How do you become the Side Chick if you where not planning to be one!

You think HE Loves you, but HE Loves you Not!
How delusional are you women when you finally realize that the treatment you have been receiving was not due to his Love for you.

So you pack-up and leave, only to continue the illusion that he wile some how miss you, an d wish that you will return , and feel that he will some how decide to treat you right!

Here are some questions you should asking yourselves:

•  Have you ever felt ignored in a conversation , at a party, with his friends. 
• Have you ever wished you could have a said something, to your so-called man, that would motivate him to treat you the way you deserved or wanted to be treated?
• Have you ever given and account. report for actions , and found that he never really cared enough to discuss much with you? 

If you've had those wishes, and are still wondering if he will miss you to the point where he would feel like he could not live without you?  Then you are hopeless!

Here are few things to think about after you leave..... 

You and him are Never out in public together.

I know his place  may be cozy and comfy where you can let your hair down and watch “Netfix and chill” but the cons to this are, nobody ever sees you out in public. You are not diversifying your experiences together. 

You don’t have to be available every time he calls.

It's understandable sometimes it gets lonely and you have developed feelings for this man. When the phone rings and that favorite photo of him that you have stored by his name appears, your face lights up and butterflies begin to flutter in your belly. 

Develop some hobbies and interests.

When the phone does ring, it would be nice to actually be preoccupied with things you find interesting. The reason for this is two-fold: The first is to develop a level of scarcity so he understands there is life beyond him. But also when you do get to

Share some of your interests and invite him into the mix.

Yes ladies it’s OK to ask a man out on a date or even bring some ideas to the table. Sometimes, you end up at the house because you’ve gotten comfortable and neither of you are bringing your dating A-game.  Think about the memories you would like to create with him and write them down so when he suggests coming over, you can interject with, “ I would actually like to go to dinner or a show tonight.  I have this cute little red dress I have been waiting to wear for you.” Get the drift.

There a few good reason why I prefer career women over homemakers.

Let's build a home together!

We are all searching for many things in life, and one of the biggest is our soulmate. This is the person who completes us and helps us reach goals we never thought possible. They help us forgive and love ourselves when we can’t. Together as a team the realm of influence and experience exponentially grow.

Career women do the following.

She locks eyes, with you,  when you meet.
She shakes your hand like she mean it.

I really look up to you and
your accomplishments!

She often touch you briefly/lightly on your shoulder when talking to you. 
She stands/ sits up straight
She takes up space with her hands (claiming her space)
She don't seem guarded
She stand or sit facing you while in conversation.

I just made your bed for you!

This does not mean that a homemaker type female does not have any or all of the above mentioned qualities. She maybe as much of a leader as her career counter part, but she does not get to practice the point just listed as often. Where as a career  female may not make her bed every time she leaves her home.  a home maker  will step into your living  & bedrooms and start fixing what is out of place... Well I can hire a housekeeper for that! 

Dam it woman I'm not him!

Should any woman who is unable to forget her previous lover, give " happy ever after another chance?
Ladies:

Look at me dam it.... I'm not him!

Even though your one great love went sour.Should you expect a different result the next time? Will you ever feel that magical way again? If not, why bother?
So that one person broke your heart.... now someone else is pursuing you relentlessly,
Will this be any different, should you allow him to force you into making a choice of giving your heart, what it's always desired and risk total devastation or shutout, this new guy, and lose your last shot at happiness? Tough call!
Maybe it's a lose-lose  situation. Or is it? after you've discovered that the last lover cheated on you. Would you risk that happening again? Once again, Tough call!
These questions will remain UN-answered if you are looking externally for hints from friends and even a blogger. I read, not too long ago something interesting by  friends in the same boat committee "boyfriends bylaws" by woman looking for love  committed to protect women who once had their hearts broken.
New boyfriend Bylaws:
 Rule #1: No giving out your contact info until approved by committee to do so.
Rule #2:  You must obtain permission, by the committee, to accept any date invitations.
Rule #3: No bringing up marriage, kids or your passion for having a future with a new guy. 
Rule #4: No going to first base without authorization.
Amended rule #4: no going to first base, or any other base, without authorization. 
Rule #5: No scribbling your first name with some guy's Last name . Ever!
Rule #6: New rules may be added as the committee deems necessary.
Now memorize it, live it, and happy dating!

My toes actually curled

Here  is your dilemma in my humble opinion. Follow all of the above rules and swear off men.... And then let temptation drive you crazy. OR start touring History museums, Art galleries, book stores, shopping malls, supermarkets etc. in hope of running into that "eye catcher dude" standing like "I'm a shaken not stirred" martini drinker. You see ladies every dude is a potential "Mandingo super hero" these days. Why? The statistics favor the dudes that can sweep you off your feet, and cause your toes to curl under the sheet.
Now don't get this blogger wrong..... I'm not going to give you the answers you are seeking, I'm just painting a personal picture that is scrolling in your mind of things that worked and didn't work out well in relationship experiences.  Only you can choose the direction you will take!

Fellahs! When did the look of "trust" switch to "mistrust?"

Why are looking at me like that?

