Are you holding it down like you should*

I got you babe,  I will hold it down until you can carry the load again!

We men of the 21st century are very vulnerable to many of the ills of the World we live in today, mainly economically and  socially.

Our women are having a bit  more success in the work market, than many of men.. and that could be messing things up between couples. Even if you are just dating lacking resources is making it difficult for men to feel like men. in the relationships. 

So what is a woman to do when her man is down in the dumps about his personal finances etc... ? 

Check yourselves if you are doing any of the following: 

You Have a Permanent Pout

Why are  you scowling?

If you’re in a relationship and you find yourself scowling a little too often, it could be time to rethink your life. Good loving from a great guy should be enough to turn any frown upside down. However if he is feeling your, frustrations then you are adding to his more than you realize. 

You're Slacking on Personal Upkeep

If you’re behind on your, private, landscaping, you definitely haven’t gotten any action in awhile. Assuming that your man is not noticing that you are not being your best for him... he may be feeling like you are quieting on him already because of his situation.   Don't make matters worse by not looking your best for him.

You're Picking unnecessary fights

What are we fighting about again?

It’s been proven that a lack of sex can make men and women more irritable over all. If lately you’re the one who’s always starting something and being moody. Try romancing him instead of scolding him for what ever, an extra romp or two with your boo could help, cope with the stresses.

You're Going Through the Motions

If the work week’s are starting to blur an you can’t remember whether it’s Tuesday or Friday you may need a little more late night loving to look forward to.

You Feel Like Something is Missing,so you show disgust

Just a little alone time is needed here!

Your relationship was going strong and you were both on cloud nine all the time. Then something changed and you just can’t put your finger on it. There could very well be a little “tension” between you. Plan a getaway and do nothing  “de-stressing” while you’re there.

You're About to Go Off at the drop of a hat.

If you find yourself minutes from telling a certain someone exactly what’s really on your mind, and it looks like the people you love are tiptoeing around you, it might be time to assess: When was the last time you had a little “release”?

All the above are understandable when you are frustrated but, think about how frustrating in must be for the person on the receiving end..... the man who can fix things because of lack of resources.

Who is deeper you, my lady..... or the dude you are probing.

are you ready to take the test? Are you?

My responses are in Italic. following each statement.



The deeper you are, the harder it becomes for you to find someone who wants to have a relationships with you. You can go out on a lot of dates but at some point the relationship fails to progress any further and that is mainly

because of the intensity of your depth. Not every man is strong enough to handle a deep woman.

Here’s why:

1. A deep woman asks deep questions. A deep woman will probe further into your life and ask questions that you may not be prepared to answer. Even on the first date, she will dig deeper and ask personal and philosophical questions – she will never enjoy a shallow conversation.
• This is OK.... if she is willing to answer the same types of questions... of a man  digging into her life and philosophies. A man can be as open as a woman is willing to be... "Keeping it real" is a multi-lane  information highway  .
2. A deep woman is honest. Too honest – often blunt.
   A deep woman takes her integrity seriously and one thing she believes in is honesty. If you ask her anything, she will tell you the truth and she expects the same from you.
• Fair enough! Men can  work well with women  who are upfront with their integrity. We men are not always sneaky and underhanded. So if she is upfront and forthcoming then we are on the right path to getting  to know each other.
3. A deep woman knows what she wants. Or who she wants.
   A deep woman knows right away if she likes you and doesn’t need to date around or explore her other options to be sure of her feelings. Her heart only beats for a special few people and she knows them right away.
• Well not all men are players...... some are even tired of all the games the dating game seems to be about these days.. Knowing what you want in a man... makes it even easier for the man ... he doesn't have to guess.... as much.
4. A deep woman wants a deep relationship.
   She wants long conversations about your life, she wants to hear stories about your past, she wants to understand your pain and she wants to add value to your life. She wants a real relationship that goes beyond going out and having fun.
• Oooh Wow, this is exactly what a straight-forward  guy wants... Questions that get personal is not meant to be used against him in a court of law... so if you are up to the task then women and men will both benefit from the knowledge gained. 
5. A deep woman is not afraid of intimacy.
   She is not afraid of getting closer or risking getting hurt in the process. She doesn’t think it will entrap her freedom or make her vulnerable. Her depth and intimacy go hand in hand and she will always cherish the beauty of intimacy in relationships
• Well say "hello" to the straight-up vulnerable intimate  conversations and truth telling ...because the stronger the truth is then there is not much room for lies in the mix.
6. A deep woman sees through you.
   She can see who you really are and what makes you vulnerable. She is not the one to hold back from pointing out what she sees in you or how well she can read you. Even though it makes you uncomfortable, she wants you to know that she understands you and that you can be yourself around her.
• When a man knows that a woman is not playing games.. he can relax. Zero  chance of "I got you"  true confession games.. Just straight up frank conversation.. Men may "cry in the Dark" but we don't want you women to accidently turn on the lights  and ask:" are you REALLY crying?" 
7. A deep woman craves consistency. She gets turned off by inconsistency or flaky behavior. She desires a strong connection and a solid bond and she knows that consistency is the foundation of that bond. A deep woman will not participate in the dating games.
• Okay...nothing makes a man run faster away ......than knowing he is about to be played like a fiddle by a female with and agenda.... So if you are not willing to be  "a payee" then straight-up men  are not going to play you. 
8. A deep woman is intense.
   She may be slightly intimidating because she brings intensity to everything she does. Her emotions are intense and so are her thoughts. She will never be indifferent about things that matter to her – not everyone is strong enough to handle her intensity.
• Hmmm.. when men know what they want  in a woman..... everything she brings is expectable...
9. A deep woman only knows how to love deeply.
   If you can’t love her deeply, she will walk away. She doesn’t know how to casually date someone she’s really into or be friends with someone she has feelings for. A deep woman knows when someone can’t meet her halfway and she will slowly detach herself from anyone who is not willing to give her the deep love she is looking for.
• Well Love can be as deep as the river or the ocean.. two people in-love will define how deep is deep enough.
10. A deep woman won’t wait for you.
    She will not wait for you to make up your mind or watch you be hesitant about her. She is strong and passionate and will not waste her emotions on someone who doesn’t appreciate their depth. Even though she is looking for a special kind of love, a deep woman is not afraid of being on her own
• Let's call it simple truth ... men who are still running around will hopes that the right woman would wait...are fools... Let's just say waiting.... for someone can be  him having to take care of business.. i.e. maybe like defending his country or finishing his divorce court case.... or even drilling for oil of the coast of Antarctica. 

