Can you become a victim?

If you are lonely and looking for love be a ware of scammers. Now some of you might say it can't happen to you, but it happens to unsuspecting folks all the time.

My take is that often people are looking for love from folks that are pretty much like themselves... Culturally, Ethnic, language..etc.

There's an old saying, "Everything that glitters isn't gold." And, "The grass always seems greener from the other side of the fence." Take a moment to appreciate what you already have. You'll realize what you thought was gold is bootleg and the green grass is full of weeds! Food for thought!

 

This explains why, I believe, Manti Te’o fell hard for this scam.  

It's easy for me to understand this because I 've been  away from home a few times also so I understand this all to well; being lonely while  far away from home, you crave so much the things you miss. If you have ever left home and gone away to school for 4 years or more, or left home for a job oppotunity in another country or state you will understand what this young man was feeling. Hearing a female voice on the other end of the phone with the same accent as his own was comforting. This is most likely the reason he dropped his guard and fell hard for someone who was scamming him.  

I copied  the following from Dr. Phil's site. Because he is far better at explain stuff like this than I am.

Online Dating Red Flags: Warning Signs of a Catfish
With more than 40 million men and women online looking for love, there are bound to be some scam artists out there. A “catfish” is a person who creates a false online identity in the hopes of luring people into romantic relationships. Nev Schulman starred in the 2010 documentary, 'Catfish,' about being drawn in by a woman online claiming to be someone she wasn’t. Now the executive producer of Catfish: The TV Show on MTV, he advises you to think before you begin your next online relationship. Look out for these early warning signs that your love interest may not be who they say they are:

The Modeling Profession
If anyone says they are a model, watch out. It means that they are recognized as a very attractive person. If the person you are talking to says they are a model, but also has another amazing career, he or she may be too good to be true. Models are generally very busy and travel a lot. Also, it's easy enough for a scam artist to access model photos online and post as their own.

Facebook Profiles
If a person’s profile has fewer than 100 friends, and more specifically, if there are photos of the person with other people but the other people aren’t tagged, be cautious. These may be pictures taken off an unsuspecting person’s profile.

Traumatic Injuries and/or Illness
We see car accidents, deaths in the family and cancer a lot in catfish scams. This is very common because the best way to avoid meeting up is by having a traumatic experience. It will make the other person say, “Oh, my God, don’t worry about meeting with me now. I will just wait until you are better.” This is a way of tugging at your heartstrings and making you feel guilty. "Sympathy is an incredibly strong emotion," Nev says.

No Pictures
If a person can’t immediately send you pictures of themselves in this day and age, then you should proceed with caution. "You've got to expect and require them to show you to some degree that this is who they are," he says.

No Webcam
If a person cannot get to a webcam after repeated requests and attempts, then this is an early potential warning sign that they are trying to avoid you seeing who they really are.

Are you guilty of "Dumb-mazing"

 I create this new word (dumb-<A>mazing) for those who insist that they can keep doing the same things and get different results. Example while sitting at the edge of the bed after sex, a young woman says to her lover "but you said, you were getting a divorce from your wife, each time we slept together. Why can't you spend the night with me this time?"

Let just face really here this is a new year many folks start the new year with some New Years resolutions,  but why are some females settling for being someones freaky side-show. Instead of  looking for a good man and have a real relationship?
I found this quote someone I respect I thought was  fitting to make my point: 
"Don't ignore your instincts in 2013 and never lower your standards! Your motto should be, Come correct, and stop yapping about what you're going to do....Show Me!" - Michael Baisden

More and more I'm convinced that people in their 30s, 40s and even early 50s have their heads in the sand, when it comes to whether their relationships —are going to survive. Hell I was like that too, and found out that relationships are subject to change just like everything else in life.
 I echo this because my situation, even though I was a mature man when my marriage ended. Everything else was pretty much the same as Micheal Baisden statement below:

Maybe you should test your relationship stability,  while standing up to your neck in a pool of water and see if you are on solid ground as couple.
 
