agreement. Here’s what every newly engaged couple needs to know (and consider) before saying “I do.”

Why Get a Prenup?

You’re in love! What would ever come between that? Then life happens, people change and sometimes divorce comes knocking on the door. Getting a prenup forces couples to confront important money conversations early, because you’re discussing future equitable split of wealth related to investments and savings, possible alimony payments and debt – which could include student loans, especially if you co-sign or continue taking out student loans after saying “I do.”

“A prenup eliminates the opportunity for a peaceful divorce to turn into a bloodbath,” says Matthew Zubricki, a 28-year-old CPA based in Chicago, who is currently drawing up a prenup with his fiancé. “It seems insane that anyone would sign into a partnership where one partner could hypothetically leave at any time with the incentive of claiming half of the partnership’s joint assets.”

An important thing to remember about debt: What you bring into a marriage is often viewed as each person’s separate property, but debt (including student loan) accumulated during the marriage could be viewed as community property for which you are both responsible. A prenup could help offset this potential issue.

Yeah, But Isn’t My Future Spouse Going to Be Offended?

“I originally asked my partner about the prenup even before we got engaged,” says 26-year-old financial analyst Michael Estabrooks. He says he’s saved a “comfortable amount” through work, early investing practices and starting a side-business. But he admits his now fiancée felt the conversation drained some of the romance out of the engagement process. But after the initial awkwardness subsided, it proved to be beneficial.

“I explained that it would never be that my assets are restricted in anyway once we are married and was not an attack,” he says.

Conversations about money between partners are rarely comfortable, especially when it’s a prenup conversation. Be sure your spouse understands first and foremost that this isn’t a judgment of his or her behaviors, but rather a practical conversation about the future. And the sooner you start, the better. Don’t wait until days before walking down the aisle to broach the subject.

Start by positioning your prenup talk as a more general financial conversation as a couple. Then, transition into specifics like splitting wealth, alimony and debt. And don’t forget to emphasize how a prenup gives you both control instead of just letting the courts decide your fate.

“View it as a way to draw your own rules instead of relying on the default legal system which may or may not accommodate all of your individual circumstances,” says Zubricki.

And it might even bring you closer.

“My husband isn’t normally a big what-if, future scenario person so it was really great to see that side of him,” says Tara Clark, a 28-year-old software engineer based in Seattle. “All of those conversations serve as a really great foundation to how we talk about money in our marriage.”

What to Put in a Prenup

Prenups aren’t solely used to outline the splitting of assets, wealth and debt responsibilities after a conscious uncoupling. You may be able to dictate certain terms of life after divorce with lifestyle clauses.

Such clauses can range from relatively normal (e.g. who gets custody of the dog) to the intense (e.g. a lump sum payment if someone gets caught cheating) to the bizarre and perhaps not totally legal (e.g. how many times of week you are required to copulate). Before you dismiss these clauses, consider the three below.

You can consider having a “gag order” in your prenup. This might sound extreme if you’re just two normal people with no fame or brand to protect. But if you believe you may have an established brand, business or have some other need to protect your reputation, then it can’t hurt to have one in your prenup to prevent a scorned ex from dishing your dirt.

Another option is a goodwill clause, which similar to a gag order, prevents your ex from trashing you publicly and vice versa.

Increasingly common is what’s called a social media clause. These typically state that you and your ex can’t be sharing embarrassing photos or make disparaging remarks about each other on social media. Violating this clause could lead to a fine — it’s been reported it could cost someone $50,000 for a violation.

One thing to keep in mind is that sometimes having too many frivolous lifestyle clauses can be cause for a judge to invalidate a prenup during divorce proceedings as some of the clauses may not be considered legally enforceable or in opposition to state law and therefore will invalidate your contract.

Didn’t Get a Prenup? There’s a Postnup for That

A postnup is similar to a prenup, except it happens after the wedding. A post-nup is not difficult to get; it requires couples seeing an attorney like a prenup, and you’d hash out the same type of contracts as in a prenup. And it’s not a bad idea to keep things updated as life moves along: life changes such as buying and selling property, moving to a new state, or having children are all reasons one might want to consider getting a post-nup for.

She may be impressed by what I'm willing to do to make her feel special.

a backyard decking and some seating
benches cushions.... lighted candles,
a handmade table 
the tree covering and you can impress her
that you did this all for her.