K.I.S.S.... IT DOES NOT  have to be complicated.

The space of time in between your "first hello" and your first date!

You know what is a big barrel of not that much fun?     Dating!     Between the constant ebb and flow of dating apps, the never-ending mixed signals, and the fact  men, in general, struggle to dress themselves so desperately, it’s kind of a nightmare for both sexes. Maybe the most difficult thing, though, isn’t just finding somebody you could see yourself with — it’s finding somebody who you want to get serious with, who also wants to get serious with you...... I’ve put together my top five first date questions to try to help you weed  out if your next date is somebody you could both to go the distance with, and sing along to Hercules’ “Go the Distance” with, if that’s your thing.
We also fully acknowledge the irony of using Bachelor in Paradise GIFs in a story about finding a legit relationship...

1. Are you more of an introvert, or an extrovert?

You might not want to ask outright — it’s kind of an odd question, and you’ll probably get a reasonably good read on this throughout the date — but it’s a good thing to know about a person. Even with friends, if you’re a hardcore introvert who needs a lot of time to chill on your own and recharge, maintaining relationships with people who need constant

contact and don’t have that impulse can be difficult, and requires excellent communication. What might be a simple “I just need some down time to recharge” to an introvert can sound like “I’m blowing you off” to an extrovert, if both parties aren’t open and upfront about their needs.

While “hey, are you an introvert or an extrovert?” might not be the way you want to go (totally up to you), asking related questions like “what’s your ideal way to spend a Sunday?” or “are you a big party or small group kind of person?” can give you a better idea of how well your lifestyles are going to mesh. Not remotely trying to imply that introverts and extroverts can’t or shouldn’t date, obvious, it’s just good to know how to read interactions if you’re trying to build a solid foundation going forward.

2. What’s your favorite place in the whole world?

It’s one of those questions that has nothing to do with the question. Asking somebody what their favorite place in the world is can tell you a lot about them. It’s a really broad question that can have so many answers, and can give you a good idea of what kind of environment your potential partner feels most comfortable in. It also will show you what’s important to them. Somewhere faraway and exotic? They’re adventurous (or just trying to impress you). Somewhere related to their youth? They’re probably close to or comfortable with their family and like the familiar. Related to a specific person or event? Now you know one of the points around which their life pivots.
Having similar values to your significant other is a huge part of building a healthy relationship, and since being like, “yo, what are your values?” might feel too blunt, this is a good conversation starter and gets you some good insight.