Very often we men are so self absorbed that we miss the signs of " change."  You may already know where I'm going with this.... It didn't just happen, there was a buildup, a sequence of events. Even a simple, not thought out carefully set of answers you gave, to questions that were like a prosecutor investigating you for Fraud. Hmmmm! Now that I have your attention. Think back as to when those sexy eyebrows, of hers, were so close together that they formed one inquiry eyebrow, instead of two.If you can freeze that moment and then replay the sequences of events leading up to" you are no longer in a "trusting relationship" mode. The count down has begun to events of mistrust .


Questions that were never asked before are now being asked all the time.
- Where are you going and who is with you?!
- How late will you be?
- What's that sound in the background?
- Is there someone else within earshot of our phone conversation?
- You know I'm not feeling the right vibe right now!
You can ignore the signs if  you want, or you can start running what I call " Diagnostics" the process of trouble shooting.
Trust me the trouble, has already started. Your system should now be at full analysis mode. Break it down and avoid the breakdown that comes when your processing sequence has been hacked.
Save the date and time stamp.
Women know men hide things, case in point, her last relationship turned out to be with a dude who lied to her. Just like anyone else, who thought she had found "the right guy," she was devastated by the breakup since then. She now evaluates people for living, clear and simple her ex's duplicity made her a full search for the flaws in his character and answers...
In your defense you may be sixty shades of perfect, but her past hurts, has now created a woman with a history recall of BAD judgments to a detective expert to detect what skeletons a man has in his closet!

Rejection should not lead to dejection, you should try redirection instead.

When you look back on your life, you should deduct that every time you thought you were being rejected, by someone who was actually not that good, you were being redirected, so you could meet and embrace someone that is better for you, and will therefore treat you much better than you think possible, now that you are expectations have been lowered , due to a rejection in your past.
Dejection due to rejection should become a period of rejuvenation, which you need to recharge your energy source. There is no such thing as love connection at first sight... this is a storybook love is a  fairy tale!

- Lust  on the first date (very possible)
- Infatuation on the first date ( Yes)
- Extreme expectations on the first date (illogical)
- Perfect match after the first date ( delusional)
- Can't get him/her out of your mind after one good date (possibilities)
- A logical choice to date again ( not impossible)
- Planning to have a lasting relationship ( questionable)

You might have experienced some of the above... maybe even all of them seemed "right on point"
The game people  should bring to "a let's get to know each other" date is "Truth or Dare!" I t could be all fun and games until a playful DARE can have you falling for the person you might have not considered to be the ideal one. OK now here is where you might have possibilities, which could lead to possibilities, which in turn can have a happy "Walk, or drive off into the sunset" hand in hand.

"Bad boys" are not so bad! You better date than never

Some women have  good luck with a Bad boy experiences!

I've never had sex on the beach before

Whether he's a rock star, a billionaire, a Pro sport's athlete, or a playboy magician.... Whether he wears work boots or 3 piece suits and ties.... "Bad Boys" have one thing in common... it's all in how good they can make a woman feel.

so this Valentine's day , ask yourself the question "how bad could it be" if you pick a bad boy and just ask him out on a date. Maybe for that once in a lifetime experience, that might just lead to more special moments..... These days some women swear they are done with men who can't and won't commit to long term relationships. Some have spent 10 years of more waiting for a man to propose to them. They now feel like they've wasted their time,, maybe even their best years and now swear never again will they get involved with someone who has commitment issues. So your search continues without you having any fun or much success.

  You might think you know what type of guy you want " sorry" president Obama already has his queen. however look at the other Queens who are in long term relationships with a "Bad Boy"Beyonce comes to mind instantly. Jay Z may not look like he is her type, but they are a power couple they even hung out at the white house with the ultimate power couple. They are always court-side at NBA games. enjoying he game and each other's company.  Shake your head if you want because you believe they may not have the perfect marriage. But how many couples do, these days? Even the Obama's had their problems before Barrack  became president , actually becoming may have saved their marriage. He was home every night when in D. C. no hanging out with Mitch McConnell and other senators. So if you are still not convinced a "Bad Boy" can float your boat and make your toes curl, then maybe you should try a guy with B.A.D. initials he might just be bad enough to make you feel good !

Is the modern day woman still mentally connected to her man!

If you believe that the woman was created, fashioned out of man, or not, the facts are still there.... that there is a connection that has existed since the beginning of time.
Through a man and woman's union, they find wholeness in each other. The woman helps her man meet and accomplish his tasks in life. If you have an electric carving knife, it has great potential for cutting and carving a turkey, and a ham for a feast during the holidays. However, it is less effective until it is plugged into a receptacle, the receptacle helps the powered knife meet the purpose with less stressful efforts for doing the job. Without that receptacle, the electric knife, although mighty, remains limited. However, there is a vulnerability about the receptacle (woman) they must be careful what kind of plug they are connected with. Receptacles are open. Women are open by nature and design, Men are mostly closed. You must be careful what you allow to plug into you and draw strength from you, the wrong plugs may drain your power, and even short circuit and blow a fuse.
Recognize your vulnerability, and choose wisely!
You've go to be careful who you let uncover you , because they can lead your to complete destruction!
What you believe and how you act will determine most of how your life turns out. The number one habit you want to practice is to be happy, fulfilled and successful to believe that anything is possible. You can be open to new experiences and even drop the pessimistic mindset that society has ingrained in you and have hope. Have faith that anything that may seem impossible initially only needs being  smart  all the time to solve them. If you need to unplug then unplug and gather enough info and protect yourself! No Oops I should have been more careful..