"I was married once, and I would have to say it was successful, fun, and exciting for the first 20 years, until…we tried to be married like everyone else was married. Yes, I was mature back then and still didn’t have the communication skills to have a successful marriage. But the other issue was that my wife and I didn’t know how to customize our marriage to work for us! My advice to those who are serious about committing for the long term is to avoid modeling your relationship and marriage after your parents, friends, or what you see on TV. Take the lessons from their examples but set your own standards and boundaries… and then tell everyone else to mind their own damned business! One of the biggest mistakes couples make is allowing outsiders to influence how they conduct their relationship.Stop trying to have a normal relationship when you are clearly NOT normal! Dare to be different and have a unique relationship that works for you!

So having said all that, ask yourself the following:

 'Do you really know enough about each other to make it last.' 

 

"Without compatibility no amount of love can make you sexually or intellectually compatible. Nor will love magically alter who you really are. Love yourself and your partner enough to ask important questions before you get married or create a life together, "Do we want the same things? Do we have the same values? Do we have compatible temperaments? And is this person someone I can grow with and be myself?"
~ Michael Baisden

 Allow me to end this post with a little joke: pool boy math!

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A professor of mathematics sent a text msg to his wife. It read:
"Dear wife, You must realize that you are 54
years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight. - Your Husband" When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows: "Dear Husband. You too are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Don't wait up. two can play the same game"

"Whereof one should not speak, thereon one must remain silent." I thought that quote was the rule I should follow. When I Speak my mind it's because I believe I have something worth saying. "Speech is civilization itself. The word, even the most contradictory word, preserves contact—it is silence which isolates." I will let this blog  do the talking on subjects I have some passion for!  
 

Dealing with most awkward between-the-sheets-moments.

Here is the problem. movies always make it look so easy and so natural. Everything matches, your moves and her desires connect at the right time. BUT real life is always very different.

Sometimes, sex can be anything but sexy—the awkward, often graceless maneuvering, the unexpected interruptions, the inevitable noises. But before you let another minor glitch ruin the mood—and your mojo, take a tip from some a seasoned "BAD sexpert" on how to bounce back from even the most embarrassing moments.

Did You Hear That? Are the kids still awake, or was that you?

The situation: One of you makes an embarrassing noise.

How to recover: Your first line of defense should be to ignore it. If that's impossible, just smile and laugh, You're being intimate with your partner; bodily sounds come with the territory.

Hot Topic: how does she react to you when you talk dirty, you may think it's sexy, but does she agree?
The situation: dirty talk goes from rated-R to triple-X to the tenth power.

How to recover:  it's important to understand that, as a guy gets increasingly aroused, our inhibitions will lower and we may say some surprising things in the heat of the moment. If something you say really bothers your lady, address it with your partner—post-intimacy.

I Tumble for You

The situation: You fall off the bed mid-romp.Those pushup, you work on every morning, don't include having a body under you.

How to recover: Provided you're not injured, lighten the moment with a quick joke like, Wow, you're really rocking my world! and then getting back into the action.ASAP.

Burn, Baby, Burn... Nooo, not disco inferno!

    The situation: Your attempt to "spice things up" backfires when your new lube makes things way too hot down below.

    How to recover: couples should be rewarded for trying something new in the bedroom, no matter how these forays into uncharted territory play it out. And now you have the perfect excuse to hop into the shower together.How is the water? I hope it's not too hot, on your side. I'm trying to cool off.

The Name Game

The situation: In the heat of the moment, one of you calls out the wrong name. I remember when Mohammed Ali beat Erny Terrel to a pulp because he kept calling him Clay. So this might be one of those things you want avoid at all cost.

How to recover:  this can happen to anybody, especially if you're in a new relationship—it's simply a function of habit. However, if we guys call out a name that's just totally stunning, like your sister or best friend—neither of whom are your ex—then it's worth a conversation.  Do you really  have sick thoughts about your sister, or your best friend? Is there something you want to tell me here?

Hair-um Scarum

The situation: You're about to get busy with a new partner and suddenly realize you haven't lady-scaped in months.

How to recover: The truth is that in the heat of the moment, most guys won't even notice, if the lights are off. "However, it's understandable to feel the need to defend the state of your 'territory,' so you can say something to the effect of, Hope you can appreciate a natural woman!"

Minute Man

The situation: He climaxes right away. She is just so hot!