3. How do you like to spend your free time?

The first few weeks, or maybe months if you’re lucky, of a relationship can be exciting. You’re both trying to impress one another. You’re going out to dinner, to bars, to museums, to parks, doing all the cute couples  like stuff. But once you settle in, you know what your relationship becomes? Mostly free time. Not carefully planned dates or day trips — although some of those, too — but a lot of that empty space in your schedule that usually belongs to you is now shared to whatever extent with another person. So it’s important to know how this person spends their empty space, so that if you do end up in a relationship, you don’t realize that you’re entirely incompatible after a few short weeks.
Are you a Netflix binger? A hiker? A crafter? A gamer? Some combination thereof? It’s a super simple question to ask somebody on a first date, and can also go far to start conversation over what you have in common. But if the person you’re with is hardcore outdoorsy and spends every weekend hiking twelve miles to have a true rustic experience, and your idea of a weekend away involves hotel pillow mints, and you like it that way… this is maybe something you should take into consideration. Also, hi, you need to know what they watch on Netflix, because there’s nothing more tragic than dating somebody for two months before finding out they have a very different idea of quality programming.

Real talk, move to LA from anywhere on the east coast (we’re sure the reverse is true, but just speaking from personal experience) and the culture shock is REAL. People here think red vines taste good, actually enjoy having no seasons, have no idea what a bagel is supposed to taste like, and get cold once it dips below 75 degrees. It’s a DIFFERENT WORLD. This country is enormous, and the experiences one might have growing up are correspondingly diverse. Family, economic status, region, sports team, whether or not you would get disowned from your hometown for not caring about a sports team (#STEELERSNATION)… these are all big components of what make you, you.

Since it can sometimes feel intimidating to ask about somebody’s family if you don’t know them very well, asking where they grew up doesn’t only give you insight — once again, into their values, priorities, and experiences — it also leads into a conversation that will likely give you enough information about their family to ask questions about that, which is important. Whether or not somebody is close with their family isn’t a red flag, but how they speak about their relationship with their family could be.

5. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?

Young folks increasingly live in a dating world where it’s not ~cool~ to ask after somebody’s intentions. You’ve got to stop this, guys. You’re not here to crusade against hookup culture or whatever older generations want to complain about whatvyou're doing — if you want to have lots of sex and not have a serious relationship, more power to you. You should only engage in relationships that bring you joy or fulfillment. But you should also be upfront about it. So if you’re looking to find something serious and long-term, you should probably make sure the other person is looking to do so, too.



It’s a scary question to ask, and striking the right balance so that it doesn’t sound like you’re picking out china patterns after you first coffee if important, but it needs to be done. One of the biggest roadblocks to finding a serious relationship when you’re young is frankly that a lot of young people aren’t looking, for better or for worse.

Let’s make it just, like, an expected part of a first date: Establishing expectations openly and honestly early on

What does S/he need?

Listen! I need lots of attention.......... can you handle that?

Some of us start of relationships doing somethings wrong... then we later want to change things.
Like all great truths the answers is surprisingly simple: To the degree you give others what they want, they will give you what you want!
It does seem incredibly simple. Perhaps it is, if you really understand it. But very few of us do!
For example, 1) The employer must give praise and recognition, First, then the employee will put forth the extra effort. 2) the parent and Teacher must express confidence in the child, First, then the child will produce better grades.
when we first give others what they want, then they will give us what we want. But wants and needs are totally separate. Wants are sometimes frivolous and unnecessary. Needs however, are deeper currents of one's existence. They're much more meaningful.
The following are some examples:

• People want sympathy, but they need empathy 
• People want riches, but they need fulfillment
• People want prestige, but they need respect
• People want adoration, but they need Love.

What do others need?

Start by looking within yourself for a clue.

What do I need ?

What I need , others need. and what others need, I will try and give First..!

Is your relationship SUFFERING FROM BENIGN NEGLECT?

Are we in a benign or overtly difficult relationship?

There are overtly difficult relationships and there are benignly difficult relationships. The overtly difficult relationships are extremely uncomfortable. The benignly difficult relationships, sadly, can become far more comfortable than they should.
Why? Because rather than be overtly abusive they are benignly abusive.
It’s easy to stay in a relationship of benign neglect. After all, the individual who is being ignored is with a spouse who basically leaves them alone. It seems like a pretty good deal. The ignored spouse initially believes they have independence. They also believe they have entered into a relationship with someone who is extremely laid back.

This is  a lot worse than I expected!

The warning signs of a relationship of benign neglect:

1. Do you feel lonely even though you are in a relationship?
2. Do you feel so independent that you are living a single life rather than a relationship life?
3. Do you feel more ignored than engaged?
4. Do you live and share just the life and interests of your spouse, but not the life and interests that drive you?
5. Do you speak and feel as though your significant other does not listen to you the majority of the time?
6. Do you feel unsatisfied with the emotional intimacy in your relationship?
7. Do you feel as though nothing gets the attention of your spouse?
8. Do you feel as though you simply share a house rather than a relationship?

