Why did He Stop Texting Me?

When you’re new to online dating, there are many things that seem confusing. You may feel surprised, even overwhelmed when overnight you get 40 winks (and I don’t mean sleep.) after you’ve first posted your pic and profile. Or you may feel wildly giddy when men come out of the woodwork to give you the rush. Then you make a connection with a person you think you’d like to date. You begin emailing and texting with him. It’s fun, it’s light, you’re giving and getting good banter. This goes on for a few days. You thought things were going great and then, suddenly, nada. You never hear from him again.
What gives, did you lose the fish on the hook?
A cool Brother I've known for years, successful online dater was kind enough to share a wealth of info he’s collected from his two-year online dating experience.
 Ladies, listen up.     It’s real stuff, so definitely take heed. “Sometimes after several exchanges, guys stop texting or emailing with the woman because the energy has left,” . T.D  (initials only) revealed to me recently. He was talking to a few women casually and then one grabbed is attention enough that he wanted to focus on her--and stop talking to the rest. Sounds like he got hooked. 

My good bro explained that even great texts are limited because the conversation still has that cyber quality( not personal enough.) You want to pay attention to the exact words the person uses, how they talk, because that’s how you transcend the cyber-ness. Cyber connections he rates low on the totem pole of communication leading to romance. It’s a low quality connection because you can’t see the person or hear their voice ( example: you can't see when she rolled her eyes.)
It takes effort to read between the lines,  to see if this is a person you want to meet face to face, you have to look for subtleties that keep you interested. 
Men and women “lie a lot” online (they embellish their stories, everything happen to their friend. LOL). You have to meet face to face for the relationship to go anywhere. Try and get to that part pretty fast if you can.
T.D. gave me some tips on how long or erudite introductory texts and emails need to be. 
They should be short. A few lines at a time. Unless you’re trying to explain something, and then the text can be longer.
Spelling, he said, in a text, doesn’t count.
However don't text after you had a few drinks with your Girls looking over your shoulder (this can give the wrong impression.) 
Someone could be terrific in person, but not a great speller when they’re texting, worse if they are drunk. Texting is something you do on a phone. You’re abbreviating, using short cuts. This is Cool, but be smart about it. 

If you’re writing an actual email, however use spell check.
When does texting become intrusive? How much is too much?
There have definitely been women I’ve had to block ... T.D. speaks about Player rejections. Obsessive  Texting four - five times a day. Almost immediately they start asking about your past relationships. Asking questions like: "Are you involved with someone else, hmmmm?” He said he had one woman stalk him to the point where she stole his screen name as her name and “adopted” all his likes and dislikes. That was scary. "Fatal Attraction  the squeal". 
He cautioned that sometimes you think a person has stopped being in touch with you, but they didn't, you ’re just not adept or savvy about how the site interfaces. So msgs. sent you are missed. 

You may miss an IM [Instant Message], or you’re so new to the site, you don’t know how to look in your backroom for a response. My brother  knows about backrooms and back doors. You may think you’ve been dropped.just because you aren't sophisticated about how the interface of your online service works. Nobody loves the online experience,  because it is, at least at first, so typing oriented and  impersonal. On the other hand,  it’s fun to look at peoples’ profiles and pictures and window shop. “At best this initial texting and emailing is a buffer. It’s a first step. And it is the way people meet and date right now, so we have to get used to it.  Or drop out the game completely.

These links are a must see: 

"Why He Didn't Call You Back"

Why are sucessful black women unmarried?


So..... Who is the Life of the Party?