How to recover: , since this scenario is all so common, it's best to just let it go—especially if it's just a one-off situation. If a man a good partner, he won't let his premature pleasure get in the way of still satisfying you. So don't sweat the small stuff, if he  promise that it will not happen again.


Sleep On It

The situation: One of you dozes off mid-act.

How to recover: Don't read too much into this. It's usually not an indication of boredom. Sex can be very relaxing, particularly for women, because it activates certain hormones that can induce sleep. Have a sense of humor about it and realize that if you're a new parent or working long hours, exhaustion can simply take over. 

Perfect is only in the written script. So write your own script and allows for.... Ooops, I didn't plan for that!

Dial back on Social Networking a little!

I saw my youngest son try to do this, as an experiment,he started with Facebook and ended by shuttering my blog. I really don't think that he ever read my blog anyway. really? LOL.I however was sending him emails, but I dropped the social media components to him and limited  participation because he didn't have an active account, for a brief period.. If I wanted to see adorable pictures of my cousins kids, I had to email my cousin to request them. I had more room in my schedule for the gym. The less time I’ve spent working on my online brand, the more offline opportunities came my way.
 Here are three reasons you too should disentangle yourself from the social web in 2013:

It harms your self-esteem

While evidence for Social Media Anxiety Disorder is largely anecdotal at present, a  study from the fall found that over 50% of social media users evaluated their participation in social networking as having an overall negative effect on their lives. Specifically, they singled out the blow to their self-esteem that comes from comparing themselves to peers on Facebook and Twitter as the biggest downfall. It seems trite, but you can’t feel anxious about the achievements of your old college roommate at  NYIT (the NY version of MIT) or my more successful  cousin  who works on
Wall street if you don’t know about them in the first place. And forget about social media stalking your ex-girl ; it’s as unhealthy as you’d guess.

Your blood pressure will thank you

Social media a hotbed of bad behavior – flame wars, bragging, bashing and crimes against grammar, among other misdeeds. If you find yourself getting unduly irritated by, say, entitled Millennials tweeting their displeasure at being denied iPhones by Santa, or falling victim to Godwin’s Law while arguing with cyber strangers, it might be time to take a timeout. And make sure that break is a legitimate one – none of this downloading an app to manage your social media obligations for you. BTW these darker red states really have serious health issues.

Online is no substitute for offline

Almost a quarter of Americans say that they’ve missed out on important life moments in their quest to capture and memorialize them for social media. Think about that the next time you’re Instagraming your anniversary dinner at P.F. Chang’s. With the ubiquity of communications technology in our daily lives, it’s easy to convince ourselves that the digital world is where all the action is and that the effort we put into building our online empire directly correlates to IRL benefits such as scoring a new job or landing a new mate. In fact, over 90% of job hunters of all ages look for work online, but less than 5% are conducting offline job hunting activities such as attending networking events or setting up information interviews. And guess what? A full 70 – 80% of job vacancies are never posted, so all that job board scouring is likely for naught. If the only benefit you’ve derived from flexing your social media muscle was free anti-antiperspirant samples from the folks at Klout, it might be time to direct your energy elsewhere. Try collecting pictures you can look at offline in an instant electronic picture box same as online in a way without the sick remarks from your so called FB friend make.

Tell your friends to meet you for a brew and talk for a few minutes instead texting and enjoy a solcial event outdoors, that is socializing.
 I would hate to think that Albert Einstein was completely right of the next Generation being idiots.

Sex with a mistory Woman.

Sometimes I'm like a doberman, other times I'm like a German Shepard (good guard dogs). Most of the time I'm like a  mutt that just got loose from being on a chain for a long time. So I'm starting this New Year with a topic that many might be interested in, Why is she such a mis-story?

I knew I was becoming confused about women and lust the night a clitoris appeared to me in a dream...in the shape of the Star-ship Enterprise, with all kinds of trailing pods, bulbs, and possibly thrust reverser (but no warp speed). Up until then, I'd always thought of it as my Little Friend, the nubby pencil-eraser thing, varying in size from completely hidden to sticking out and visible even under  clothing.

My problem: I'd been reading  a lot of scientists reports who had been upgrading their formerly simple definition of the love button to "clitoral complex," with V-shaped internal components almost equal in size to the penis. It made me want to look at blueprints, or a treasure map.

