will something spark or fizzle

What goes up must come down. Things that are rushed are not built on stable grounds. This applies to everything. Lasting relationship are built on firm strong bases

I wish someone had warned me about getting involved with you

There’s no class in high school on how to not be a shitty boyfriend or girlfriend. Sure, we get taught the biology of sex, the legal ins and outs of marriage, and maybe we read a few obscure love stories from the 19th century on how not to be an ass-hole.

We humans are a social species. We live in groups. We take care of one another. We build civilizations.

Our ability to cooperate has been a major adaptive advantage. It has allowed us to colonize virtually every habitat on Earth and thrive in more climates than any other animal, except maybe bacteria.

Part of being a social species, it turns out, is that we regulate one another’s body budgets — the ways in which our brains manage the bodily resources we use every day. For your whole life, outside of your awareness, you make deposits into other people’s body budgets, as well as withdrawals, and others do the same for you. This has pros and cons, as well as profound implications for how we live our lives.

Without clear instructions  from adults, what we’re left with is basically trial and error, and if you’re like most people, it’s mostly error.

Enter: a string of toxic relationships as we fumble through an already complex dating world.

One of the problems is that a lot of toxic relationship habits are baked into our culture. We worship romantic love—you know, that dizzying and irrational kind that somehow finds breaking china plates on the wall in a fit of tears somewhat endearing. And we scoff at practicality or unconventional sexualities.

Men and women are encouraged to objectify each other and to objectify their romantic relationships. Thus, our partners are often seen as achievements or prizes rather than someone to share mutual emotional support.

A lot of the self-help literature out there isn’t helpful either. And for most of us, mom and dad surely weren’t the best examples.

Many of us enter the dating world not even knowing that a lot of our beliefs about relationships are toxic to begin with. So let’s first get clear about what a toxic relationship is:

A toxic relationship occurs when one or both people are prioritizing love over the three core components of a healthy relationship: respect, trust, and affection.

do not raise your voice to me!
I will not answer questions that are not worthy of my attention. Period.