Amazingly its always the same type of Person. 
- If you are at a gathering with friends, everyone is waiting until the "Life of the Party" steps in. 
- If you are at a club and the dance floor is empty, the "Life of the Party" grabs someone and opens the floor, or even dance by themselves until someone joins them. 
So who is "the Life of the Social Media circle?"
Its the same person. The conversation does not get going until this person adds their post. They may start the conversation or they will join in the middle or maybe the end, but everyone reads their comments, reacts to their conversation. People always agree or disagree with their post. Someone always hits the like button. 
Have you ever asked yourself. Why is that? Simple, they have that "IT factor." That unique quality that makes everyone look up and take notice. So what's that "IT factor?"   Its a gift, a persona, the ability to draw people to you. Some politicians have IT, some preachers have IT, some Lecturers have IT and definitely Party starters have IT.
By the way IT means Impress Them.
You know who  you  are.... You are the person that can be a Shock Jock, a TV personality. You can say the most outrageous things and get people to STOP on the Freeway and start LOL and can't stop, or react by saying "I don't believe they said that. Only they can say that and get away with IT." If someone could bottle that and sell "IT," people would invest big times and it would sell like "hot Kisses".  This isn't something that can be sold off the shelves, however!     Here is my simple observation.   I'm not an expert, but I've had friends like this all my life..... Maybe I bring out the best in them as a sharp contrast to me...... You think?   I knew them in high school, College, the Corporate World, Social friends and Sport teammates, I'm even blessed with two sons that have those same qualities. Even though they are as different as night and day.  They make friends by just walking into the room. One is the type that is very direct he tells you whatever comes to his mind and people never get insulted, on the contrary they become instant friends with him. My other son is smooth, he is a charmer, gets people to react to him without hardly any effort. So you would think, it must be in the genes.   If it is, then "IT" skipped a generation. I'm not likable like that...... People usually wonder about me at first glance. I have a poker face most of the time, I use to call it my NY look. When you get to know me you realize I'm an okay kind of guy. The first comments my friends make to others about me is: "he's not that B.A.D, he can be nice, sometimes."   
Very seldom do people form that < he is cool > opinion about me, right away.  Why is that?  Simple, I don't have that "IT quality."   So how did my sons get "IT," their mother? Nah, she doesn't have that "IT quality" either..... she might tell you different.   I have to believe, that the laws of nature worked well in this combo shake. Two People, who lacked "IT," got together and created "IT quality" sons. There is a God!
Thanks to the Social Media World which gives people without those "IT qualities" a chance to join in on the conversation. They get to voice their opinions and come off as someone with a good sense of humor, intelligence, street smarts and may even cause a positive reaction to their post. You know who you are. You're the person that keeps checking to see if someone hit the like button

Don't worry folks, even if you are not the life of the party.... this quote applies to you too:
"People are like stained-glass windows.  They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within."

So if you weren't blessed with  "IT" don't worry, You are in the majority. 
Just be the best You can be, people may still like you in spite of your lack of  that special "IT quality."

Warning to fellahs: approach the Cougar with the "IT factor" with CAUTION. 

If she's single, you have to compete with the whole world, if she's taken, you only have to compete with one "Papi".

You might want to read some of my other blogs:

So....You've made a Social Network connection! Is it now time for a First Face to Face?



Our best days are ahead.... not behind us!

Call me an optimist, or even a realist with a naive outlook on life.
The truth is ~ I have seen this all before.
- Economic down turns.
- Governments struggling with over spending.
- People suffering from unemployment, and lower wages than they believe they deserve.
- Cost of living too high for the average family.
- Fears in the Markets.
- Questioning:Where is the leadership? We need someone to lead us, save us, help us, take care of us.
- My good productive days are behind me.
-  My career is over, I can't learn to do something new.
- My spouse/significant other has lost faith in me.
So how are we going to survive these tough times?

Before you can do something about all of the above you need to rejuvenate your spirit. Take a moment to appreciate the good things around us and figuring out how YOU can make it even better with your contributions, your creativity, your vision and your elbow grease.
News flash - If we stay in this humdrum state of mind, then, our best days are Truly behind us!
In Basketball we call it "REBOUNDING" which is a "put back" on offense and prevention on defense. We re-bounders are the work horses of the team, when a team is a good rebounding team they are winners.  Not every shot taken will go in. Most of the time the "re-bounders" are the ones who score the key points that determine the outcome of the game. Have we lost our competitive spirit? Are we Men and Women who can't over come setbacks? Are we descendants of fighters, conquerors of fear, Grandsons and Granddaughters of People who went through a real depression?   Many of us have even lived in communities destroyed by Hurricanes or earthquakes, no electricity for weeks, or even months... Clean water was a luxury. The grocery Stores were empty or destroyed. No transportation, roads wiped out by floods. We came back and rebuilt our communities by lending each other a helping hand. We Looked up at the stars at night and appreciating that we were able to look forward to a better tomorrow. The Sun comes up and we were thankful for life and the simple things. We focused on coming back, we focused on rebuilding, we focused on "Better tomorrows", we believed that we had no other options, but to get moving everyday. So why are we stuck in this mindset?  We need to find NEW ways to enhance our environment. We need to create our own opportunities, or copy someone else who is taking advantage of new ideas!

