OK.. Not me..... but many others are into “wedding season” but what about the “marriage season?”

Many people prepare for the wedding, but not the marriage. which is "all seasons," one after each other...   Here are a few things you need to know BEFORE you say “I do”… you should think about a few, if not all, of these point.  I wish someone  had  spelled this stuff out to me.
I often think back that.. I was more pressured to get married when I did.... because my Mom was not going to be around for much longer. I was right,  she died 3 months after we got married.  she want to make sure that I had a wife to take care of me. so she died happy to have seen me get married, My Dad felt differently about me getting married.... he never said it, but he did not make the long trip to Chicago to attend my wedding.. so I think he knew these point and did not tell me. he was married to my mom for 44 + years "until death did them part."  Then  he lived for 20 more years after her death  as a widower and a single man, he entertained younger women almost daily  Maybe he knew more than he shared, I guess he wanted me to experience married life for at least 25 years therefore to have my own perspective. well here are a few points to think about:

1. Marriage doesn’t complete you.
Contrary to Jerry Maguire and all the Hollywood stories of statements like “finding the One” or “your other half,” a healthy marriage consists of two whole people who partner to create one, new body of their marriage. Even though you love this person and all that, you two are coming together, bringing all your past failures, fears and triumphs together into one marriage. You are building something great. You might benefit as a person while building with your mate, but you two are doing something new.

2. You won’t always feel attracted to your partner.

He could be as cool as (insert cool man like Idris Elba here) or as sexy as (insert sexy woman like Sanaa Lathan here), but there comes a time that even the most loving of couples aren’t “feeling” each other. We see our partners in many different lights — from elegantly dressed for a special event to retching over the toilet bowl. Even over the course of a day or an hour, attraction can fluctuate, and that’s completely normal. Know this going into a marriage. During the courting phase, preferably.


3. You won’t always like your partner.
His jokes will drive you crazy. That thing she does with her voice can irritate the mess out of you. When you spend that much time with one human being, these things can happen. We allow for this when it comes to friendships and family, but with partners, we absorb a fantasy that we’re supposed to like everything about each other all the time.

4. You don’t have to feel love to give it.
…loving feelings fade. Then we balk against advice that says, “Fake it til you make it.” But sometimes, you have to act as-if in a long-term relationship, meaning that even if you don’t feel like giving your partner a good morning kiss, you do it anyway.

the tender tough fades also!

5. Sex is a sacred act of giving and receiving.
It’s sad and often detrimental that we’re offered zero guidance about one of the most complicated aspects of being human: our sexuality. We learn from pop culture, peers, and now, increasingly, from pornography, that sex is something you use to gain approval, validation or security. Healthy sex is none of those things. Loving sex is an expression of love, an act of connection where you practice the arts and skill of giving and receiving. And if you are using it to gain control you will fail royally.


6. Life with young children is stressful.
Everyone says that “children” changes things and they are so right! Don’t get me wrong, children are a blessing, but when they enter a two person partnership they can be stressful, overwhelming, rich, but still beautiful. And it will put a strain on even the best of marriages. I often think it’s a small miracle that any couple survives parenting intact, as there’s such a demand on time and filling needs other than your own that the marriage is sure to suffer.
Knowing this can help you weather these challenging years, while remembering how important it is to find time to nurture both yourself and the marriage, no matter how small.

what are you cooking? 

7. Keeping Score Doesn’t Matter
In many relationships, it’s about keeping score–he did this, so you have to do that. Or I did this so how come my mate didn’t do that? But in a marriage–a true marriage–it’s not about keeping score anymore, it’s about being the best person you can be or not despite what the person does or doesn’t do.


Hopefully, you’ve asked enough questions up front so that you will know that no matter good times or bad times, that person is still trying to make you happy.
So you’re thinking about marriage, huh? In all of your wedding planning, don’t forget to make time for marriage planning......

 had to play it just right!

Quick final note: I made a mistake when I was dating my ex-wife I told her if I brought her flowers unexpectedly  it's because I did something BAD. Then I forgot that I told her that so every time brought her flowers the first couple of weeks we were married... she gave me that took. Then I decided to do something  smart I combined the flowers with a gift on every 28th of each month  until our first wedding anniversary ( for 11 months)  .  Then I  would  do it periodically but always on the 28th. I think she forgot  the statement  of me doing something BAD for awhile. until she wanted a divorce then I became the guy who "was No longer  the man she married." <smiling> I guess I became  BAD 2.1 at that point.  

So I will keep it REAL and  keep on keeping on Barry white style: