Ladies, ladies, ladies!

Dancing makes me feel so alive!

 For years I have heard you speak of your desire to be the best woman you can be. I have listened to you express your frustrations on understanding what it is you need to do for yourselves to have better and more fulfilling relationships. Today I want to help you move in a different direction so LISTEN UP!! That’s right, I’m talking to you. There are some things many of you need to stop doing, if you  have a  plan (good intentions)  to make your dreams of a better you, a reality. As I walk with you on this journey, IU want to encourage you to not get defensive and do not start blaming men or anyone else as to why you do what you do. Just take a deep breath and read closely.

1. Stop mixing sex with love

You thought sex would make every all right!

How many more horror stories of traumatized women, hurt feelings, and failed missions do you need to hear about or witness before you stop equating love and sex. Most men don’t do this, so why keep using sex to try to get him, keep him, or justify his existence in your life. This has not worked well at all and it is time to fully accept this fact and stop self inflicting all this damage to your hearts and feelings. I understand sex is also an emotional thing for a woman. I am in no way asking you to separate your emotions if you’re unable to. I’m saying stop getting it all mixed up. Don’t tell me you can’t tell the difference or you’re confused. NO, you are smarter than that and you know exactly what is going on, but instead you choose to do the next thing on this list that has contributed to your heart’s demise.

2. Stop lying to yourself

He would make me feel this good,
 unless we were meant to be together.

Lady I know the truth. You ladies are sharp and pay attention to much more detail than most men. You are very smart and very aware of your emotions. You’re always thinking and processing so you’re much better prepared for what is thrown at you because you typically think ahead. So why must you continue this pattern of lying to yourself to justify actions you know are wrong. I am not saying there are not many men that do the same, but I am not talking to the men right now, I want you to focus on you. I can give you all kinds of examples of lies you tell yourself but I will save that for another post dedicated to just that. Either way I don’t really have to tell you because you know. You may lie to your friends, family, that guy, and yourself. No matter how much you do it, you still know the truth, and you need to accept it for what it is. You aren’t doing yourself any favors, and when it all hits the fan, you don’t have anybody to blame but yourself. Embrace the truth, it may hurt, and it may not be what you think you want, but it is exactly what you need.

3. Stop letting fear consume you

The best defense is having  an even better offense!

That’s right, stop operating from fear so much. You are delivering the pinch before it is necessary. What you call protecting yourself, I call it fear. What you call playing it safe, I call it fear. What you call gold digging, I call a very smart business move <smile>. That was a joke, please don’t take that too seriously. Anyway, I really feel that many women far too often make decisions based on the fear of being hurt. Women also sometimes try to disguise the fear and call it love. For example, you are afraid to leave a man because you don’t want to be alone, so what do you do, out of that fear you lie to yourself and others and claim you love him to validate staying, and sleeping with him. That is just one example. What women have to realize is that operating from fear is only making things worse for you in the long run. You need to get to a point where you can operate out of faith, and trust you will put yourself in a much better position.

There will come a time when all of this will make sense.

There is so much more I want to say. If this wasn’t a blog post I would get much deeper into this and really get at the root of the issues.  These issues not only affect single women,  this applies to many women in relationships as well. I also understand that men have plenty they need to stop doing, and you can check out future blog posts for that.  I just want the women reading this to take heed to the message. Many of you may not be dealing with these specific issues, but if you are it is time to take a stand and make the necessary corrections. You know what you have been doing so far isn’t really working for you, so why keep doing it. It is time to break the cycle and start moving towards a better you which will help also open the door to receiving the right person for you.