My dad, may he RIP...once told me if a man can dream it... and has skillful hands he can put things together with wood and nails Therefore he can Amaze a woman... I have to believe that my dad (a carpenter) knew what he taught me would come in handy....I will try doing some projects that just require some sweat and creativity ..... 
the question I've been asked not too long ago: "How often do men just pay a woman, they admire, a complement without expecting to get into her pants..?"
 My simple answer was I  always have motives... I do things with purpose... not necessarily selfish moves... but I often think about what would she like and then I make it a worthwhile project. Sometimes I turns out well and our friendship grows and may lead to greater things in our relationship.
this brings me to the point  I want to make...

If you’re in the friend zone, how do you get out?   

Whether she’s a new acquaintance or you're someone she has  known for years, having a friend who isn’t clearly reciprocating or denying your romantic interest is a challenging situation to navigate. Do you profess your love and risk losing the friendship? Do you bide your time, just waiting for something to happen? Or do you let it go, try to add some distance to your friendship, and look for love elsewhere?

Hidden love can be frustrating and emotionally distressing. Your heart pounds every time you’re with your friend, but you have no clear evidence that your friend feels (or doesn’t feel) the same way. You might feel anxious and uncertain, but hopeful as well: Could this turn into a romantic relationship?

all this took was some rope, a n air mattress
on  a wooden  platform some pillow and
some battery operated candles. 

For heterosexual individuals in other-sex friendships (also called cross-sex friendships or opposite-sex friendships), sexual and romantic tensions often run strong, even if there are no behaviors that clearly deviate from the norms that define friendship. We might be painfully aware of our own desires, all the while questioning where the other person stands. Is she interested? Does he want something more?

A new study out of the University of Maryland suggests that friendships are more likely to transition into romantic relationships when individuals engage in a bit of a cognitively biased thinking. It turns out that many enamored individuals project their strong romantic feelings onto their friends, even when those friends aren’t actually interested. In other words, people with strong feelings often overestimate their other-sexfriends’ romantic interest in them. This false thinking has a fascinating outcome: It motives individuals to initiate real behaviors that can actually cause friends to reciprocate their interest.

It goes like this:

• Person A and Person B are friends.

• Person A holds strong feelings of romantic and sexual attraction for Person B, and projects those feelings on to Person B such that Person A thinks Person B is attracted to him/herself.

• The belief of romantic reciprocation gives Person A the confidence to enact behaviors that can actually have a real favorable influence on Person B’s feelings.

• Person A might flirt more, dress to impress, engage in intimate conversations, etc. In other words, Person A behaves differently because of a false belief that Person B is interested.

• The outcome: Person B becomes interested. 

Self-fulfilling prophecies can be powerful mechanisms and they underscore the importance of our thoughts and beliefs during social interactions. If we believe others are attracted to us, we might in fact do the behaviors that actually make them attracted to us, confirming our initial belief. And what was initially an illusion becomes reality.

Projection of romantic interest is not a universal phenomenon in other-sex friendships, even when those strong romantic feelings are held. The research tested the effect of self-perception on projection and discovered that people who viewed themselves as highly desirable partners engaged in projection more than those with less-favorable self-views. If you think yourself to be highly desirable, you may be more apt to think friends agree.

Further, projection doesn’t always lead to romantic interest, even when it motivates relationship initiation behaviors (e.g., flirting). Attraction can be positively influenced, but only if it starts off as neutral to favorable. If a friend doesn’t view his or her pursuer as a desirable romantic partner (e.g., having high mate value), the outcome isn’t favorable. Further, there’s a dark side to projection, as it could produce unwanted sexual advances if not tempered with an accurate sensitivity to feedback received during social interaction. 

So flirting with you actual worked?

In sum, for many people, strong feelings of romantic interest form the foundation for a cognitive-behavioral sequence that creates the opportunity to transition a friendship into romance. These processes are often already at work in a friendship, but now we see how they transpire. To turn a friendship that’s viable for love into an actual romantic relationship, the take-home message is to do something: Flirt like your friend is interested, and then see how it’s received. At its heart, the study identifies behavior as the game changer in attraction.

Is she and her lifestyle above your pay-grade?

Can I ride your back for a change?

You like her.... but she is better educated than you are, and her career has taken off...
So how to does a guy catch up.. these days?

"Honey, Look at what I have prepared for you to enjoy  
after you've had a long day in the corporate world!"

While some guys  did have an education (maybe 2 years of college or even a B.A. degree)
 that could have  gotten him hired.... doing something in the cooperate World....
he might be still lagging behind the lady he admires and really wants to have a life with.