If you feel any or the majority of these things than you may be experiencing a relationship of benign neglect. If you feel an overwhelming sense of loneliness and a sense you are living a solitary life despite being in a relationship then you may also be in a relationship of benign neglect.
A relationship of benign neglect may not carry the sudden shock of trauma, but make no mistake that it is equally as damaging. It is a long-term, slow erosion of love and lack of love.
It is just as cautionary.
Love should be overt! Love should not be benign!
the following are few poems on Overt Love:
A sigh escapes still, immune to overt silence, unabashed...justified
Another teardrop enters the infinite pool of resilience, uplifting...reinforcing
   Another hand empathizes--
          touching, impulsively putting one's heart unto wounds, alleviating pain
    enfolding memories into paper, ostensibly vigilant
         Unborn dreams awaiting fruition.

empty streets, impacted pieces: occupied lives

Now you have experience in

what overt love should feel like!.

Many months have passed
Poetry writing has been put on hold
It's been over a year... but we
Never gave up believing we would write together
Good times are just around the corner

Friendship oh so strong
Overt faith in each other
Radiating from united hearts

Joyous in our reunion
Optimism will be our byword
Yesterday is but a memory

A few ways To Know If Someone Genuinely Loves You Or Not

They Stop You From Doing Irrational Things

If someone truly cares about you, they will not be afraid to show you that you're decisions are poor. That is because they care about you and don't want to see you doing things that could be harmful to you.

They Don't Get Mad If You Don't Pick Up Your Phone

If someone truly trusts their partner, they will not get insecure when they don't pick up their phone. That's because they know 100% that their partner loves them, and they're not worried about getting cheated on.

They Take Care Of You When You're Sick

Someone who loves you will not just sit idly by and watch you suffer. They will go out of your way to make sure you get better.

They Ask You For Advice

If your partner wants your advice, this means a lot. It reveals that they not only love you, but they respect you as well.

The Little Things

It's often the little things that make a huge difference. Just a little peck on the cheek, or making that little effort to show true love, that's what really makes a huge difference.

They Will Listen To You.

The mark of someone who really cares is someone who listens to you. That means they genuinely care.

They Are Not Selfish In Bed.

Love making should satisfy both partners. Someone who truly loves their partner will only be satisfied once both partners have received satisfaction.

No relationship is perfect!

Are we good?

Every marriage has its own set of problems or issues whichever way you may call it. However, the ability to solve those problems and leave them behind is what makes the marriage stronger. It is important to know that leaving these problems unchecked could go a long way in ruining the relationship.
The following are a few examples:

Holding grudges over minor annoyances

A stark reality occurs when you move in with your lover: Your swoon-worthy lover—the very same one you couldn’t wait to see every day—is suddenly also the person who leaves their damp towel on the floor or the bed,  and puts the empty milk carton back in the fridge. These minor irritations can grow into serious annoyances over time, leaving you far angrier than the situation warrants.

The simple Fix: The solution is simple, although that doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s easy to stick with: Don’t let anger over small things fester. Great couples learn not to let those little things distract from the major things, like love and commitment. That said, if you know it makes your partner nuts when you forget to clean the lint trap or empty the bathroom trash, try harder to remember to tackle these small tasks

Undervaluing your partner’s opinion

Most of us know that we’re not right all the time, but it can still be hard to really let ourselves value another person’s opinion with the same weight we give our own views. But respecting your partner’s opinion, and assuming that they’re acting out of the best intentions..... the worst...... important for a healthy relationship. If you believe your spouse’s intent is to make your life miserable, then you will most likely never have a good relationship. If you actively work to believe the best in someone, then it changes how you view what they do.

The simple Fix: Try to put yourself in your partner’s shoes. “I could radically change a relationship if couples are willing to do this more often. A lack of valuation not only causes conflicts, but can stall a couple’s overall progress. If couples do not feel loved and valued, they are less likely to engage in difficult topics from a collaborative perspective. We approach conversations with adversaries much differently than we do partners.

Tallying percentages

Most couples agree that labor, both physical and emotional, should be split fairly evenly between both partners in a relationship. But if you make it an obsessive proposition, worrying more about perfect equality than happiness, the relationship will suffer greatly.

The simple Fix: Break the habit of tallying up your contributions and comparing them to your spouse’s efforts. As long as no one feels taken advantage of, or like they’re doing the lion’s share of the work, there’s no need to count percentages. A better way to reach equality is to keep communicating honestly and make your own needs known.
Relationships require two willing participants who understand and accept that sometimes one needs! more than the other emotionally or sexually. There are days when he will need 95% of you and vice versa. As long as you get enough of what you need, it’s a good working relationship!