The Key To Long-Term Success in relationships is Explanations Without Excuses!

You aren't likely to hear a truly successful person in a solid relationship say when they meet  you for happy hour , “Sorry to keep you waiting but traffic was terrible,” or “I would have been on time, but the kids were so slow getting ready this morning.” Instead, they’re more likely to say, “Sorry I’m late. I should have left my office/home sooner.”

That’s because smart people recognize the critical difference between an explanation and an excuse – an explanation accepts full responsibility and an excuse places blame, minimizes liability, and tries to avoid consequences. While explanations can be pivotal to reaching your goals, excuses can sabotage your efforts.

I picked this peace of art, while thinking about you! 

Why It’s Tempting to Make Excuses

Excusing your behavior isn't helpful. In fact, trying to convince others – or even yourself – why your shortcomings are justified can be downright self-destructive. Despite the problems associated with excuses, for many people, they become commonplace. Here are the two main reasons why people use excuses:

1. Excuses Are a Common Defense Mechanism

When young children get caught misbehaving, they often blame those around them by saying, “He made me do it.” Grown-up excuses are a slightly more sophisticated version of that child-like response. Whether a student says, “I couldn't get that paper done because my computer wasn’t working,” or an employee says, “The project didn't get finished because my co-workers refused to help,” the underlying message is the same – “It’s not my fault.”

Sometimes people assume excuses will help them escape consequences. By saying, “I shouldn’t be to blame,” they expect others to take pity on them and not hold them accountable. Unfortunately, excuses can become a way of life for some people as they insist that anything from their stress load to their bad childhood prevents them from reaching their goals. But the often fail to understand that excuses are the corner stone to leaning tower, with one more excuse the structure of trust comes crashing down. as a child I could not give my parents excuses because I was an only child. I was forced to take responsibility and explain my behavior, my lack of attentiveness, my in ability to complete my task. i.e. I was forced into accountability.....   

while on your shoulders I can see the top of your head ,
when you give an excuse your head sweats.

2. Excuses Temporarily Relieve Uncomfortable Emotions

Claiming you didn't have a choice in the matter reduces emotional discomfort in the short-term. A study, which is titled, “Forced to Be BAD; The Positive Impact of Low Autonomy Vice Consumption on Consumer Vitality,” found that shirking responsibility temporarily relieves feelings of shame, guilt, and fear.

The researchers discovered that when people justified their behavior by saying they were “forced” to indulge in guilty pleasures, they experienced fewer negative emotions. When participants experienced pressure by others to blow their diet, for example, they were less likely to worry about the long-term consequences of overindulging because they were convinced they “had” to do it. But when offered options without the same pressure, people who indulged experienced regret. I read multiple versions of " Don't sweat the small stuff" the author kept insisting  that "it's all small stuff. " In a world where size matters to make some small requires the ability to think about things in a large scheme of things. If you minimize the things that are holding you back( making them small stuff), then the things that will propel you forward become far more important and then become "the big stuff."     

Clearly, blaming others for your choices is likely to relieve the uncomfortable emotions that accompany acceptance of responsibility. However, making excuses for your mistakes will also prevent you from becoming successful. You can’t develop the self-discipline necessary to reach your long-term goals if you’re always trying to rationalize your mistakes.

Tell me why you are late, explanations not excuses Please!

Successful People Create Results Not Excuses

Successful people look for accurate explanations that caused them to fail, then the move on to the things that help the succeed. They accept full responsibility for the way they think, feel and behave without blaming other people or circumstances. They don’t waste valuable time and energy trying to justify why they should not be held accountable.

Successful people do however, take time to examine their role in problems. They want to know exactly where they went wrong so they use that information to help them become better next time. By being able to say, “Yes, that’s my fault. And here’s what I’m going to do to avoid making that mistake next time,” they increase the chances of reaching their long-term goals.

why are there dirty dishes on the kitchen counter?

Responding to Excuses

Hearing excuses from others can be frustrating. But, many people don’t recognize the difference between an explanation and an excuse. So when you hear someone claiming, “It’s not my fault I couldn't do that intentionally ,” ask them how they will do better next time.  Often, people feel more comfortable sharing how they’ll avoid problems in the future rather than describing how they could have avoided problems in the past or today.

wow, he gave an excuse, while he gave me an explanation!

People are stuck on image these days. their problem is  how does one choose between what is comfortable and what is New and exciting. The answer is as simple  following your  intuition. What is  really comfortable? Something that  becomes boring after awhile... What's new and exciting  get 's your heart racing and one of your palms is sweating.  Right or left. this is were you make that tough choice  that moment where you take a leap of faith and pick one.  you start by preparing and explanation not an excuse as to why you are making the choice you are making.  It's not going to be easy, but hard does not mean impossible it leads to greater stuff and you leave the small stuff behind.....