That wasn't the really confusing thing, though. For men to be clueless about women is, of course, routine. But what the scientists and sex therapists seemed to be suggesting is that a lot of women are also confused. It's possible that there are about as many nerve endings in the tip of a woman's clitoris as there are in the tip of a man's penis, but the nerves of the clitoris are in a more concentrated area. Women also take a bit longer than men to produce a genital response, and they do so in a pan-sexual wonderland of situations. But at the same time, they often seem to be just as oblivious as men are to what's going on down there. Where lust is a constant driver for men, many women may be deep into foreplay before it kicks in, like an old memory: Oh. This is sex. It feels good. Why don't we do this more often?

This developing picture of female sexuality--physically ready below, but holding back up in mission control--may not sound like good news at first. But if there's static on the communication lines--between a man and a woman of a woman and her own sex organs--recognizing it is often a first step toward a remedy. And gaining new insights into sex as women perceive it, not as a mirror image of the male experience, is the best way to reach the promised land of better sex (and more of it) for both sides. yippee!

But brace yourself. The road to bountiful sex may be a little curvy, with plenty of missed turns en route. It's not an easy trip for a caveman,sorry construction dudes you really do need to engage her mind,so brush up on your approach, of being smooth talker. And it's also a challenge for the politically correct; feminists now frequently espouse something called "responsive desire," which sounds, to male ears, surprisingly passive. Also be aware that there is no simple formula. Women seem to vary far more than men in their approaches to sex, and they confound easy theories. Wearing extreme tight clothing, can do wonders to start the fire burning.

Among the many other interesting variations I heard about were women capable of extra-genital orgasms, including a  woman who could have one by applying a vibrator to the point where her neck and shoulder meet. (It may sound weird until you recollect high-school hickies.) And I met a grand-motherly sex-shop owner who offered old-fashioned courtship advice like hand-holding, candles, sweet nothings--while selling strap-ons to women who wanted to perform anal sex on their (surprisingly passive) boyfriends. 'Uummm, think again' this dude will be running out of the room just at the sight of  a strap-on  at the thought that she will be using it on me..

But mostly I met women in long-term relationships who dreamed that their boyfriends or husbands would wash the dishes, show affection without expectations--and also now and then throw them (the women, not the dishes) down on a bed, or push them up against a wall for a good, hard...philosophical discussion.

The statement "I want men to be men" came up a lot. But so did the rueful statement, "Not tonight, dear. I'm too tired." Women reminded me that actually arriving at your destination (bountiful sex, or did you forget?) is never guaranteed. But they also gave me lots of good directions from here to there. Some of them were psychological--for instance, about the value of saying the simple things men start to forget to say roughly 6 weeks into a relationship, like "Wow, that was great," or even just "you are simply amazing." (but never leave a tip on the nightstand.) And some of it was largely mechanical--for instance, if sex hurts, desire gives way to dread. (There are lubricants  in aisle seven, next to the condoms, they have them for men and women when they come together and heat up, you will come together, screaming each others names.)

Almost everyone reminded me that the challenge for any man, especially as a relationship becomes established, is to cultivate the female's desire. You can't just expect it to happen automatically. And honestly, you're kidding yourself if you think it's her responsibility as much as yours. In one study of folks in long-term relationships, half the women admitted to having had sex without desire in just the previous 2 weeks. If you want her to keep wanting it--wanting you--even at work,or  the children running ROUND, and the house expenses nibbling away at your life together, you have to keep wooing her. try a simple kiss of the hand, which can be very suggestive during a private dinner for two.

According to the Durex Sexual Well being Global Survey, many modern societies suck at sex. There's really no other way to say it -- we just don't do it enough and, when we do, we don't enjoy it. The results found that, on average, People have sex (including foreplay) for 35 minutes once every 4.3 days. That averages out to only 57 minutes a week. Have our lives really become so busy that we can't even schedule in quality time for a little horizontal tango?

We already know that many  suffer from sexless marriages, but why are we so adverse to an activity that clearly brings us joy and pleasure? This survey tells us that if we are married that we rank as one of the bottom-feeders in the realm of sexual activity, as modern couples only indulge in sexual intercourse, on average, 85 times a year, way below the global average, which is 103 times.  

So, where are we going wrong?