Do You Still feel the need for marriage, these days?

 If you are In A Lasting, Fulfilling Relationship?

Back in 2002, R&B singer Brandy revealed to the world that she was married to her daughter’s father, Robert Smith. Two years later, when the truth came out that they weren’t legally married, Brandy stated that she and Smith instead had a “spiritual union and a true commitment to each other.”

Although many thought that the songstress describing her relationship with Smith as a “spiritual union” was just a bogus way to cover up her initial lie (which she told to avoid judgment over not being married before having a child), I couldn’t help but think, “Well, what if they did have a special bond and didn’t want to officially get married? Is that so BAD?” in my humble view marriage contracts can bond people together legally but they may never  have a  “spiritual union”  no matter how long they stay together.

When it comes to romantic relationships, society has wired us to believe that the ultimate endgame is marriage. Find a mate, date for a few years, get married, then move in together. That was believed to be the common order of things. However, recent research has shown that couples living together without being married are on the rise. Cohabitation has increased by about 900 percent in the last 50 years, according to Arielle Kuperberg, assistant professor of sociology at the University of North Carolina. In fact, data from the 2012 Census showed that 7.8 million couples were living together without tying the knot, compared to just 2.9 million in 1996. And if I could recall correctly in the flower power.. hippy days it was "live together and don't do what  society expected"... rebellion.  

As much as I believed in the sanctity of marriage, this is why I got married.... I would never judge anyone for choosing to live with his or her partner in lieu of walking down the aisle, as a couple can have the same commitment toward each other without a ring as they would with one. Because when you think about it, if our ancestors, who couldn’t legally marry, jumped a broom to symbolize their lifelong commitment to one another, who says that a legal document can only solidify a relationship? According to my friend, who has been living with his girlfriend and seems to have a flourishing relationship after 14 years, it doesn’t.

“Past studies that compared those that are married and those that are cohabitating always

 found this sort of marriage benefit,” Mernitz said. “But even when we look at individuals 

who transition from a current cohabitation into marriage, that transition into marriage didn’t

really provide any additional emotional health benefits and we kind of thought it would.”

I grew up in the Caribbean and  N.E.USA, where cohabiting was, and possibly still is looked at as a serious error in judgment. I moved  my girlfriend in with me  before  we were engaged, with a wedding date set, and her parents my mother still shared their disapproval. Even though it made sense for us to move in together since she lived in with her parents and we needed to get things in order and see if we would last 25 years, which we did, my mom  still said, “Well you know what the Bible says…”

“Nope, actually I don’t.”

I didn’t really say that aloud, but I was thinking it…

When does God recognize a marriage? The Bible tells us how to treat our spouse but doesn’t explicitly mention when a marriage should commence. Maybe marriage begins when you have sex with someone, and in that case, living together would be okay and considered a marriage, just not a legal one.

Based on her research, Kuperberg said that it’s the readiness of the couple to take their relationship to the stage of sharing space that can cause the breakup, not actually living together. “What leads to divorce is when people move in with someone – with or without a marriage license – before they have the maturity and experience to choose compatible partners and to conduct themselves in ways that can sustain a long-term relationship.”

hmmm... this seem to be my case now!

Ironically, some people choose to simply live together and stay as they are for fear that they’ll break up after getting married, possibly putting additional pressure on the relationship once a new title is added. But others simply say that they don’t see marriage as a necessity, and choose not to tie the knot because they’re happy as they are.

Although I agree that each relationship should be tailored to the people in it, I do believe that in order to have longevity (the Oprah and Stedman kind??), a couple should make sure they are on the same page, especially if they don’t plan to get married one day.

In my opinion, there’s no right or wrong in living together before marriage, or just cohabiting, but make sure you both want the same thing, for a lifetime.