Decoding guys' communication and avoiding misinterpretations when dating.

What I’ve learned over the years while  speaking with a host of male buddies   regularly is that our words are usually very direct, loud and clear. Sometimes as women you choose to only see and hear what you want to hear and see ....you should  not misinterpret or  put more thought into what we're  saying than you should. What may help is if you actually write down what a man  says, read it back and ask yourself, (record it if you have to, so you can hear it in his voice)  does this make sense? Did he really just say what you think he just said? Moreover, when all else fails, our actions will speak louder than our words. Be cognizant of our actions and in these cases, believe our words and our behavior will tell you exactly what you need to know!

I've taken the top occurrences to help you decode what he’s REALLY saying to you. Take notes!

I will put the following one  first as Number zero and number the rest:

Did I get your right size?

0. "I love" - We men are dead scare of saying these words and not having these feeling returned with an  "I Love You Too". So we  take our time before saying it... so If we say it,  after weeks or even months of dating.... then don't question it. Because we really do "Love You!" Nothing gets on our nerves more than being asked "are you sure?" after we have waited to say those scary words  and when we finally do say it, you doubt it.

Those eyes are expecting more..
But there is No other explanation..coming !  

1. “I’m good!” - When a man says he’s good, believe him.  It translates to I like things the way they are and I am not looking to add or change anything.  He could be very comfortable with who he is and the way he’s done things over the years and he’s not planning on making any adjustments. If you want to change a man, who says he is good then you might just get him to not be good with you, which is so different to what you want. Trust me  on this one, he is good with what you have together... Leave it at that!    

The rest of these are when a man is not really committed to you.

2. "I promise" (ONLY IF he doesn't come through) - If he consistently promises to do things, then doesn’t show up or call, put more stock in his actions instead of the excuse.  For instance, if you know the two of you made concrete plans to go out or you were to meet him somewhere and he’s nowhere to be found not only at the meeting time but for hours and even days afterwards, you’re just not a priority.  And depending on how you’ve responded in the past, he probably knows there are no consequences if he offers a great excuse so it will happen again and again. Put an end to the behavior by not being available next time and letting him know it’s totally not OK....

I know I've let you down,but my dog made me do it!

3.“I have friends”  - Yes ladies, there’s no need to ponder this statement any further.  This means exactly what he said, he has “female friends” in rotation and most often some may be romantically. What you should learn is, as women you should always lean on the side of “there is always someone he can call and someone that is calling him” even if he’s single. Often times women may want to believe that a man we just met is truthful when he says “I’m totally single but have friends.”  What that usually means is he has other options and he is either waiting on the “right one” or he is loving his single life.

Just enjoy, the music it's too loud to talk!

4. “We are just having a good time” - Take the words for face value “a good time” He doesn’t plan in the near future to convert you to his woman just yet. Yes he is enjoying spending time with you whatever it may be whether it’s going out or being intimate but he is by no means in a rush to transfer this friendship into a committed  relationship.  So if you are expecting something more or have made it your goal to convert this into a serious relationship, don’t push!

So when will I become "his special Lady?"

5. “This is my friend or this is Angela”-  If there is no title attached to your introduction, you are exactly who he is introducing you as.  Whether it’s This is Angela, Regina, my people, my home-girl, or my FRIEND…..that is who you are to him at that very moment.  Please take note of that. He is saying it LOUD AND CLEAR who you are to him and where you stand. Now that might change but don't hold your breath and turn blue trying to make him give you a title before he is ready.... the old school saying that comes to mind at this point is " you can't push a rope... up a hill."  

Well my  first Lady we have shown
 the World how to do it right!

6. “I’m busy”- Translation: “I’m too busy for you right now.”  Unfortunately, he has decided not to put you on the list of esteem important things to make time for.  When you think about it, we are all busy in some capacity but we will make time for a phone call, squeeze in a dinner, or a text message from time to time.  There are 24 hours in  a day and there is no way he is busy all 24! He’s in his car driving and can call you, he is getting dressed for work and can call, and let’s face it, if he’s watching the game, there is always half-time.   If Oprah Winfrey with all that she handles can foster her relationship with her good friend Gail for years on end or President Obama can still squeeze in date night with his wife while in charge of the country, surely we can all make time if that’s what we put our minds to do.

7. “I’m not hungry” – OK ladies we know you believe you can throw down in the kitchen, but if every time you make something he says he’s already eaten, let me tell you if you are in love you might need some new recipes.  Call someone you know who is known for their delicious food and get some new dishes under your belt, then surprise him.

Is it Wet or dry?
Will it look like this again tomorrow?

8. “It’s OK” – Let’s say you just tried a new hairstyle or bought a new outfit and you’re not even sure yourself if it’s complimentary, our next question to him is usually, “How do you like it?”  If he looks at it, looks away and says “It’s OK.”  He’s between  a rock and a hard place.  In that split second, he doesn’t want to lie but knows he’s not thrilled.  Instead of getting mad for lack of more details and replying to him with, “It’s OK??!!  What do you mean by that?”  Why not create a comfortable environment for him to share his real feelings which is what you really wants anyway.  You can say something like, “Hmmm, What would you change about it if you could?”

9. “Let’s try something different” – If you hear these words, be aware.  This is Man Language for, “I’m starting to get bored.”  Maybe you’ve never tried Thai food or thought hiking would be fun but you know it’s something he would enjoy.  Relationships are what you make them and it’s about keeping things new, fresh, and exciting with the same person.  If you’ve found yourself in a boring routine and you hear those words, be open when you can to sharing new experiences and creating lasting memories together.

You never take me anywhere,
your place is NOT  all that! 

10. "I like chilling at my place." - This is a subliminal message that I’m only interested in seeing you at night or behind closed doors and not comfortable being out in public for one reason or another.   Meanwhile, when you talk to him throughout the week, he’s out and having a great time at sports bars and concerts with his friends.  Yes something is definitely wrong with this picture and you need to get to the bottom of it fast. What it could mean is that he is actually actively dating, just not dating you.