Unlike years ago, when many guys would occupy the jobs, and may even get opportunities
 to occupy the corner offices.... times have changed for many who just don't have the skill-sets and the experiences
 many employers are seeking, while women are now bringing home the bacon.
 Guys are struggling to make it. what's a modern day guy to do in order to step up to his full potential....?
 Maybe becoming an entrepreneur might be the answer, but that takes raising capitol....not easy!
In the meantime 

- she wants to go on vacations to far away places that his pocket can not  afford...

- dine at great expensive restaurants...

- drive a nice luxury car.....

- live in a high-rise condo. with a view....

These things are causing young professional guys to SDH and think to themselves "so not in the cards." 

Are we staying in again this weekend?

The following tells the statistical story:

For the first time since the Census Bureau began collecting data on higher education attainment,

women are more likely to have  bachelor's degree than men. 

Last year, 29.9% of men had a bachelor's degree, while 30.2% of women did, the bureau reports. 

A decade prior, in 2005, 28.5% of men had bachelor's degrees, while only 26% of women did.

Young women are driving the change. In the 25034 age group, 37.5% of women have a bachelor's degree or higher, 

while only 29.5% of men do. (rates of college attainment for men  and women in this age group are increasing roughly.)

 equally.) But for the over 65- crowd, only 20.3% of women have such degrees, compared to 30.6% of men 

After a divorce she might just wants a male friend to talk to!

Divorcing after some  years of marriage can leave most women financially devastated maybe even almost homeless. Some  years later, she may emerges from the fog, but during those first few years she may have  made some embarrassing mistakes along the way. So she now wants a friend to talk to about it, not necessarily a new lover.. Although marriage and children may have been her goals .Once she  became smitten with a man, and a whirlwind romance resulted in a pregnancy after a few months of marriage  and baby number two soon follows. When both husband and wife  worked full time, and  grandmother may not be available to helped out with childcare..... as  many young couples are nervous about strangers watching their kids it's really tough on a couple,and can lead to stress in the relationship. this can result in adding to the stats 50 percent divorce rate. Unfortunately, it wasn’t meant to be. the pressures of modern day living may have taken  a physical and financial toll on  both individuals . Most of a woman's income may have paid for day care, transportation, and the smaller house bills. Her then  husband paid the mortgage (sometimes on time) and spent hundreds each month on gas,  and other expenses that were not in their budget... just picture her having to carry the full load now. As her children — and their needs — grew, the few days a week she was required to be in the office, after the divorce, became a logistical nightmare. This is just an example of what a woman, who get divorce go through, so new men who are stepping to her..... after all that she has been through  need to understand and be patient and not force  the issue of a relationship.

Hey "Girl " who's your Daddy?

What??

Well it is most definitely not YOU A$$hole!

Are those kind of exchanges.... sound like something you have witnessed, well I have......

Women today have to deal with so much crap from the following types of men they run into:

she will identify them as the following:

1. Mr. " who are you really ..I don't really know you, I just met you!"
2. Mr. " You don't have the looks, I'm looking for"
3. Mr. " You are not established enough for me!"
4. Mr. " You are not what I dreamed of while  growing up"
5. Mr. " Is this the best you have done with your life?"
6. Mr. "you are not tall enough!"
7. Mr. " I can't bring you home to my folks"
8. Mr. "what country are  you from?"
9. Mr. " Can't you wear a better class of clothing?"
10.  Mr. " why don't you own your one home yet?"

And the list is endless ...the real  truth is....... (he) is not ... and will never be your "Daddy" He is not who you will belong to at no point in your life (from a parent and child    perspective). The fact that "he " could ask you that Question shows that your responses could  qualifies or disqualifies him..... to control you, own you, Imprison you... OK......maybe you just have that invisible sign on your forehead stating:"  I'm looking for you to do the following for me... i.e. "Will you Be my Daddy!"

Now this  is my BAD perspective....Ladies, ladies ladies if you are not doing any of the above qualifiers then you are looking for a potential mate a Partner , to Stand by  Me/You   kind if  a man. not a Daddy figure with Deep pockets, Sugar Papa, etc.... If you had a daddy in you life ad even if you didn't have one, while growing up, you shouldn't be looking for One when you are a grown woman.

Please allow me be to be as candid as possible. Women don't need a "Daddy" no more than men need a " Mommy!"   Now you can give each other those nick-names when  you have children together because you want the kids to mimic what you call their father and mother etc....

So get your lives in order so that you don't have to deal with a subordinate positioning your relationships- you should be partnering with your man, and you both  should b "Holding it down" as two  adults.