Why is CNN our guide to what we are feeling everyday? We see the rich getting richer and we get green with envy. We see our friends and coworkers losing their jobs and fear takes over. "Am I next?" The Stock market goes through a correction and people line-up on bridges and cliffs ready to jump. When you go to a Casino you are gambling with your hard earn money hoping to double it. When you put your money in the market you are doing the same thing. Sometimes it happens in your favor other times not. We use credit like we have money in the bank to cover our debts - but we don't, so we are gambling that we will have the money to cover the bills when they come in at the end of the month. So life is a gamble.  Look at it as a lesson we should learn.... and put our brains to work on how to move forward. The greatest creations were created during time of greatest need. We needed better transportation so someone created the bullet-train, the more effective car, the better plane, the Sailing yacht, the Mega Cruise ship, the Rocket to the moon, the shuttle to the International space-station....  Aren't those solar panels powering the space station?
OK you weren't part of those developments but you use the stuff. Your calculator, for example, that runs on solar energy right now even at night, because someone took a risk that they would be successful in their creation. The house you live in today, someone built it. Now you may need someone else to come in and re-do the plumbing or the electrical, the roof.... etc. GUESS what these are jobs waiting for someone who has the skills, but we need to train those who will be needed tomorrow. We have to undo this mindset that we are headed into another depression. The Governments that went through the Great depression didn't have China as their banker to bail them out. They did it by tapping into RENEWABLE ENERGY of their day - PEOPLE - working to make things better. Some of the greatest inventions were created during some of the toughest time. We can find  New ways to use renewable energy that has been powering sails for centuries. Find ways to enjoy the Sunshine and use it to power our homes too..... The current cost of energy that is killing us now in the wallet, need not go on forever.

Our best days are ahead...... But first we have to believe, before we can make it happen.

 It is less important to redistribute wealth than it is to redistribute opportunity. ”
— Arthur H. Vandenberg


“He is able who thinks he is able.” - Buddha

Lets take a look at the Great Accomplishments done by people working together. 
Was the Great Wall of China built by space Aliens or by people working together without a crane or bulldozers. They had to protect their country so they use the strength of their people to build it through mountains and very rough terrain.
“To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe.” Anatole France

If we believe that we elected smart people to run our Country (and even if you don't believe that they are smart) we need to give them a helping hand. The same amount of people were unemployed last month as were in the months before, so, this is a big problem. Maybe a Program that gets workers back to work can work in your community. The Economy will not do better if everyone is sitting around waiting for someone else to do something.  We the people need to take responsibly for what we want to see happen. Building and sustaining our economies is everyone's responsibility.   The days of just top down leadership are over. We need progressive groups to form think tanks. There are People who have new ideas out there that can work. We need to listen to someone else's ideas and incorporate our own ideas and make them work. If we remain stagnant and don't identify what we can do to move things forward we become yesterdays points of interest, others are working overtime to grab their share of the markets, which means they will grab a slice of ours if we don't protect it. 
Dramatic action needed to turn around economy
This sounds like someone has identified some of the problems. So who will step forward with ideas to solve them. If we wait for the Government to do what they are not capable of doing with budgets that are to restricted, then we will stay in this cycle for years and years to come. We have to Find New ways to fill the seats on the great beaches of SXM.

Guess what happens when you have abilities but don't use them.  
“Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character.” ~ Albert Einstein
We have so much available to us these days, but we stop short of doing things because we expect that someone else will create the opportunities for us. Take a look at this Example.

These are times that call for creating products that we can introduce to 14,000 Travel agencies who can recommend and sell these products to their clients. A few years ago there were 30,000 travel agencies in the USA now there are about 14,000. These agencies are now serving the traveling public with maximum efficiency. 

Travel Land Marks in every country are symbols of "People" working together. This not an alien concept, its a fact, which means people working together is a renewable energy that we can tap into time and time again, a revolutionary way of being progressive. 

Tourism Sustainability & Energy Efficiency - 

Empire State Building

We can't rebuild landmarks today at the cost it took to build them back in the day, so it's smart to make them more Energy Efficient for example.
 “Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration.” 
~ Thomas Alva Edison
We can make a difference in each of our communities by stepping forward with New Ideas to improve our lives.
 “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” 
Winston Churchill

So reach high, for stars lie hidden in our soul. Dream deep, for every dream precedes the goal and accomplishment
Now is the time to get our act togetherWe can do it if we Try.

Lets help others rediscover the BEST TWO in ONE destination SXM.


Take the time to Read and understand the Fine Print!

- Are we being fed the same old lines with a slightly different verbiage?
- Does the cycle of problems we are having now have the same look of divide  and conquer?
- Does Job creation really have anything to do with who is running things?
- Is there more to it than meets the Eye? 
- Is lack of Beauty the main reason the unemployed stay unemployed? 
- Who is being hired and who is not?
Haven't we seen this before "Preferences to the select few" being given
- How often does History have to repeat its self, before someone notice the patterns?

The Economist website recently took a look at three books dealing with a topic that is both uncomfortable and endlessly fascinating:  Does attractiveness helps you get ahead in life? The article, citing the research of experts including Daniel Hamermesh, notes that attractive people earn more than average-looking ones even in fields such as professional football. This isn't just pocket change, either: Over a lifetime, the article argues that an attractive worker might, on average, earn $230,000 more than a very plain worker. These are  tell tale facts, that indicate that folks no longer in their prime have less opportunities available to them. People who don't fit the label of beautiful have less opportunities available to them. When Laws to prevent discrimination where drafted they should have included paragraphs on age and looks, because in a tough job market these two are now the reasons people are not being hired.
There are a few books written about this subject: Example Beauty Pays I recommend you check it out. 
If you don't get the job you applied for then force them to give you a reason. They will not admit to Looks, Gender, Culture, Race or Age discrimination. BUT if  People have the same type of complaints and all receive the same type of answers you might force them to change or better yet expose them for practices what the law says is discrimination. Read the fine print on the application.
The numbers now speak for themselves only 67% of men have jobs these days. The Pretty boys are more likely to be employed while the less attractive 33% are not.

The new numbers are out 0% new job created in Aug 2011........ 

Start by Writing it Right, don't sit and accept this as fact.
Six ways to maximize the effectiveness of a complaint:
1. Stash, Then Share, Details
It's hard for companies to respond appropriately if you aren't sure whom you spoke with about the position. So keep good notes during the interview, the interviewer's name, and what transpired. Save copies of e-mails. If you decide to complaint in writing Reference to specifics in your complaint can go a long way.
2. Know What You Want
Decide what's an acceptable resolution. Spell it out! Get them to respond and give you the real fake reason they didn't hire you.
3. Keep It Civil
"Things can go terribly wrong when you lose your cool,"  Don't call them on the phone. Interviewers are often instructed to hang up and make a note  their call log if you abuse them. So send your complaint via email.  Your complaint is online, where it's public and permanent.
4. Proofread
Poor spelling and grammar will garble your message and cost you credibility.
5. Mention Positives
Explain why you believe you fit the business needs with the company or how long you've been in the business and your experience will be of greater value.
6. Set a Deadline  
Ask for a response within a week of the receipt of your letter, or a day if you e-mail,  Include the best phone number and e-mail address for them to use to reach you. 

Once they respond: file it, label it, find out who else has received this type of treatment..... If enough people  complain  the SMART way, the employers who are sitting on Trillions of Dollars will have a hard time justifying their actions. This is not new..... It has been don't before, Unions were formed to protect workers because of unfair treatment, Governments were forced to create policy to protect against discrimination. We can be more effective using the Social Media today than folks could back in the day. Like boycotting the businesses that are using new discrimination tactic to exclude segment of the population.  Don't let anyone fool you, 9%  Unemployment, 16% in some communities,  means that their are more people like you than you think.... This a case of COMMUNITY DISCRIMINATION. There is power in numbers get together and fight back, use social forums and media to bring your issues forward. 

You need to know When You Can and Can't be Fired For Social Media Misbehavior!